Weiße Zähne!

November 5, 2004 7:04 AM

Sidewalks without dog shit, angels, and Hustler: the day after the election the way-left paper Die Tageszeitung explained what's better in America.
posted by kenko (37 comments total)

HipHop-Videos

No. Just no.
posted by Turtles all the way down at 7:08 AM on November 5, 2004

"Angeln" does not mean angels, it means "fishing" or "to fish"
posted by Gnatcho at 7:14 AM on November 5, 2004

Fun link, BTW.
posted by Gnatcho at 7:17 AM on November 5, 2004

I used the Google translator, and got "The lobster with hydrogen drive." You know, that really is better in America.
posted by MrMoonPie at 7:17 AM on November 5, 2004

The Babelfish translation is always enjoyable. Who knew that Tennessee translated as "threshing floor lake"? But the most beautiful bit is "the lobster with hydrogen drive." Wasn't that what was waiting at the turnstile in Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds?

On preview, damn.
posted by George_Spiggott at 7:20 AM on November 5, 2004

Fuck! Teach me to rely too much on intuition.

But it's funnier that way.
posted by kenko at 7:20 AM on November 5, 2004

Oh duh angel is Engel. I knew that. Wer, wenn ich schriee, etc.
posted by kenko at 7:20 AM on November 5, 2004

John Updike! Yes! Indian Summer. Yes! Who knows what the hell half this stuff is, but whoever wrote this is okay in my book. And Turtles... Hip Hop videos are vile, but they are mind-bogglingly creatively vile, in a way that is distinctively American. This is the real BIG STORY in American culture at this moment. It's the intensely well-crafted genius of offensive culture, and its success in the mainstream. The "South Park," "Team America," Hip Hop, video game, professional sports vulgarian syndrome. Love it or hate it, its one-hundred percent American, and no one else can pull it off (compare, for instance, the energetic efforts of England's avant garde to offend. They just come off as seedy, or desperately sad, like "The Office.")
posted by Faze at 7:21 AM on November 5, 2004

I take your point, Faze. And it brings to mind the experience of watching and listening to "French Rap" when I lived in Quebec. Now *that* demanded a "just say no".
posted by Turtles all the way down at 7:29 AM on November 5, 2004

They forgot freedom fries and freedom toast! (and maybe Poland)
posted by acrobat at 7:35 AM on November 5, 2004

I can't believe no one noted #20 yet (although shouldn't it be Pfannkuchen?)
posted by TedW at 7:40 AM on November 5, 2004

So can someone who speaks better German than Babelfish actually translate it for real? :)
posted by louie at 7:44 AM on November 5, 2004

Sidewalks without dog shit

Cool. Any hope of this catching on in Brussels?
posted by ZenMasterThis at 8:03 AM on November 5, 2004

John Updike? Ewww. But what I really want to know is how is Fidel Castro better here than in Germany? He's still in Cuba no matter where you are, no?
posted by dame at 8:36 AM on November 5, 2004

George Bush is 100x better than Germany's Schroeder
posted by ParisParamus at 8:37 AM on November 5, 2004

Here is a quick translation. Comments welcome. Mistakes may be present. And it's more about things that are better in (and only in) America.

