The larch. The larch. The larch.

April 22, 2004 8:56 PM

You just knew that as soon as gay marriages were legal they'd be screwing in the trees, and damned if it didn't happen.
posted by mr_crash_davis (54 comments total)

I saw that on The Gay Agenda™! Item #4, IIRC.
posted by waldo at 9:01 PM on April 22, 2004

police put harnesses on the lovers and began to lure them down.

mmmm....harnesses...
/Homer
posted by stonerose at 9:03 PM on April 22, 2004

This is exactly the sort of stunt that makes those who are vocal about their opposition to same-sex marriage say "told you so".
posted by dg at 9:07 PM on April 22, 2004

I know lots of married people and none of them have sex in trees. If these people we're married they'd stop having sex in trees too.
posted by timeistight at 9:11 PM on April 22, 2004

At least they still have their dignity. ~rolls eyes~
posted by SPrintF at 9:16 PM on April 22, 2004

This is why we must stand together as a nation to stop the terrorists.
posted by Keyser Soze at 9:22 PM on April 22, 2004

"The lovers, ages 32 and 17..."

That ain't cool, yo.
posted by Keyser Soze at 9:23 PM on April 22, 2004

Two gay lovers [...] protested their families' lack of understanding for their relationship by climbing a Central Park tree on Thursday, stripping, performing lewd acts in front of onlookers and refusing to come down for hours.

[...]

the man later performed oral sex on the boy and stripped down to a thong to taunt them.

"Oh, Stephen, I'm so sorry we weren't accepting of your lifestyle! Now I see that gay relationships are completely healthy and normal!"

These guys:gay rights::PETA:animal rights
posted by rafter at 9:24 PM on April 22, 2004

We're here!
We're queer!
We're in a tree!
Get used to it!
posted by crunchburger at 9:29 PM on April 22, 2004

I know lots of married people and none of them have sex in trees. If these people we're married they'd stop having sex in trees too.
If these people we're married they'd stop having sex in trees too.
posted by dg at 9:32 PM on April 22, 2004

1. Oral sex in a tree in central park
2. ???
3. Acceptance!

posted by kickingtheground at 9:33 PM on April 22, 2004

The old nursery rhyme finally makes sense:

[undisclosed] and [undisclosed]
sitting in a tree,
K-I-S-S-I-N-G...
posted by ChasFile at 9:43 PM on April 22, 2004

I know it's not *too* related, but that story reminds me of a cheap porno (1980s made?) where some guy - dressed as a caterpillar mind you - was up a tree giving advice to two people having outdoor sex below.

"Take that can of peaches..." was one of his suggestions. Advice was followed, can was opened, peaches were then placed in and around......


LOOK! I'm sorry OK!!! This story is just too funny and I just can't think of a serious response.
posted by uncanny hengeman at 10:36 PM on April 22, 2004

Crash Davis makes me laugh out loud for the 917th time since I first started coming here. Well done, sir, well done.
posted by jonson at 11:17 PM on April 22, 2004

These people are threatening my way of life. Can we declare war on this, or propose a constituional amendment banning it?
posted by planetkyoto at 12:36 AM on April 23, 2004

thats it......I'm divorcing the wife.
posted by elwoodwiles at 1:24 AM on April 23, 2004

17 and 32. No big deal. Surprise, most gay youth prefer being with someone older. When I was 17, my boyfriend was only 6 years older, but he was extra special. It evolved into an affair which lasted many years of occasional encounters, independent of our separate lives (he lived a straight life, I a gay one).
posted by Goofyy at 2:02 AM on April 23, 2004

This picture is priceless...


The Larch...
posted by moonbird at 4:28 AM on April 23, 2004

This picture is priceless...

The one on the left looks like Courtney Love.
posted by uncanny hengeman at 4:36 AM on April 23, 2004

The one on the left looks like Courtney Love.
made me cry with laughter .....
thanks uncanny hengeman
posted by kenaman at 4:46 AM on April 23, 2004

The NYTimes article has more details.

Three hours into the standoff, an officer handed the 32-year-old man a can of soda. He flung it to the ground and shouted: "This is a Coke. I wanted vanilla Diet Pepsi."

posted by kickingtheground at 4:50 AM on April 23, 2004

THREE HOURS? Good lord. It's not like they were carry bombs. Give until the count of ten, then firehose the bastards out of the damn tree.

