President George W. Bush arrested upon arrival in Canada

November 29, 2004 2:22 PM

Canadian authorities have arrested US President George W. Bush and charged him with offences under Canada's War Crimes Act. Says (Canadian Prime Minister) Paul Martin: “This decision was not made lightly. But, it was also a decision that was impossible not to make. The United States is not outside the rule of law, and cannot expect to get an unlimited “free pass”. This decision puts a grave strain upon both our nations, and I urge calm and restraint from our American neighbours, as well as from Canadians. I have met with the cabinet, and with our colleagues in the House. This is a time of great crisis for us as a nation. But as people, we will survive this test. Earlier I enacted the Emergency War Powers Act. This is necessary to guarantee our domestic security. This is not a time for panic, for lawlessness, for anything other than a responsible and sobre focus on what lies immediately ahead.”
posted by 327.ca (74 comments total)

I want to say that this is clever, but it's not.
posted by Plinko at 2:23 PM on November 29, 2004

LOLZ! The states just totally got PUNK'D.
posted by mek at 2:24 PM on November 29, 2004

Jeez, just another one link newsfilter...
posted by ..ooOOoo....ooOOoo.. at 2:25 PM on November 29, 2004

Be nice. Try to remember when you were 17 and thought stuff like this was cutting edge cool... Heck of a first post, tho.
posted by mojohand at 2:29 PM on November 29, 2004

That really would have gotten my hopes up, if I wasn't such a cynical bastard.
posted by Vulpyne at 2:30 PM on November 29, 2004

I'd like to know if the poster actually believed the story.
posted by mek at 2:30 PM on November 29, 2004

295.ca, biznatches! ;-)
posted by shepd at 2:30 PM on November 29, 2004

I'd like to know if the poster actually believed the story.

Well, the poster wants to believe the story. But Dubya doesn't arrive in Canada until tomorrow and, besides, as a nation we're too polite for that sorta thing.
posted by 327.ca at 2:33 PM on November 29, 2004

I've heard of genetic mosaicism and chimerism but a person with a white face and black arms is worthy of a journal article in Nauture.
posted by dancingbaptist at 2:38 PM on November 29, 2004

Photoshopped! Do I get teh cookie?
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 2:42 PM on November 29, 2004

First reaction: "OMFG! We're gonna die!"

Second reaction: "This HAS to be fake."

/phew
posted by C.Batt at 2:46 PM on November 29, 2004

This is a supremely freaky joke. This is my second Metafilter coincidence today. Yesterday morning I sent an email to the PM, and included a link to a Naomi Klein article. I've emailed the PM before, but never received a reply. This morning I did. Here's my email, and the reply, I kid you not.

Dear Mr. Martin,

Why limit your comments on human rights abuse to places like Africa,
where there will be few, if any, economic repercussions for Canada?
Everyone knows the Iraq war is a disgusting lie. Isn't the high road, in
the long run, the least expensive route?
http://www.commondreams.org/views04/1126-02.htm

The Reply:
2004/11/29 09:40:51 AM:
Dear Mr. ...,

On behalf of the Right Honourable Paul Martin, I would like to thank you
for your e-mail, in which you raised an issue which falls within the
portfolio of the Honourable Pierre Pettigrew, Minister of Foreign
Affairs. The Prime Minister always appreciates receiving mail on
subjects of importance to Canadians.

Please be assured that the statements you made have been carefully
reviewed. I have taken the liberty of forwarding your e-mail to Minister
Pettigrew so that he too may be made aware of your comments. I am
certain that the Minister will give your views every consideration.

L.A. Lavell
Executive Correspondence Officer
Agent de correspondance
de la haute direction
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 2:50 PM on November 29, 2004

But Dubya doesn't arrive in Canada until tomorrow

Will that bitch Anne Murray be there with him? And will Canada apologize for Bryan Adams yet again?
posted by WolfDaddy at 2:53 PM on November 29, 2004

Could I have this dance for the rest of my life?
Would you be my partner every night?
When we're together it feels so right
Could I have this dance for the rest of my life?
posted by yerfatma at 2:59 PM on November 29, 2004

My first reaction was:

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!
posted by kamus at 3:03 PM on November 29, 2004

