Creme de Men

September 23, 2004 10:50 AM

Milkmen. "David could do it simply through suggestion. He began telling himself that he would lactate, and within a week, one of his breasts swelled up and milk began dripping out." (SFW, but not for my sense of genetic order)
posted by adamms222 (31 comments total)

Damn! I saw a woman with four boobs on Dr. 90210 last night and thought that was bizarre.

Its kind of neat and all but, as a new dad with a 12 week old, there's not much chance I want to breastfeed my son. He's going to have some other issues growing up, I'm sure, and doesn't need this added on to them.

I feel like I need to go take a shower now. Interesting post but damn!
posted by fenriq at 11:02 AM on September 23, 2004

posted by brownpau at 11:22 AM on September 23, 2004

girly boys.
posted by nofundy at 11:39 AM on September 23, 2004

I'd heard this was possible.

Yes, many things are possible :

".....There were loads of sadhus, many looking like they'd arisen out of Asia's ancient and magical past. Some were performing penances, writing the names of the Hindu gods in endless repetition, or standing on one leg, covered head to toe with the gray ash of recent cremation pyres. Try as I might, I couldn't find the most famous one of all: the notorious "Penis sadhu," who draws huge crowds by hefting a huge stack of bricks with that oft celebrated appendage. " (Maybe SFW - Google cache of Salon article)
posted by troutfishing at 11:46 AM on September 23, 2004

Yeah, last week I grew a penis and ejaculated USING ONLY THE POWER OF MY MIND.

I got better.
posted by LittleMissCranky at 11:53 AM on September 23, 2004

The scariest thing about this post is the domain name.
posted by jokeefe at 12:29 PM on September 23, 2004

Well, now that he's done that, he can go make me a sandwich and grab me a beer.
posted by jonmc at 12:30 PM on September 23, 2004

Some men struggle to solve world hunger, others, um, don't.
posted by tommasz at 12:34 PM on September 23, 2004

Sorry, all I can think of when reading this is the Dana Carvey Show.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 12:42 PM on September 23, 2004

I can lactate somewhere else.
posted by Peter H at 1:25 PM on September 23, 2004

To Hell with it. I'd rather go to the supermarket and just spend the damn eighty-nine cents.
posted by Smart Dalek at 1:25 PM on September 23, 2004

With or without thinking about it.
posted by Peter H at 1:25 PM on September 23, 2004

ha, dammit, Smart Dalek cut my joke in half.
posted by Peter H at 1:28 PM on September 23, 2004

jonmc wins.
posted by glenwood at 1:33 PM on September 23, 2004

Very interesting read. I highly recommend taking a look at the birth erotica page - having orgasms throughout labor is something that honestly had never occurred to me.
posted by widdershins at 2:00 PM on September 23, 2004

jonmc wins.

Are there really winners and losers in male lactation?
posted by Peter H at 2:03 PM on September 23, 2004

Yes. The losers, I fear, are the poor sods who develop male breast cancer.
posted by scarabic at 2:13 PM on September 23, 2004

And the winners.... um, I guess those are the guys who get so much nipple play in the sack that their aeroles resemble a map of Italy. Some chicks dig the man milk.
posted by scarabic at 2:15 PM on September 23, 2004

I don't know what bothers me more, the idea or the site design.
posted by Grod at 2:48 PM on September 23, 2004

scarabic, thank you for utterly grossing me out.
posted by fenriq at 3:02 PM on September 23, 2004

Somewhere little Baby Jesus is crying lactating.
posted by car_bomb at 3:07 PM on September 23, 2004

I can't wait until we can get some EXTREME LACTATION!
posted by betaray at 3:53 PM on September 23, 2004

If I were to call this perverse, would that make me lactose intolerant ?

Just wondering, that's all.
posted by troutfishing at 4:50 PM on September 23, 2004

Seriously, WHY would I want to willingly give up my only excuse to sleep thru those endless feeding nights?! Though, this is fascinating. (my first thought was snopes...)
posted by BrodieShadeTree at 5:11 PM on September 23, 2004

Am I a prude? Male breast feeding doesn't bother me but the idea of un-assisted childbirth does. I'm certainly not against competent midwives, but the idea of unassisted seems dogmatic to me. What is the benefit of not having someone who has birthed/ given birth to a baby before?
posted by gesamtkunstwerk at 6:12 PM on September 23, 2004

*shudder*
posted by FormlessOne at 6:35 PM on September 23, 2004

Wow.

Imagine the uproar this will cause as soon as the homophobic figure out that a couple gays can nurse a newborn... gonna be way interesting should anyone invent a truly "testtube baby" -- one that goes 9 months in an artificial womb.
posted by five fresh fish at 7:36 PM on September 23, 2004

brings a whole new world to the preferential phrase "he's a tit man"
posted by Peter H at 7:39 PM on September 23, 2004

Male lactation in humans is rare, but not unknown. Discover magazine did a reasonably complete review of the subject a few years ago. It most commonly occurs during treatment involving hormone-impersonating drugs. Some lactating "males" may be intersexed (Klinefelter's syndrome or exposure of XY to high levels of pseudo-estrogeneous chemicals in utero may be involved here) or suffer from hormone insensitivity mutations. Stimulating male nipples to produce secretions is actually quite well-developed fetish with group activity, and can be found as an option on many BDSM websites. The location of these and an examination of the social practices and behaviours there is left as an exercise for the reader.
posted by meehawl at 8:08 PM on September 23, 2004

I would think the baby would hate to have hair in its milk.
posted by Dagobert at 4:39 AM on September 24, 2004

(Human ) babies take what they can get and, usually only later, construct resentments.
posted by troutfishing at 6:35 PM on September 26, 2004