10
9
8
.
.
.
posted by Witty at 5:19 AM on April 23, 2004

So why does the second article refer to it as an "Earth Day stunt"? What the hell does Earth Day have to do with this?
posted by GhostintheMachine at 5:23 AM on April 23, 2004

i wondered that too, Ghost.

I'm thinking that they're Radical Faeries maybe. (potentially NSFW)
posted by amberglow at 5:32 AM on April 23, 2004

tree huggers.
posted by petebest at 6:10 AM on April 23, 2004

If they weren't gay, would this be news?
posted by jpoulos at 6:42 AM on April 23, 2004

tree huggers

Tree buggers! Get it right!
posted by WolfDaddy at 6:56 AM on April 23, 2004

love the heading, crash
posted by CunningLinguist at 7:06 AM on April 23, 2004

From the New York Daily News' story:

"We don't get this back home," said tourist Elise Gaillard, 21, of Adelaide, Australia. "Crazy Americans."

-and-

Yesterday's surreal antics prompted tourists like Louise Sharp, 24, of Scotland to change their sightseeing plans. "We were going to go to the Empire State Building, but we thought we'd stay here instead," Sharp said.

Heh. Priceless.
posted by pardonyou? at 7:35 AM on April 23, 2004

Ya know, if my son turns out to be gay...I'm ok with that...but if he brings someone home that's twice his age and he's a minor...there's going to be a problem. Compounding it by getting a blow job in a tree is not likely to make me more accepting of the older fellow.

I don't know what the age of consent is in NY...but having been both 17 and 32...I can't imagine why any healthy 32 year old would expect that a 17 year old's parents could accept the relationship. At that point, the only thing in common is sex...and most parents don't want their kids to be sex-toys, regardless of sexual preferences.

That said: Earth Day stunt? Oh, please. Could we not tie the environmentalists to every loony who climbs a tree, please?

dg, that's hysterical. :)

Crash...the larch and the post are funny. Good work. :)
posted by dejah420 at 7:48 AM on April 23, 2004

I nominate kickingtheground (another one of those ironic-in-context names) for most "priceless" comment on this thread. It literally brought tears to my eyes. No, literally literally!
posted by soyjoy at 7:58 AM on April 23, 2004

If they weren't gay, would this be news?

Probably. Even here in New York, it ain't every day you see people screwing in the trees.

17 and 32. No big deal.

Personally, I agree, but if it was a 32 year old straight guy and a 17 year old girl, there'd be a brigade of people calling him a sleazy jailbait chasing old man. Equality's a bitch, huh?
posted by jonmc at 8:05 AM on April 23, 2004

Addendum:

Remember all the vocal disgust in the Olsen Twins thread. When grown straight men lust after young girls it's sleazy and nasty, but when gay people lust after young men it's somehow beautiful & liberating?

It don't make no never mind to me either way, but let's at least be consistent.
posted by jonmc at 8:39 AM on April 23, 2004

I second kickingtheground "for most "priceless" comment on this thread" (so far......and the competition's way fierce)

And I nominate crash's post title for 10 best Metafilter post titles of all time. (There's a subtle, crafty art to titleing.)
posted by troutfishing at 9:08 AM on April 23, 2004

Why do they keep referring to them as "the lovers"?
Wouldn't "the subjects" or something along those lines be a little more, um, journalistic?
posted by mikrophon at 9:20 AM on April 23, 2004

Well, considering they were in a tree, how about lovebirds?
posted by jonmc at 9:24 AM on April 23, 2004

Boooooo.
posted by mikrophon at 9:29 AM on April 23, 2004

Y'know, growing up as a gay teenager who was the only one in his age group who had the stones to actually come out at that tender age in a small conservative town in New Mexico I'm here to tell you ... the pickings for friends and lovers were very slim, and all of them were older than 32. Just sayin'.
posted by WolfDaddy at 9:47 AM on April 23, 2004

Isn't 17 and 32 statutory rape, regardless of the gender alignments?
posted by whoshotwho at 9:48 AM on April 23, 2004

Isn't 17 and 32 statutory rape, regardless of the gender alignments?

Age of consent in New York is apparently 17.
posted by kindall at 9:58 AM on April 23, 2004

WolfDaddy, I'm not saying I think it's neccessarily wrong per se, just pointing up an interesting hypocrisy is all.

