John Kerry's Horoscope Shows Strong and Optimistic Election Day

November 1, 2004 5:54 PM

John Kerry's Horoscope Shows Strong and Optimistic Election Day For November 2: "First thing this morning, you are made aware of a groundswell of activity that benefits you. This powerful locomotive is unstoppable and likely to outperform everyone’s expectations. Even so, you will experience moments of uncertainty from time to time – but not for long. . ."

and for the other guy:

George Bush's Horoscope Predicts Change, And Acceptance For November 2: "You comfort others, especially this morning, and take the attitude that, no matter what, things will turn out fine. Your apparent acceptance creates comfort, strength and unity among friends and loved ones. Throughout the day, you can feel the future quickly approaching your front door. You anticipate change, travel or even moving, and feel at peace with the prospect. . ."
posted by jackspace (15 comments total)

take the attitude that, no matter what, things will turn out fine. Your apparent acceptance creates comfort, strength and unity among friends and loved ones.

So...if Kerry wins, that means no long, drawn-out legal process. That might make it worth it.

It would be interesting also to see horoscopes for November 3.
posted by MrAnonymous at 6:01 PM on November 1, 2004

That's just fucking funny.
posted by ColdChef at 6:07 PM on November 1, 2004

Great! Now no one needs to bother to vote.
posted by nthdegx at 6:13 PM on November 1, 2004

er.. I don't want to sound snarky, and actually find the post amusing, but perhaps it would be better as a comment in one of the ongoing threads about tomorrow?
posted by edgeways at 6:22 PM on November 1, 2004

So you're saying George W Bush is a cancer?
posted by falconred at 6:28 PM on November 1, 2004

Heard from the white house crapper:

"Laura! Cancel my subscription to Elle! ... stupid damn french magazine ...grumble, grumble ..."
posted by whatnot at 6:50 PM on November 1, 2004

of course, horoscopes are written by people. could easily have been on purpose.
e.g., see these horoscopes

or this, which openly analyzes bush & kerry astrologically.

this one discusses what each of their presidencies would be like if they were elected - looks bad for bush, but not great for kerry either.

Anyway :). that was silly but kinda fun.
posted by mdn at 6:56 PM on November 1, 2004

So you're saying George W Bush is a cancer?

Man, that kind of pisses me off. (yeah, I know you weren't being literal.. as a cancer, though, I am).
posted by Ufez Jones at 7:02 PM on November 1, 2004

British gamblers stake high on US presidential race

Chinese restaurant customers can vote for U.S. president through duck dishes

Congratulations Bush! Sri Lankan pre-empts vote

John Kerry storms to victory in virtual vote

Votes From the Dead May Still Be Counted

Indian astrologers say planets favour Kerry

No beating about bush — Kerry will carry the day, says astrologer

What the stars foretell for Bush, Kerry
posted by stbalbach at 7:08 PM on November 1, 2004

I tend to heed sports team success - Texas sports teams, for example, crested a few years ago. Now, Mass. teams are dominant.

Coincidence ?


Pull in a few other disconnected facts - like the breakup of that NASA shuttle over Texas including, what was it ? -either Crawford or GW Bush's birthplace but also, definitely, Palestine, Texas.

Next thing we know, the Red Heifer will get mad cow disease and then the apocalypse will be called off.
posted by troutfishing at 7:23 PM on November 1, 2004

There is absolutely no way that this was coincidental. These things are written by people. And Elle's horoscope writer clearly has a chip on his or her shoulder, and a mischievous sense of humor...
posted by logovisual at 11:55 PM on November 1, 2004

What mdn (and logovisual) said. Any horoscope writer knows that people will be looking up candidates' signs on election day.
posted by jpoulos at 8:44 AM on November 2, 2004

I wonder what Nancy Reagan's astrologer has to say? : >
posted by amberglow at 10:02 AM on November 2, 2004

Goddamn it. Can't someone help me find a scientific astrologer!
posted by gesamtkunstwerk at 12:35 PM on November 2, 2004

Wow, somehow these still fit.
posted by ColdChef at 8:43 PM on November 3, 2004