Indian Summer
Books-Cafés (this means things like Borders)
Non-smoker
Appetite for risk
Doors that are held open by someone
Tolerance vis-à-vis foreigners
Discrimination against smokers
Sports Illustrated
Optimism
Olympic medals table (i.e. the US wins a lot)
The Postal Service (I think “Die Post” refers to the USPS)
Broadcasts of political conventions
Research
Blues
Late Night Shows
Press conferences
Hustler
Bicycle helmets for adults
Plastic surgery
Pancakes
Sidewalks without dog shit
Politeness
Immigration
Steaks
International section of the New York Times
Football rules
Patriotism
Getting a second chance
Women in positions of leadership
Never being jostled in the elevator
Enthusiasm
Orange juice
Equal rights in the workplace
Cool T-shirts
Bagels
John Updike
Chants at leftist demonstrations
Skyscrapers
Home Shopping channels
Campaigns against US firms
Refrigerators with ice dispensers
The ability to remember the first names of people whom you have only met once
Women's soccer
Self-confidence
Street musicians
The “Hummer H2” (a type of SUV) with hydrogen engine (the famous lobster - Hummer means lobster in German)
The size of the pizzas
Viagra
Space, lots of space
White socks in sneakers
Fog (in this context probably smog) over San Francisco
Jack Kerouac
Taxes
California oranges
Corpses at the bottom of the Hudson with concrete shoes
Microsoft
Pursuit of happiness in the Declaration of Independence (“Verfassung” is the usual word for constitution, but that's incorrect, so I substituted "Declaration of Independence”. It can also mean basic or foundational law)
Dishwashers
”Coffee”
Neil Armstrong's footprints
Lawyers
Harley Davidson
National Rifle Association
Beer in brown paper bags
Speed limits on highways
Foreign trade deficit
Michael Moore
Star Wars
Lower gas prices than Europe
Homer Simpson
The Dollar
The Burger at Sabrina's and Breakfast at Carman's in Philadelphia
Hip Hop videos
Starbucks
“I love you, Pa!”
Fidel Castro
Free refills in fast food restaurants
Monster trucks
Barbra Streisand
Corn Flakes
The sky over Idaho
Martin Luther King
Graceland, Tennessee
The Charts
Are you okay?
Motels
Hot Dog
Jazz
Air conditioning
Aspirin
Dicke (I think this is referring to fat people)
Cylinder capacity
Basketball
Johnny Cash
Cheerleader
White teeth
Hollywood
Jeans
National Parks
Fishing
posted by Gnatcho at 8:43 AM on November 5, 2004

Raum, viel Raum? Will those silly Germans never learn?
posted by cardboard at 8:57 AM on November 5, 2004

Speaking of Lebensraum, check out the third paragraph, specifically the last sentence. And this is apparently a moderate paper.
posted by kenko at 9:21 AM on November 5, 2004

Speaking of Lebensraum, check out the third paragraph, specifically the last sentence. And this is apparently a moderate paper.

Are you referring to the use of the word Führer? Sorry to disappoint, but that's just the German word for "leader".
posted by Slothrup at 9:51 AM on November 5, 2004

Um, Kenko, a little help please?
posted by Pollomacho at 9:51 AM on November 5, 2004

"I love you, Pa" WTF???

Aspirin? In the home of Bayer Aspirin?

Cylinder capacity? Oh, yeah!

Pancakes! I wonder if Gnatcho threw in an easter egg for the homies.

And I finally know why fisherpeople are called "anglers." I think.

The Charts? Like, Powerpoint? Or the charts that U.S. horn sections use? Or the Billboard charts?
posted by luser at 9:56 AM on November 5, 2004

Hummer means lobster in German

So when that German waitress asked me if I would like a hummer she really meant...
posted by ZenMasterThis at 10:08 AM on November 5, 2004

I know it's the German word for "leader", Slothrup, but I was taught (this was in high school, and was confirmed last night by a teacher at the Goethe Institut in Chicago who is German, and who corrected a fellow student who used Fuerher to mean "leader" simpliciter, telling him not to use it (and through whom I got the link in the FPP and in my comment above)) that Germans don't use that word lightly. My understanding is that it's not just the word for leader.
posted by kenko at 10:08 AM on November 5, 2004

"I love you, Pa" - could it possibly be. . .Little House On The Prarie? Do they watch the reruns of my childhood with a misty eye? It couldn't be, could it ?!?!
posted by rainbaby at 10:08 AM on November 5, 2004

