Troy (the movie) in 15 minutes.

May 20, 2004 10:47 AM

Troy (the movie) in 15 minutes.Just in case you didn't feel like sitting through the whole ten years two hours 43 minutes. via BoingBoing

Bedroom of Helen of Troy Sparta
PARIS: Hey, baby, I brought you a pearl necklace.
HELEN [weepy]: I can’t wear it because I’m sort of already married to that other guy but we’ve been doing the royal nasty for a week already anyway and you’re going to leave tomorrow and WAHHHHH.
PARIS: You could stow away and come with me and start a war that will end up killing 90% of the cast and totally be the downfall of my people and my kingdom!
HELEN: *sniff* I think… that’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever said to me.
posted by gottabefunky (10 comments total)

[This is fucking excellent]
posted by armoured-ant at 11:36 AM on May 20, 2004

I couldn't make it through the whole thing. Some parts were just too confusing (but still funny!) for me to understand what the heck was going on. (I haven't read the Illiad or seen the movie.)
posted by whoshotwho at 11:57 AM on May 20, 2004

You bloody spoiled it!
posted by Gyan at 11:59 AM on May 20, 2004

PRIAM: Besides, the Greeks couldn’t possibly have an ulterior motive for leaving a giant horse big enough to hide a couple dozen soldiers! Let’s bring it back to the city!

hehe... this is just too rich!

Seriously though, how close can it be to the Iliad if Menelaus dies at Troy?!? especially given that he appears in the Odyssey, which takes place years later...
posted by clevershark at 12:33 PM on May 20, 2004

See the venrerable [url=http://ter.air0day.com/]Abridged Film Scripts[/url].
posted by abcde at 12:37 PM on May 20, 2004

God damn it. Was foruming in another window and the wires crossed.

Abridged Film Scripts
posted by abcde at 12:38 PM on May 20, 2004

Ha, great site abcde.

Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines
ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER
Hey, remember when everyone was in the graveyard and you were posing as Claire's boyfriend, and then right when you could have killed her you turned back into your default form, telling everyone you the enemy and allowing me to beat you?

KRISTANNA LOKEN
Yeah.

ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER
What the fuck is the matter with you?

KRISTANNA, now angered, beats the snot out of ARNOLD, who beats the SNOT back out of her. Eventually, she knocks his head off and leaves. He puts his head back on with the help of CGI WORSE THAN THAT USED IN THE FILM'S PREDECESSOR, WHICH WAS MADE OVER 10 YEARS EARLIER, FOR FUCK'S SAKE.
posted by gottabefunky at 1:15 PM on May 20, 2004

Don't forget Van Helsing In Fifteen Minutes, Hannibal In Fifteen Minutes, and Hiidalgo In Fifteen Minutes...

God, I <3 fandom on livejournal.
posted by Katemonkey at 2:16 PM on May 20, 2004

Fifteen minutes of Van Helsing is 15 too many. Ditto on the Hidalgo. I wonder if anyone has created a montage of just Hopkin's clips from silence of the lambs..
posted by Mossy at 3:24 PM on May 20, 2004

I still think it's weird that they seem to have left most of the god stuff out of the movie Troy.
posted by hattifattener at 12:08 AM on May 21, 2004