Its obesity talk time, again.

July 21, 2004 12:56 PM

Its obesity talk time, again."Once the fried dough embodiment of hot and fresh, Krispy Kreme has transformed its original glazed doughnut into a new frozen beverage for summer." You heard that right. A donut drink. The United States is still food innovator #1!
posted by 4midori (61 comments total)

What?! Fuck you clown! That's an Orgy with a straw. I applaud Krispy Kreme for this epiphany Amber-Thiessen of delight.
posted by Stan Chin at 1:01 PM on July 21, 2004

I. Love. This. Country.
posted by jonmc at 1:05 PM on July 21, 2004

“You know doughnut hole – you’ve been around”
What makes crispy cream(sic) doughnuts the better than the others? “hot” out of the oven. So are they now trying to diversify their menu or be the “cold” in doughnuts?
posted by thomcatspike at 1:11 PM on July 21, 2004

Nummy.
posted by Space Coyote at 1:11 PM on July 21, 2004

Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?
posted by bondcliff at 1:19 PM on July 21, 2004

What I want to know is how it goes as a mixer. Would it be better with rum or kahlua? Tuaca maybe?
posted by elwoodwiles at 1:19 PM on July 21, 2004

Has anyone else noticed that the calorie sidebar on the linked page seems flawed? All four drinks have 430 or 440 calories in the 12 oz. versions, but an additional 4 ounces adds 160 or 170 calories to three of the four versions, while adding 220 calories to the original kreme flavor.

Am I missing something?
posted by trharlan at 1:25 PM on July 21, 2004

More importantly, what the fuck is it? Although a McDonald's hamburger probably has more to do with chemistry lab than it does a cow, at least it's masquerading as an actual food product. This, on the other hand, is a "great-tasting frozen blended beverage." I don't even know what that means. Sure, it could be a milkshake, but who knows?

I give it two weeks before we find out that this sucker is made from people.
posted by mmcg at 1:26 PM on July 21, 2004

I'm still waiting for Krispy Kreme Body Lotion.

Wait, what am I saying? I have a blender! I have baby oil!

*whizzes off to Krispy Kreme*
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 1:27 PM on July 21, 2004

I give it two weeks before we find out that this sucker is made from people.

Police Detective Thorn: Soon they'll be breeding us like cattle! You've got to warn everyone and tell them! Soylent Kreme is made of people! You've got to tell them! Soylent Kreme is people!
posted by srboisvert at 1:31 PM on July 21, 2004

You could at least put spoiler tags around that, fucker.
posted by keswick at 1:41 PM on July 21, 2004

This just sounds nasty.
posted by dobbs at 1:42 PM on July 21, 2004

I've heard KK stock is tanking because of the no-carbs fad.

I'd eat a KK donut. Once. I don't think I'd bother eating such unhealthy, nay, poisonous snack a second time. Eating donuts is akin to ritualistic suicide.
posted by five fresh fish at 1:44 PM on July 21, 2004

Krispy Kreme donuts are heavenly fresh out of the fryer. Ummm. I haven't eaten one in a couple years probably. Now, I feel like getting one tonight. Although I'm incredibly suspicious of any of these frozen beverages (corn syprup, water, non-dairy cream), I might even try one just for the novelty.
posted by PigAlien at 1:52 PM on July 21, 2004

Eating donuts is akin to ritualistic suicide

Only the hyperbole-filled ones.

I think the best outcome of this venture for Krispy Kreme would be if the "better mousetrap" were to be replaced by "drinkable donut", thus changing the world of pablum forever.
posted by ulotrichous at 1:54 PM on July 21, 2004

Frozen donut drink? Just thinking about it makes me nauseated. I don't see what it's got to do with obesity, other than 4midori trying to stir up shit. Does anyone of any weight find this drink appealing? I like a KK once in a while, but drinking it? I'm not exaggerating about the nausea... I really, actually feel like puking right now.
posted by Shoeburyness at 2:03 PM on July 21, 2004

Eating donuts is akin to ritualistic suicide.

