What not to do this new years

December 15, 2004 12:15 PM

Remember this New Year's: Bottle rockets should be fired off from bottles, not your drunken friend's ass (Not really safe for work, but amusing enough to enjoy the stupidity of others).
posted by mathowie (50 comments total)

Oh. my. god.
posted by mic stand at 12:17 PM on December 15, 2004

Well, there's the antidote to goatse.
posted by konolia at 12:18 PM on December 15, 2004

Wow! They have to be about the dumbest people ever to think that that was a good idea.

How could they NOT think this would be extremely painful?

I would have loved to have been the admitting nurse at the ER that night though.
posted by fenriq at 12:19 PM on December 15, 2004

Well, at least he didn't launch it from the retractable pink missile silo.
posted by substrate at 12:20 PM on December 15, 2004

That's the most retarded thing I have ever seen. I can just imagine my brother doing that.
posted by tracicle at 12:20 PM on December 15, 2004

I think I once saw an [ahem] adult mpeg, where a pretty girl did more or less the same thing but put some kind of small tube in her butt first, thus sparing her the ass burns.
posted by jonmc at 12:20 PM on December 15, 2004

jonmc, you *think* you saw an adult mpeg?

You sure?
posted by 1016 at 12:24 PM on December 15, 2004

I do NOT want to be exploded from the anus, EVER.
posted by arto at 12:27 PM on December 15, 2004

People should learn to leave things like this to the trained professionals seen on "Jackass."
posted by Specklet at 12:27 PM on December 15, 2004

1016, I've lost a lot of braincells over the years, I'm not sure of a whole lot.
posted by jonmc at 12:28 PM on December 15, 2004

This is far less funny the Lindsay Lohan titty post
posted by gagglezoomer at 12:28 PM on December 15, 2004

very FARK.

Then again,

fwwweeeeeeeeeeeeewwwweaii..... *bang*
posted by anthill at 12:28 PM on December 15, 2004

I missed a Lindsay Lohan titty post?
posted by spilon at 12:36 PM on December 15, 2004

Lindsay Lohan shoots bottle rockets from her titties?
posted by pmbuko at 12:40 PM on December 15, 2004

I missed a Lindsay Lohan titty post?

Not to worry, I'm sure there will be more.
posted by Armitage Shanks at 12:40 PM on December 15, 2004

Gotta love the fact that by arching his back in pain, like he does in the middle picture, he's basically keeping the damn thing stuck in his pants, and compounding the whole thing.

Try going to work a day or two later, and explaining to your boss why you won't be able to sit for about a month...
posted by LairBob at 12:45 PM on December 15, 2004

Yeah, make with the pop-tits!
posted by fenriq at 12:46 PM on December 15, 2004

Didn't jackass do something similar?
Ah yes. [link to t-shirt for some reason]
posted by metaculpa at 12:48 PM on December 15, 2004

matt,
matt,
matt!

This is so wrong/right on so many levels...
posted by kamylyon at 12:51 PM on December 15, 2004

yeah, where were you Lohan supporters when the flames were on high? sheesh....
posted by NationalKato at 12:54 PM on December 15, 2004

seconds until matt hits detele.... oh, wait.
posted by moonbird at 12:55 PM on December 15, 2004

Where's Darwin when you need him...
posted by deborah at 12:55 PM on December 15, 2004

From the comments:

"i shot a bottle rocket out of my mouth last new years..."

What the hell is wrong with our young people?
posted by jefbla at 1:04 PM on December 15, 2004

new meaning to "screaming asshole"?
posted by DBAPaul at 1:04 PM on December 15, 2004

Holy Burning Asshole Mattman!
posted by eyeballkid at 1:15 PM on December 15, 2004

Reminds me of this doofus, who allowed his frat brothers to tie him to a fence and fire rockets at him [6MB QuickTime video]
posted by scarabic at 1:16 PM on December 15, 2004

new meaning to "screaming asshole"?

Not to mention "flamers"
posted by goethean at 1:17 PM on December 15, 2004

How could they NOT think this would be extremely painful?

Have you ever been drunk?
posted by billysumday at 1:28 PM on December 15, 2004

scarabic, that's exactly what I thought of.
the rocket that spins in the helmet really nails it.

