England Hooligans On Tour

June 17, 2004 6:17 AM

It's time to send the team home: "England has bred a contemporary culture of immoderation at every level, with particular reference to drinking and fighting. The recent Panorama programme on weekend binge-drinking in city centres provided a wake-up call, as should the novelist Andrew O'Hagan's admirable essay on current British attitudes to masculinity, reprinted in yesterday's G2." (via The Guardian)
posted by n o i s e s (27 comments total)

England planks run riot!
posted by n o i s e s at 6:21 AM on June 17, 2004

whoops! bugger, i thought i'd deleted that last line/link in the fpp, sorry. anyway i'll be staying up late here in nippon to watch the game... i just wish the burberry-capped tossers back home & in portugal would bloody well behave. what do you all make of the hooligans?
posted by n o i s e s at 6:42 AM on June 17, 2004

Richard Williams has a real problem with England having *any* success at Euro 2004, and I've not worked out why... he was incredibly negative about the whole performance against France and now thinks the team should be sent home immediately because some drunken twats have been getting into fights. Of course the riots aren't good, but bless UEFA for not calling it hooliganism (yet).
posted by humuhumu at 6:54 AM on June 17, 2004

Op-ed from major news source and bonus link to tabloid story. A stunningly constructed post if ever there was one.

The problem is that a couple of hundred dull-witted boozers are responsible for a problem. Why should the millions of genuine fans suffer?

Remember the drunken divvies ripping it up in Greece last summer? No football there. The culture of drinking in England needs to be addressed as it is at the root, not the game of football.

UEFA have sensibly pointed out that the trouble has happened 100s of miles away from where England have been playing.
posted by i_cola at 6:59 AM on June 17, 2004

Yes, that lovely Panorama docu that showed my city as the most binge-drinking-est city of all!

Thanks, guys. No, really. You couldn't choose, like, Blackpool, or Manchester, or anywhere else, no...it had to be Nottingham.

That being said, there is a serious binge drinking problem in this country. And this is from someone who went to university in New Orleans, where drinking was the standard major for students...
posted by Katemonkey at 7:03 AM on June 17, 2004

I fully support the immediate return of the England football team, mainly so I can stop hearing about fucking football every waking second. I can't be the only person in England who doesn't give a shit about this thing in Portugal.

It's bad enough that David Beckham has seemingly been elevated to the status of a minor deity for his ability to kick a ball really hard, or whatever it is he does, but do we really need FOOTBALL! FOOTBALL! FOOTBALL! crammed down our throats every second of every single day?

(Considering how much this annoys me, as a disinterested Englishman, I dread to think how incensed the Scots, Welsh and Northern Irish must be by now.)
posted by influx at 7:31 AM on June 17, 2004

"Op-ed from major news source and bonus link to tabloid story. A stunningly constructed post if ever there was one."

Complaints about FPPs are for Metatalk. Please leave your criticisms out of the blue.
posted by PigAlien at 7:33 AM on June 17, 2004

*runs on pitch , smashes up i-colas goalposts*
posted by sgt.serenity at 7:35 AM on June 17, 2004

do we really need FOOTBALL! FOOTBALL! FOOTBALL! crammed down our throats every second of every single day?

Ummmm.... yes, yes we do. Well, only while Euro2004 is on. Remember, Wimbledon starts next week, so it will be up to 14 days of constant Henmania. imagine what it will be like if he actually wins the thing this time.
posted by humuhumu at 7:35 AM on June 17, 2004

It's good to hear a football fan in Japan struggling with our timezone for a change.
posted by Pretty_Generic at 7:42 AM on June 17, 2004

yes, yes we do. Well, only while Euro2004 is on

C'mon, only England playing football gets blanket coverage this thick. Not even the Olympics causes this level of hysteria.

I just hate the whole thing, and all the crap that surrounds it. The overwhelming attitude that we deserve to win just because we're English, the endless rounds of columnists being wheeled out to excrete yet more "what does it mean to be English?" articles, the traditional excruciating hand-wringing over displaying the St. George Cross, the obliteration of all other news and current affairs no matter how important, the dreary inevitability of fat bastard Portsmouth hooligans making twats of us all abroad; it's like the nation has been seized by all that is cretinous and abhorrent in the country.

