Comments on: Watch out for Milk 'n Cookies too...

Watch out for Milk 'n Cookies too...

troutfishing — Wed, 23 Jun 2004 20:17:07 -0800

Federal marshmallow-mixup bust.... "a teacher's aide who forgot to put away her marshmallows and hot chocolate at Yellowstone National Park last year was taken from her cruise ship cabin in handcuffs...."

By: troutfishing

troutfishing — Wed, 23 Jun 2004 20:24:26 -0800

In the hands of a terrorist, a flaming marshmallow can be a terrible weapon

By: birdherder

birdherder — Wed, 23 Jun 2004 20:24:58 -0800

And people say America isn't any safer.

By: Keyser Soze

Keyser Soze — Wed, 23 Jun 2004 20:30:48 -0800

Heres an american idea: Get some money out of this.

By: troutfishing

troutfishing — Wed, 23 Jun 2004 20:44:23 -0800

Keyser - So, you think that Nicole Kidmann should play the teacher's aide ? And the marshmallows - should they be animated characters ? - Or just inert puffs of crap ?

By: rajbot

rajbot — Wed, 23 Jun 2004 20:52:07 -0800

Metafilter: now with brown marshmallows.

By: mr_crash_davis

mr_crash_davis — Wed, 23 Jun 2004 21:39:02 -0800

Jesus, people, you don't understand. A woman who would be so bold, so brazen as to flout The Rules About Food at Yellowstone National Park, a place so thoroughly American that even French people become tolerable through the simple act of just gazing at its majestic splendor...well, a woman like that clearly is capable of almost anything, and most certainly is in need of, at the very least, some...shall we say...geometry lessons, courtesy of our finest nude pyramid-building detail over in Camp Abu Grape.

By: dobbs

dobbs — Wed, 23 Jun 2004 21:50:27 -0800

Though the mixup is, well, fucked, I can't believe that the implication is that if she didn't pay her fine, leg shackles and detainment for 9 hours is somehow justifiable over $50.

By: Ethereal Bligh

Ethereal Bligh — Wed, 23 Jun 2004 21:59:13 -0800

It wasn't over the $50, it was essentially a failure to appear, since they didn't think she paid the fine. A friend of mine just spent the night in jail for an unpaid expired auto safety inspection ticket. This kind of thing happens every day, most especially if you're poor and a minority and live in a bad part of town. And I don't mean actual non-appearances. I mean warrants issued that shouldn't have been.

By: uncanny hengeman

uncanny hengeman — Wed, 23 Jun 2004 22:36:52 -0800

Please don't tell me someone just worked Abu Garab into the equation within 5 posts... Jeebus H. Christ on a pogo stick.

By: cohappy

cohappy — Wed, 23 Jun 2004 22:37:38 -0800

Ethereal Bligh is right. This stuff happens all the time. Soooo, who cares? Oh yeah. Marshmallows.

By: Krrrlson

Krrrlson — Wed, 23 Jun 2004 22:41:19 -0800

And the marshmallows - should they be animated characters ? - Or just inert puffs of crap ? Sounds like a perfect role for Jim Carrey's head - I'm envisioning a hilarious scene where the marshmallows are about to be eaten by some wildlife, resulting in a twenty-minute scene of shapeless facial contortions. Gene Hackman plays the Director of Homeland Security, and Ben Affleck is a simple Park Ranger, racing against time to simultaneously prevent the wildlife from getting mild food poisoning from the marshmallows and save, then copulate with, Nicole Kidman. Blockbuster gold!

By: Goofyy

Goofyy — Thu, 24 Jun 2004 00:43:47 -0800

It is SO important to create the appearance of being tough on crime, lest the peepul think they can get away with anything. So, when is Ken Lay going to get the shackles?

By: johnnyboy

johnnyboy — Thu, 24 Jun 2004 03:54:27 -0800

Hope Clarke, 32, crying and in leg shackles - Crying was she the fucking terrorist, it is stories of this kind of stellar over-reaction that prevent me from working in the U.S, although I do like to visit.

