Carl Lewis is the Beef.

October 5, 2004 10:15 AM

Carl Lewis' present to pop culture.(Quicktime Video) Ladies and Gentlemen, all you kids out there who want to know what the 1980's were like: I present you the ultimate document. Just in case you were wondering, ( It has been twenty years after all) the star of this video is considered one of the best track & field athletes of all time. (Via jasonzada.com)
posted by jeremias (32 comments total)

And never break it up
break it up
break it up!

We will never break it up
break it up
break it up!

Good gravy. That is just plain wrong on so many levels.

I remember the 80s (no apostrophe), and I don't remember Carl Lewis looking so much like Grace Jones, but scarier.
posted by iconomy at 10:32 AM on October 5, 2004

(mind scrambles as words fall and tumble over themselves trying for comment)
posted by Peter H at 10:32 AM on October 5, 2004

Does Jim DeMint know about this?
posted by PrinceValium at 10:40 AM on October 5, 2004

can't stop cringeing. the skinny belt, the surprise bubbles, everyone's big hair, good lord.
posted by whatnot at 10:50 AM on October 5, 2004

If you had told me that was Grace Jones, I would have believed you. Well, aside from all the track and field scenes. Seriously, could he be wearing any more makeup? This whole video is surreal in many ways. Ne pas deranger, indeed.
posted by uncleozzy at 10:56 AM on October 5, 2004

I was about to ask if Carl Lewis was the one who was rumored to be gay...now I think that question is moot.
posted by ChrisTN at 11:02 AM on October 5, 2004

Things like this make me glad I spent the 80s trying to catch crawdads in the hickiest part of Indiana. I remember watching Lewis in the '88 Olympics, however. I had respect for him when I was a seven year old. I don't know any more.
posted by sciurus at 11:04 AM on October 5, 2004

Good Gravy that was bizarre.

Especially since I was watching with the sound off.

And clearly, he's not gay. He took that old lady into the sauna didn't he.

Tres, Tres derangee, je pense.
posted by Windopaene at 11:10 AM on October 5, 2004

Apparently old school blow jobs were different.
posted by maudlin at 11:13 AM on October 5, 2004

oh god. I'm so glad I can't remember the 80s. What the hell is up with that old lady being in there?
posted by bob sarabia at 11:14 AM on October 5, 2004

Well the weirdest thing for me*, is that he's reknowned for his athletic ability and yet he resolutely remains sitting throughout almost all of the video.

Did he suffer some sort of accident that reduced his mobility or something, because that aside, it's extremely odd. You'd think he's at least stand up and jiggle about a little.

As somone I would have done, during my 'curious' teen years, this video is very distrurbing.

*Ok, ok, apart from the old-lady fetish.
posted by Blue Stone at 11:34 AM on October 5, 2004

I was about to ask if Carl Lewis was the one who was rumored to be gay
Thought he has stated he is gay, so no rumor. He recently sung the National Anthem which he forgot the words to.
posted by thomcatspike at 11:53 AM on October 5, 2004

I always found it amusing that the American media seemed upset at the thought of him being gay but a-ok about him being a cheat.
posted by fullerine at 11:59 AM on October 5, 2004

all you kids out there who want to know what the 1980's were like

Hear, hear! As a child of the '80s, I feel I have a civic duty to inform the current generation about just how gawdawful those years were, lest they start thinking, in their ironic embrace of its kitsch, that there was something cute about it.

This video will make a fine addition to my usual prosecution exhibits in the case of Basic Human Decency v. The '80s, which to date have included my old Dokken cassettes, the episode of ALF where Alf befriends a blind woman and winds up singing along to a Chipmunks album with her over a bottle of wine, and the movie Cocktail (which is probably the most morally reprehensible film of all time, and I'm counting snuff films in that accounting).

Thankfully, I've never had to use my ultimate secret weapon: a photo of me at my Grade 8 formal where I'm sporting my most mulletlike hair, which I've ill-advisedly paired with Miami Vice pastels and a date with foot-high bangs. Like a nuclear weapon, I hope that the horrific power of its mere existence will mean that I never have to use it.

And don't get me started on Reagan. Seriously.
posted by gompa at 12:02 PM on October 5, 2004

... upset at the thought of him being gay but a-ok about him being a cheat.

In America, it's all about who wins. And who wins is all about capital (in terms of fame, notroreity, money, or power, in roughly that order). Nothing else matters, not really.
posted by lodurr at 12:15 PM on October 5, 2004

Carl Lewis, gay?

Nahhhhh.

(nttawwt)
posted by mr_crash_davis at 12:19 PM on October 5, 2004

Oh. Oh my. Ça me dérange, for sure.