Truth be told, the only thing that bugs me here is that I'd rather people didn't screw in the park.
posted by jonmc at 9:59 AM on April 23, 2004

Won't somebody think of the *TREES?*

Halloween is always quite a scene in San Francisco's overwhelmingly gay Castro District. I was there a few Halloweens ago and people filled the streets, shoulder to shoulder. Someone in a second-story apartment had turned some very powerful speakers out his window and was playing music for the entire crowd. It was like an impromptu rave right in the middle of the street. Lots of fun.

Then, some yahoo got it into his head that he was going to climb one of the trees planted in the curb. I guess he wanted to get his head above the crowd, which really was shoulder-to-shoulder thick. No exaggeration. But this was a young tree, barely 15 feet high, and you could see how his drunken clamberings shook every part of it.

Abruptly, the music stopped. A voice came out of the speakers at the same piercing volume, announcing: "GET OUT OF THE TREE OR THERE WILL BE NO MORE MUSIC. GET OUT OF THE TREE OR THERE WILL BE NO MORE MUSIC." The tree was planted right underneath that apartment's window. The guy who was playing the music probably saw it every day, and didn't want to see some drunken shit snap it in two. It was a priceless moment.
posted by scarabic at 10:23 AM on April 23, 2004

Everybody screws in Central Park, and sometimes it even makes the news, unfortunately--no one remembers Jennifer Levin and Robert Chambers?

These two are weird, but what they were doing, and even the age difference is not a big deal at all.

If it was a straight couple, they'd probably make a movie out of it, given our culture's obsessive fascination with teen girls.

and welcome back, wolf! : >
posted by amberglow at 10:33 AM on April 23, 2004

The old nursery rhyme finally makes sense:

[undisclosed] and [undisclosed]
sitting in a tree,
K-I-S-S-I-N-G...

Naah, that's not what they were doing...
posted by dash_slot- at 11:07 AM on April 23, 2004

Hiya Wolfy!!
posted by dash_slot- at 11:14 AM on April 23, 2004

Somewhere in Pennsylvania, a man is patiently teaching his dog how to climb trees.
posted by trondant at 11:18 AM on April 23, 2004

Age of consent in New York is apparently 17.

"17 and in love, right?"

"No, just 17."
posted by Epenthesis at 11:45 AM on April 23, 2004

Remember all the vocal disgust in the Olsen Twins thread. When grown straight men lust after young girls it's sleazy and nasty, but when gay people lust after young men it's somehow beautiful & liberating?

It don't make no never mind to me either way, but let's at least be consistent.


I don't get it. Do the people commenting in this thread have some sort of obligation to be consistent in their views with people posting in some other thread?
posted by electro at 12:40 PM on April 23, 2004

The day Metafilter posters achieve this seamless consistency, the universe will wink out of existence. Fools!
posted by troutfishing at 1:19 PM on April 23, 2004

When MCD spoke of "screwing in the trees", I naturally thought of this guy.
posted by Ogre Lawless at 1:45 PM on April 23, 2004

I second kickingtheground "for most "priceless" comment on this thread"

I counter-nominate crunchburger. But maybe it's only funny if you hang out with radical queers a lot.
posted by hippugeek at 2:25 PM on April 23, 2004

Um. I'm 38. My girlfriend is 21. We have a lot more in common than just sex, or she would not be my girlfriend, nor I her boyfriend. Shes a very smart and interesting woman working on her PhD in a hard-core medical science. We have a lot of very similar life goals, and our personal timetables for reaching those goals agree pretty closely. I happen to care about her very much (but we haven't fooled around up in any trees, so far). As far as I'm concerned, she's marriage material and I hope she feels the same about me. Oh, and her parents like me a lot.

So, dejah, want to qualify your blanket statement some?

I think it may be best to leave the age difference out of this discussion, since apparently the younger man is of legal age of consent. Obviously, however, these two have some other issues... :)
posted by zoogleplex at 4:10 PM on April 23, 2004

So that's what they mean by having a woody ...
posted by pyramid termite at 4:44 PM on April 23, 2004

So, dejah, want to qualify your blanket statement some?

Nothing like the reliable Mr. Exception coming in to shout down the dreaded "blanket statement". Let's see how he handles this one!

"Woman aren't capable of playing American football on the professional level."

{Now just bump it slowly along the bottom, Texas rigged of course.}
posted by Witty at 4:54 PM on April 23, 2004