[grunt!]

June 2, 2004 2:23 PM

Impacted Colon isn't a new band name, but a favourite thriller of "alternative health" adherents. Wild claims of up to 90 lbs(!) of built-up waste are popular, and claims of the benefits of colonic irrigation abound. The medical establishment says it's bogus, while those in the business make the opposite claim. Thinking about having 20 gallons of water washed through your bum? Be careful.
posted by five fresh fish (75 comments total)

Oh, Christ, you can't just go linking to that shit. How about a NSFL (Not Safe For Lunch) warning?
posted by waldo at 2:25 PM on June 2, 2004

All those colon references, and not a goatse link in sight. You are to be commended.
posted by brownpau at 2:34 PM on June 2, 2004

Uhmm, I have this, this...friend who did it? And my friend said that the process was surprisingly pleasant. And my friend also said it was pretty disgusting to see what was coming out of her. My friend said it's not for everyone, and shouldn't be done very often, but it can be a real eye-opener about the effects of your diet on your body. It'll put you on a veggie diet in a hearbeat.

But that's just what my friend said. I personally wouldn't know.
posted by pomegranate at 2:43 PM on June 2, 2004

I won't even look. A libertarian oriented girlfriend of mine had a sister into this who ended up with a perforated colon, peronititis, kidney failure and a lifetime of dialysis on Uncle Sam's dime in that order--a topic I brought up each time said libertarian girlfriend would start her rants. (Her reply was always a variation on Well, that's different ! )
posted by y2karl at 2:46 PM on June 2, 2004

Any pictures?
posted by Postroad at 2:47 PM on June 2, 2004

pomegranate - Just because something you wash out of your butt looks disgusting, that doesn't mean you are eating the wrong thing, or that colonics have any health value.

It might be more sensible to look at studies where control groups of sensible, non-anal focused people are compared to people who like to flush their ass with various concoctions. Do the ass flushers have better health? No.

In short, your friend is very silly. While bucking clinical science is fun, there must be better ways than inflating your butt with water. It might be better to focus your antiestablishment yearning towards the dangers of fluoridated water and iodized salt.
posted by y6y6y6 at 2:55 PM on June 2, 2004

It sounds like the pro-cleansing folks are still in stage 2
posted by fatbobsmith at 2:57 PM on June 2, 2004

"but it can be a real eye-opener"

ahem...
posted by matteo at 2:59 PM on June 2, 2004

If what you are eating right this minute is not out of you within 24 hours you are eating very bad things.
posted by oh posey at 3:00 PM on June 2, 2004

Well, the argument I find personally hardest to refute regarding colonic impaction is that gastroenterologists give colonoscopies all the time, and would tend to know if there was impacted food up there -- particularly 90 pounds worth.

I've yet to see a medical doctor come out in support of this notion. I don't believe everything has to be verified by doctors to be true, but as I stated above, I would imagine any doctor who has performed a colonoscopy would have seen this impacted waste firsthand.

I've seen videos of sigmoidoscopies and colonoscopies and what you generally see is fold after fold of soft pink tissue.

I guess some might argue that the impacted waste is nestled in the folds and/or deeper in the intestines, but that sounds like grasping for straws to me.
posted by PigAlien at 3:02 PM on June 2, 2004

Oh pomegranate now you know some guys just can't handle this shit.
posted by oh posey at 3:03 PM on June 2, 2004

Oh, and just to add another 2 cents... I think most things are fine in moderation. I'm sure that regardless of the truth of colonic impaction claims that a gentle colonic now and then is not harmful to you and perhaps even healthy. Just as a massage on your shoulders helps release tension to the neck and head, so the stimulation of your colon probably helps stimulate and relax your lower abdominal area -- thus explaining the general sense of well-being and cleanliness that many people feel afterward.
posted by PigAlien at 3:05 PM on June 2, 2004

It makes you wonder, though, with all these accounts of the things that come out, exactly what is being expelled? Scary to think that these irrigation techniques might actually be dislodging stuff that's supposed to stay in there.

