Here comes the Judge

June 24, 2004 11:59 AM

The justice system at work.A sitting Judge in Oklahoma has been removed from the bench for using a male enhancement pump, pleasuring himself and oiling his nether regions during court proceedings - including an August 2003 murder trial. At least he was awake during the proceedings, unlike other judges.
posted by thatothrgirl (29 comments total)

There's no justice like hard, oiled justice.
posted by trondant at 12:02 PM on June 24, 2004

Here comes the judge!
posted by milnak at 12:16 PM on June 24, 2004

Clearly in violation of the Oklahoma penal code.
posted by sixpack at 12:20 PM on June 24, 2004

"using a male enhancement pump, pleasuring himself and oiling his nether regions "

You're NOT supposed to do this at work?

Shit.
posted by Keith Talent at 12:25 PM on June 24, 2004

"All rise"
"Hard on criminals"

All the obvious jokes seem to be crowding out anything original. More topically though: what a moron.
posted by Fezboy! at 12:30 PM on June 24, 2004

oh, forgot: "stiff sentencing guidelines"
posted by Fezboy! at 12:30 PM on June 24, 2004

Quack.
posted by homunculus at 12:34 PM on June 24, 2004

Moo.
posted by punishinglemur at 12:41 PM on June 24, 2004

The long arm of the law
posted by Outlawyr at 12:47 PM on June 24, 2004

"Objection!"

"O-o-o-O-O-O-O-O-OOOOoooverruled!"

Okay, I'm done. Thanks for this, thatothrgirl. It's truly something you don't see every day...
posted by soyjoy at 12:51 PM on June 24, 2004

He's originally from Iowa, isn't he?
posted by WolfDaddy at 1:03 PM on June 24, 2004

"Man, this cross-examination is taking forever. I think I'll shave my balls."
posted by Armitage Shanks at 1:12 PM on June 24, 2004

Seems to me that we've had this discussion before.

At least he was doing it during a murder case and not a rape case. Even so, I hope he enjoys his new housing and I'm sure none of the other prisoners will remember that he was the one that sentenced him.
posted by fenriq at 1:12 PM on June 24, 2004

Nothing like that happened at the murder trial I was a juror on. What a rip.
posted by kirkaracha at 1:52 PM on June 24, 2004

Oklahoma, where the judge squirts yet another load
And his oily tool can sure smell cool
When the breeze blows gently through his robe.
Oklahoma, Ev'ry day my eager hand and I
Sit in court and stroke while lawyers poke
Another plaintiff in the eye.
I know I belong to my hand
And the hand I belong to is grand!
And when I say
Yeeow! Ayipioeeay!
I'm only sayin'
You're doin' fine, Oklahoma!
Oklahoma O.K.
posted by Opus Dark at 2:02 PM on June 24, 2004

A Supreme Court Dialogue
posted by homunculus at 2:26 PM on June 24, 2004

Okay, OD, that was definitely NOT the song as we were taught it here in grade school. heh
posted by thatothrgirl at 2:47 PM on June 24, 2004

Quack

A Supreme Court Dialogue

Thanks, homunculus. It would really suck to have a lighthearted thread that didn't in some way reference the Bush administration.
posted by pardonyou? at 2:48 PM on June 24, 2004

The details with the pump and the whooshing is an excellent addition to the corpus of judicial hanky panky that easily outdoes last year's masturbating Judge story. Just how boring is it to be a lower court Judge?
posted by meehawl at 3:01 PM on June 24, 2004

It would really suck to have a lighthearted thread that didn't in some way reference the Bush administration.

If we're going to discuss Juris Inprudence, then yes ... yes it would. Would you have been happier had homunculus posted it all up front, or if he'd have titled his first link "Wank"? (All about the same, ya know.)

And that was the perfect Opus, Dark.

I really wanna know, how in the hell could this guy be wanking, and squicking a pump, in front of court full of people, and no one noticed? Or is this one of those societally embarrassing things that allow the real perp to get away because we're all just too damn polite to scream "Drop your dick, pervert! We's got justice goin' on here". Oh wait, you're not allowed to yell that in court? Well that explains a few things ...
posted by Wulfgar! at 3:04 PM on June 24, 2004

I guess I can see where the fantasy goes tho', it's like having sex in a church. Sooooo not right it has to feel good. (alas I'm not guilty of any of those crimes, yet).
posted by Sijeka at 3:12 PM on June 24, 2004

Wank.
posted by homunculus at 3:22 PM on June 24, 2004

Thanks for digging out the old story, meehawl. I knew it was there but didn't have the time to find it.

And yeah, this is funny stuff. Unless you happen to be the defendant in the case, or maybe that's fine to as I can't imagine he didn't get a mistrial.

I can understand the occasional fondle of your goods while working but a penis pump? Come on, he was just asking to get busted for that one.
posted by fenriq at 3:23 PM on June 24, 2004

It would really suck to have a lighthearted thread that didn't in some way reference the Bush administration.

But it already does - the anointed pecker is clearly a stand-in for Ashcroft.
posted by trondant at 3:28 PM on June 24, 2004

The Smoking Gun has photos.

Well, one photo. But I love the twinkle in his eye.

Poor guy, he's already been convicted in the blue.
posted by Nelson at 5:31 PM on June 24, 2004

sixpack: Clearly in violation of the Oklahoma penile code.
There ya go, fixed the typo :)
posted by kaemaril at 6:10 PM on June 24, 2004

If we're going to discuss Juris Inprudence, then yes ... yes it would

Oh, I didn't realize we were "discussing Juris Inprudence." I thought we were having a laugh at an Oklahoma district court judge who got caught whacking off on (under) the bench. Now I see the relevance. My bad!
posted by pardonyou? at 6:51 PM on June 24, 2004

Was that wrong? Because I'm going to have to plead ignorance on this one.
posted by Turd Furguson at 11:25 PM on June 24, 2004

Clearly a former counselor at (NSF) Camp Pump, Lisa Foster, Judge Thompson's court reporter for fifteen years, saw Thompson pump his penis "maybe ten times," and masturabte on a number of occassions.
posted by Izzy at 12:30 AM on June 25, 2004