God bless cultural diversity. Sweet, sweet cultural diversity. *gurgle*
posted by keswick at 2:11 PM on July 21, 2004

Eating donuts is akin to ritualistic suicide.

I thought that you were canadian. How can you talk like that without fear of retribution from your neighbors? Do you hate lager, too?
posted by Mayor Curley at 2:22 PM on July 21, 2004

Subtle plot by terrorists to make Americans too fat and happy to resist.
posted by theora55 at 2:26 PM on July 21, 2004

sounds even more disgusting than the fried mars bar.
posted by t r a c y at 2:32 PM on July 21, 2004

Does anyone of any weight find this drink appealing?

Oh, sweet jesus yes.

And if you don't like the fried candy bars, well, I guess there's really nothing futher I can say to you.
posted by majcher at 2:37 PM on July 21, 2004

hmm, this looks like it might have a shot at being even more repulsive than Tim Hortons' "Iced Cappucino". Or maybe not. Part of the reason I detest that hyper-sweet sludge from Tim's is because I ordered it with the naive expectation of getting something approximately like iced cappucino. At least you know what to expect when you order a liquid donut.
posted by sfenders at 2:44 PM on July 21, 2004

Whatever happened to Pepsi Blue, anyway?
posted by strangeleftydoublethink at 2:46 PM on July 21, 2004

Surely I am not alone in my suspicion that this frosty libation is INCREDIBLY DELICIOUS AND PLEASING TO THE PALATE IN EVERY POSSIBLE WAY?*

(By the way, MooLatte, anyone?)

*Krispy Kreme representatives: please see my profile for contact and acceptable payment methods
posted by _sirmissalot_ at 2:53 PM on July 21, 2004

The only way it would taste like their doughnuts would be if they used lard in these drinks too--ugh.
posted by amberglow at 3:07 PM on July 21, 2004

U.S. #1?

Scotland: Fried Mars Bars
Ukraine: Chocolate covered pork fat
Tibet: Butter tea (a warm drink of butter and milk)

... the donut drink is up there though. I sooo want to try it, will have to eat tofu and rice for the next few days to clean my system but this sounds good.
posted by bobo123 at 3:08 PM on July 21, 2004

This is an attempt for the current administration to orchestrate a way to slowly but surely kill off the nation's pot smokers. I'm waiting for the Fark headline on the first overdose on this by stoned college students betting against each other.
posted by geoff. at 3:35 PM on July 21, 2004

couldn't you save some money by just putting a donut in a blender with some water and freezing it?
posted by pyramid termite at 3:37 PM on July 21, 2004

Eating donuts is akin to ritualistic suicide.

make note: fff has no soul. possible communist.
posted by jonmc at 3:44 PM on July 21, 2004

God Krispy Kreme is just one block away from me and I'm on day 2 of some stupid liver cleansing.
posted by oh posey at 3:53 PM on July 21, 2004

pyramid, i think it would be a donut, extra sugar, some of that glaze they use, some coffee and some milk, and shaved or crushed ice.
posted by amberglow at 3:59 PM on July 21, 2004

How about some nice Chocolate Pork Fat with your glass of liquid doughnut.
posted by monkeyboy_socal at 4:04 PM on July 21, 2004

If they're trying for healthy, why didn't they opt for a doughnut smoothie? That way they could throw in boosters! Imagine a doughnut with a protein boost, or an energy boost or a shot of wheatgrass.

That having been said, I want nothing to do with these drinks.
posted by Salmonberry at 4:10 PM on July 21, 2004

Come friday, I may buy me a fried candy bar and wash it down with a large one of these bad boys. Just to prove I can. Followed by a double Maker's on the rocks to coat everything in a nice glaze.


God Bless America.
posted by jonmc at 4:12 PM on July 21, 2004

Molson's lager is horsepiss: I drink dark ales.

I eat a Tim Horton's doughnut perhaps twice a year. They are not particularly good.