Bryan Adams? I want an apology for Shania Twain and Celine Dion.
posted by Lola_G at 3:10 PM on November 29, 2004

Breaking News! Congress Adopt BLAME CANADA ACT.
posted by denpo at 3:12 PM on November 29, 2004

On behalf of the Right Honourable Paul Martin, I would like to thank you for your e-mail, in which you raised an issue which falls within the portfolio of the Honourable Pierre Pettigrew,

Isn't that like a French version of Peter Pettigrew from...Harry Potter? What's with the Harry Potter minor character references lately?!
posted by christin at 3:15 PM on November 29, 2004

I live in Ottawa, near downtown and there has been an helicopter flying around all day, looking for anarchists, no doubt. Street closures tomorrow, for sure, and maybe tonight depending on what the protestors do/how paranoid the SS is. I'm a private teacher and my Quebec students have all cancelled their lessons for the next three days because they can't be sure the local bridges between Quebec and Ontario will be open. I don't want him arrested, I just want him to pay me my lost wages. :-(
posted by Cryptical Envelopment at 3:23 PM on November 29, 2004

Hey, as long as we're making shit up why not give the Dub a sex change, send him to Mars and plant a tree in his asshole?
posted by scarabic at 3:24 PM on November 29, 2004

Is Indymedia supposed to be a reputable news site? I was under the impression that it was. Now I'm wondering if I have been taking other joke stories as the real thing... If they are supposed to be credible, things like this will hurt them.
posted by knave at 3:27 PM on November 29, 2004

I wouldn't really take anything on Indymedia at face value unless I saw it backed up somewhere else. They tend to have a lotta tinfoil hat/black helicopter type "news."
posted by TetrisKid at 3:38 PM on November 29, 2004

that was just cruel.

*puts nitroglycerine tablets under tongue, fans self*
posted by quonsar at 3:41 PM on November 29, 2004

Indymedia is managed and maintained by people who are, in a lot of instances, not moderated at all.

This can be both good and "bad" in this instance from a credibility standpoint. That being said, who here reads one story, especially one as preposterous as this, and believes it right away?

First thing I did was check another news source and, nada, zip, zero mention of what would have been the biggest headline across the globe. Pretty much quashed any possibility of it being real.

Also, knowing that Bush doesn't arrive until tomorrow also helps. ;)
posted by purephase at 3:46 PM on November 29, 2004

If only it were true.

Those in Ottawa who wish to protest the visit from the world's #1 terrorist should hook up with the Toronto Coalition to Stop the War, who will be there tomorrow in (hopefully) large numbers.
posted by dobbs at 3:49 PM on November 29, 2004

Hey, as long as we're making shit up why not give the Dub a sex change, send him to Mars and plant a tree in his asshole?

It's already happened, only there's a Bush planted firmly in the VP's asshole:


posted by jackspace at 3:50 PM on November 29, 2004

I would say it looks like Canada is turning more American. This sounds like they appointed John Ashcroft to the RCMP. (Yes, I know it's a joke.)
posted by BradNelson at 3:55 PM on November 29, 2004

whoa thats not a bad idea. hey canada! would you do us a favor, i wish you would, i guess someone here could try a citizens arrest. but in a totalitarian state . . . i mean freedom land such as ours. . . we can't arrest someone powerful unless they break the law *snicker*
posted by nola at 3:55 PM on November 29, 2004

how much like my aunts they look, jackspace! ewwww

If they haven't ever arrested Kissinger, they'll never arrest Bush, unfortunately.
posted by amberglow at 3:56 PM on November 29, 2004

You actually had me going for a split second.

Unfortunately, 'sobre' is not Canajun (or even Franco-Canajun) for 'sober'. And I oughta know.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 4:07 PM on November 29, 2004

Meanwhile, in the Real World:
The Center for Constitutional Rights (CCR) and four Iraqi citizens will file suit in German court on Tuesday against several US officials, including Donald Rumsfeld and George Tenet on the basis of German's "Völkerstrafgesetzbuch" (Code of Crimes against International Law[PDF], unofficial English translation). Its scope is not limited to German citizens. A similar Belgian law was defused after it lead to some diplomatic frictions.

