Comments on: Torture Tapes

Torture Tapes

boost ventilator — Sun, 09 Jan 2005 23:20:04 -0800

The Torture Tape Experiment Create for combat purposes a tape so wretched and foul that anyone who listens to it for 24 hours will never be able to think straight again. Warning: dangerous MP3 files contained within.

By: KevinSkomsvold

KevinSkomsvold — Sun, 09 Jan 2005 23:34:07 -0800

This is awesome. I'm through track 3 and ready to confess to any crimes.

By: juv3nal

juv3nal — Sun, 09 Jan 2005 23:35:44 -0800

neat idea, but the tracks are more just cheezy and annoying than strictly wretched and foul. my idea of wretched and foul would have to involve an ample helping of gabber. disclaimer: didn't listen to all of it and certainly didn't listen to it for 24 hours.

By: Pinback

Pinback — Sun, 09 Jan 2005 23:40:18 -0800

What? No Minnie Riperton's "Loving You"? No Altered Images "I Can Be Happy" or "Song Sung Blue"? Amateurs...

By: jokeefe

jokeefe — Sun, 09 Jan 2005 23:42:38 -0800

Helios Creed rocks!

By: Bugbread

Bugbread — Sun, 09 Jan 2005 23:43:36 -0800

I'd go with the cliche (but cliche just because it's so true) Japanoise/New Zealand noise scene. Listening to some of that stuff for just 10 minutes, even if you like it, can drive you crazy. 24 hours of it would probably kill. You just have to be careful to avoid the "wall of noise" stuff, because, conversely, that actually becomes really soothing after about 20 minutes.

By: Balisong

Balisong — Sun, 09 Jan 2005 23:43:46 -0800

Torture, NOTHING!! Those are Awesome!! Do you realize just how long it's been since I grooved out to "Macho Duck" with Double-D... I'm burning this to a CD and am going to force it on my friends soon.... At least till they are putty in my hands...heh But at the same time.. if I ever hear Stairway to Heaven again, my brain will hemorage. I know every nuance of every note of that song by heart, and haven't been able to listen to it (voluntarily) for going on 5 years now... Come to think of it, I'm pretty sick of anything by B.T.O., too.. I still can't believe they didn't put in any Skinny Puppy, or Butt Trumpet, or Big Dumb Face, or Ween... Now THAT's GOOD annoying music!!

By: jokeefe

jokeefe — Sun, 09 Jan 2005 23:46:53 -0800

Oh, and "Gilbert O'Sullivan"'s tribute to pedophilia, Claire, should be on there somewhere.

By: exlotuseater

exlotuseater — Mon, 10 Jan 2005 00:23:38 -0800

I saw Helios Creed and I got confused. That's good stuff. Add in some Borbetomagus and The Boredoms, and you've got something.

By: Mach3avelli

Mach3avelli — Mon, 10 Jan 2005 00:38:38 -0800

Some Pink Floyd should do the trick...

By: qwerty155

qwerty155 — Mon, 10 Jan 2005 01:29:06 -0800

Aw, some of that is child's play. How about 18 hours of Whitehouse? Or even worse, the entire works of William Shatner...

By: Smedleyman

Smedleyman — Mon, 10 Jan 2005 01:39:15 -0800

Without Zamfir - Master of the Pan Flute - any long term music torture can only be so excruciating. A mere 3 hours of "The Lonely Shepherd" in a damp darkened room with a bit of an echo and even G. Gordon Liddy would crack. Use of a strobe would cut it down to a half hour. Balisong I notice Skinny Puppy following some Vivaldi or the Brandenburg Concertos sharpens me up with a nice "Little Alex" sort of mindset whilst scaring the hell out of others on the public transportation. This is a great idea tho' - I'm sorting through old tape looking for a song that sampled Barry McGuire singing just the word "Destruction" over and over and over with a sort of John Cage-ish meandering punk guitar riff in the background. That'll make ya' a psychopath. (Unless '80's pop does first)

By: jba

jba — Mon, 10 Jan 2005 02:30:13 -0800

What does it mean if you actually like most of the tracks? [this is good!]

By: loquacious

loquacious — Mon, 10 Jan 2005 03:01:48 -0800

That was delicious. Got any more?

By: MsVader

MsVader — Mon, 10 Jan 2005 04:37:13 -0800

It isn't hell until you reach Diamond Girl (by Nice 'N Wild). This creepy guy from this creepy unknown band lists it as his favorite song. Could that be the reason that success passed them by?

By: Plutor

Plutor — Mon, 10 Jan 2005 04:56:01 -0800

Just when I thought I'd have to think to make my Mefi Swap mix, along comes this post. Thanks, boost ventilator!

