Torture Tapes

January 9, 2005 11:20 PM

The Torture Tape Experiment Create for combat purposes a tape so wretched and foul that anyone who listens to it for 24 hours will never be able to think straight again. Warning: dangerous MP3 files contained within.
posted by boost ventilator (62 comments total)

This is awesome. I'm through track 3 and ready to confess to any crimes.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 11:34 PM on January 9, 2005

neat idea, but the tracks are more just cheezy and annoying than strictly wretched and foul.

my idea of wretched and foul would have to involve an ample helping of gabber.

disclaimer: didn't listen to all of it and certainly didn't listen to it for 24 hours.
posted by juv3nal at 11:35 PM on January 9, 2005

What?
No Minnie Riperton's "Loving You"?
No Altered Images "I Can Be Happy" or "Song Sung Blue"?

Amateurs...
posted by Pinback at 11:40 PM on January 9, 2005

Helios Creed rocks!
posted by jokeefe at 11:42 PM on January 9, 2005

I'd go with the cliche (but cliche just because it's so true) Japanoise/New Zealand noise scene. Listening to some of that stuff for just 10 minutes, even if you like it, can drive you crazy. 24 hours of it would probably kill.

You just have to be careful to avoid the "wall of noise" stuff, because, conversely, that actually becomes really soothing after about 20 minutes.
posted by Bugbread at 11:43 PM on January 9, 2005

Torture, NOTHING!! Those are Awesome!!

Do you realize just how long it's been since I grooved out to "Macho Duck" with Double-D...

I'm burning this to a CD and am going to force it on my friends soon.... At least till they are putty in my hands...heh

But at the same time.. if I ever hear Stairway to Heaven again, my brain will hemorage. I know every nuance of every note of that song by heart, and haven't been able to listen to it (voluntarily) for going on 5 years now...

Come to think of it, I'm pretty sick of anything by B.T.O., too..

I still can't believe they didn't put in any Skinny Puppy, or Butt Trumpet, or Big Dumb Face, or Ween...

Now THAT's GOOD annoying music!!
posted by Balisong at 11:43 PM on January 9, 2005

Oh, and "Gilbert O'Sullivan"'s tribute to pedophilia, Claire, should be on there somewhere.
posted by jokeefe at 11:46 PM on January 9, 2005

I saw Helios Creed and I got confused. That's good stuff. Add in some Borbetomagus and The Boredoms, and you've got something.
posted by exlotuseater at 12:23 AM on January 10, 2005

Some Pink Floyd should do the trick...
posted by Mach3avelli at 12:38 AM on January 10, 2005

Aw, some of that is child's play. How about 18 hours of Whitehouse?

Or even worse, the entire works of William Shatner...
posted by qwerty155 at 1:29 AM on January 10, 2005

Without Zamfir - Master of the Pan Flute - any long term music torture can only be so excruciating.

A mere 3 hours of "The Lonely Shepherd" in a damp darkened room with a bit of an echo and even G. Gordon Liddy would crack.
Use of a strobe would cut it down to a half hour.

Balisong I notice Skinny Puppy following some Vivaldi or the Brandenburg Concertos sharpens me up with a nice "Little Alex" sort of mindset whilst scaring the hell out of others on the public transportation.

This is a great idea tho' - I'm sorting through old tape looking for a song that sampled Barry McGuire singing just the word "Destruction" over and over and over with a sort of John Cage-ish meandering punk guitar riff in the background.

That'll make ya' a psychopath. (Unless '80's pop does first)
posted by Smedleyman at 1:39 AM on January 10, 2005

What does it mean if you actually like most of the tracks? [this is good!]
posted by jba at 2:30 AM on January 10, 2005

That was delicious. Got any more?
posted by loquacious at 3:01 AM on January 10, 2005

It isn't hell until you reach Diamond Girl (by Nice 'N Wild).

This creepy guy from this creepy unknown band lists it as his favorite song. Could that be the reason that success passed them by?
posted by MsVader at 4:37 AM on January 10, 2005

Just when I thought I'd have to think to make my Mefi Swap mix, along comes this post. Thanks, boost ventilator!
posted by Plutor at 4:56 AM on January 10, 2005

Glad to see Keith Moon on there, which is a true test of even the biggest Who fan's patience (although I would have gone with his version of "In My Life").