And to top it all, Big Brother's on. There is no salvation, this is hell itself.
posted by influx at 7:50 AM on June 17, 2004

Blanket coverage? Come on... there's plenty else going on in the world to pay attention to. This is the biggest football tournament in two years and England have a very good chance if they play well enough. Of course that's going to get press. Quite a few people out there do like football, you know... And I can see the odd story on the BBC which isn't about football. Plus, the weather's nice - why be bothered about what's on TV? Get out and enjoy yourself.
posted by humuhumu at 8:12 AM on June 17, 2004

*runs on pitch , smashes up i-colas goalposts*
You mean... Runs on pitch - kicks carefully placed jumpers.
posted by seanyboy at 8:14 AM on June 17, 2004

You mean... Runs on pitch - kicks carefully placed jumpers.

Or, in Heskey's case, runs on pitch, falls over, hacks opposing defender just outside own penalty area when no danger present... ah, you know the rest.
posted by humuhumu at 8:16 AM on June 17, 2004

* opposing player, not defender
posted by humuhumu at 8:23 AM on June 17, 2004

influx: honestly, getting rid of your telly really will solve most of your problems! And are you really going to prefer to see repeat after repeat of some incredibly tedious people rowing in a straight line/shooting at a target/ making a horse do little skips just because they happen to be British and the third best in the world at what they do? Because that's what's going to be coming along in your not too distant future.
posted by biffa at 9:02 AM on June 17, 2004

Well, I was supposed to be working but if I'm going to dick about on MeFi, I might as well go home (ok, technically, to the bar) and watch the footie instead.
posted by biffa at 9:05 AM on June 17, 2004

Personally, I think Michael Moorcock has us Brits right when he turned us into the Granbretans.
posted by Blue Stone at 9:27 AM on June 17, 2004

Getting rid of the telly gets rid of the bleating from there, but what about all the idiots who have England fans attached to their cars?

I did a count on a 20-minute bus ride and saw 30 cars with the damned things...
posted by Katemonkey at 10:35 AM on June 17, 2004

switzerland 0 - 3 ingerland.

It's good to hear a football fan in Japan struggling with our timezone for a change.

aye, i'm well & truly knackered. 3am now. was up at 3.45am for the france game too, getting all agitated with the japanese commentary (it was as though the sound was lagging the images by entire weeks: 'rampardo! looney!' the guy would scream -- way too late, & by which time you were watching viera - biela! - gliding upfield with the ball).

you know, & maybe it's just me, but it seems that nobody here (japan, not mefi) knows nor cares about euro 2004. it's odd, but it's like the world cup never happened over here. not even a peep about bekhamu this time, that i've heard. off t'bed now.

that looney, terrific player, he? but looks like he's just gonna flip any game now & bite the ref's eyebrows right off.
posted by n o i s e s at 11:10 AM on June 17, 2004

I'd hate to be a dustbin in Shaftsbury tonight.
posted by majcher at 1:23 PM on June 17, 2004

You mean... Runs on pitch - kicks carefully placed jumpers.

That's an enduring image.
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 1:39 PM on June 17, 2004

Katemonkey - can you explain why they are really a problem for you? (And I hope you don't mind if I assume you meant flags, because it doesnt sound like you'd mind as much if they had England fans stuck to the outside of their cars)
posted by biffa at 2:24 PM on June 17, 2004

looney - ha! priceless.
posted by Celery at 3:00 PM on June 17, 2004

Funny thing is, I've been in the US where everyone & their dog has a flag stuck or fluttering somewhere in support of the troops/war/US/&c. I get back home & everyone has little car flags. Surely not in support of the war? Of course not...footie! Made me glad to be back. Until the orange bloke from the telly got into the EU.

Pig Alien: I criticized & commented. I'm not going to start yet another MeTa about posting style. So no.
posted by i_cola at 3:41 PM on June 17, 2004

I don't know what effect these men will have upon the enemy, but, by God, they frighten me. The Duke of Wellington.

- Just about sums it up for me
posted by johnnyboy at 3:17 AM on June 18, 2004

They're just ugly to me. Flapping around as you drive like a maniac, just waiting to snap off and stab someone in the eye...
posted by Katemonkey at 7:43 AM on June 18, 2004