"That's not colonic debris, it's a gall bladder!"
posted by brownpau at 3:12 PM on June 2, 2004

I've had food poisoning and trust me, I didn't lose 90 lbs. in the process, though I was rather weak afterwards. To each their own.
posted by tommasz at 3:16 PM on June 2, 2004

Metafilter: a favourite thriller of "alternative health" adherents
posted by Ynoxas at 3:17 PM on June 2, 2004

I remember seeing the Ass Flushers open for Impacted Colon in '81, the Tunnel of Love tour. It was something to see, man, real dark, not uninteresting, a little corny in places, but it just ran on and on, until finally I couldn't take any more of that shit, and I took the red eye home.

I still have the t-shirt somewhere. I think it needs to be cleaned.
posted by chicobangs at 3:18 PM on June 2, 2004 [1 favorite]

Well, here I am in college with no money. Where am I going to get a job?

(Looks over at a bulletin board. Orange neon paper says "free cash" in bold sans seriff font. One slip is left.)

Whats this? (takes last slip) I better give these people a call. Now im going to class!

The next day.....

Hello Keyser Soze, welcome to the Portland Naturopathic clinic. I see you are interested in the free cash offer. Please, take off your jacket. So tell me, you keep a good diet?

Sure doc, most of the time. Say, what do I have to do to get the free cash?

Doctor begins erupting in laughter. The room turns red and the floor falls out below you. The doctor grows horns and his eyes stare coldy into yours.

We are going to shove gallons of water up your ass!

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
posted by Keyser Soze at 3:19 PM on June 2, 2004

The enema within
Ian Belcher took some persuading to go on a colonic irrigation holiday, even at a Thai beach resort. It is, he discovered, quite astonishing what gets flushed out in the course of a week's treatment. But did he feel the better for it?

___________

and from the bipartisan, kindly folks at the Mayo Clinic:

Colon cleansing: Is it good for you?

(for those in a hurry: "in a word, no")
posted by matteo at 3:40 PM on June 2, 2004

my favorite quote from the Guardian story:


When photographer Anthony Cullen heard the clank of glass on porcelain, he didn't need to examine the contents of the toilet bowl between his legs. He instinctively knew he had just passed the marble he had swallowed as a five-year-old; the small coloured sphere - "I think it was a bluey" - had lodged in his colon for 22 years. His nonchalance was understandable. Having flushed 400 pints of coffee and vinegar solution around his large intestine through 10 enemas, and taken 100 herbal laxatives, he had become hardened to extraordinary sights. He had already excreted yards of long stringy mucus "with a strange yellow glaze", several hard black pellets and numerous pieces of undigested rump steak. Like an iceberg breaking away from a glacier, the marble was simply the latest object to drop off the furred up wall of his colon.

posted by matteo at 3:41 PM on June 2, 2004

So, it turns a full colon into a semi-colon?
posted by Stoatfarm at 3:42 PM on June 2, 2004 [1 favorite]

A marble, coming out after 22 years? That's truly bizarre.

At least cats can develop a megacolon which causes constipation and is treated much in the same way. But 90 pounds? They're quite literally full of shit.
posted by ikalliom at 3:48 PM on June 2, 2004

I drink Budweiser, so my colon gets flushed on a daily basis.
posted by WLW at 3:58 PM on June 2, 2004

Seeing as you brought this shit up, here is a story which involves someone, er, bringing up shit. NSFW/L etc.
posted by asok at 4:05 PM on June 2, 2004

"This was no boating accident!"
posted by reidfleming at 4:07 PM on June 2, 2004

Matteo - that Guardian story, and the *clink* of the marble, was the first thing I thought of when I saw this post.
posted by Guy Smiley at 4:09 PM on June 2, 2004

The proponents were full of crap.
posted by Veritron at 4:09 PM on June 2, 2004

NSFW/L etc.

Unless you work in the geriatric constipation and urinary tract infections field.
posted by asok at 4:13 PM on June 2, 2004

I remember reading about that guy (Ian Belcher) a couple years ago, matteo, only I read the same story in Maxim (or was it Stuff? Is there much of a difference?).