Fog (in this context probably smog) over San Francisco

San Francisco fog is famous, practically a cultural institution. Los Angeles would have made more sense if the reference were to smog.
posted by Mars Saxman at 10:12 AM on November 5, 2004

Careful, this is very similar to a story that they ran in 1933 called "What's Better In Poland".
posted by DrDoberman at 10:24 AM on November 5, 2004

This is the real BIG STORY in American culture at this moment. It's the intensely well-crafted genius of offensive culture, and its success in the mainstream. The "South Park," "Team America," Hip Hop, video game, professional sports vulgarian syndrome. Love it or hate it, its one-hundred percent American, and no one else can pull it off (compare, for instance, the energetic efforts of England's avant garde to offend. They just come off as seedy, or desperately sad, like "The Office.")

If you're looking for some well-crafted genius offensive culture out of England, check the Brass Eye out. Fake news at its all time best.
posted by syscom at 10:25 AM on November 5, 2004

I was taught (this was in high school, and was confirmed last night by a teacher at the Goethe Institut in Chicago who is German, and who corrected a fellow student who used Fuerher to mean "leader" simpliciter, telling him not to use it (and through whom I got the link in the FPP and in my comment above)) that Germans don't use that word lightly. My understanding is that it's not just the word for leader.

If you Google "Führer" at site "spiegel.de", less than half the hits are Hitler references. But I can imagine that, in communicating with non-German speakers, you'd definitely want to use the word sparingly.
posted by Slothrup at 10:27 AM on November 5, 2004

Ok, that explains that—I found it rather shocking, since I thought it was more or less an off-limits word in a political context.
posted by kenko at 10:33 AM on November 5, 2004

Charts is referring to Billboard charts. Sorry I wasn't clearer about that. Also, I'd say Führer is pretty common, I mean, “Reiseführer” just means travel guide or guidebook and “Frauen in Führungspositionen” does just mean “women in positions of leadership”.

And, yeah, I thought about that after posting, that I'd heard of LA smog, but not of SF smog (east coast person here, although my father was born in Hollywood [I love seeing that on the birth certificate, it somehow makes me laugh every time, and proves how foreign California is to me]).

And I wish I had thrown in the pancakes reference.
posted by Gnatcho at 10:45 AM on November 5, 2004

Dicke = fatties/fat people. Also the name of a satirical German pop song kind of in the vein of Randy Newman's "Short People" only angrier.
posted by ubi at 10:55 AM on November 5, 2004

I remember at least one German in school telling me that they loved it that stores were open on Sunday in the USA whereas everything was closed on Sunday back home. That was twentysomething years ago; maybe they've loosened up some on that in Deutschland?
posted by alumshubby at 11:15 AM on November 5, 2004

Nice job Gnatcho! Thanks :)
posted by BlueScreen at 11:42 AM on November 5, 2004

Der Führer war ein armes Schwein,
er hatte keinen Führerschein!
posted by muckster at 11:56 AM on November 5, 2004

It's true -- breakfast at Carman's Country Kitchen in Philadelphia is really good.

Check it out next time you're there. If you ask nicely, Carman might let you eat sitting in the bed of the pickup truck out front (which used to have a sign on it that said "She put the c*nt back in country".)
posted by Artifice_Eternity at 2:14 PM on November 5, 2004

Uh, whatever on Führer.

A driver's license is called a "Führerschein" and there are plenty of other words with "Führer" in them.

While it's not used in a "World Leader" sense very often, it's not one of those "UN PC" words that make everybody all cranky.
posted by erratic frog at 12:32 AM on November 6, 2004

the intensely well-crafted genius of offensive culture, and its success in the mainstream. The "South Park," "Team America," Hip Hop, video game, professional sports vulgarian syndrome. Love it or hate it, its one-hundred percent American, and no one else can pull it off

Bollocks. The two most offensive and controversial video games at the moment (GTA and Manhunt) are British.
posted by inpHilltr8r at 5:03 PM on November 6, 2004