John Kerry throws like a girl

September 29, 2004 11:49 AM

The evidence is compelling:John Kerry responds to George Bush's GOP acceptance speech with the following opening remarks: "I'll tell you what happened tonight that will be remembered. The Boston Red Sox moved to within 2.5 games of the New York Yankees."

At the time of Kerry's speech, however, the Red Sox had not moved up in the standings. While they won that night, so did the Yankees, and the Sox remained 3.5 games back.

And John Kerry accuses Bush of misleading the American people?
posted by loquax (45 comments total)

I call shenanigans.
posted by ColdChef at 11:55 AM on September 29, 2004

Robert Stanfield Syndrome?
posted by orange swan at 11:56 AM on September 29, 2004

Arggh...is it November 2 yet?
posted by ChrisTN at 11:59 AM on September 29, 2004

Well, at least the linked site gave me a laugh. It was a "This country sure does have a surplus of idiots" kinda laugh, but it was a laugh.
posted by GeekAnimator at 12:05 PM on September 29, 2004

I'm (fairly) sure the whole thing is a joke, despite their being a registered 527 group. If not, those photos are still kind of funny.
posted by loquax at 12:09 PM on September 29, 2004

After viewing those photos, there's no way I would vote for that man. (If I were American.)
posted by Turtles all the way down at 12:18 PM on September 29, 2004

I thought it was a joke too, but this Slate article on the group seems to take them seriously.
posted by mathowie at 12:18 PM on September 29, 2004

haha, those pictures are classic.
posted by bob sarabia at 12:21 PM on September 29, 2004

Yay football. And now a long-overdue halftime tribute to halftime itself.

De-fense! Ugh ugh! De-fense! Ugh ugh!
posted by petebest at 12:25 PM on September 29, 2004

John Kerry says he enjoys hunting doves.... "You clean them. Let them hang. It takes three or four birds to have a meal. You might eat it at a picnic, cold roasted. I love dove." Any dove hunter knows that you don't "hang" dove (unless they've commited felony murder).
When skinning an animal you often hang it during the process. Maybe he hangs his dove while cleaning them, then allows them to keep hanging before cooking them. Some people like their meat aged.

At the time of Kerry's speech, however, the Red Sox had not moved up in the standings. While they won that night, so did the Yankees, and the Sox remained 3.5 games back.
If he said this while the the Yankees were still playing their game, then the Red Sox win in the standings would count as one or a half game up?
posted by thomcatspike at 12:27 PM on September 29, 2004

"Kerry's got a rubber arm!"

*giggle*

*swigs MD 20/20 from the bottle*

*passes out*
posted by mr_crash_davis at 12:31 PM on September 29, 2004

I thought it was a joke too, but this Slate article on the group seems to take them seriously.

It's a joke, but they're pretending to be serious about it to milk the publicity and possibly get their names mentioned by news sources (Slate) who should know better.
posted by dhoyt at 12:37 PM on September 29, 2004

John Kerry throws a football like a girl.

This is easy playing referee for this site.
Foul, John raised two girls.
posted by thomcatspike at 12:37 PM on September 29, 2004

Ok, no more democracy until you learn how to use it.
posted by solistrato at 12:38 PM on September 29, 2004

I'm offended that Kerry would mislead Red Sox fans like that. Everyone knows it's cruel to mess with the handicapped.
posted by jonmc at 12:40 PM on September 29, 2004

This is silly, yet still, you have to wonder, why would he say such a thing. Certainly makes him more of a girlieman...
posted by ParisParamus at 12:44 PM on September 29, 2004

(pisses on ParisParamus' viagra flakes)
posted by hackly_fracture at 12:48 PM on September 29, 2004

Bush sucker-punches a rugby opponent at Yale
posted by thomcatspike at 12:49 PM on September 29, 2004

Nothing to see here, ParisParamus. Move along...
posted by deanc at 12:50 PM on September 29, 2004

Certainly makes him more of a girlieman...

Bush. Cheerleader.

He also can't stay on a bike. What kind of grown up human being can't stay on a bike, let alone some paragon of manliness?
posted by Space Coyote at 12:51 PM on September 29, 2004

Jesus Christ... 10 bucks this is the lead story on NBC, ABC and CBS tonight.
posted by SweetJesus at 1:00 PM on September 29, 2004

In the interests of non-partisanism: Alien-abductee blogger for truth and New York Nightclub Veterans for Truth.
posted by loquax at 1:07 PM on September 29, 2004

He also can't stay on a bike. What kind of grown up human being can't stay on a bike, let alone some paragon of manliness?

Didn't George W manage to fall off a Segway as well?
posted by Stuart_R at 1:09 PM on September 29, 2004

THAT LYING LIAR AND THE LIES HE TELLS!

