Deliciously negotiating with hostage-takers
December 4, 2004 10:14 PM Subscribe
Would it be wrong to steal a loaf of bread to feed one's family? And by loaf of bread, I mean a nine-foot inflatable SpongeBob Squarepants, and by feeding my family, I mean getting free Whoppers for a year as a reward for returning them to the roof of the Burger King from which they have been disappearing. (via ToonZone)
This post was deleted for the following reason: Poster's Request -- Brandon Blatcher
Exactly how many is 'free Whoppers for a year'? Because if that's simply saying 'as many as you could want in a year' - well, for me, that's three. Maybe. If I had 2 unforseen days of no dogfood.
posted by Dipsomaniac at 10:40 PM on December 4, 2004
posted by Dipsomaniac at 10:40 PM on December 4, 2004
#1 I would not trust BK to not call the cops
#2 It looks so awesome in my dorm room!
posted by Steve_at_Linnwood at 10:50 PM on December 4, 2004
#2 It looks so awesome in my dorm room!
posted by Steve_at_Linnwood at 10:50 PM on December 4, 2004
What, no pictures?
posted by DrJohnEvans at 11:02 PM on December 4, 2004
posted by DrJohnEvans at 11:02 PM on December 4, 2004
Call me a cynic but I smell marketing hoax. I can't remember the last time I saw BK in the news--that is until about 2 weeks ago when articles started appearing about these balloons being 'jacked. I think this is the fourth one I've seen.
posted by dobbs at 11:53 PM on December 4, 2004
posted by dobbs at 11:53 PM on December 4, 2004
WE HAVE THE SQUAREPANTS. ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US.
posted by velacroix at 11:57 PM on December 4, 2004
posted by velacroix at 11:57 PM on December 4, 2004
Maybe the thieves need material to burn a Squarepants effigy at the next Burning Man...
posted by AlexReynolds at 12:34 AM on December 5, 2004
posted by AlexReynolds at 12:34 AM on December 5, 2004
a nine-foot inflatable SpongeBob Squarepants
Some fetishes are just wrong.
posted by dirigibleman at 12:39 AM on December 5, 2004
Some fetishes are just wrong.
posted by dirigibleman at 12:39 AM on December 5, 2004
WE HAVE THE SQUAREPANTS. ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US.
Set us up the Spongebomb.
posted by Vidiot at 12:43 AM on December 5, 2004
Set us up the Spongebomb.
posted by Vidiot at 12:43 AM on December 5, 2004
well, for me, that's three
Three is pushing it, isn't it?
posted by kamylyon at 12:52 AM on December 5, 2004
Three is pushing it, isn't it?
posted by kamylyon at 12:52 AM on December 5, 2004
'Big Man On Campus' Suspected As SpongeBob Robber. I don't believe it's a hoax, dobbs, but I think this is an ingenious way to respond to the thefts. In truth, they're asking for snitches so that they can prosecute, while managing to look magnanimous and even halfway amused by the whole thing.
posted by dhartung at 2:04 AM on December 5, 2004
posted by dhartung at 2:04 AM on December 5, 2004
Man, this brings me back to that time I stole inflatable spongebob characters from roofs of Burger Kings.
Good times.
posted by TwelveTwo at 2:30 AM on December 5, 2004
Good times.
posted by TwelveTwo at 2:30 AM on December 5, 2004
Hopefully their fates are better than Ronald's. Still, Garden Gnome Liberation Front are my favorite kidnappers.
posted by Grums at 2:35 AM on December 5, 2004
posted by Grums at 2:35 AM on December 5, 2004
AlexReynolds: Maybe the thieves need material to burn a Squarepants effigy at the next Burning Man...
How about we take it a step further and fill old 'Bob with hydrogen gas? When we lit THAT sucker and it dissolved into a flaming conflagration, we would be making an artistic commentary on using children's characters to hawk cardiac burgers AND the lack of real government intent to explore alternate enegery sources.
Besides, explosions are really cool.
posted by Enron Hubbard at 3:03 AM on December 5, 2004
How about we take it a step further and fill old 'Bob with hydrogen gas? When we lit THAT sucker and it dissolved into a flaming conflagration, we would be making an artistic commentary on using children's characters to hawk cardiac burgers AND the lack of real government intent to explore alternate enegery sources.
Besides, explosions are really cool.
posted by Enron Hubbard at 3:03 AM on December 5, 2004
Actually I was just thinking they needed ultra-flammable material, and where else these days but a children's mascot sitting on top of a grease pit like BK can you find such a specimen?
posted by AlexReynolds at 4:30 AM on December 5, 2004
posted by AlexReynolds at 4:30 AM on December 5, 2004
"We are concerned about our missing, massive sponges and the effect their absence is having on SpongeBob fans, employees, children and parents everywhere."
It makes it sound like there's millions of children who go to sleep crying every night because the giant, fucking spongebob at their local grease restaurant is missing. And the only effect it has on employees is that the underpaid 16 year-olds working there don't have to deal with going on the roof, sticking a needle in it's side, and shipping it back to corporate.
posted by Arch Stanton at 5:47 AM on December 5, 2004
It makes it sound like there's millions of children who go to sleep crying every night because the giant, fucking spongebob at their local grease restaurant is missing. And the only effect it has on employees is that the underpaid 16 year-olds working there don't have to deal with going on the roof, sticking a needle in it's side, and shipping it back to corporate.
posted by Arch Stanton at 5:47 AM on December 5, 2004
Sounds like the punishment fits the crime.
posted by Kirth Gerson at 5:57 AM on December 5, 2004
posted by Kirth Gerson at 5:57 AM on December 5, 2004
Years ago as graduating seniors we stole an inflatable ronald mcdonald (and the fan that keeps him inflated) from the roof of the new mcdonald's. After a small midnight break-in, we relocated ronald to the roof of our highschool. We were foiled during our midnight reinflation by lack of an extension cord. Curses!
