My Pet Goat: instant classic

July 17, 2004 7:07 AM

"I was stunned by its lyrical beauty and easy cadence. The tempo, the choice of words, and the layout on each page captured my imagination so much that it took me about seven minutes to recover my bearings." Amazon users review My Pet Goat. (via Sadly, No!)
posted by XQUZYPHYR (20 comments total)

hehe!

"Reviewer: President Bush (Washington, D.C.)
That girl's dad said the goat had to go, because he ate too many things. I was scared, and wished Uncle Dick was here. Uncle Dick would know what to do. Then a car robber came, and I was even more scared, because he was going to steal the little girl's dad's car. Then some men came and told me that America was under attack! Fortunately, the goat knew what to do! He butted that robber right in the behind, and sent him flying. I decided right then and there, that that was what I was going to do to the bad men in other countries who do not like the United States! I was happy that the goat stopped that car robber. The little girl's dad was happy, and said the goat could stay and eat all the tin cans he wants! THE END. "

Amazon will probably delete all the reviews soon, like they did with the customer suggestions for Michael Jackson albums referenced in this thread, but it's still a good laugh.
posted by Zonker at 7:20 AM on July 17, 2004

Do the "Was this review helpful to you: Yes/No" buttons seem to an ideological battleground at the moment?

If so that's even more hilariouser.
posted by carter at 7:28 AM on July 17, 2004

my fave:
Reviewer: A reader (Arlington, VA United States)
I used to misunderstimate the value of children's books but I must admit this story (and some of the more difficult words) kept my mind preoccupied. I enjoyed its words and ilusstrash..pictures..so much. I passed my copy on to my friends Rick and John. They both loved it. As a matter of fact, they asked if I could get them some other picture books about dogs and box-turtles. They sure love their animals!
posted by madamjujujive at 7:30 AM on July 17, 2004

They're all great.

Certainly much more interesting than Richard Clarke's memo of August 6, 2001 entitled "Bin Laden Determined to Attack Inside the United States". Why, hell! Clarke didn't include any illustrated pop-ups!

posted by Zonker at 7:37 AM on July 17, 2004

oh boy, hehe. yah, someone needs to save a copy of this before amazon zaps it
posted by t r a c y at 10:05 AM on July 17, 2004

Amazon will probably delete all the reviews soon, like they did with the customer suggestions for Michael Jackson albums referenced in this thread, but it's still a good laugh.

Yeah, but I think a new genre has been spawned. If censorship is indeed the mother of metaphor, reviews of My Pet Goat are only going to get better.

Has anyone read MPG? I remember hearing that the entire 7 minutes of Bush reading MPG were cut from Moore's film. Personally, I would love to see these.
posted by gesamtkunstwerk at 10:28 AM on July 17, 2004

What a wonder the internet is. If any of you would like to hear our pet goat read Our Pet Goat, thePrez'nent's decisive action of the morning of September 11th is available via TV Prague.
posted by gesamtkunstwerk at 10:52 AM on July 17, 2004

The story is compelling, and it's a two-part cliffhanger! No wonder he couldn't break away! (Complete text and some pictures.)
posted by kirkaracha at 11:35 AM on July 17, 2004

Favorite tagline: Steady Readership In Times Of Change
posted by kirkaracha at 11:42 AM on July 17, 2004

Frankly, I think it's obvious that far from being befuddled by the situation, Bush was already deep in cerebral thought; hatching a devious scheme to invade Iraq by using 9/11 as a flimsy pretext. Indeed, my sources on the hill tell me that Sadam's codename was: "My Pet Goat".
posted by RavinDave at 11:42 AM on July 17, 2004

Goats are my favorite ruminants. They ruminate - which the dictionary says means to think, kind of.

So, goats are thoughtful creatures.

Plus, they're social but they don't take any shit, not from anybody. Anyone who gives goats shit gets their ass butted, but good.

Also, they're vegetarians - which is good for the planet and, in a pinch, they're edible too.

Plus, they have those weird eyes. I find goat's eyes compelling, like the lure of the forbidden.

Don't get me wrong. I don't have untoward thoughts about goats.

No ma'am.

Our president likes goats too, I hear.
posted by troutfishing at 11:47 AM on July 17, 2004

On an unrelated note, in the movie gesamtkunstwerk linked to--WHAT THE FUCK?--is that how they teach reading in public schools now, or is it a Florida thing?
posted by Grod at 12:18 PM on July 17, 2004

So, let me see if I understand this: Nero fiddled while Rome burned, Bush read "my pet goat" while the WTC collapsed?
posted by Grod at 12:21 PM on July 17, 2004

Yep ... Nero fiddled. Zero diddled.
posted by RavinDave at 12:29 PM on July 17, 2004

Grod, I thought the same thing. That particular pedagogy could really kill a persons love of reading and intellectual curiosity. I wonder how GW learned to read?
posted by gesamtkunstwerk at 1:39 PM on July 17, 2004

how long before a band takes the name "my pet goat"?
posted by bruceo at 3:14 PM on July 17, 2004

How long before copies of My Pet Goat are selling on eBay for a small fortune? Doh! Too late.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 4:06 PM on July 17, 2004

is that how they teach reading in public schools now?

It's Reading Mastery, according to AskMetaFilter.
posted by kirkaracha at 5:19 PM on July 17, 2004

And I thought the reviews of The Story About Ping were funny, but these take the cake.
posted by chickygrrl at 8:21 PM on July 17, 2004

the story of ping reviews were much more funny, as a whole, i thought. Some of these were good...but pretty easy.
posted by das_2099 at 9:09 AM on July 18, 2004