Damn that Dubya for making me vote for Kerry. Kerry's obviously a fop, a fogey, only one step (okay, maybe a few steps) above Dubya himself. If it weren't for this whole "lesser of two evils" thing I might be able to finally yank my vote away from the two party system, which is rotten like a fermented apple full of drunken worms.

Bush. Cheerleader.

I'm sorry, but this defies all logic. Tough-guy macho warhawk Christian right-winger presidents ARE NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE BEEN CHEERLEADERS! And don't tell me he did it to meet women. The man ain't that smart.
posted by Shane at 1:16 PM on September 29, 2004

Ok the Ed Yost thing is really funny.

As is this site.
posted by xmutex at 1:28 PM on September 29, 2004

orange swan: Robert Stanfield Syndrome?

I'd forgotten about that. It actually had a pretty serious impact on his Prime Ministerial campaign against Trudeau.

"In the 1974 election, a photographer snapped a picture of Stanfield fumbling a football on an airport tarmac. It served to depict him as clumsy and inept, despite the fact he had been firing perfect spirals to a reporter for several minutes before the errant toss came his way."

And stop the presses! GWB throws like a girl too!
posted by loquax at 1:40 PM on September 29, 2004

He also can't stay on a bike.

Yeah, for a "sober" guy he sure falls over a lot. Seems to have an awful lot of problems handling those tricky pretzels too.
posted by clevershark at 1:40 PM on September 29, 2004

and the pretz . . oh . . yeah that.
posted by petebest at 1:45 PM on September 29, 2004

thomcatspike, that freerepublic pic is pretty good, the comments below it are pretty awful. Some of those people make me wish that there were two USA's. They can stay on their hate fueled side and let people who don't desire to live on unmitigated hate do what they want on the other side.

Can we please just get the fucking election over with and get Bush out and get on with our lives?

loquax, is that Uncle Fester next to Bush in that pic? Oh wait, nope, just old drunk driving Jeff Garcia. Maybe Bush and Jeff were trading secrets on how to get out of a DUI?
posted by fenriq at 2:18 PM on September 29, 2004

Space Coyote, how many time are you going to comment on Bush’s bike incident? If you keep repeating it, I’m implied to think you're drinking while posting:)

the difference between how Senator Kerry handled his fall from the bike versus the President’s fall is quite telling. Kerry (who looks so out of his element on a bike) says he hit a sand patch on the road. After he fell, he took the bike to the shop and went home. President Bush, after his fall while mountain biking—which many would have to agree is a bit more challenging and not as “smooth sailing” as a casual bike ride—got cleaned up and declined to a ride back to house, and finished the last mile of his 17-mile ride.
posted by thomcatspike at 2:29 PM on September 29, 2004

while mountain biking
Thought it was a dirt trail in the Texas' "hill country"?
posted by thomcatspike at 2:32 PM on September 29, 2004

C'mon, fenriq, if you posted a 0.0 QB rating you'd be drunk driving too.
posted by xmutex at 2:38 PM on September 29, 2004

I, as a biker, am tired of all the criticism W gets for falling during mountain biking. Its not that difficult to do-Ask any mtn biker.
posted by neilkod at 2:40 PM on September 29, 2004

the difference between how Senator Kerry handled his fall from the bike versus the President’s fall is quite telling. Kerry (who looks so out of his element on a bike) says he hit a sand patch on the road. After he fell, he took the bike to the shop and went home

That's completely subjective bullshit. If the author saw the pictures of Kerry and Bush in the NY Times, he would have noted how unprepared and clumsy Bush looked on his bike (no gloves, no helmet, sneakers, and big baggy shorts) and how relaxed and confident Kerry looked on his. Also, anyone who knows anything about road bikes knows that sometimes you can crack your frame or damage a rim when you take a spill (less likely on a mountain bike, which is made for such things), and getting back on it and riding it will make it worse.

I know this post was intended to be humorous, but when you get a bunch of fuckwad couch potatos commenting on athletics with which they have no familiarity to make hack political points, it pisses me off. Btw, Kerry was varsity hockey and soccer (all Ivy and all American, I think) at Yale, where Bush managed JV baseball. He didn't even letter in cheerleading, as I recall.
posted by psmealey at 2:40 PM on September 29, 2004

Btw, I think the whole thing about criticizing Bush for falling on his bike is ridiculous too. I just get a bit frustrated with how effectively Karl Rove et al have been able to play up the W macho factor (when he is clearly a privileged nancy boy that still hasn't done an honest day's work in his life), and feminize John Kerry, who by practically everyone's account was an athletic bad ass, and aggressive soldier in Vietnam.