By: dabitch

dabitch — Thu, 24 Jun 2004 04:39:44 -0800

How come there's never any accurate information in them databases?

By: XQUZYPHYR

XQUZYPHYR — Thu, 24 Jun 2004 04:46:23 -0800

And the marshmallows - should they be animated characters ? - Or just inert puffs of crap ?

By: notsnot

notsnot — Thu, 24 Jun 2004 05:11:44 -0800

xquzyphyr, that's great. Nice allusion. "Everybody dance!"

By: Meridian

Meridian — Thu, 24 Jun 2004 06:16:37 -0800

Does the US have the "3 strikes and you're out" laws where you go to jail for a 3rd offence? Can you imagine doing time for marshmallow crime? [hey, that rhymes!] Seriously, imagine if the Taliban had arrested an American for marshmallow crime; imagine the international outrage that would ensue. When marshmallows and hot chocolate are outlawed, only outlaws will enjoy marshmallows and hot chocolate.

By: mooncrow

mooncrow — Thu, 24 Jun 2004 07:03:46 -0800

Well, don't any of you see her mistake? No? She left the country and then re-entered. She had the audacity of trying to escape detection. She thought she could flout the law. But luckily Homeland Security was on the job! So the problem here is the accuracy of the records of Immigration and Naturalization, and all of those other fine folks who work the borders. Nice. Mistakes were made. We. Are. Fucked.

By: Ynoxas

Ynoxas — Thu, 24 Jun 2004 07:17:34 -0800

Leg shackles should be for violent offenders, not litterers.

By: bargle

bargle — Thu, 24 Jun 2004 07:35:55 -0800

The only solution is to destroy Yellowstone and start over.

By: PrinceValium

PrinceValium — Thu, 24 Jun 2004 07:51:28 -0800

If Donald Rumsfeld can sit in a small room for nine hours, why can't she?

By: cmdnc0

cmdnc0 — Thu, 24 Jun 2004 08:55:25 -0800

Does the US have the "3 strikes and you're out" laws They apply only to felony offences. This would be a misdemeanor.

By: mr_crash_davis

mr_crash_davis — Thu, 24 Jun 2004 09:11:30 -0800

"Please don't tell me someone just worked Abu Garab into the equation within 5 posts..." No one did, unless by "within 5" you actually meant six.

By: Outlawyr

Outlawyr — Thu, 24 Jun 2004 09:48:08 -0800

I think they should have killed her. Just to make a point. We do NOT mess around. All told, more than 3,000 suspected marshmallow litterbugs have been arrested in many countries. Many others have met a different fate. Let's put it this way -- they are no longer a problem to the United States and our friends and allies. (Applause.)

By: widdershins

widdershins — Thu, 24 Jun 2004 09:56:17 -0800

Sounds like a perfect role for Jim Carrey's head - I'm envisioning a hilarious scene where the marshmallows are about to be eaten by some wildlife, resulting in a twenty-minute scene of shapeless facial contortions. Gene Hackman plays the Director of Homeland Security, and Ben Affleck is a simple Park Ranger, racing against time to simultaneously prevent the wildlife from getting mild food poisoning from the marshmallows and save, then copulate with, Nicole Kidman. Blockbuster gold! Classic!

By: GhostintheMachine

GhostintheMachine — Thu, 24 Jun 2004 11:38:08 -0800

Am I the only one to click on the link to find out how a cruise ship managed to make it all the way to Yellowstone? Yes, I'm having a bad mental day.

By: troutfishing

troutfishing — Thu, 24 Jun 2004 12:37:28 -0800

widdershins - I'll second that. Classic!

By: scarabic

scarabic — Thu, 24 Jun 2004 12:40:17 -0800

I find this news item kind of sickening, because it's such a good example of how journalists fall over themselves to waste media bandwidth on a meaningless event, as long as it's got a wacky, entertaining hook, like "mashmallow villain foiled." Film at 11.

By: troutfishing

troutfishing — Fri, 25 Jun 2004 22:00:22 -0800

Sourpuss. Have a marshmallow - they're sweet, puffy, and mostly air.