But I'm a bit of a freak when it comes to diet: I generally don't drink soda, eat potato chips or other junk food, or have dessert. I eat vegetables and fruit every day, don't eat much meat, drink only one coffee a day, and if I imbibe, it's usually home-brew red wine unless I'm at a pub, in which case it's usually a dark ale. (And pubs are where my dietary habits do break down: greasy deepfried appetizers are my weakness. Good thing I rarely go.)

I'm sure some people recoil in horror at this diet. It's so healthy, it must be awful!

I assure you, I eat very well. My wife and I are both excellent cooks. Almost everything we eat is made from scratch, and almost everything we prepare is better than that available from a restaurant. We eat healthy, but we also eat delicious.
posted by five fresh fish at 4:14 PM on July 21, 2004

This is an attempt for the current administration to orchestrate a way to slowly but surely kill off the nation's pot smokers. I'm waiting for the Fark headline on the first overdose on this by stoned college students betting against each other.

I dunno. Making dumb wagers with your friends is more of a drunk thing. If you're stoned and can motivate yourself to get to a Krispy Kreme, it's a success for everybody involved.

I'm sort of with fff on this one, in that you'd be surprised at the difference a healthy diet can make, i think. I've lost 40 pounds on a "high protein, low carbs, low fat, moderate exercise, occasional fruits and vegetables, and drink as much as you want" diet. And sometimes I eat crap food when I'm drunk or high.

But I find I don't really miss sweets or fats anymore. And if I ever really learned to cook, it would be awesome.
posted by nath at 4:32 PM on July 21, 2004

This whole carbs thing has to stop. Three years ago that sidebar would have had "grams of fat" in it. Three years from now, it will be protein or some fucking nonsense. Jesus Christ, we've been walking around this planet for tens of thousands of years and somehow managed how to stay thin and healthy without some sneak attack on our metabolism orchestrated by one doctor, eight million ad execs and a terrorized populace.
posted by jon_kill at 4:49 PM on July 21, 2004

This whole carbs thing has to stop.
I know--it's weird--the vast majority of people in the world eat carbs with every meal, almost (Asians), yet they're not worried. Everyone i work with is either on Atkins, or tried it and gave up because they felt too deprived.
posted by amberglow at 4:53 PM on July 21, 2004

/me sheds tear from eye, waves flag.
posted by Stynxno at 5:06 PM on July 21, 2004

What hath God wrought?

I love this country.
posted by DaShiv at 5:16 PM on July 21, 2004

Eating donuts is akin to ritualistic suicide.

I thought that you were canadian. How can you talk like that without fear of retribution from your neighbors? Do you hate lager, too?

FFF is probably atypical, Mayor Curley. Canada has more donut shops per capita than any other country in the world. The little town in southwestern Ontario where I went to high school had a population of 5,000 and two thriving donut shops.

I can't remember the last time I had a donut either though - it's been at least a year. I suspect other Canadians must be picking up our slack, such as a former roommate of mine who used to eat an entire dozen at one sitting when she was feeling depressed about being single.

My dad, a trucker who is Tim's biggest fan (for the coffee, not for the donuts), told me that one time he was standing in a phone booth and happened to see a pigeon stroll up to a dutchie someone had dropped on the ground. The bird took two pecks and flew away immediately. The lesson there is... um.... don't litter.
posted by orange swan at 6:19 PM on July 21, 2004

I've never had a Krispy Kreme donut, but I wouldn't mind having one sometime. I might even try the donut drink if it doesn't look too revolting in person. True hedonism shortens life, but true ascetism makes life seem too long.
posted by orange swan at 6:23 PM on July 21, 2004

Like jon_kill said - I couldn't believe it listed carbs, and not fat. A doughnut drink? You should probably be worrying about the insane amount of fat it's bound to have, not the carbs...

I like to eat a mix of healthy and junk, but this? This is not appealing. A good chocolate glaze from Tim's though? Nice...
posted by livii at 7:41 PM on July 21, 2004

orange swan, I tried a Krispy Kreme on my last foray into the US, ate it warm, and was underwhelmed. I think the delights were oversold to me. It's just a damn donut.

