poor laura

September 23, 2004 3:51 AM

"Just to let you know, this is revolutionary... I think this is the first time this has ever been done over PowerPoint..."
posted by reklaw (39 comments total)

Sort of an extention of the ultimate diss, not hand-writing a dear John letter.

Awesome.
posted by Space Coyote at 4:04 AM on September 23, 2004

this would have changed my life in highschool
posted by jmgorman at 4:23 AM on September 23, 2004

it's perfect, just prefect
posted by quarsan at 4:41 AM on September 23, 2004

I wonder which Western he is talking about. I suspect The University of Western Ontario.
posted by srboisvert at 4:47 AM on September 23, 2004

Crafting a Dear John/Jane letter with a view toward publication is an interesting new trend (and of course invites the question, "Is this real?"). Here's an Accordian Guy blog entry from July that offers a hypothetical PowerPoint breakup and theorizes that soon "social software will provide us with new paradigms for breakups". Dear John, via Orkut.
posted by taz at 4:48 AM on September 23, 2004

If I got this thing from an SO, I wouldn't get past the first page. Hey may have some very real grievances, but this is just so cowardly and petty. I wonder if it's real. And if it's real, I wonder if he didn't write this mostly for himself, or for us... With regards to "social software" breakups, I bet a bunch have been done in MMORPGs...
posted by kahboom at 5:29 AM on September 23, 2004

I wonder which Western he is talking about. I suspect The University of Western Ontario.

It seems to be Western Michigan.
posted by Zurishaddai at 5:53 AM on September 23, 2004

Damn, it's no more or less cowardly than a "Dear John" letter...the first girlfriend I ever had dumped me with one of those, which she slipped into my luggage before I caught the train back home from a weekend visiting her.

Still, the lack of handwriting does make it colder. But it's got a long way to go before it approaches Newt Gingrich divorcing his sick wife by fax. Now, that's cold.
posted by The Card Cheat at 6:09 AM on September 23, 2004

And what the heck...she may or may not be as bad as he makes her out to be, but he's saving them both the trouble of breaking up at Thanksgiving of their first year of university, like most high school couples.
posted by The Card Cheat at 6:12 AM on September 23, 2004

Just to let you know, this is revolutionary -- er, I mean, narcissistic and cowardly.

No more or less cold? Gizzabreak. This is some dipshit thinking he's clever. And in the process he's equated severing emotional commitments to a business decision. This is calculated to be as cold as he can make it, without overt cruelty. This creep replaces the picture next to "passive aggressive" in the dictionary.

The big thing to remember about "dear [john/jane]" letters is that they're nearly always written to rationalize the hurt you think you're causing to the other party. And, well, sometimes -- OK, well, a lot of the time -- to actually cause hurt. This one was plainly "written" to cause hurt.

Anyway, Powerpoint is one of the greater sins committed against human communication. And it's crappy software, too, which of course makes it that much more of an insult to humanity..
posted by lodurr at 6:24 AM on September 23, 2004

Funny how his anger went up "After Laura".

Still, and I realize I'm completely jumping to conclusions here, but from his "defense" he sounded a bit pussy-whipped. It's one thing to be nice and helpful, it's another to be a doormat. To quote Ferris Bueller, "You can't respect someone who kisses your ass. You just can't do it."
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 6:31 AM on September 23, 2004

As soon as you get a little mad at me you’re aloud [sic] to “hang out” with other guys who you’re “friends with”????

Does this "grievance" stick in anyone else's craw? It makes him sound like a control freak — which, granted, jibes with the whole PowerPoint aspect of things.

I'm having trouble believing that anyone would do this for real, but there are more things on heaven and earth u.s.w.
posted by Johnny Assay at 6:45 AM on September 23, 2004

I dunno, from the female viewpoint, I see this as him blowing off the steam that's been building up from a relationship with a self-centered princess.

Most of the teenagers I know are just that, self-centered. No thought of others could possibly enter their minds. Always "What will this do for ME?"

Not knowing either him or 'poor Laura' I certainly can't point a finger and say "It's her fault".

Sign-o-the-times, Dear John/Jane letters have always been around. This is just the next iteration.
posted by kamylyon at 7:07 AM on September 23, 2004

As high-tech breakups go, this is actually pretty obsolete.
posted by The Card Cheat at 7:30 AM on September 23, 2004

Still, the lack of handwriting does make it colder. But it's got a long way to go before it approaches Newt Gingrich divorcing his sick wife by fax. Now, that's cold.

