Comments on: Well, At Least It Has Three Acts

Well, At Least It Has Three Acts

OhPuhLeez — Mon, 29 Nov 2004 15:58:44 -0800

Just how bad are some of the ideas floating around in Hollywood? Very, very, very bad. Perhaps guys like this will prevent such monstrosities...and if not, at least there will be mockery to get us through.

By: Sidhedevil

Sidhedevil — Mon, 29 Nov 2004 16:07:56 -0800

This made me laugh so hard that I think some of my fillings fell out. Ow.

By: Smart Dalek

Smart Dalek — Mon, 29 Nov 2004 16:18:44 -0800

The one about the robot, the guy and the woman sounds like a true masterpiece. Only trouble is, I've already bought the damn t-shirt.

By: inksyndicate

inksyndicate — Mon, 29 Nov 2004 16:19:55 -0800

Tsunami of Slaughter sounds kinda like Buckaroo Banzai.

By: Doohickie

Doohickie — Mon, 29 Nov 2004 16:21:47 -0800

"The page cannot be displayed" Do you have to be a blogspot member or something? The Wordplay thing was pretty good: "Hello! My name is Mindy. I've been blind since birth, but that's not going to stop me from finding out who killed my loving husband. With the help of Rofl, my trusty golden retriever... " Rofl, indeed! ;- )

By: OhPuhLeez

OhPuhLeez — Mon, 29 Nov 2004 16:31:01 -0800

Odd, Doohickie - I'm not a member of Blogspot, and I would definitely have warned you if you needed to sign up. Perhaps you're just being protected :)?

By: rooftop secrets

rooftop secrets — Mon, 29 Nov 2004 16:41:57 -0800

This was hilarious. Strangely enough, I am in the process of sending out a completed script, although not via query letters. As the linked article astutely points out: Real results, they say, come from phone calls and personal contacts. Then you send out the script with a simple cover letter, and get on with your life. I will say this: these folk do have a point. Writing a query letter is almost always an act of futility. I'm not sure whether this post makes me feel better or worse overall about my chances in the screenwriting business. OK, better...definitely better.

By: bob sarabia

bob sarabia — Mon, 29 Nov 2004 16:45:06 -0800

If these people were smart, they'd send their ideas to Jerry Bruckheimer. Just be sure to add in a wacky black character.

By: Colloquial Collision

Colloquial Collision — Mon, 29 Nov 2004 17:11:40 -0800

Remember, Hollywood made Chronicles of Riddick. None of these other premises seem much of a stretch from that movie. Unfortunately. :(

By: squealy

squealy — Mon, 29 Nov 2004 17:19:46 -0800

Very funny. Bravo.

By: robocop is bleeding

robocop is bleeding — Mon, 29 Nov 2004 17:37:15 -0800

Remember, for 5 bucks, The Singing Law Student is a login of manly distinction!

By: Bdave

Bdave — Mon, 29 Nov 2004 17:59:50 -0800

Man, some of these are priceless. I almost keep seeing "They fight Crime!" at the end of everything.

By: First Post

First Post — Mon, 29 Nov 2004 19:18:41 -0800

Glad to see this site show up here; it rocks. Some of those movies are actually being greenlighted, too.

By: O9scar

O9scar — Mon, 29 Nov 2004 20:11:54 -0800

Sad and hilarious. But yes, some of these are less laughable than National Treasure, which to my amazement not only got made, but actually made money.

By: thomas j wise

thomas j wise — Mon, 29 Nov 2004 20:17:13 -0800

Terrific link.

By: ZachsMind

ZachsMind — Mon, 29 Nov 2004 21:00:03 -0800

It gives me a sense of hope that someday I'll be able to convince Hollywood to film my story about when I got an ingrown toenail.

By: Scoo

Scoo — Mon, 29 Nov 2004 21:01:33 -0800

Lindsay Lohan is.... JHC, I'm having a heart attack from laughing so hard. Our species is doomed. Dooooomed!

By: Doohickie

Doohickie — Mon, 29 Nov 2004 21:44:44 -0800

OhPuhLeez-- The links work fine on my other computer; I must have some kind of parental control set on the old one.....

By: painquale

painquale — Mon, 29 Nov 2004 22:07:31 -0800

Great links! Especially that second one. So THAT'S where Hollywood is!

By: fungible

fungible — Mon, 29 Nov 2004 22:09:49 -0800

Some of these things are being greenlighted? That's the funny thing about this - if you want to be a screenwriter, you really have to come up with ideas this inane and constantly throw them out to see if they stick. And the more bizarre and asinine the idea (especially if it's simple and stupid) the more likely you'll stick out from the pack and be noticed.

By: Quartermass

Quartermass — Mon, 29 Nov 2004 22:24:11 -0800

Gold Jerry, gold!

By: Sticherbeast

Sticherbeast — Mon, 29 Nov 2004 22:43:03 -0800

In one of the National Lampoon True Facts issues there was a full-page ad taken out in variety by an abysmal aspiring TV writer, with his three surefire ideas. One was about a witch that turned mean football players into gays, and another involved a river that magically freeze-dried and de-freeze-dried corpses from various historical eras, so that each week could be an entirely new adventure. Ponder now the dollar signs flashing in their eyes as they type this stuff up: for some reason the truly awful writer cannot comprehend a universe in which he is not totally sweet and awesome. There was a kid in film school who refused to let others see his script in a screenwriting class, because the other kids would just steal his ideas, like an anthropomorphic mantis fighting a giant glowing eye for twenty minutes. He later whined that he couldn't understand why they had to watch "All About Eve" for class when his dialog was so much better. Ah, genius. And this link is full of genius.

By: Fuzzy Monster

Fuzzy Monster — Mon, 29 Nov 2004 22:54:56 -0800

"Did I mention his best friend is a Talking Pie?"

By: Dizzy Bint

Dizzy Bint — Mon, 29 Nov 2004 23:54:45 -0800

"When push comes to shove, who does a mother save -- herself or her aborted but live infant child?" Now here's a warm, holiday movie if ever there was!

By: OhPuhLeez

OhPuhLeez — Tue, 30 Nov 2004 02:19:13 -0800

Doohickie - I'm SO glad to hear that at least children are protected from this!

By: Doohickie

Doohickie — Tue, 30 Nov 2004 06:00:26 -0800

I gave up on Hollywood when I saw my first "Dodgeball" billboard. Scary.

By: ZachsMind

ZachsMind — Tue, 30 Nov 2004 11:33:52 -0800

If only we could fit a monkey into this thread.