Pretty freaky. Didn't exactly seem a normal Maxim topic - stereotypical Maxim is, after all, about trying to slip it in *her* back door, not about getting enemas up yours. It amused me to imagine a small portion of their audience impressed by the author's experience and taking off to Thailand for a colonic vacation. Heh. Heh heh. I guess it still amuses me.
posted by Melinika at 4:20 PM on June 2, 2004

When photographer Anthony Cullen heard the clank of glass on porcelain, he didn't need to examine the contents of the toilet bowl between his legs. He instinctively knew he had just passed the marble he had swallowed as a five-year-old; the small coloured sphere - "I think it was a bluey"

Do I correctly take this to mean that he did not, in fact, look at the contents of the bowl? Pardon my sceptcism, but I'm not sure that I could definitively identify a blue marble by sound alone.
posted by Zetetics at 4:25 PM on June 2, 2004

Zetetics, check this:

I had also plucked up the nerve to put a colander down the toilet. Close examination showed I had passed several feet of ...
posted by matteo at 4:34 PM on June 2, 2004

I probably should have posted this one to MetaTalk.

Lord knows there are too many hard-asses here.
posted by five fresh fish at 4:37 PM on June 2, 2004

I cannot believe a marble stayed in him for so long--didn't he ever make his little brother swallow a penny to see how long it took to come out? ; >
posted by amberglow at 4:37 PM on June 2, 2004

Where's the Colonblow link?
posted by punishinglemur at 4:45 PM on June 2, 2004

Hard objects staying in a colon isn't that uncommon. See the The Jerry Garcia Autopsy.
posted by TungstenChef at 5:07 PM on June 2, 2004

I've bookmarked and lost that Guardian article a few times over the years. Definitely a classic.

I do wonder, if indeed the medical science of this sort of thing is dodgy, what that stuff was that was coming out of peoples' butts at that Thai spa really was.

The psychology behind believing that malign things are building up inside you, and that you can be cleansed by removing them, is interesting to explore, I think. See also : psychoanalysis.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 5:21 PM on June 2, 2004

I do wonder, if indeed the medical science of this sort of thing is dodgy, what that stuff was that was coming out of peoples' butts at that Thai spa really was.


I agree. it's even worthy of an AskMeFi post. I trust the Mayo Clinic, but still. it makes you think. that's a lot of nasty stuff coming out of people's butts -- one does not see how keeping all that gunk inside could actually be good for one's health.
bah.
any doctors in the house?
posted by matteo at 5:44 PM on June 2, 2004

I'm quite certain that our bodies are not designed for pumping water up our asses. At the same time, I'll admit that much of what (some) people eat isn't meant for human bodies. I've little doubt that in extreme cases, Bad Things Happen.

Me? I eat lots of carrots.
posted by five fresh fish at 6:04 PM on June 2, 2004

IANAD but from what I've read, a properly-functioning liver is what's primarily responsible for removing "toxins" from your body. When you stop eating food, you rob your body of the nutrition your liver needs to function properly. I would think fasting would result in an increase in the level of "toxins" in the body.

The idea of a juice fast sounds crazy to me. Sure, you'll get some vitamins from the stuff, but for the most part you're living on pure sugar. I can't see how this could be healthy (though if you normally subsist on potato chips and candy bars I suppose it might be a step in the right direction).

On preview:

I trust the Mayo Clinic, but still. it makes you think. that's a lot of nasty stuff coming out of people's butts -- one does not see how keeping all that gunk inside could actually be good for one's health.

The question is, does all that stuff (marbles aside) really stay inside you for years? Or does it eventually just turn into poop and come out on its own? Dr. Weil says "the colon sheds its entire lining and regenerates it every day, so it's impossible for anything to build up on its walls".

