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This Is Where I Get My Read On
April 20, 2004 9:13 AM   Subscribe

This Is Where I Get My Read On Just in case MTV Cribs was coming to your, uh, crib.
posted by turbanhead (43 comments total)

 
A pile of credit cards is not impressive. CASH ONLY!

This is true everywhere.
posted by the fire you left me at 9:29 AM on April 20, 2004


Dis where my cat gets its poop on.
posted by dr_dank at 9:30 AM on April 20, 2004


got my laugh on, that did.
posted by shoepal at 9:36 AM on April 20, 2004


Tattoos are a must. When choosing a tattoo, they must evoke memories of someone you haven't seen in a great while like a dawg you lost or one of your children.

To quote a famous campy TV show: Bam! Pow! Oof!


Also fun to read:
Proposed Transcript of an Episode of MTV Cribs, to Be Filmed at My House .
posted by weston at 9:37 AM on April 20, 2004


Black people talk funny!
posted by gwint at 9:42 AM on April 20, 2004


sunken platinum basketball jersey humidor area!
sunken platinum basketball jersey humidor area!
sunken platinum basketball jersey humidor area!

sorry, got caught in a Zippy cartoon for a minute there.
posted by badstone at 9:48 AM on April 20, 2004


gwint: A little bit racist of you to imply that all black people talk like the morons on cribs, dont 'cha think? Or do you think? You don't, do you?
posted by xmutex at 10:00 AM on April 20, 2004


xmutex: I think you need to get your sarcasm detector checked out.
posted by cyrusdogstar at 10:03 AM on April 20, 2004


This list is not complete without

30. Have a framed poster of Al Pacino as Scarface in your game room, near the pool table.

EVERY house shown on Cribs has a framed posted of Al Pacino as Scarface in the game room, near the pool table.
posted by iconomy at 10:06 AM on April 20, 2004


he he he... it's funny cos it's true!
posted by keswick at 10:09 AM on April 20, 2004


Funny link turbanhead, thanks.
posted by vito90 at 10:10 AM on April 20, 2004


The Redman episode of Cribs is truly spectacular. I'm not a big Redman fan, but he lives in a little old house with a broken doorbell and pizza boxes strewn aboutliberally. It was quite refreshing to see a star performer not caught up in the McMansion fantasy life.
posted by shotsy at 10:21 AM on April 20, 2004 [1 favorite]


[dis gots its good on]
posted by DrJohnEvans at 10:39 AM on April 20, 2004


Parts of it were pretty funny... especially the part about the cat getting its poop on. But for just a minute, I'm going to go ahead and be that person who just has to take all the fun out of everything by adding that the whole 'black people talk funny!' thing is a little played out. I mean, 'cheelz?' Who says that? And where did this come from: "Remember, the only woman worthy of respect is your 'Moms'. All other women are hoochies and hos."? Can't say I've ever heard anybody on Cribs talk about hoochies and hos... maybe I missed that episode, but invoking that particular young black male stereotype seems kinda unnecessary.

OK, I've got it out of my system. I will now return to being amused by the cat poop thing.
posted by purplemonkie at 10:57 AM on April 20, 2004


What xmutex and purplemonkie said. There have been plenty of episodes of Cribs where little of these things happened... the link's funny, but it's clearly some white kid writing about how funny it would be to talk like what he thinks black people talk like.

Considering how eccentric the people on this show of all races are, this could have been just as funny if it didn't sound like it was run through one of those "dialectizer" CGI scripts that makes all your websites read like the two guys in Airplane.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 11:08 AM on April 20, 2004


The Redman episode of Cribs is truly spectacular.

Agreed, I loved that one. My favorite was when they walked downstairs and there was what looked like a corpse sprawled out on the floor. Redman said, "Aw, that's just my cousin Honeybear. He passed out." We all have dirty laundry strewn about the house and many of us have our own Honeybear, but not many of us have gold-plated Bentleys in the driveway. I liked Redman's approach.

