A modern myth of creation

December 12, 2004 7:45 PM

The History of the Universe.
posted by Faint of Butt (26 comments total)

The missing link between dinosaurs and mammals: flowers.
posted by painquale at 7:56 PM on December 12, 2004

where's the part where the bearded angry dude works six days then fucks off on the seventh?
posted by quonsar at 7:58 PM on December 12, 2004

that's quick and easy : >

do you mean this guy, q?
posted by amberglow at 7:59 PM on December 12, 2004

Well, I'm glad that's been settled.
posted by DrJohnEvans at 8:13 PM on December 12, 2004

"Even the stupidest mammal is a genius compared to the brightest reptile."

They didn't take into account elderly Palm-county voters.

And Putin... that reptile is pretty smart... smart enough to lace soup with dioxin.
posted by dancingbaptist at 8:13 PM on December 12, 2004

"The Sun will eventually burn up the Earth,
but by that time organic life will be largely irrelevant."

Well, of course, we'll all have become transhuman uberbeings by then.
posted by StrangerInAStrainedLand at 8:22 PM on December 12, 2004

"Even the stupidest mammal is a genius compared to the brightest reptile."

They didn't take into account elderly Palm-county voters.

And Putin... that reptile is pretty smart... smart enough to lace soup with dioxin.
posted by dancingbaptist

Thankyou, dancingbaptist, for bringing to this thread the shining light and bubbling joy of politics.
posted by StrangerInAStrainedLand at 8:27 PM on December 12, 2004

Kinda cool, but I much prefer Carl Sagan's Cosmic Calendar.

*Cues Vangelis music.*
posted by sourwookie at 8:30 PM on December 12, 2004

There's a little bit about the author here. I found this statement interesting:

The discoveries of science have given us enormous power. This is one reason why this web site is important. You need to understand the basic facts of science so you can help to decide how these discoveries are to be used (or not used).

All in all it seems to be quite detailed and ambitious.
His predictions for the future got me wondering.
posted by daHIFI at 8:34 PM on December 12, 2004

Very interesting "history."

Always interesting to see the differences between what is said to be known and the new science that has yet to disseminate down to the common knowledge level.

kind of think it takes about 15 years for new info to become common knowledge. No problem though, our anaerobes will keep making gas and this world will still turn.
posted by johnj at 8:46 PM on December 12, 2004

NSFK Not Safe For Kansas. Where is the bearded dude anyway?
posted by buzzman at 8:48 PM on December 12, 2004

At first I thought the following made no sense, had no supporting evidence, and had never before been uttered by any reputable scientist I can recall:
The inflation theory predicts the Universe began with only 25g of matter!

but then I read the disclaimer
Note: Many facts have been simplified to make them easier to understand.

so I guess I feel all better now.
posted by fatllama at 9:36 PM on December 12, 2004

The author fails to link the Big Bang to Kevin Bacon in six or fewer steps.

Am I the only one who noticed this egregious omission?
posted by Mikey-San at 9:44 PM on December 12, 2004

"Note: Many facts have been simplified to make them easier to understand."

There's a pickle wrapper for ya...
posted by Balisong at 9:55 PM on December 12, 2004

The bit about computers out-evolving their human counterparts reminds me of the writing behind 2001, A Space Odyssey. I believe the concept and origin of the black monoliths was supposed to be more auto-generated computer probes, than the holy icons with awe inspiring music, which arose, especially in its sequel. They were supposed to be data sensing sentinels, which is why they were on the moon, and Jupiters moon. Personally, I find the cold, auto-fac computer probe more compelling, and more surprising. If scientists saw a black monolith, they'd chalk it up to space sickness. But verifying a space probe...that would blow us away, wouldn't it?
posted by uni verse at 10:36 PM on December 12, 2004

Why are "molecules" so far up the ladder? I rather expected them to be present within the first few milliseconds after atoms came about, what with equilibrium constants and all that. Oh, I get it. Those are special molecules. Carry on, then.
posted by jenovus at 12:08 AM on December 13, 2004

"The Sun will eventually burn up the Earth,
but by that time organic life will be largely irrelevant."