By: Slack-a-gogo

Slack-a-gogo — Mon, 10 Jan 2005 05:12:10 -0800

Glad to see Keith Moon on there, which is a true test of even the biggest Who fan's patience (although I would have gone with his version of "In My Life"). The key to make a tape like this really painful is variety - some people actually enjoy a whole straight hour of golden throat stuff/365 Days Project or noise bands. It also helps to not be that concerned about the levels. In college I had a tape called The Party's Over which was played at the end of our parties to clear the room. It included Throbbing Gristle, Lionel Richie, the Playmates, the Nutty Squirrels (or some other chipmunks ripoff, maybe it was Woodchucks), Mrs Miller, Wild Man Fisher, Angry Samoans, Journey, Meat Joy, etc etc. The people that enjoyed the noisy underground stuff would groan as soon as something like L Richie came on and look at their watch.

By: trey

trey — Mon, 10 Jan 2005 05:21:02 -0800

This is a cool idea, but the framing of it as bineg for "combat purposes" is a little off-color.

By: Stonewall Jackson

Stonewall Jackson — Mon, 10 Jan 2005 05:58:24 -0800

What, no Legendary Stardust Cowboy?

By: Civil_Disobedient

Civil_Disobedient — Mon, 10 Jan 2005 06:00:04 -0800

I'll admit I haven't yet listened to it, but if there's no Andrew Lloyd Weber, it's incomplete.

By: krtzmrk

krtzmrk — Mon, 10 Jan 2005 06:00:59 -0800

Joe Meek's Telstar??!! That's just not right.

By: ninebelow

ninebelow — Mon, 10 Jan 2005 06:43:40 -0800

bugbread, I reckon I could handle 24 hours of Violent Turd, it's happy hardcore that destroys me. For the full effect it should come from a pirate station with poor reception and the world's shittest tower block MC.

By: NickDouglas

NickDouglas — Mon, 10 Jan 2005 07:21:18 -0800

I think the camp factor destroys the combative effect of these songs. A real torture tape must consist of Cage, modern abstract noise artists, heavy metal, and marching bands. The music must not be cute or funny in its strangeness. I mean, we're talking the Hipster Generation here. We eat shyte like this for breakfast.

By: lodurr

lodurr — Mon, 10 Jan 2005 07:30:36 -0800

Well, I think what I tortured other people with would depend on who I was torturing. If someone were torturing me, I think endless-looping "Let the Eagle Soar" would do the trick....pretty fast. Think, "loss of bowel control"....

By: bwg

bwg — Mon, 10 Jan 2005 07:31:16 -0800

Clearly the authors have never endured a Hong Kong musical variety show.

By: bwg

bwg — Mon, 10 Jan 2005 07:34:09 -0800

Or a Cantopop* concert. *Self-link, but the photo has to be seen to be believed.

By: jeffmik

jeffmik — Mon, 10 Jan 2005 07:41:03 -0800

I think that Bananaphone suits this perfectly. http://www.ebaumsworld.com/bananaphone.html (flash animation with sound!)

By: jeffmik

jeffmik — Mon, 10 Jan 2005 07:42:17 -0800

oh and some swearing, so NSFW

By: SisterHavana

SisterHavana — Mon, 10 Jan 2005 07:51:47 -0800

No Celine Dion? No "Achy Breaky Heart?" This is not torturous enough. : )

By: notreally

notreally — Mon, 10 Jan 2005 07:57:49 -0800

Thirty minutes of GWB speaking publicly without notes would do it for me.

By: BobFrapples

BobFrapples — Mon, 10 Jan 2005 08:06:26 -0800

"Wildfire" by Michael Murphy. Goddamn it sucks.

By: qwerty155

qwerty155 — Mon, 10 Jan 2005 08:25:30 -0800

Ah, they forgot this

By: seawallrunner

seawallrunner — Mon, 10 Jan 2005 08:26:27 -0800

very funny. a torture tape could have sticky nonsensical advertising jingles (meow meow meow meow) repeated over, and over and over again. or the weather network jingle repeated, ad nauseam, for hours...

By: dougunderscorenelso

dougunderscorenelso — Mon, 10 Jan 2005 08:41:33 -0800

Bug, did you ever see the Upright Citizen's Bridge sketch about Japanoietching? "It's like stretching, but to Japanese noiserock."

By: delmoi

delmoi — Mon, 10 Jan 2005 08:52:37 -0800

I don't have a soundcard here at work, but I'm going to guess: that stuff would be great on shrooms.