The key to make a tape like this really painful is variety - some people actually enjoy a whole straight hour of golden throat stuff/365 Days Project or noise bands. It also helps to not be that concerned about the levels.

In college I had a tape called The Party's Over which was played at the end of our parties to clear the room. It included Throbbing Gristle, Lionel Richie, the Playmates, the Nutty Squirrels (or some other chipmunks ripoff, maybe it was Woodchucks), Mrs Miller, Wild Man Fisher, Angry Samoans, Journey, Meat Joy, etc etc. The people that enjoyed the noisy underground stuff would groan as soon as something like L Richie came on and look at their watch.
posted by Slack-a-gogo at 5:12 AM on January 10, 2005

This is a cool idea, but the framing of it as bineg for "combat purposes" is a little off-color.
posted by trey at 5:21 AM on January 10, 2005

What, no Legendary Stardust Cowboy?
posted by Stonewall Jackson at 5:58 AM on January 10, 2005

I'll admit I haven't yet listened to it, but if there's no Andrew Lloyd Weber, it's incomplete.
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 6:00 AM on January 10, 2005

Joe Meek's Telstar??!! That's just not right.
posted by krtzmrk at 6:00 AM on January 10, 2005

bugbread, I reckon I could handle 24 hours of Violent Turd, it's happy hardcore that destroys me. For the full effect it should come from a pirate station with poor reception and the world's shittest tower block MC.
posted by ninebelow at 6:43 AM on January 10, 2005

I think the camp factor destroys the combative effect of these songs. A real torture tape must consist of Cage, modern abstract noise artists, heavy metal, and marching bands. The music must not be cute or funny in its strangeness.

I mean, we're talking the Hipster Generation here. We eat shyte like this for breakfast.
posted by NickDouglas at 7:21 AM on January 10, 2005

Well, I think what I tortured other people with would depend on who I was torturing.

If someone were torturing me, I think endless-looping "Let the Eagle Soar" would do the trick....pretty fast. Think, "loss of bowel control"....
posted by lodurr at 7:30 AM on January 10, 2005

Clearly the authors have never endured a Hong Kong musical variety show.
posted by bwg at 7:31 AM on January 10, 2005

Or a Cantopop* concert.

*Self-link, but the photo has to be seen to be believed.
posted by bwg at 7:34 AM on January 10, 2005

I think that Bananaphone suits this perfectly.

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/bananaphone.html
(flash animation with sound!)
posted by jeffmik at 7:41 AM on January 10, 2005

oh and some swearing, so NSFW
posted by jeffmik at 7:42 AM on January 10, 2005

No Celine Dion? No "Achy Breaky Heart?" This is not torturous enough. : )
posted by SisterHavana at 7:51 AM on January 10, 2005

Thirty minutes of GWB speaking publicly without notes would do it for me.
posted by notreally at 7:57 AM on January 10, 2005

"Wildfire" by Michael Murphy.

Goddamn it sucks.
posted by BobFrapples at 8:06 AM on January 10, 2005

Ah, they forgot this
posted by qwerty155 at 8:25 AM on January 10, 2005

very funny.

a torture tape could have sticky nonsensical advertising jingles (meow meow meow meow) repeated over, and over and over again. or the weather network jingle repeated, ad nauseam, for hours...
posted by seawallrunner at 8:26 AM on January 10, 2005

Bug, did you ever see the Upright Citizen's Bridge sketch about Japanoietching?

"It's like stretching, but to Japanese noiserock."
posted by dougunderscorenelso at 8:41 AM on January 10, 2005

I don't have a soundcard here at work, but I'm going to guess: that stuff would be great on shrooms.
posted by delmoi at 8:52 AM on January 10, 2005

Can we get a Mefi torture tape swap? I think that would be the best thing ever.
posted by u.n. owen at 9:03 AM on January 10, 2005

It's oddly listenable. So bad it's good, or something like that.
posted by whatnot at 9:04 AM on January 10, 2005

Yeah, those seem pretty tame, on the whole. They lack imagination. For example, how about the post-modern \ avante garde movement in music. Imagine listening to Ligeti (weird babbling music from 2001) for 18 hours on end. Or Penderecki (similar) or George Crumb (scary string noises, think any post-Psycho horror soundtrack). I think you could also do some interesting things with Philip Glass. Einstein on the Beach - The Extended Mix.

