November 7, 2004 7:56 AM   Subscribe

Some Thoughts on the Science of Onanism by Mark Twain
posted by Pretty_Generic (10 comments total)

The monkey is the only animal, except man, that practices this science

Not remotely true.
posted by bingo at 8:04 AM on November 7, 2004

Absolutely right bingo. And after a close reading of the article, I've found some other inaccuracies as well. I don't think Caesar or Queen Elizabeth ever said the things Twain attributes to them.

Unless . . . do you think he might be joking?
posted by aladfar at 9:50 AM on November 7, 2004

dorothy parker named her parrot onan because he spilled his seed upon the ground
posted by pyramid termite at 11:01 AM on November 7, 2004

This post is hard to beat.
posted by nofundy at 11:22 AM on November 7, 2004

Then there's Mark Twain's 1601 ("if there is a decent word findable in it, it is because I overlooked it").

See also Benjamin Franklin's thoughts on flatulence:

My Prize Question therefore should be, To discover some Drug ... that shall render the natural Discharges of Wind from our Bodies, not only inoffensive, but agreable as Perfumes. That this is not a chimerical Project, and altogether impossible, may appear from these Considerations...
posted by Zurishaddai at 11:41 AM on November 7, 2004

This is the only thing that Mark Twain has ever written that I liked.
posted by Veritron at 12:10 PM on November 7, 2004

aladfar: In terms of the specific part that I'm being critical of, no, I don't think he's joking, actually; I think he doesn't know, or he's being careless.
posted by bingo at 3:41 PM on November 7, 2004

Did Clemens really write this? There's so much falsely attributed to him. (I think I read somewhere that he's by far the most falsely attributed American writer.)
posted by Ethereal Bligh at 5:03 PM on November 7, 2004

Ethereal Bligh -

I'm pretty sure that Twain himself said he was the most falsely arributed American writer.
posted by chino at 7:35 PM on November 7, 2004

What an insult!
posted by Onanist at 8:09 PM on November 7, 2004

« Older Googlespeak   |   Economies of scale come to pop art! Newer »

This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments