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Santa!
December 23, 2004 9:17 PM   Subscribe

Watch the sky! He's coming soon! With fighter escort!
posted by arse_hat (15 comments total)

 
T'would be a shame if Santa were shot down. Good thing he's got backup.

Of course, I'd hate to have jets hovering over my neighborhood as Santa did his thing at 3 in the morning.
posted by Alt F4 at 9:34 PM on December 23, 2004


As if the Canadian air force could keep up with Santa.
posted by Evstar at 9:47 PM on December 23, 2004


Hardcore holiday figures don't need military escorts. On Moshe! On Herschel! On Shlomo!
posted by sellout at 9:50 PM on December 23, 2004


I thought Santa only needed the fighter jets on the rare occasion he delivered gifts to Iraq?
posted by yossarian1 at 10:07 PM on December 23, 2004


I thought Santa only needed the fighter jets on the rare occasion he delivered gifts to Iraq?

That's pre-9/11 thinking!
posted by sycophant at 10:11 PM on December 23, 2004


It's a slippery slope: Providing fighter escort one christmas and being roped into the North American Missile Defence Shield the next.

I say Paul Martin and these Canadian fighter pilots of his better read the fine print all careful-like so they know the extent of what they've signed up for.
posted by dismitree at 10:22 PM on December 23, 2004


Considering that Santa can fly so fast that he can hit every house on earth in 24 hours (i won't link to that rather long physical deconstruction of why he'd burn up in the atmosphere, blah blah), there is no weapon on earth that can currently hope to hit that sleigh.

The only hope anyone might have of bringing him down would be detonating a high-powered nuke in an airburst, perfectly timed so that he'd be within the kill zone at the time of the blast. Which would be damn near impossible as he's too fast to track, and also would pass through the kill zone of even the biggest nukes fast enough that if your timing was off by even a hundredth of a second you'd literally miss him by miles.

Of course, you could always try to infiltrate the Elf Toy Assembly Corps, and make it an inside job. But I think Santa's got that covered, since we've been to the North Pole dozens of times and can't discover his huge compound that everyone has seen on TV and in books a million times. Looks like he's built at right angles to reality!
posted by zoogleplex at 10:40 PM on December 23, 2004


Since it's the 50th anniversary of NORAD's first tracking of Santa (as opposed to the TRACKING of Santa -- which involves much more violence), they named Ringo Starr to be their honorary guest tracker this year. They also enlisted other "celebrities for moral support...
posted by miss lynnster at 10:47 PM on December 23, 2004


Strike escort is nice, but you want a SEAD package and some jammers along too or it's gonna be a long night (or a short and exciting one).
posted by alumshubby at 4:12 AM on December 24, 2004


Maj. James Manning and Capt. Daniel BĂ©langer of 3 Wing Bagotville and Capt. Desmond Brophy of 4 Wing Cold Lake

That just so reeks of the Great White North.
posted by Turtles all the way down at 5:08 AM on December 24, 2004


That just so reeks of the Great White North.

Who better to escort Santa than denizens of the GWN?

Personally I wouldn't want an escort that consisted of people who didn't know how to drive in the snow...
posted by kamylyon at 7:25 AM on December 24, 2004


Why on earth does a semi-mythical figure require a military escort? Has the CIA received "solid intelligence" that Osama Bin Laden has been buying up surface-to-air missiles and scrawling "Bah! Humbug!" on them or something and passed this along to Canada?

Will the Easter Bunny be requiring a special forces escort later this year? :)
posted by kaemaril at 9:56 AM on December 24, 2004


"Why on earth does a semi-mythical figure require a military escort?"
posted by arse_hat at 10:33 AM on December 24, 2004


They can track Santa but they yet have no clue about Osama.

I guess you track with the NORAD you have, not the NORAD you might want or wish to have at a later time.
posted by NewBornHippy at 4:50 PM on December 24, 2004


arse_hat: The Grinch? Bah! Now, if you'd have said Lobo, maybe you'd have had a point ... :)
posted by kaemaril at 5:54 PM on December 24, 2004


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