(for the record, I like and appreciate all of the above. They have their place in my playlist, and that place is "about once a year")

Or for sheer wretchedness, as someone mentioned, there are the archived works of William Shater. (and Leonard Nimoy) And don't forget the Star Wars Christmas Album! That's my personal pick for worst album ever made. (runner up is Pat Boone's "In a Metal Mood", but it wouldn't make good torture music as, unless you familiar with the source material, it's somewhat pleasant when taken on its own)

Trent Reznor could be great for torturing people. No no, don't kill me - I *like* NIN. However, imagine a compilation of all the scary industrial noise tracks from his output (Quake soundtrack?), played at excrutiating levels. Same with all of the other Industrial artists who make music that sounds more like a car wreck in slo-mo.

Also - Gyoto Monk chanting. That stuff is just scary. There could also be a place for Chinese Opera. (I'm sorry, I try to be culturally aware and find things to like about music from different backgrounds \ tonic scales - but Chinese Opera just sounds like cats in heat)

And for the love of god, where's It's A Small World? That should be, like, every other track.

They just went through and found tracks in their collection they found personally annoying, but the combined effect would only be moderately torturous. They could do MUCH better if they could get beyond "let's pick on pop\indie American rock we don't like"
posted by InnocentBystander at 9:08 AM on January 10, 2005

You could make a good torture tape from the results of Dave Barry's Bad Song Survey from some years back.
posted by SisterHavana at 9:18 AM on January 10, 2005

24 hours of leonard nimoy's "twinkle twinkle little earth" would leave even the most hardened detainee crying and rocking in a corner.
posted by u.n. owen at 9:24 AM on January 10, 2005

A friend of a friend had to do this to get into a frat:

They had to spend all their time in a room (except to go to class) with a CD player blasting "Shoehorn With Teeth" by They Might Be Giants on repeat... for a week.
posted by buriednexttoyou at 9:28 AM on January 10, 2005

Shirley Temple singing "The Good Ship Lollipop" is pretty goddam dreadful. Radiohead used it very effectively as their "the show's over, time to go home" music on the last tour; you could actually see people recoil just before they bolted for the exits.
posted by jokeefe at 9:30 AM on January 10, 2005

24 hours of Bowie, the Beatles and the Eagles should kill anyone.
posted by DieHipsterDie at 10:08 AM on January 10, 2005

This is horrible and yet I can't stop listening.

Advice for creating your own torture mix tape:

1) Include at least one track by a ventroliquist
2) Bonus points if it's a religious ventriloquism act
3) Extra bonus points if it's a religious ventriloquism act performed by a child

My ears! The bleeding!
posted by filmgoerjuan at 10:24 AM on January 10, 2005

Can we get a Mefi torture tape swap?

Ooh, this would be so easy to set up: What's your favorite song by your favorite artist?

/your favorite artist sucks hairy nads
posted by Civil_Disobedient at 11:14 AM on January 10, 2005

Might I suggest:
Rappin Together by William Perry & Walter Payton

Anything on the "Morton Downey Jr. Sings" album

Let the Eagle Soar by Ashcroft

Some Wesley Willis

Anything by Russell Crowe
posted by papakwanz at 11:15 AM on January 10, 2005

What, no "Shiny Shiny" by Hazee Fantazee? They really are amateurs!