That's a wound you'll remember for quite a while.
does this open consumptionjunction links?
(NSFjonmc)
posted by Busithoth at 1:29 PM on December 15, 2004

I kinda like the fact that Matt's been posting-while-drunk since the baby announcement. This is a side of him I could learn to love!
posted by ChrisTN at 1:46 PM on December 15, 2004

Would have loved to have heard the conversation leading up to that. How do you talk someone into letting you launch a rocket out of their ass?
posted by FunkyHelix at 1:47 PM on December 15, 2004

posted by jpoulos at 1:49 PM on December 15, 2004

"I Triple Dog Dare You" is often quite effective.

Even if it's a breach of dare protocol.
posted by zoogleplex at 1:59 PM on December 15, 2004

I was thinking it was more along the lines of "What? Are you some kind of pussy?" and Mr. Drunk Dumbass can't let THAT go so he drops trou and hilarity and third degree burns ensue.
posted by fenriq at 2:01 PM on December 15, 2004

Uh, I have to say that I would also be very in favor of seeing Lindsey Lohan ta-tas.
posted by Yellowbeard at 2:04 PM on December 15, 2004

'cause as we all know, bottle rockets aren't hot or anything...
posted by NationalKato at 2:04 PM on December 15, 2004

Wait, wait, wait, we need focus here, people.

What's this about Lindsey Lohan's tits?
posted by mkultra at 2:41 PM on December 15, 2004

It's hard to imagine doing this, and even harder to imagine posting it online after.
posted by xammerboy at 2:43 PM on December 15, 2004

When I saw Lindsay Lohan's tits, I launched a rocket.

But not out of my ass.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 3:26 PM on December 15, 2004

Jonmc, I believe the woman who did the "anal bottlerockets" went by the nickname "Viveca Vengeance". There was no tube used, just her colon.
posted by notsnot at 4:11 PM on December 15, 2004

paging #18128
posted by felix betachat at 4:46 PM on December 15, 2004

i seem to have started an underground Lohan phenomenon.
posted by NationalKato at 5:07 PM on December 15, 2004

Hey, I thought this was a video. Where's my video?

MetaFilter - See: FARK.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 5:25 PM on December 15, 2004

scarabic: Thank you!

[Rocket Guy] - Where's the water!? Where's the water!?
[Guy With Water] (Dumps water on burning shirt)
[Rocket Guy] - On HIM you idiot!

posted by Civil_Disobedient at 5:29 PM on December 15, 2004

http://tinyurl.com/67qf8

Better pics, with video. No burns. Much less work safe.
posted by nyxxxx at 5:30 PM on December 15, 2004

paging #18128

I do not condone this tomfoolery. Bottle-rocket ass-launching should be attempted only under qualified adult supervision.

Carry on.
posted by Faint of Butt at 8:52 PM on December 15, 2004

I am so confused. I thought metafilter was for intelligent discourse. And now the 'boss' brings us this! Having a child must be taking a toll. Hope you feel better soon Mr. H.
posted by Kilovolt at 10:13 PM on December 15, 2004

See I was watching that human target one with the guy on the fence, and I was thinking to myself, "that's not too bad, as long as he doesn't get one inside the helmet..."

Dumbass.
posted by sycophant at 10:53 PM on December 15, 2004

The funniest thing about the one with the guy up against the fence is that when his buddies run over with their meager fire-fighting water supplies they try to extinguish everything except his head.

Though, a bottle rocket in the cheeks? Woah, now there's brainpower in action. I wonder if it had a report or a starburst charge? Looks big enough to pack a wallop.

Though, I remember being dumber and younger and having firework fights with Class C, contraband and homemade fireworks and being pretty consistantly surprised that no one was ever driven off in an ambulance. Granted, we wore makeshift armor and shielding and stuff, and we certainly wouldn't be so dumb as to use our own ass as a launcher. That's what pipes are for. You can aim them at stuff. Like other people. Y'know, 'cause they're aiming back at you.
posted by loquacious at 2:59 AM on December 16, 2004

Even though I don't have any proof I would bet that the bottle rocket guys are Finnish. They have the look and one of the guys is holding a bottle that looks very much like cheap Finnish sparkling wine "Kulta-Kavaljeeri."

Ohh -- this makes me miss my homeland so bad...
posted by zeikka at 6:52 AM on December 16, 2004