We took everything off the roof and stuffed it in our van, expecting to return and complete our stunt the next night extension cords in hand. The next day the story of ronald's kidnapping ran on our local TV news. Mcdonald's now offered a $5K reward for his return. With our supposed misdemeanor now a felony, we dumped ronald in the lot behind the mcdonalds, and called it in ourselves anonymously (assuming the $5K reward was a trap).
posted by HyperBlue at 7:06 AM on December 5, 2004
We took everything off the roof and stuffed it in our van, expecting to return and complete our stunt the next night extension cords in hand. The next day the story of ronald's kidnapping ran on our local TV news. Mcdonald's now offered a $5K reward for his return. With our supposed misdemeanor now a felony, we dumped ronald in the lot behind the mcdonalds, and called it in ourselves anonymously (assuming the $5K reward was a trap).
posted by HyperBlue at 7:06 AM on December 5, 2004
I think they'll find the culprit soon enough, but only when he or she puts these inflatable promotional items into the only possible application: Cluster'Bobbing.
posted by Verdant at 8:06 AM on December 5, 2004
posted by Verdant at 8:06 AM on December 5, 2004
From the second link: "These incredibly fun and amazingly yellow blow-up figures..." I thought BK wanted to prevent more spongenappings.
posted by sotalia at 8:17 AM on December 5, 2004
posted by sotalia at 8:17 AM on December 5, 2004
It's not like anyone is going to steal that creepy Burger King thing that's been in the recent commercials.
posted by tommasz at 9:06 AM on December 5, 2004
posted by tommasz at 9:06 AM on December 5, 2004
What is with that crazy talking sponge?
posted by orange clock at 9:16 AM on December 5, 2004
posted by orange clock at 9:16 AM on December 5, 2004
being a spongbob fan, when these things first started appearing, everyone I knew would tell me how great these things would look at my place...glad to know I am not the only one that thought this :)
posted by gren at 9:27 AM on December 5, 2004
posted by gren at 9:27 AM on December 5, 2004
our local FOX "news" affiliate spent almost 3 minutes covering the spongebob/burger king theft epidemic. that's more time than they spent dismantling my career.
posted by quonsar at 9:55 AM on December 5, 2004
posted by quonsar at 9:55 AM on December 5, 2004
Off topic but when I was a kid we had transformers, GI. Joe, shit that blew other shit up. Now kids play with and possibly idolize a Sponge. Are we preparing the next generation for a lifetime of janitorial work?
posted by velacroix at 10:12 AM on December 5, 2004
posted by velacroix at 10:12 AM on December 5, 2004
I got a big laugh out of the wording of this post. Thanks!
posted by scarabic at 10:54 AM on December 5, 2004
posted by scarabic at 10:54 AM on December 5, 2004
q, I'd think it'd take at least a prime-time special to dismantle your career. What gives?
posted by Vidiot at 11:04 AM on December 5, 2004
posted by Vidiot at 11:04 AM on December 5, 2004
Yeah, and what is your career anyway?
I'm new here otherwise I wouldn't have the audacity to query someone who is a genuine metafilter celebrity
posted by kamus at 3:41 PM on December 5, 2004
I'm new here otherwise I wouldn't have the audacity to query someone who is a genuine metafilter celebrity
posted by kamus at 3:41 PM on December 5, 2004
It's not like anyone is going to steal that creepy Burger King thing that's been in the recent commercials.
I certainly wouldn't be that calm if I woke up next to that thing.
posted by kreinsch at 7:00 PM on December 5, 2004
I certainly wouldn't be that calm if I woke up next to that thing.
posted by kreinsch at 7:00 PM on December 5, 2004
Yeah, and what is your career anyway?
why, nowadays i'm a genuine metafilter celebrity, of course. the hours are long and the pay is low but it's always been a dream of mine. that other career, it sucked anyway.
posted by quonsar at 7:24 PM on December 5, 2004
why, nowadays i'm a genuine metafilter celebrity, of course. the hours are long and the pay is low but it's always been a dream of mine. that other career, it sucked anyway.
posted by quonsar at 7:24 PM on December 5, 2004
well, for me, that's three
Ya know, I remember eating at Burger King and actually liking it. I seriously think either the quality of their food is going way down, or their preparation is getting worse. I know it didn't used to taste as bad as it does now.
posted by karlshea at 12:37 AM on December 6, 2004
Ya know, I remember eating at Burger King and actually liking it. I seriously think either the quality of their food is going way down, or their preparation is getting worse. I know it didn't used to taste as bad as it does now.
posted by karlshea at 12:37 AM on December 6, 2004
Along those lines, karlshea, a year's worth of free burgers sounds like its own punishment. And there's always the chance you'd end up super-sized.
posted by LeLiLo at 10:13 AM on December 6, 2004
posted by LeLiLo at 10:13 AM on December 6, 2004
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This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments
BTW this is the "good" kamus that had his acct. hijacked and not one of "evil" the kamus' (Kami) who had temporarily sullied my handle's sterling reputation with their vandalous doppelgangery.
Just in case anyone was worried.
posted by kamus at 10:34 PM on December 4, 2004