Incidentally, German criminal law - applicable for citizens or in Germany - also has severe penalties for "Preparation of a War of Aggression" (10 years to life) and "Incitement to a War of Aggression" (up to 5 years). This might have played a role in decision making processes...
First one to say "How ironic" gets a pretzel. Not.
posted by ltl at 4:17 PM on November 29, 2004

327.ca: You goddamn tease. You suck. You didn't even pick a safeword. See if I ever do a scene with you ever again.

I just noticed how purty Bush's lips are.
posted by loquacious at 4:22 PM on November 29, 2004

how ironic
posted by nola at 4:23 PM on November 29, 2004

That sex-change photoshop image makes the baby jesus cry.
posted by cj_ at 4:23 PM on November 29, 2004

And will Canada apologize for Bryan Adams yet again?

Now, now, the Canadian Government has apologized for Bryan Adams on several occasions!
posted by Talez at 4:31 PM on November 29, 2004

Holy shit Jackspace. Cheney looks like my mom.

*works big toe up toward trigger*
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 4:34 PM on November 29, 2004

And will Canada apologize for Bryan Adams yet again?

Y'all don't get yet yet, do you? We send our shitty musicians down there to get rid of them. The last thing we would do is apologize.

(Any Canuck musicians with the last name of Wainright currently residing in the US excepted.)
posted by Space Coyote at 4:40 PM on November 29, 2004

In all the eleven days you've been on MetaFilter I bet you've never seen anything like it.

I hope you'll forgive me and my newbie curiosity, but how many days/posts/cookies does one need to have been a subscriber/have submitted/have baked before they are allowed to complain about other people's posts? Not that I would ever do such a thing...

Hey, as long as we're making shit up why not give the Dub a sex change, send him to Mars and plant a tree in his asshole?

I tried, but google didn't cough out a good image of a Mars tree.
posted by davejay at 4:41 PM on November 29, 2004

Just sent another email to the PM, thanking him for his consideration, moral courage, and prompt action. I attached this MeFi link.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 4:43 PM on November 29, 2004

XQUZYPHYR, I was trying to be funny and it obviously fell flat. I guess that's what I get for a lame comment. I'll be sure to use the /humor tag in the future if necessary. Cheers.

Heck of a first post, tho.

Agreed.
posted by ..ooOOoo....ooOOoo.. at 4:49 PM on November 29, 2004

Was I the only one to catch the byline date of November 30, and know that today is November 29?

FWIW, that photoshop above also had Kerry and Edwards in drag as well.
posted by infowar at 4:50 PM on November 29, 2004

STEP OFF THE SNACK BAR.
posted by bargle at 4:53 PM on November 29, 2004

I'm in Ottawa too, Cryptical Envelopment, but I hadn't heard anything about bridge closings. I sure as hell hope there aren't, because I have to get to Hull tomorrow. As it is, I avoided downtown today because I can't stand the thought of feeling intimidated in my own fucking country like that. Haven't decided about the protests tomorrow, whether I'll be there or not.

My favourite part of the whole visit is that he's having a private meeting with Stephen Harper. What, is Harper going to suck him off, or something? Fuck me.

Christin, I've always been totally amused that one of our ministers was essentially Peter Pettigrew. And now he's Minister of Foreign Affairs! I've tried telling people Martin's government was corrupt, but...< /derail>
posted by livii at 4:54 PM on November 29, 2004

...not real, so disappointed... WAIT! Cheney would be de facto president... emotional roller coaster... glad it is not real? yes? no? uh, cocktail time.
posted by Cranberry at 4:58 PM on November 29, 2004

Canadian Bacon is renamed Freedom Bacon. Shares of all fitness companies fall.
posted by omidius at 5:03 PM on November 29, 2004

I got excited when I saw this.

Let's get serious about this, though (if possible). IF this actually happened, in Canada or another country, what would the US response be? I mean it, seriously. Is there some kind of contingency plan for the president and other members of his administration being arrested and tried for war crimes? Would Cheney ascend and use the military to spring him? How do you think the government would respond in an official capacity?
posted by deafmute at 5:03 PM on November 29, 2004

We would declare war, plain and simple. And much as I would enjoy seeing the real Dubya in an orange jumpsuit (do they even use those in Canada?) um, I'm not thrilled at the idea of any other country being able to imprison our country's leader(s), no matter how shitty they may be.