(I'm an incorrigible skeptic, but as far as natural medicine goes, I like Weil -- the degree from Harvard Medical School seems to keep him from going too far off the deep end into quackery. And I love the silly beard.)
posted by boredomjockey at 6:04 PM on June 2, 2004

good point.
re: Weil: OK, but there's something that makes him lame by definition -- he is on Larry King a lot. not as much as (AAAARGH!) Dr Phil, but a lot nonetheless
posted by matteo at 6:15 PM on June 2, 2004

There was a disgusting article a few years, maybe one of those links is it, maybe not. I aint reading it again (it did involve a colander so maybe it's linked from here)

Anyway, if you pay attention to the article the 'health club' controls your diet. You drink their soup, drink their juice etc.

Who the Hell knows what they're putting in you to make sure that there's something memorable coming out.
posted by substrate at 6:20 PM on June 2, 2004

From the Dr. Weil link: Mayan shamans are believed to have used hallucinogenic enemas. Made with mead, tobacco juice, mushrooms, and morning glory seeds, they must have induced majorly altered states of consciousness.

Ok...now there's an enema I could get...er...behind....
posted by dejah420 at 6:38 PM on June 2, 2004

If what you are eating right this minute is not out of you within 24 hours you are eating very bad things.

talk about misinformation .... no offense, but that might be the stupidest thing i've ever read on MF. back to first grade for you.

Dr. Weil fucking rules, and i'd take a psychedelic enema over a chemical laxative anyday.

i had a pilonidal cyst removed a few years ago, and the codeine made me constipated for three days (plus i was justifiably nervous about doing business with a three-inch hole near my tailbone).

the doctor suggested a chemical laxative. never again.

apologies for the extra information ...
posted by mrgrimm at 6:53 PM on June 2, 2004

Geez, matteo, there's a reason I was just skimming that article. Now that I've actually read it, however, I'm having even more trouble swallowing it. My line of work is distantly colon-related and this stuff doesn't sound right to me. I mean, a marble seems to be an object perfectly designed to be impossible to retain internally for more than about 22 hours. That aside, their tales of colonic horror remind me of something out of Huxley's Devils of Loudon, or perhaps, 17th century spiritualists topping each other’s grisly tales of manifestations of demonic fecal ectoplasm emanating from satanically possessed bowels. These people are claiming to have a lot of crazy shit coming out of their ass. If I am to believe that these things really are coming out of their intestines, then I am forced to consider the possibility that they were flushed up there by the people administering the treatment. Is there any chance this is Thailand’s answer to the Philippines' psychic surgeons?
posted by Zetetics at 7:46 PM on June 2, 2004

tommasz's mention of food poisoning is dead-on.
(Stop here if you don't want to hear the gory details.)

I had some sort of food poisoning a few years ago that caused the worst stomach cramps I've ever had -- for a couple days. Pretty much anything I ate came out, somehow, within an hour or so. Even though I was living off of ginger ale and crackers there was still a constant need to stay near the toilet.

I'd definitely believe that there's extra junk inside the digestive system somewhere. That is, unless the lining of my stomach, small intestine, and large intestine all decided to expel themselves from my body.
posted by mikeh at 8:11 PM on June 2, 2004

Since we are sharing: I've had a colonoscopy, and I got to see the inside of myself on a video screen as it happened. I do not have a particularly healthy diet (though not particularly unhealthy either), but ancient artifacts of my eating history were nowhere to be seen. This is ancedotal evidence of course, and the recommendation of a double-blind study that was made above is the best way to know. But still, I find tales of 22-year old marbles hard to swallow.

By the way, it was the most uncomfortable medical procedure I have ever experienced.
posted by moonbiter at 8:14 PM on June 2, 2004

I thought that the theory of putrescent matter had been pretty well debunked, but if you have any doubts about how long it takes a meal to make its way through you, I recommend the following:

Buy a juice extractor. Eat a rice and bean burrito. Juice 6-8 carrots, yielding a bright orange foamy drink with a sweet and fecund flavor. Down it. Within 2 days, you'll wake up to the phenomenon vegan surfers refer to as the "Big Orange.'
posted by scarabic at 8:20 PM on June 2, 2004

If I am to believe that these things really are coming out of their intestines, then I am forced to consider the possibility that they were flushed up there by the people administering the treatment.
-- I am horrified by the mere thought.

I read the Thailand/colander article in Maxim several years ago too -- it is the only Maxim article I've ever read that I can still recall even the topic of, and I remember it in great detail.