While divorcing your wife via SMS text message would be the 0-degrees Kelvin approach to breaking up.
posted by bl1nk at 7:30 AM on September 23, 2004

I personally was waiting for the last slide to be "WILL YOU MARRY ME?"
posted by byort at 7:36 AM on September 23, 2004

The coldest thing about it is that he used the default template. She's a lucky girl.
posted by bondcliff at 7:36 AM on September 23, 2004

When you think of Laura...laugh! Don't cry. I know she'd want it that way.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 7:40 AM on September 23, 2004

I'm just wondering if this is the same person who created the powerpoint?
posted by seanyboy at 8:25 AM on September 23, 2004

Laura's a bitch.
posted by sharpener at 8:39 AM on September 23, 2004

The most cowardly part of this is also the part that makes me the most skeptical about its legitimacy - he used her full name and then posted it.

I wouldn't be surprised if it was this Western, the whole thing is very junior high school.
posted by geekyguy at 8:39 AM on September 23, 2004

Inspired by this?
posted by O9scar at 9:05 AM on September 23, 2004

Personally I find his choice of PowerPoint template baffling.

Everybody knows you use "Fireball" for breakup messages. "Pulse" is best reserved for marriage proposals.

Interesting use of pie charts, though.
posted by filmgoerjuan at 9:26 AM on September 23, 2004

I don't want to toot my own horn or anything, but I figured out what "The Verdict" was by, like, the fourth or fifth slide.
posted by soyjoy at 9:27 AM on September 23, 2004

"he broke up with you on a post-it note?!"
posted by eatdonuts at 9:40 AM on September 23, 2004

I appreciate how all the points are presented in bullets without any other words around them, so I know they are points.
posted by Peter H at 9:45 AM on September 23, 2004

Damn. When I went to Western, the only thing we had in the residence halls was OpenVMS. I doubt Laura would have known how to use Kermit to retrieve the ppt file. (Now they have campus-wide WiFi, the bastards.)
posted by Hankins at 9:56 AM on September 23, 2004

Seems to me that Laura had a lucky escape here - this dude actually chose to use PowerPoint! I mean being forced to use it is one thing, but...

Oh, when the link opened in my browser, the Outline opened up next to it, which kind of killed the one ounce of suspense that this may have had :-/
posted by DrDoberman at 10:18 AM on September 23, 2004

Please note that since meeting you I've had some absolutely ingenious ideas!!

Like breaking up with you in PowerPoint!

Oh, cruel irony.
posted by turaho at 11:05 AM on September 23, 2004

...so let me help you remember,
I've made charts and graphs that should finally make it clear.
I've prepared a lecture on why I have to leave.
posted by mragreeable at 12:15 PM on September 23, 2004

You beat me to it, mragreeable.

There's a certain type of girl that's so self-centered and volatile that you've got to break your grievences down into cold, fast points to have any chance that they'll possibly be heard and thought about. I probably could've used some charts.
posted by skyline at 1:10 PM on September 23, 2004

Guy's a spineless jellyfish of a wuss. I bet she beat him up after she saw it.
posted by terrapin at 1:38 PM on September 23, 2004

Loser. Anyone with any class would've used Keynote. If you're going to break up with someone, the least you can do is give them anti-aliased text, alpha-channeled graphics, and smooth, 3d...er... transitions.
posted by stonerose at 3:02 PM on September 23, 2004

Western students: breaking new ground! Warms my heart as a 'zoo native.

They should run a shot of this during one of those cheesy "why you should come to Western" commercials they put on during televised football games.
posted by rkent at 3:05 PM on September 23, 2004

I think the real losers are those who think this is what it appears to be. All of you: go apply to work at CBS News.
posted by ParisParamus at 3:06 PM on September 23, 2004

O9scar, Thank you! I've been hoping one day this article would surface.
You wouldn't happen to have the morning-after burrito from Taco Bell article would you??
posted by Lizc at 3:33 PM on September 23, 2004

There's this, sadly sans funny info-graphic.
posted by O9scar at 7:29 PM on September 23, 2004

I wonder how Edward Tufte or David Byrne would work with this?
posted by srboisvert at 7:52 PM on September 23, 2004

Is it worth looking at, or is it likely to be another stupid marketing trick/hoax?
posted by krisjohn at 9:38 PM on September 23, 2004