(On preview: please let's not do the obligatory Metafilter thing and fabricate Racism where none exists. We know nothing of the writer's intentions other than that he's consciously generalizing on the whole Cribs attitude. It's called parody, and in this case it's mixed with plenty of plain truth as anyone who's seen the show can attest.)
posted by dhoyt at 11:13 AM on April 20, 2004


but it's clearly some white kid writing about how funny it would be to talk like what he thinks black people spoiled rich celebrities and athletes talk like.

Come on. That's not what "black people" talk like. There's a particular, conscious, ghetto-ized style of language that's being satarized. I know dozens of black people IRL, and not one talks like Redman or Ludacris or Keyshawn Johnson.
posted by pardonyou? at 11:15 AM on April 20, 2004


Has anyone else noticed the cliché whenever they tour the host's bedroom: "This is where the magic happens". That line makes it into nearly every episode, as well as the aforementioned Scarface DVDs and posters.
posted by dhoyt at 11:30 AM on April 20, 2004


Demographically speaking, I think there are probably a whole lot of (sub)urban white kids that talk like the "spoiled rich celebrities and athletes" featured on Cribs.
posted by shoepal at 11:35 AM on April 20, 2004


pardonyou:

Come on. That's not what "black people" talk like.

I don't see how "what he thinks black people talk like" could be clearer. Except you claim I didn't mean that, saying that it should really be "spoiled rich celebrities and athletes." As if a single person here read this article and immediately thought about Britney Spears or Jessica Simpson's appearance on the show. Give me a break.

And dhoyt, no one's accused anyone of racism, merely pointing out that the premise is essentially about making fun of black stars on the show. Parody, as you just said, isn't necessarily racist. But every single joke in the article is based on something stereotypical of what a rap/hiphop star on the show might say. Or, rather, what someone believes a rap/hiphop star would say. Hence gwint (I mean gwint in my first comment as well, not xmutex, BTW)'s noting the obvious about this article- it's someone saying that black people talk funny. Take that as you will.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 11:36 AM on April 20, 2004


dhoyt, I don't recall using the 'R' word, and I'm aware that the link is a parody. But I do think that parts of the piece were informed more by a general stereotype of male hip-hop artists (which, in some people's minds, is the same as saying "young black men") than by things which have actually taken place on the show. Like, as I mentioned, the line about "hoochies and hos." I don't see how my pointing this out is equivalent to calling the writer racist. Just because I find something funny doesn't mean there aren't parts of it that make me a little uncomfortable; I'm OK with acknowledging both at once.
posted by purplemonkie at 11:57 AM on April 20, 2004


sometimes there are white people on cribs, and they talk like the fellow in the article.
posted by mcsweetie at 12:07 PM on April 20, 2004


the premise is essentially about making fun of black stars on the show.

Other than the header graphic, where does the article even mention Black people? The article is about anyone who's ever been on Cribs which includes all races and ages and backgrounds: actors, musicians, sports figures and so on. Ever see Aaron Carter on the show? Blink 182? Chris Pontius? They all affect that urban tough-guy bit for the cameras. The fact that you immediately attributed all those phrases specifically to Black people says more about your own assumptions than about any prejudice on the writer's behalf. I realize it's never been unfashionable around here to suggest racism is afoot, but come on. Have you even seen the show?

On preview: Mcsweetie is correct

(On preview again: are we really actually having a protracted discussion about Cribs....? Time for some soul searching...)
posted by dhoyt at 12:20 PM on April 20, 2004


Indeed. Case in point: the episode featuring Aaron Carter, the prepubescent blonde brother of a Backstreet Boy. He was all, "Dis be da kitchen area, where mah moms cooks up da grizzled chizzle, yo!"
posted by purplemonkie at 12:21 PM on April 20, 2004


(Just to clarify, that was in response to mcsweetie...)
posted by purplemonkie at 12:22 PM on April 20, 2004


I liked the part about breeding or buying a chrome Rottweiler.
posted by jennyb at 12:23 PM on April 20, 2004


mmmm..... Grizzled Chizzle.......
posted by JeffK at 12:25 PM on April 20, 2004


The fact that you immediately attributed all those phrases specifically to Black people says more about your own assumptions than about any prejudice on the writer's behalf.