By: u.n. owen

u.n. owen — Mon, 10 Jan 2005 09:03:24 -0800

Can we get a Mefi torture tape swap? I think that would be the best thing ever.

By: whatnot

whatnot — Mon, 10 Jan 2005 09:04:30 -0800

It's oddly listenable. So bad it's good, or something like that.

By: InnocentBystander

InnocentBystander — Mon, 10 Jan 2005 09:08:06 -0800

Yeah, those seem pretty tame, on the whole. They lack imagination. For example, how about the post-modern \ avante garde movement in music. Imagine listening to Ligeti (weird babbling music from 2001) for 18 hours on end. Or Penderecki (similar) or George Crumb (scary string noises, think any post-Psycho horror soundtrack). I think you could also do some interesting things with Philip Glass. Einstein on the Beach - The Extended Mix. (for the record, I like and appreciate all of the above. They have their place in my playlist, and that place is "about once a year") Or for sheer wretchedness, as someone mentioned, there are the archived works of William Shater. (and Leonard Nimoy) And don't forget the Star Wars Christmas Album! That's my personal pick for worst album ever made. (runner up is Pat Boone's "In a Metal Mood", but it wouldn't make good torture music as, unless you familiar with the source material, it's somewhat pleasant when taken on its own) Trent Reznor could be great for torturing people. No no, don't kill me - I *like* NIN. However, imagine a compilation of all the scary industrial noise tracks from his output (Quake soundtrack?), played at excrutiating levels. Same with all of the other Industrial artists who make music that sounds more like a car wreck in slo-mo. Also - Gyoto Monk chanting. That stuff is just scary. There could also be a place for Chinese Opera. (I'm sorry, I try to be culturally aware and find things to like about music from different backgrounds \ tonic scales - but Chinese Opera just sounds like cats in heat) And for the love of god, where's It's A Small World? That should be, like, every other track. They just went through and found tracks in their collection they found personally annoying, but the combined effect would only be moderately torturous. They could do MUCH better if they could get beyond "let's pick on pop\indie American rock we don't like"

By: SisterHavana

SisterHavana — Mon, 10 Jan 2005 09:18:43 -0800

You could make a good torture tape from the results of Dave Barry's Bad Song Survey from some years back.

By: u.n. owen

u.n. owen — Mon, 10 Jan 2005 09:24:48 -0800

24 hours of leonard nimoy's "twinkle twinkle little earth" would leave even the most hardened detainee crying and rocking in a corner.

By: buriednexttoyou

buriednexttoyou — Mon, 10 Jan 2005 09:28:19 -0800

A friend of a friend had to do this to get into a frat: They had to spend all their time in a room (except to go to class) with a CD player blasting "Shoehorn With Teeth" by They Might Be Giants on repeat... for a week.

By: jokeefe

jokeefe — Mon, 10 Jan 2005 09:30:14 -0800

Shirley Temple singing "The Good Ship Lollipop" is pretty goddam dreadful. Radiohead used it very effectively as their "the show's over, time to go home" music on the last tour; you could actually see people recoil just before they bolted for the exits.

By: DieHipsterDie

DieHipsterDie — Mon, 10 Jan 2005 10:08:10 -0800

24 hours of Bowie, the Beatles and the Eagles should kill anyone.

By: filmgoerjuan

filmgoerjuan — Mon, 10 Jan 2005 10:24:46 -0800

This is horrible and yet I can't stop listening. Advice for creating your own torture mix tape: 1) Include at least one track by a ventroliquist 2) Bonus points if it's a religious ventriloquism act 3) Extra bonus points if it's a religious ventriloquism act performed by a child My ears! The bleeding!

By: Civil_Disobedient

Civil_Disobedient — Mon, 10 Jan 2005 11:14:25 -0800

Can we get a Mefi torture tape swap? Ooh, this would be so easy to set up: What's your favorite song by your favorite artist? /your favorite artist sucks hairy nads

By: papakwanz

papakwanz — Mon, 10 Jan 2005 11:15:21 -0800

Might I suggest: Rappin Together by William Perry & Walter Payton Anything on the "Morton Downey Jr. Sings" album Let the Eagle Soar by Ashcroft Some Wesley Willis Anything by Russell Crowe

By: echolalia67

echolalia67 — Mon, 10 Jan 2005 11:17:06 -0800

What, no "Shiny Shiny" by Hazee Fantazee? They really are amateurs! That song goes on a loop in my brain everytime I have a fever over 101. Steady repetition of that song would make a Green Beret weep like a little girl after about 15 minutes. Evil I tell you, evil.

By: Stonewall Jackson

Stonewall Jackson — Mon, 10 Jan 2005 11:36:16 -0800

Duff Beer for me, Duff Beer for you...I'll have a Duff, you have one, too...