But then, our nukes are pretty good insurance that it will never happen. Or even just our non-nuke military, in Canada's case. Unless they have indeed been breeding a nuke-resistant mutant zombie army--then we are screwed.
posted by emjaybee at 5:15 PM on November 29, 2004

If this actually happened, in Canada or another country, what would the US response be?

I think he'd have to be indicted first, and that might dampen his enthusiasm for travel. But it's an interesting question.

I remember one of the Nazi rocket scientists (maybe Werner von Braun?) being refused entry into Canada on the basis that he was a war criminal. I think there was even talk about charging him. Interesting question, deafmute.
posted by 327.ca at 5:17 PM on November 29, 2004

one of the Nazi rocket scientists

I mean, one of the former Nazi rocket scientists recruited by the US government, of course.
posted by 327.ca at 5:24 PM on November 29, 2004

If this actually happened, in Canada or another country, what would the US response be?

Immediate military action. Explosions, airstrikes, TV coverage

My best guess is the president would probably be intentionally shot by the americans so they can justify nuking the country of the aggressors.
posted by Jerub at 5:29 PM on November 29, 2004

I live in downtown Ottawa too and there was what looked like a private helicopter flying aggressively low in a search pattern when I was on my way home.

I figured it probably had some infra red scanner going so I farted. Take that.

Oh and we are not allowed to put our garbage out tomorrow. goddamn Yankee imperialists dictating my life.
posted by srboisvert at 5:39 PM on November 29, 2004

I knew it wasn't real when I looked at the number of comments. If this had been real there would have been 450 comments by now, not a mere 50.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 5:39 PM on November 29, 2004

Indymedia is managed and maintained by people who are, in a lot of instances, not moderated at all.

Indymedia has reason to be a little upset with too much moderation?
I find The Onion to be a good source of verification for questionable news stories.
posted by samlam at 5:41 PM on November 29, 2004

Anyway, more seriously than my comment above, this would be exceptionally unlikely to happen. Generally, sitting heads of state cannot be prosecuted. The ICJ has ruled that you'd need permission of the state in question (hah!). Certainly, this is the position of the ICC. Canada's new Act is different, in that it purportedly has universal jurisdiction and a universal mandate. However, it's being generally interpreted as needing a link or nexus between the accused and Canada. It's also unlikely we could overcome the prejudice against charging sitting heads of power.

While I approve of the sentiment here, it's really a non-issue when you think about it legally. There's some good symbolism though, and apparently a group in Halifax is planning to try to present Bush with an arrest warrant.
posted by livii at 6:00 PM on November 29, 2004

Here is a more serious approach: Should Canada Indict Bush?.
posted by The God Complex at 6:24 PM on November 29, 2004

My best guess is the president would probably be intentionally shot by the americans so they can justify nuking the country of the aggressors.

Well, let's be honest here. While I wouldn't want to hit Ottowa, it's not like Quebec couldn't use a good nuke or three. In the end, they'd thank us anyway. Solving that pesky French problem and whatnot, you know.
posted by mstefan at 6:33 PM on November 29, 2004

And will Canada apologize for Bryan Adams yet again?

this is such a weird phenomenon... i've seen canadians apologize for certain musicians/actors/whatever and i've seen americans demand an apology for the same... but let's be realistic, america's entertainment industry is a monstrous and grotesque landfill of rotting shit that far outweighs any of our mediocre or annoying "artists" (rufus amongst them). the usa could never apologize enough for the crap they've foisted on the rest of the world; no one will ever match the levels of sick you folks produce.

not that there's anything wrong with that.
posted by t r a c y at 6:55 PM on November 29, 2004

I don't get why culturally people bother treating Canada as if it's an external force I mean, most of Canada is wayyy closer to Massachusetts than Massachusetts is to, say, Wyoming.
posted by abcde at 7:31 PM on November 29, 2004

Metafilter: a monstrous and grotesque landfill of rotting shit ; >

you're right, t r a c y, but Celine alone outweighs many thousands of crappy US artists.
posted by amberglow at 7:37 PM on November 29, 2004

What do you mean by "most of Canada"? You do know Canada's really big, right?