The colonoscopy argument is reasonable, but don't you drink a gallon of laxative beforehand specifically to clean you out so that the doc can look at the lovely pink tissue of your colon?
posted by palegirl at 8:38 PM on June 2, 2004

Buy a juice extractor. Eat a rice and bean burrito. Juice 6-8 carrots, yielding a bright orange foamy drink with a sweet and fecund flavor. Down it. Within 2 days, you'll wake up to the phenomenon vegan surfers refer to as the "Big Orange.'

Alternate theory, which works for all people:

Make whatever meal in a skillet, meat, no meat, rice, cous-cous, Hamburger Helper, it really doesn't matter. Decide to dye it blue with Green and Yellow food coloring. Use way too much. Wait 'til your shit turns green. Check watch. And yes, I know this from personal experience.
posted by Ufez Jones at 8:42 PM on June 2, 2004

chicobangs++
posted by Hackworth at 9:39 PM on June 2, 2004

I had a colonoscopy last week. Before the big event I had to drink this liquid that flushed me out. It was really amazing how fast it went through me.

It wasn't fun, I didn't lose weight, and I don't feel "refreshed". But I do have some great pictures of my large intestine! That was cool!

moonbiter, lucky for me I don't remember a thing - I love my nurses. Actually, I do remember one moment of groaning in pain, but it's a pretty fuzzy memory.
posted by tomplus2 at 9:43 PM on June 2, 2004

I've never had a colonic, but have come into contact with many people who have (not surprisingly, most of this happened when I lived in L.A.). Most of them (without my asking) talked about the strange-looking substances that came out of their bodies, and all of them said they felt great afterwards.

If the walls of the entire length of the inside of the colon really do completely shed every day, in every person, then what is the non-fecal-looking stuff that comes out? The suggestion that the hydrotherapists are putting something in there so that they can extract it is funny, but I don't buy it.

Other relevant questions: Isn't it possible that for someone constipated, the colon is going to be full of waste as a matter of course, and that this daily shedding of the inner lining might not be an issue? And does a colonoscopy typically explore the entire length of the large intestine? And aren't colonics routinely done before colonoscopies (the Mayo article above even mentions this), meaning that maybe the reason you don't see old fecal material in the colonoscopy is because it was recently flushed out in preparation for the procedure (or, on preview, a cleansing like what tomplus2 experienced)?

Also, it should be needless to say that not all waste matter is the same size, shape, or density. So the fact that you can eat something and be sure that it's coming out the other end does not necessarily mean that it swept everything in its path along with it.

Dr. Weil talks about the shedding of the colon lining, but he goes on to talk about his ten-day diet of fruit, juice, and phyllum husks. He's giving those intestinal walls a bit of a kick in the pants.
posted by bingo at 10:02 PM on June 2, 2004

NSFW/L etc.

Unless you work in the geriatric constipation and urinary tract infections field.

In which case it's pr0n.
posted by sharpener at 10:13 PM on June 2, 2004

Hmm - hundreds of thousands of years of evolution and living and reproducing, and in the last century we're suddenly found all these things wrong with us and our habits. Kind of applies to vegetarianism, too. (Wait - it would have been better all along if we hadn't been eating animals?)

Color me skeptical.
posted by gottabefunky at 10:24 PM on June 2, 2004

Close examination showed I had passed several feet of long brown string that shimmered as if subtly illuminated by a photographer's light.

And I wasn't alone. Margaret had picked through her colander with chopsticks to reveal yellow fatty chunks, Mez had filled hers to the brim with brown stringy "chicken skin" mucus ("We're talking litres"), as had Derek, whose output included a strip about eight inches long, while Anthony described his as "patchy, like rabbit droppings".

[...]

At least I could contribute to the increasingly competitive enema discussions. Someone had always passed something harder, brighter, more bizarre. Margaret's chopsticks had unearthed some gristle, about a foot long, and hard, black pellets. She was so impressed she took a photograph. A few chalets away, Mez had passed "rubbery brown, fat worms" with a strange purple glaze, which she insisted on showing to me in her bathroom.