That song goes on a loop in my brain everytime I have a fever over 101. Steady repetition of that song would make a Green Beret weep like a little girl after about 15 minutes. Evil I tell you, evil.
posted by echolalia67 at 11:17 AM on January 10, 2005

Duff Beer for me, Duff Beer for you...I'll have a Duff, you have one, too...
posted by Stonewall Jackson at 11:36 AM on January 10, 2005

I must really love music or something. So far, the only thing I'm confessing is my sudden urge to get busy on the dancefloor.
posted by recursive at 11:48 AM on January 10, 2005

Clear channel radio.
posted by asok at 12:05 PM on January 10, 2005

Okay, the second set, "Henry's Tape for Brian," is far more torturous. The yodelling overture is horrifying, and yet I couldn't stop laughing.
posted by whatnot at 12:11 PM on January 10, 2005

"Let the Bodies Hit the Floor" (AKA The Counting Song) by Drowning Pool. That's what they play in-between Shonen Knife tracks in my personal hell...
posted by SweetJesus at 12:16 PM on January 10, 2005

So bad it's good, or something like that.

Honestly, this is the camp factor. Postmodernism's gift to mankind is the ability to withstand all music.

But yeah, I use chamomile and "Let the Bodies Hit the Floor" to induce vomiting.
posted by NickDouglas at 12:31 PM on January 10, 2005

Should I be worried because there are actually songs here I've been looking for?

Now I'm inspired to make something truly torturous...
posted by squidlarkin at 12:32 PM on January 10, 2005

Easy
Just one song: I could sing of your love forever" by Delirious.
Over and over and over again. And I LIKE the song. Just think of its effect on someone who can't stand it...
posted by talitha_kumi at 2:15 PM on January 10, 2005

This is the song that never ends!
Yes it goes on and on my friends!
Some people
started singing it not knowing what it was
and they'll continue singing it
forever, just becauseThis is the song that never ends!
Yes it goes on and on my friends!
Some people
started singing it not knowing what it was
and they'll continue singing it
forever, just becauseThis is the song that never ends!
Yes it goes on and on my friends!
Some people
started singing it not knowing what it was
and they'll continue singing it
forever, just becauseThis is the song that never ends!
Yes it goes on and on my friends!
Some people
started singing it not knowing what it was
and they'll continue singing it
forever, just becauseThis is the song that never ends!
Yes it goes on and on my friends!
Some people
started singing it not knowing what it was
and they'll continue singing it
forever, just because...
posted by u.n. owen at 2:56 PM on January 10, 2005

"Havin' a Roni" By Vanilla Ice
His beatboxing opus
posted by papakwanz at 3:07 PM on January 10, 2005

filmgoerjuan:
I wish i could fly. right up to the sky, but I can't
you can.
I can't

/shudders
posted by seanyboy at 3:30 PM on January 10, 2005

This is clearly not torture to most of us. If you wanted to torture me, you'd have to go for top 40, Celine Dion, Micheal Bolton, Yanni, anything Muzak'ed, Kenny G... ugh!@ I can't type any more names like that, my fingers feel all filthy and irritated and now I just want to go smash up a TV or something and roll around in the broken bits! UGH! BAD FINGERS! BAD! BAD KENNY G! RARRGH!! *smash*
posted by loquacious at 6:10 PM on January 10, 2005

As a challenge/bet/let's see if we can do it sorta thing my friend and I agreed to listen to The Essential Lionel Richie for all of October 2003. Any time that we'd normally be listening to music, it had to be that one CD. He wussed out, but I stayed strong for the entire month--which is especially impressive considering that I had just started a data entry job, which meant that I would normally be listening to music for at least those eight hours out of the day, plus the walk home, plus some at home.

The surprising thing was, after a certain amount of time, I just started to block it out so while I was hearing the music I wasn't always LISTENING to it. I'm just not sold on the whole "music as a weapon" thing.

That said: I'm going to listen to this stuff and see what it does to me, so I may change my tune in a little while.
posted by Fontbone at 6:28 PM on January 10, 2005

Any torture compilation would be grossly incomplete were it to lack "Diary of an Unborn Child" by Lil' Markie.
posted by The Great Big Mulp at 6:46 PM on January 10, 2005

I am thinking that the only reason there is no Heino on these mixes is because Henry and Brian want to remain friends.
posted by jtron at 8:27 PM on January 10, 2005

No Ass Baboons of Venus? Or Jimmy Buffett's "The Hangout Gang"?
posted by Vidiot at 8:46 PM on January 11, 2005