Also, you know, it's another country. We are kind of different, even if lots of your famous people come from here.

You don't wonder why people in India treat Pakistan as if it's an external force.

On preview: We have to listen to Barbara Streisand! And Bette Midler! (Plus, Canadians have given the world a lot of really awesome music too.)
posted by SoftRain at 7:51 PM on November 29, 2004

no fair 327.ca - you got my hopes up for a minute there. Some of us have been chomping at the bit for a frog march.
posted by madamjujujive at 8:39 PM on November 29, 2004

While I wouldn't want to hit Ottowa, it's not like Quebec couldn't use a good nuke or three.

You harm one fingernail on one hand of one hot hot montreal girl and I'll come hunt you and kill you.
posted by Space Coyote at 8:42 PM on November 29, 2004

Bryan and Celine may be bad, but the Hip more than make up for them.
posted by dazed_one at 9:56 PM on November 29, 2004

america's entertainment industry is a monstrous and grotesque landfill of rotting shit that far outweighs any of our mediocre or annoying "artists" (rufus amongst them)

This can only mean that you've never seen The Mangler 2, set at Royal Collegiate College somewhere in what looks like BC. Presumably RCC is a college that is very much like a college.

It's worse than everything Hollywood did between 1950 and 2000 put together. If the guys who made Manos remade Ishtar with the cast from Red Zone Cuba, it would still be a billion trillion times better than TM2.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 9:58 PM on November 29, 2004

i continue to heart Space Coyote
posted by t r a c y at 11:42 PM on November 29, 2004

XQUZYPHYR, I was trying to be funny and it obviously fell flat. I guess that's what I get for a lame comment. I'll be sure to use the /humor tag in the future if necessary. Cheers.

Don't feel bad ..ooOOoo....ooOOoo I got the joke, and I liked it! I think that XQUZYPHR's irony detector is BROKEN!


ps) Could you guys spell your nicks phonetically please?
posted by sic at 12:04 AM on November 30, 2004

By the way, to be more realistic, the last "newsline" should have read something like:

The UN has denounced Washington's use of nuclear weapons in Québec City, Edmonton, Halifax and Winnepeg. Kofi Annan has insisted to acting President Dick Cheney that he turn to diplomacy to resolve this sensitive issue. Cheney issued the following terse comment: "Go Fuck Yourself!"
posted by sic at 12:09 AM on November 30, 2004

you're right, t r a c y, but Celine alone outweighs many thousands of crappy US artists.

Agreed, but to be fair, Canada is making up for it.

And yes dazed_one, the Hip kick ass.
posted by rooftop secrets at 1:01 AM on November 30, 2004

re: the usa could never apologize enough for the crap they've foisted on the rest of the world (well, the whole rant, actually):

*emerges from woodwork, blinking in the harsh grey light of the MeFi reply box*

Dear t r a c y,

You're awesome and I love you :D

*descends back into lurkdom*
posted by sammy at 2:40 AM on November 30, 2004

Just today, speaking in Qatar, General Abizaid was bragging
on our nuclear weapons:

"We can generate more military power per square inch than
anybody else on Earth, and everybody knows it," Abizaid said.
"If you ever even contemplate our nuclear capability, it should
give everybody the clear understanding that there is no
power that can match the United States militarily."
posted by the Real Dan at 3:22 AM on November 30, 2004

While I wouldn't want to hit Ottowa, it's not like Quebec couldn't use a good nuke or three.

If you don't know how to spell 'Ottawa', you're not qualified to have an opinion about Canadian politics.
posted by Hildegarde at 6:58 AM on November 30, 2004

Of course, in a nukular context, spelling goes out the door.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 9:17 AM on November 30, 2004

In case you missed it, the fake story actually showed up on Google News tonight. I got a screen capture of my browser (looks a little pixilated, can't figure out how to get WP to play nicely with images.
posted by cgk at 9:14 PM on November 30, 2004

emjaybee : I'm not thrilled at the idea of any other country being able to imprison our country's leader(s), no matter how shitty they may be.

You mean like what we did in Iraq ? (Nicaragua, Guatemala, Chile... I'll shut up now.)
posted by faux ami at 2:37 AM on December 1, 2004