I still want to know what all that stuff was!
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 10:57 PM on June 2, 2004

Okay, people, time to talk dirty. It's either here or in AskMe, but here seems more appropriate:

What's Your Transit Time?

In the burrito-carrot juice example, "less than 2 days" was his transit time.

Mine, I'm happy to say, is consistently less than one day, once a day.
posted by five fresh fish at 11:21 PM on June 2, 2004

If the walls of the entire length of the inside of the colon really do completely shed every day, in every person, then what is the non-fecal-looking stuff that comes out?

Isn't the answer right there in your question? It seems plausible, anyway.
posted by Nothing at 1:28 AM on June 3, 2004

Thus spake Bingo: And does a colonoscopy typically explore the entire length of the large intestine?

It often does, unless the doc is looking for something specific lower in the colon. Even then, they'll often explore all the way to the juncture with the small intestine, since they're "in the neighborhood" anyway.

And aren't colonics routinely done before colonoscopies (the Mayo article above even mentions this), meaning that maybe the reason you don't see old fecal material in the colonoscopy is because it was recently flushed out in preparation for the procedure (or, on preview, a cleansing like what tomplus2 experienced)?

There is normally a regimen of fasting plus enema prior to colonoscopy, but not always (for example, in the case of emergency endoscopy). So, I would wonder why, if all this magical stuff is supposed to be "flushed out" of your colon, nobody ever seems to report to their gastroenterologist that they delivered a 50-pound colonic cast into the toilet due to the enema they received in preparation for the colonoscopy. You'd think most people would notice something like that. You'd think some GE doc, somewhere, would have noticed it, too, and done some peer-reviewed research that supports any of the wild-ass claims these people make.
posted by wdpeck at 2:22 AM on June 3, 2004

[From the article:] Close examination showed I had passed several feet of long brown string that shimmered as if subtly illuminated by a photographer's light.

And I wasn't alone. Margaret had picked through her colander with chopsticks to reveal yellow fatty chunks, Mez had filled hers to the brim with brown stringy "chicken skin" mucus ("We're talking litres"), as had Derek, whose output included a strip about eight inches long...

Congratulations! You've just necrosed the mucosal layer of your intestinal lumen (English translation: you killed off the layer(s) of cells that line the inside of your intestine). I've been a paramedic for 16+ years, and am now in nursing school, and I've seen what mucosae looks like when it's been chemically abraded with, say, Drano: kind of brown/yellow, stringy, "mucusy," and looks a little like chicken fat. When intestinal mucosa is damaged/killed, it's not uncommon for it to slough off in strips or large sections, and to come out looking as described.

Our bodies have mucosae and produce mucus for a reason. While it may be trendy to chemically peel it off and admire it in the collander in which you caught it, you've just screwed with the interface between your nutrients and your body, not to mention that you've given all the bacteria that inhabit your colon a great way to enter your blood and lymphatic fluid. Better hope your immune system is functioning well for the next few days.

How stupid. Greedy people exploiting those with inadequate critical thinking abilities.
posted by wdpeck at 2:43 AM on June 3, 2004 [68 favorites]

Hmm - hundreds of thousands of years of evolution and living and reproducing, and in the last century we're suddenly found all these things wrong with us and our habits. Kind of applies to vegetarianism, too. (Wait - it would have been better all along if we hadn't been eating animals?)

Color me skeptical.

Yeah, washing to get rid of invisible creatures which can kill us? I mean really, who comes up with that shit?
posted by biffa at 3:53 AM on June 3, 2004

Thank you, wdpeck!
posted by stonerose at 6:25 AM on June 3, 2004

wdpeck wins! Thread's over.

I was diagnosed with a blocked ascending colon, for what it's worth. Of course, this diagnosis came from a crazy old man on the streets of my undergrad town in Tennessee, who made this diagnosis by feeling my hands next to the thumbs. He also told me that King Arthur and Merlin weren't myths, because it's all about the ley lines. The grail might have been mixed up in there too somehow...