You'd think he's at least stand up and jiggle about a little

We see him using exercise equipment, isn't that athletic enough for you? And we get close ups of his straining, sweating face while he does...something...that one assumes is related to the exercise equipment, although it seems to produce bubbles.
posted by biscotti at 12:30 PM on October 5, 2004

mr_c_d, you must made me throw up a little in my mouth.
posted by JollyWanker at 12:32 PM on October 5, 2004

My...my eyes! My EARS!
posted by FormlessOne at 12:43 PM on October 5, 2004

He's so... so... Lawrence Welk and shit.
posted by Dick Paris at 12:46 PM on October 5, 2004

In America, it's all about who wins. And who wins is all about capital (in terms of fame, notroreity, money, or power, in roughly that order).
Where was the video shot? France or Germany. His recorded single on the site was produced by a German. When it's a non-Olympic year, US Track & Field stars are more well known in Europe than in the USA. Looking through the site, you realize this site is to promote his new career, acting.
posted by thomcatspike at 12:55 PM on October 5, 2004

biscotti - he was famous for using his legs. In the video he seems determined not to use them.

"But Carl ... you gotta get up and dance a little"

"No fuckin' way, man. It's my legs this, my legs that. I'm known for mah legs. What? You want me to be fuckin' typecast?

"Cos I get up and walk about, and they'll be goin' ' There's that motherfuckin' Carl Lewis - he's just a motherfuckin' leg man. - using his legs. That's him. That's aaallll he's about: runnin' and usin' his legs and THAT'S IT.

"I'm not about that and I'm not usin' my motherfuckin' legs. I'll use mah arms, motherfucker. That's it. Up and down.

"'Cept to take the hot old lady into the motherfuckin' sauna.

"Chamone."

</Bo Selecta>
posted by Blue Stone at 12:55 PM on October 5, 2004

Daley Thompson called.

Says you can keep the t shirt...
posted by dash_slot- at 1:02 PM on October 5, 2004

thomcatspike: I guess I don't get the point of your answer. My snark was about why Americans could stick Lewis down the memory hole for being gay, but then say he got screwed if he's punished for cheating. The answer, as I saw it, was that if he cheated, and won, that made the cheating alright. (Doesn't really explain why they're not cool with him being gay, I'll admit that.) Not really anything to do with who made the video, where the video was made, who worked on the video, or where the cameras were manufactured.
posted by lodurr at 1:08 PM on October 5, 2004

Because it exists, here is Carl Lewis attempting to sing the National Anthem. This really deserves a post of it's own.

You must copy and paste the url into your browser. Linking does not work.

http://www.aprilwinchell.com/multimedia/media/mp3/CarlLewisNJNets12193.mp3
posted by jeremias at 1:08 PM on October 5, 2004

Basic Human Decency v. The '80s, which to date have included my old Dokken cassettes

Fuck you. Now I'm gonna see that damn helicopter spinning around and around every time I close my eyes. The flames draw near, they're telling me to staaaaay.....

still better than Armored Saint or Warrant or Poison
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 1:33 PM on October 5, 2004

thomcatspike: I guess I don't get the point of your answer.

um, nevermind.
posted by whatnot at 1:49 PM on October 5, 2004

My snark was about why Americans could stick Lewis down the memory hole for being gay
I missed that, my bad. The comment reminded me folks in the USA are unaware of how popular Track & Field is in Europe.

jeremias, thanks for the link. The best part when I saw this, was reaction from the sports news caters.
posted by thomcatspike at 2:18 PM on October 5, 2004

Thought he has stated he is gay, so no rumor. He recently sung the National Anthem which he forgot the words to.

(1) Not sure how forgetting the words to the National Anthem makes one gay.

(2) Can you find something that confirms where Mr. Lewis confirms his fabulousness? I know he vehemently denied it, back in the day, after the 84 Olympics, and I haven't seen any out-and-out (so to speak) confirmations since then.
posted by ChrisTN at 2:21 PM on October 5, 2004

I did a report on him in the 3rd grade. How did this nugget escape my keen eye for research??
posted by hoborg at 2:34 PM on October 5, 2004

The two thoughts were separate. The gay comment, was an answer to an earlier comment about his rumor. The second, was an additional comment to the thread about me recently seeing him sing the National Anthem as it related to the post.
posted by thomcatspike at 3:59 PM on October 5, 2004

Jeremias, thank you twice. Once for this post, and once for the link to Lewis attempting to sing the national anthem. I don't think he forgets the words as much as his vocal chords frequently balk and back up in a desperate attempt to hit the high notes. It's god freaking awful. Without exaggeration it's the worst singing I have ever heard.
posted by iconomy at 4:49 PM on October 5, 2004