Actually, I think the fact that every single one of the people in the header graphic is black -- in conjunction with the part about not shooting the white chauffeur -- might have something to do with it.
posted by purplemonkie at 12:36 PM on April 20, 2004


Now that you've read that part of the site, check out The Hall of Douchbags to see just how silly rock star wannabees can be.

Those of you with sticks up your asses will probably find racism and homophobia if you look hard enough, so you might want to stay away.
posted by bondcliff at 12:42 PM on April 20, 2004


No one here has mentioned racism except for those accusing others of having sticks up their asses. Talking about race and calling people racist are not the same thing. Sheesh.
posted by purplemonkie at 12:50 PM on April 20, 2004


If nothing else, can we all agree that these guys probably make Hoobastank sound like Cole Porter?


posted by dhoyt at 1:01 PM on April 20, 2004


I think that's a safe bet. Ain't it beautiful how suck brings people together?
posted by purplemonkie at 1:13 PM on April 20, 2004


Hall of Douchbag-wise, I've always had a special place in my heart for page three, second row, third pic over.
posted by Cyrano at 1:29 PM on April 20, 2004


We just got "Cribs" on Much Music for last month, and now that I have seen an ep or two, I fully understand why America is so hated by the rest of the world.

I like the Much promo for it "See how rock stars scrape by."
posted by Quartermass at 2:13 PM on April 20, 2004


Odd. When I saw Robbie Williams and P.O.D on Cribs, neither of them spoke that way. (Although Mr Williams did say, ironically, that the bedroom was where "the magic happened.")
posted by haqspan at 2:53 PM on April 20, 2004


to see a star performer not caught up in the McMansion fantasy life.
Some of the Cribs are not their homes, just used for the show. No spoiler as they do an episode on this each season.
posted by thomcatspike at 2:55 PM on April 20, 2004


FACT! I'm white and actually talk like the fellow in the article. if you don't believe me, I can record myself reading a piece of literature of your choice.
posted by mcsweetie at 3:15 PM on April 20, 2004


Note also that there are certain Cribs "in-jokes" that are responsible for some of these stereotypes. Saying "this is where the magic happens," and then at the end telling the camera crew they have to get out of your house are definitely done on purpose, as a self-aware allusion to the show itself. Pointing out your Scarface DVD is probably another one.

That, plus the fact that MTV edits the raw footage to fit a certain, uh, aesthetic, could explain a lot of these clichés.

Not to say that the people on MTV cribs don't make jackasses of themselves. Cause they do.
posted by Hildago at 5:15 PM on April 20, 2004


check out The Hall of Douchbags

The Evolution of Pants
posted by eddydamascene at 5:40 PM on April 20, 2004


Speaking of douchebags, that site doesn't appear to work in Firefox. The admin should add a pic of himself.
posted by keswick at 9:29 PM on April 20, 2004


This thread confuses and scares me.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 10:55 PM on April 20, 2004


Speaking of douchebags, that site doesn't appear to work in Firefox. The admin should add a pic of himself.

No problem here w/ Firefox on XP.
posted by trillion at 9:20 AM on April 21, 2004


Not to be nitpicking on a close-to-irrelevant pop culture subject, but there has been at least one Cribs subject who commented on his bookshelf. I remember being enthralled when Moby ushered viewers around his modest apartment and stopped in front of his books to point a few out.

Finally, a chance to align my tastes with that of my icon even more! Imagine how glad I was to discover his copies of "The Big Book Of" series. I have those! And he has the Lord Of The Rings, too!

I digress.
posted by redsparkler at 2:40 PM on April 21, 2004


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