These drinks were made for the jonmc's of the world, and he knows how to use them properly. I say don't listen to the cowards like me, brave junk food eaters! Go forth and masticate!

just let me try a sip, ok?
posted by Salmonberry at 7:54 PM on July 21, 2004

I won't let you down, ma'am.
posted by jonmc at 8:01 PM on July 21, 2004

there's a better alternative to Krispy Kremes anyway--Beard Papa! (cream puffs--they're out of this world)
posted by amberglow at 8:03 PM on July 21, 2004

orange swan - no, true asceticism merely kills wordly desire.

Then, everything is different - then, those infinite connections which tie all things together are perceived through a much thinner lens of self interested distortion.

This, I've seen - but only in glimpses.
posted by troutfishing at 8:05 PM on July 21, 2004

there's a better alternative to Krispy Kremes anyway--Beard Papa!

Not to mention Doughnut Plant down on Grand Street, home of the best doughnuts in the world. But Krispy Kreme is still pretty damned good.
posted by jonmc at 8:14 PM on July 21, 2004

A good chocolate glaze from Tim's though? Nice...

Thing of it is, though, they are not nice. If you ever get the chance to have a real donut, you'll soon realize that Tim's is to donuts what home-grown tomatoes are to store-bought tomatoes.
posted by five fresh fish at 8:54 PM on July 21, 2004

I think the delights were oversold to me. It's just a damn donut.

Absolutely. The rest of it is mere gluttony masquerading as brand enthusiasm, as if Krispy Kreme were the fucking Apple Computer of snack foods or something.
posted by scarabic at 12:36 AM on July 22, 2004

scarabic: I'd think that too, except my girlfriend went on holiday to America, having never heard any branding/advertising/raving about Krispy Kremes, and came back saying she loved the things. Then again, we both think McDonalds cheeseburgers are edible (once you remove that icky green thing), which seems to be an unpopular opinion.

Anyway, Krispy Kreme is taking over the world...
posted by reklaw at 1:45 AM on July 22, 2004

I have never had a Krispy Kreme donut. For this reason if no other, I should be barred from criticizing America.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 2:18 AM on July 22, 2004

you'll soon realize that Tim's is to donuts what home-grown tomatoes are to store-bought tomatoes.

Quick, everybody over to Tim's before he realizes what he said.
posted by rory at 3:39 AM on July 22, 2004

jsut because its there doesn't mean you have to eat it
posted by monkeyJuice at 4:00 AM on July 22, 2004

Jesus Friggin' Christ !

Krispy Kreme has killed my new business model !

Bastards.

I was going to call it "Lard-Ville".........
posted by troutfishing at 4:59 AM on July 22, 2004

Can't we ge Marcella Hazan to review this tasty new beverage for us ?
posted by troutfishing at 5:11 AM on July 22, 2004

Anyway, Krispy Kreme is taking over the world...

It's too late, they're already here...
posted by dmt at 5:40 AM on July 22, 2004

Is it wrong, nay a sin, that I like doughnuts from my local bakery better than the KK doughtnuts?
posted by benjh at 6:29 AM on July 22, 2004

Krispy Kremes are a lot sweeter than Timmy's, they use the sweeter fructose rather than sucrose. Kremes are too sweet for me---even a bite or two is too much. Kremes are also way higher in fat: 25% versus 15% for a Tim's donut.
Source: Globe and Mail (uname/pw: pablo909/pablo909)

Besides, everyone knows that Tim Horton's is all about the extra-large double-doubles, not the donuts.

Also: Hamilton? I think they have a bylaw or something that a Tim Horton's can be no more than 100m walking distance. We used to do Tim crawls in university on the way home after a hard night downtown.
posted by bonehead at 7:04 AM on July 22, 2004

Hamilton, Ontario definitely had to be mentioned in this thread. I think I read/heard somewhere that Hamilton has more donut shops per capital than any municipality in the world. But I couldn't find evidence on the net, so I did not mention it.
posted by orange swan at 7:50 AM on July 22, 2004

eeeek! other way around! Tim's is not real tomatoes!
posted by five fresh fish at 10:16 AM on July 22, 2004