None of these things should be positive or negative factors in convincing voters whom they should vote for, but it's just another example of where the hype simply doesn't match the reality.
posted by psmealey at 2:50 PM on September 29, 2004

Uh, those pictures actually show him exhibiting proper form.

If he throws and catches like a girl, he throws like a girl who knows how to throw and catch a football.

What I'm seeing here is another compliment disguised as an insult. It's third-grade playground stuff, and the fact that it's being repeated by the other kids in the schoolyard tells me that maybe we all need to put our heads on our desks after recess until we can act a little more properly toward our fellow classmates.


And falling off a mountain bike is easy... when you're on a mountain. On flat ground, a two-wheeler should be as easy (or in George's case, as difficult) as walking.
posted by chicobangs at 2:51 PM on September 29, 2004

xmutex, that's right, I'd forgotten about that. He had a perfect game this last weekend! Woot!

Lucky he doesn't live nearby anymore or I'd have been scared to drive home that night.

It is indeed easy to wipe out on a bike, usually there needs to be some other factor, like sand, wet leaves or gravel or something but its possible to just fall. That said, who cares?

Throw like a boy, throw like a girl, hell throw like an epileptic amputee for all I care. I want a leader who's not going to bury us in debt and a war that he dumped us in without even the slightest hint of a viable exit strategy while Osama roams free (yeah, I know he's not roaming free but he sure ain't caught, is he?).
posted by fenriq at 3:08 PM on September 29, 2004

thomcatspike, I take a licence to be repetitive when responding to PPs repetitive posts about kerry windsurfing, etc.,

Also, Bush is an asshat.

In addition: Bush? Asshat.
posted by Space Coyote at 3:10 PM on September 29, 2004

Well, as I write, the Red Sox finally are 2.5 games behind the Yankees. And they've clinched the wildcard. Which means the A's had better watch out and actually win the West. Let's go Oakland!
posted by Zurishaddai at 3:22 PM on September 29, 2004

I'm as scared by the prospect of a John Kerry presidency as I was of a Ronald Reagan presidency. The difference is that I'm no longer 18 and so naive about the world.

What's your excuse?
posted by ParisParamus at 3:42 PM on September 29, 2004

I've seen pictures of Tom Brady throwing like a girl. 'Hasn't stopped him from winning Super Bowls, has it? And, speaking of tough guy sports, when's the last time Dubya played hockey or soccer.

The Kerry Sports legacy, should any care to delve the facts of this important issue.

*Fehh*

On preview:

I'm as scared by the prospect of a John Kerry presidency as I was of a Ronald Reagan presidency. The difference is that I'm no longer 18 and so naive about the world.

So you're really just a coward, then?
posted by Wulfgar! at 3:47 PM on September 29, 2004

I'm sure that someone whose husband/father/wife/son was murdered in Iraq today would find this discussion hilarious.

Really, what the FUCK is going on?
posted by fungible at 4:06 PM on September 29, 2004

Dubya working his wonder on a Segway.
posted by clevershark at 6:41 PM on September 29, 2004

I read an account of the journalist that was with Bush when he had that most recent spill on his mountain bike. I think we're talking about ravines and stuff—you don't need mountains to have stuff big enough to fall down from. Bush was in front of the reporter, going downhill somwhere on a trail on his ranch, hit a difficult spot and went over the handlbars. Got some scrapes, but got back on and kept riding.

Also, there are very few weekend jocks out there (much less among we computer jockeys) that could have played, certainly not lettered, in any varsity university sport. It's not a mark against Bush that he didn't do so any more than it is that most of you weekend jocks out there didn't. Of course it's to Kerry's credit that he did. And Bush playing rugby in school is to his credit, surely, as we all know that rugby players are the brawlingest, craziest jocks of all. (Which might not inspire confidence in Bush, come to think of it.)

If this stuff matters. Which, being very much a non-jock, doesn't at all to me.

Can anyone explain to me the whole Kerry windsurfing thing? He looks like he knows what he's doing. In fact, to me, he looks more athletically "cool" in that photo than usual. I don't understand why that's thought to be a unfavorable photo. Because red-meat Americans don't windsurf?
posted by Ethereal Bligh at 11:45 PM on September 29, 2004

This just in: John Elway throws like a girl.



I don't understand why that's thought to be a unfavorable photo. Because red-meat Americans don't windsurf?

I don't really get it either. I think it's just a concerted effort to feminize Kerry. I suppose if he doesn't have a rifle in his hand, or is performing some activity wearing appropriate sports gear, this is somehow viewed as girlish or wimpy.

I think this whole thing could go away if, instead of a debate, Kerry and Bush would just have a fistfight. I think Kerry could drop Georgie like third period French.
posted by psmealey at 7:27 AM on September 30, 2004