Reminds me of this story from... Asimov? Russell? Wodehouse? Anway, he was at a science lecture, the speaker mentioned the above, and a worried voice from the audience asked, "Excuse me. How many years did you say it'd be before the sun burns up the earth?"

"Five billion."

"Ah. Thought you said five million."
posted by mono blanco at 1:54 AM on December 13, 2004

jenovus,

Initial elements of hydrogen and helium created in the big bang. No molecules are formed because hydrogen doesn't bind with itself and helium is just f**king useless when it comes to reactions.

Gravity draws the gasses together into clumps which become progressively tighter and so hot and dense that they "ignite" to form stars.

Stars fuel themselves through a process of nuclear fusion through which heavier atoms (and more reactive than helium) can be created by crushing nuclei together.

At a certain density, either the star implodes under it's own gigantic mass or explodes as a supernova scattering it's elements through space. (Alternatively, the heavier elements continue to build up, overwhelming and diluting the lighter, more fusion-prone elements and the star puts its own fire out, becoming an ember - a red or brown star)

The scattered elements (up to an including all 92) are able to react with one another to form molecules once they are out of the fusion reaction.



NB: I'm no astrophysicist, don't use me as a primary source for your NASA finals
posted by NinjaPirate at 2:26 AM on December 13, 2004

The author fails to link the Big Bang to Kevin Bacon in six or fewer steps.

Mikey-San: an oversight I'm sure.
posted by kamylyon at 6:22 AM on December 13, 2004

absolutely brilliant site, thanks for the link FoB!
posted by kamylyon at 6:29 AM on December 13, 2004

At first I thought the following made no sense, had no supporting evidence, and had never before been uttered by any reputable scientist I can recall:
The inflation theory predicts the Universe began with only 25g of matter!

That may have been enough asymmetry to start the conversion from energy into matter. If things were perfectly balanced, we may not have all this stuff. Of course we wouldn't be sitting around wondering why not.

Similarly, things could reverse. If your parents don't throw out those National Geographics, there may be enough matter to start the big crunch back to energy.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 10:10 AM on December 13, 2004

According to the projection of continental drift, the east coast of Australia is heading right for the Pacific Northwest of North America. In perhaps as little as 200 million years, Sydney and Portland will be plodding comfortably along under a single mayor and a mutal board of aldermen.*

(Of course projections of continental drift become very speculative more than a few tens of millions of years out, and others give very different results.)

* Apologies to Mark Twain, see second quote here, which also culminates in one of the best bon mots about science ever devised.
posted by George_Spiggott at 10:40 AM on December 13, 2004

The parts that make me go "gee golly that's neat" are made suspect by the parts that make me cringe. I know it's "simplified" but it's as if the author can't go more than three sentences without making either a generalization, or omission, so sweeping it calls the entire site into question.

Phrases like, But India was largely cut off from Asia by the Himalayas, and so has played little part in world history, or, By about 2500 years ago the Greeks had perfected the alphabet bundled with the absence of Milankovitch cycles as possible causes of ice ages, and with the painfully oversimplification of the ancient world into "nomads" in the steppes and "farmers" down by the rivers makes me glad my knowledge of physics is on the dodgy side. Otherwise I'd feel obligated to complain about the entire 15 billion years.
posted by TheSpook at 10:22 PM on December 13, 2004

I've almost got it, Kamylyon. I can't get it below seven steps:

The Big Bang was in the beginning of the universe with a nuclear explosion, which also happened during the Manhattan Project. The Manhattan project given final approval by Franklin D Roosevelt, who also began Social Security, which was almost privatized by Ronald Reagan, who was in The Young Doctors with Eddie Albert, who was in The Big Picture with Kevin Bacon.

Can anyone eliminate one step somewhere?
posted by Mikey-San at 12:36 AM on December 14, 2004

s/project given/project was given/

# i need sleep
posted by Mikey-San at 12:43 AM on December 14, 2004

Nice post. But I prefer the Cartoon History of the Universe.
...I never was one for book learnin' n' such. I like them purty pitchers.
posted by Smedleyman at 1:43 PM on December 14, 2004