What would Jesus download?

May 4, 2004 10:37 PM

Holy illegal downloads, Bibleman! Christian music fans are pirating songs, too! What would Jesus download?
posted by wfrgms (25 comments total)

Duh.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 10:47 PM on May 4, 2004

Kind of like "Christian" teens also have sex, do the drugs, drink to excess and engage in all kinds of moral hypocrasies? Christians have been doing things non-Christian since Paul's letter to Cornith I believe. In fact he coined the phrase "Jesus would not boink his own sister, stop doing that".

Not limited to just Christians. This is another mark in the column of the human shortcomings. That is beyond being sentient, our urges are basically as uncontrollable as those of animals. Embrace in hedonism or pretend not to.
posted by geoff. at 10:51 PM on May 4, 2004

For all have sinned . . .
posted by cinderful at 11:13 PM on May 4, 2004

Thou shalt not infringe copyright.
posted by Yelling At Nothing at 11:30 PM on May 4, 2004

CHRISTIANS ARE NOT JESUS, FUCK OFF.
posted by Satapher at 12:55 AM on May 5, 2004

What really interests me here is Bibleman. Just, whoa.
posted by jennanemone at 1:14 AM on May 5, 2004

He's even seen people buying bootleg copies of Mel Gibson's "The Passion of the Christ" without seeing the irony of it.

Wait... "The Passion of the Christ' was a work of satire?
posted by eddydamascene at 1:16 AM on May 5, 2004

Religion does not automatically make you a better person?

How incredibly surprising.
posted by spazzm at 1:39 AM on May 5, 2004

At least two thirds of our miseries spring from human stupidity, human malice and those great motivators and justifiers of malice and stupidity, idealism, dogmatism and proselytizing zeal on behalf of religious or political idols. --Aldous Huxley
posted by Meridian at 1:57 AM on May 5, 2004

"CHRISTIANS ARE NOT JESUS, FUCK OFF."

Interesting to ponder whether Jesus was "christian", too.
posted by Pericles at 3:15 AM on May 5, 2004

There are many interesting things to ponder about Jesus, for example, did he masterbate?
posted by Meridian at 3:28 AM on May 5, 2004

There are many interesting things to ponder about Jesus, for example, did he masterbate?

I always wondered what he was like as a child. Or a 14 year old. Or a 20 year old.
posted by SpaceCadet at 5:40 AM on May 5, 2004

I teach a class in music production and the opening day of class we discuss what music the students listen to and do they use P2P to download music. This semester 3 of the students said all they listened to was Christian music and they all downloaded and burnt CDs for friends. They all looked at it as a way to "spread the gospel." I asked them would they feel comfortable stealing a stack of New Testaments to pass out, to which they all replied that they didn't think it was quite the same thing.

I always wondered what he was like as a child.
The Book of Thomas (in the Apocrypha most likely based on the gnostic traditions) paints the child Jesus as something from a horror movie, turning taunting playmates into pigs and striking dead a child that roughhouses with him, then blinding the parents when they got angry. He healed a few people and performed a few nice miracles too.
posted by spartacusroosevelt at 6:16 AM on May 5, 2004

Besides, it's legal in my country. O' Canada.
posted by will at 8:04 AM on May 5, 2004

There are many interesting things to ponder about Jesus, for example, did he masterbate?

not sure. but he did teach us that spilling our seed on the stoney ground was pointless.
posted by andybw at 8:22 AM on May 5, 2004

The article seems to take for granted that you can really make an 8th (or 7th if you'r Catholic) Commandment argument about copyright infringement. Maybe that's just good lobbying on the part of the RIAA and MPAA, but copyright infringement is not theft.

It seems to me that about the best argument you could make would be something along the lines of Romans 13:1 -

Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God.

Even then, if you wanted to get really picky, you could say that downloading music (or whatever) makes you civilly liable for copyright violation, but isn't, technically, illegal.

And this isn't a new development, exactly. There's been an alt.binaries.mp3.christian on usenet for several years now.
posted by mragreeable at 8:34 AM on May 5, 2004

Jesus was depriving hardworking bakers and fishermen of their rightful income by copying and distributing loaves and fishes.
posted by SPrintF at 9:21 AM on May 5, 2004 [1 favorite]

copying and distributing loaves and fishes

Ah, so that's how he did it. It wasn't a miracle at all, just judicious use of anachronistic technology! Good to know.

I'm starting to think Jesus was just this really cool smart guy, who didn't need superpowers to really freak people out. Kinda like Neal Cassidy with better storytellers around him
posted by chicobangs at 9:39 AM on May 5, 2004

SprintF :Brilliant. Can I just point out here that Willie Ames is BIBLEMAN. He of charles-in-charge fame, yes. I loved Charles in Charge. *sigh*
posted by BrodieShadeTree at 9:41 AM on May 5, 2004

That is beyond being sentient, our urges are basically as uncontrollable as those of animals. Embrace in hedonism or pretend not to.

I once believed that, too.

I'll come visit you in rehab, and bring penicillin for your gonnorhea, and a surgeon for the double by-pass you'll need after all the fatty food and the liver transplant.

That "sentience" is the exact thing which allows to keep our urges in check so that we don't do harm to ourselves and others. Yes the urges are unavoidable, but acting on them is not.
posted by jonmc at 10:31 AM on May 5, 2004

my cat never does me or itself any harm. nor the birds outside. or the trees.

i love sentient lifeforms.
posted by Satapher at 11:05 AM on May 5, 2004

I've got to link to The Real Sin Savior and the other Apologetix mp3s, even if I can't work them into the rest of this discussion.
posted by donth at 12:56 PM on May 5, 2004

There are many interesting things to ponder about Jesus, for example, did he masterbate?

What, you've never heard of "the coming of the lord"?
posted by Wet Spot at 3:11 PM on May 5, 2004

I really must insist that everyone watch the Bibleman bloopers, which include what appears to be a near fist fight (no matter how 'friendly' it might be it still seems there's some genuine aggression there), two men coming very close to making out, a surreal discussion of nose hair and this choice quote:

"If we don't get our lines right then everybody gets angry. Then we're jacked up: the budget just goes in the toliet,
nobody gets anything done, and people start dropping like flies."

By the way, once you get past the nose hair bit it's all pretty banal, but fascinating anyway.
posted by mmcg at 3:18 PM on May 5, 2004

"What, you've never heard of 'the coming of the lord'?"

Yes, Wet Spot, but he only did it once, which is why the Second Coming is such a big deal.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 4:00 PM on May 5, 2004