Anyway, that's about how much credibility I give this junk.
posted by UKnowForKids at 6:33 AM on June 3, 2004

wdpeck, today, you rule.
posted by brownpau at 7:06 AM on June 3, 2004

Well, as Edina Monsoon said about colonics, "They're not to be sniffed at, sweetie."
posted by paddbear at 7:24 AM on June 3, 2004

As far as what the stuff is that comes out, well, psyllium seed is a bulking laxative, I'm guessing that drinking CLAY and then having the large intesting suck out all of the water will probably result in black impacted nodules of some sort...
posted by tomierna at 7:26 AM on June 3, 2004

biffa: do note that we're now rediscovering the value of those invisible beasties. Children who eat dirt are healthier than those that don't; children who caught colds are healthier as adults than those that didn't; some intestinal disorders are now being resolved using infectious worms.

So, yah, it does look like "hundreds of thousands of years of evolution and living and reproducing" has tweaked our bodies for best survival. We do need our bacteria, and we don't need to stuff hoses up our asses.
posted by five fresh fish at 9:11 AM on June 3, 2004

I don't know why some people bother with laxatives. With enemas like this, who needs blends?
posted by DrJohnEvans at 9:18 AM on June 3, 2004

Thanks, wdpeck. Sounds like you know what you're talking about.

But I wonder why people who have these colonics report feeling so good afterwards? Maybe they were constipated and they just needed an enema (emptying of the rectum only)?

gottabefunky: Hmm - hundreds of thousands of years of evolution and living and reproducing, and in the last century we're suddenly found all these things wrong with us and our habits.

Damn straight. And it hasn't been just in the last century, either. That thing about boiling water sure would have saved us a lot of trouble if someone had thought of it earlier. Also, the bit about not drinking from lead goblets. And what biffa said about hygeine. And vegetarians of old didn't have access to the wide variety of produce, beans, legumes, etc. that they do now.
posted by bingo at 9:25 AM on June 3, 2004

"But I wonder why people who have these colonics report feeling so good afterwards?"

Think about all the suffering they went through during their time at the spa. After a week of that degrading torture I have problem understanding why they'd feel better than ever once returning to a normal life style.

The best water you'll ever taste is whatever you drink after a long hike through the desert without any.
posted by y6y6y6 at 9:39 AM on June 3, 2004

And thank you, wdpeck, for not only setting things straight, but also allowing us to have a brief if cruel guffaw at those who would keep them crooked.
posted by DrJohnEvans at 9:44 AM on June 3, 2004

I've got the best treatment of all - I just sever my colon from my small intestine and rectum and yank the whole thing out. No more impaction! Unfortunately, I haven't come up with a solution to the whole not-having-a-colon thingy.
posted by PigAlien at 9:59 AM on June 3, 2004

I think tomierna is closer to the mark that wdpeck. This stuff is coming out 5 times per day. I don't have that much skin on the outside of my body! I think it's the psyllium, clay, flax and other stuff they're eating. It bulks up with water, and then the intestines compact it, trying to get the water out. Then an enema removes it whole. With a normal movement, the stuff would be re-shaped into the usual form.
posted by mediaddict at 10:06 AM on June 3, 2004

I haven't come up with a solution to the whole not-having-a-colon thingy.

Think about it a bit more PigAlien, you'll soon have a solution in the bag.
posted by biffa at 10:22 AM on June 3, 2004

Oh heavens no, biffa! Surely, you don't mean...

[aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...]

I had a friend who had to have a colostomy bag, and one day it broke. Don't ask me how, I'm not the expert, but I do know that's something I don't ever want to think about.
posted by PigAlien at 2:49 PM on June 3, 2004

Pig Alien: A friend of mine also has one and is actually quite upbeat about it as a result of nearly dying before they operated. Having said that you can get away with losing quite large stretches of intestine without having to have a bag; a relative of mine had at least 5' removed without requiring one.
posted by biffa at 2:13 AM on June 4, 2004

But I wonder why people who have these colonics report feeling so good afterwards?

Two words: Confirmation Bias
posted by moonbiter at 11:17 PM on June 6, 2004