By: recursive

recursive — Mon, 10 Jan 2005 11:48:39 -0800

I must really love music or something. So far, the only thing I'm confessing is my sudden urge to get busy on the dancefloor.

By: asok

asok — Mon, 10 Jan 2005 12:05:11 -0800

Clear channel radio.

By: whatnot

whatnot — Mon, 10 Jan 2005 12:11:50 -0800

Okay, the second set, "Henry's Tape for Brian," is far more torturous. The yodelling overture is horrifying, and yet I couldn't stop laughing.

By: SweetJesus

SweetJesus — Mon, 10 Jan 2005 12:16:59 -0800

"Let the Bodies Hit the Floor" (AKA The Counting Song) by Drowning Pool. That's what they play in-between Shonen Knife tracks in my personal hell...

By: NickDouglas

NickDouglas — Mon, 10 Jan 2005 12:31:03 -0800

So bad it's good, or something like that. Honestly, this is the camp factor. Postmodernism's gift to mankind is the ability to withstand all music. But yeah, I use chamomile and "Let the Bodies Hit the Floor" to induce vomiting.

By: squidlarkin

squidlarkin — Mon, 10 Jan 2005 12:32:36 -0800

Should I be worried because there are actually songs here I've been looking for? Now I'm inspired to make something truly torturous...

By: talitha_kumi

talitha_kumi — Mon, 10 Jan 2005 14:15:45 -0800

Easy Just one song: I could sing of your love forever" by Delirious. Over and over and over again. And I LIKE the song. Just think of its effect on someone who can't stand it...

By: u.n. owen

u.n. owen — Mon, 10 Jan 2005 14:56:38 -0800

This is the song that never ends! Yes it goes on and on my friends! Some people started singing it not knowing what it was and they'll continue singing it forever, just becauseThis is the song that never ends! Yes it goes on and on my friends! Some people started singing it not knowing what it was and they'll continue singing it forever, just becauseThis is the song that never ends! Yes it goes on and on my friends! Some people started singing it not knowing what it was and they'll continue singing it forever, just becauseThis is the song that never ends! Yes it goes on and on my friends! Some people started singing it not knowing what it was and they'll continue singing it forever, just becauseThis is the song that never ends! Yes it goes on and on my friends! Some people started singing it not knowing what it was and they'll continue singing it forever, just because...

By: papakwanz

papakwanz — Mon, 10 Jan 2005 15:07:22 -0800

"Havin' a Roni" By Vanilla Ice His beatboxing opus

By: seanyboy

seanyboy — Mon, 10 Jan 2005 15:30:49 -0800

filmgoerjuan: I wish i could fly. right up to the sky, but I can't you can. I can't /shudders

By: loquacious

loquacious — Mon, 10 Jan 2005 18:10:08 -0800

This is clearly not torture to most of us. If you wanted to torture me, you'd have to go for top 40, Celine Dion, Micheal Bolton, Yanni, anything Muzak'ed, Kenny G... ugh!@ I can't type any more names like that, my fingers feel all filthy and irritated and now I just want to go smash up a TV or something and roll around in the broken bits! UGH! BAD FINGERS! BAD! BAD KENNY G! RARRGH!! *smash*

By: Fontbone

Fontbone — Mon, 10 Jan 2005 18:28:32 -0800

As a challenge/bet/let's see if we can do it sorta thing my friend and I agreed to listen to The Essential Lionel Richie for all of October 2003. Any time that we'd normally be listening to music, it had to be that one CD. He wussed out, but I stayed strong for the entire month--which is especially impressive considering that I had just started a data entry job, which meant that I would normally be listening to music for at least those eight hours out of the day, plus the walk home, plus some at home. The surprising thing was, after a certain amount of time, I just started to block it out so while I was hearing the music I wasn't always LISTENING to it. I'm just not sold on the whole "music as a weapon" thing. That said: I'm going to listen to this stuff and see what it does to me, so I may change my tune in a little while.

By: The Great Big Mulp

The Great Big Mulp — Mon, 10 Jan 2005 18:46:48 -0800

Any torture compilation would be grossly incomplete were it to lack "Diary of an Unborn Child" by Lil' Markie.

By: jtron

jtron — Mon, 10 Jan 2005 20:27:02 -0800

I am thinking that the only reason there is no Heino on these mixes is because Henry and Brian want to remain friends.

By: Vidiot

Vidiot — Tue, 11 Jan 2005 20:46:03 -0800

No Ass Baboons of Venus? Or Jimmy Buffett's "The Hangout Gang"?