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Pentagon's bizarre sex bomb
January 13, 2005 8:46 PM   Subscribe

Pentagon's bizarre sex bomb. Cue the Pat Benatar.
posted by theonetruebix (56 comments total)

 
Finally, chemical weapons done right!
posted by chundo at 8:54 PM on January 13, 2005


Apparently they conducted some tests in San Francisco that were wildly successful.

And seven years later we get Viagra.

Out of office for four years and the Clinton Era still gives us great material.
posted by Arch Stanton at 8:56 PM on January 13, 2005


Sex bomb, sex bomb, (yeah) you're a sex bomb (uh-huh)
You can give it to me when I need to come along (give it to me)

posted by smackfu at 8:57 PM on January 13, 2005


The actual documents discussing the Big Gay Bomb are over at the Memory Hole.

That noise you hear is the sound of a thousand porn directors and ten thousand erotic authors having a revelation as to what their next project will be about.
posted by flashboy at 8:57 PM on January 13, 2005


Take a few thousand guys, give them millions upon millions for reasearch, add a dash of good ole' American know how, and you got yourself some unusual freudian modes of attack.
posted by Dean Keaton at 9:01 PM on January 13, 2005


A "distasteful but completely non-lethal blow."
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 9:04 PM on January 13, 2005


See also.

Operation Pudding Missile: Similar to OFR, OPM will frighten, misdirect, and stupefy our opponents. OPM involves the targeting of several hundred ersatz missiles at strategic military sites. Although the missiles will appear realistic harbingers of certain death, they will in fact be vessels of delicious chocolate pudding encased in a hard, missile-shaped candy shell. Much like the Harlem Globetrotters' time-tested switcheroo between the buckets of water and confetti, OPM will intimidate our foes into expecting the worst while generously sharing with them the western delight of chocolatey goodness. As is obvious, OPM also achieves a humanitarian aid in providing food to starving peoples, albeit a tactically nutrient-low treat.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 9:10 PM on January 13, 2005


The Sunshine Project, the organization that found out about this, does some good work.
posted by euphorb at 9:12 PM on January 13, 2005


An anonymous white House spokesman said,
"See, this is what distinguishes us from the enemy."
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 9:13 PM on January 13, 2005


This totally sounds like something I read the other night...

Uh... uhm...


in Nature...?
posted by TwelveTwo at 9:13 PM on January 13, 2005


Pat Benatar? Flipper!
posted by googly at 9:22 PM on January 13, 2005


Man, I miss Flipper. That's my baby, yeah!
posted by cloudscratcher at 9:25 PM on January 13, 2005


Sounds a little like the empathy bombs from the lamentably unfinished e-sheep comic The Spiders.
posted by tss at 9:28 PM on January 13, 2005


Most bizarre among the plans was one for the development of an "aphrodisiac" chemical weapon that would make enemy soldiers sexually irresistible to each other.

The Marines. We're Looking For A Few Good Men.
posted by fandango_matt at 9:35 PM on January 13, 2005


MetaFilter: Intimidating our foes into expecting the worst.
posted by teferi at 9:39 PM on January 13, 2005


The revenge: Al Qaeda Plans to Drop Gay Bombs
posted by the_bone at 9:58 PM on January 13, 2005


I can just imagine the Pentagon briefing: "Gentlemen, instead of trying to kill the enemy, let's try to make them gay. As you know, an army of gay men isn't an army, it's a musical."
posted by fandango_matt at 10:00 PM on January 13, 2005


How's about The Nude Bomb?

And theoretically there's a trailer here but after several minutes of nothin' I'm a bit skeptical. Sorry about that, Chief.
posted by stevil at 10:05 PM on January 13, 2005


It's moments like this I wish Stanley Kubrik were still with us....
posted by ontic at 10:06 PM on January 13, 2005


So, jokes aside. I need one of these for next friday, can anyone hook me up?
posted by TwelveTwo at 10:09 PM on January 13, 2005


I'm with you, TwelveTwo. It might be bad for the enemy's morale, but it would sure as hell liven things up around the office.
posted by cindileper at 10:24 PM on January 13, 2005


pat benetar's fine and all, but i always preferred the tom jones version.
posted by Igor XA at 10:31 PM on January 13, 2005


Suddenly I have an urge to bomb a church.
posted by mosch at 10:57 PM on January 13, 2005


Anybody else read the link the_bone posted? Read the whole thing.
posted by Dean Keaton at 11:25 PM on January 13, 2005


Children will sob: "Why is Daddy moving the furniture and who is Judy Garland?"
posted by numbskeleton at 11:44 PM on January 13, 2005


There's a Tom Jones version?
posted by theonetruebix at 11:48 PM on January 13, 2005


'Love is a Battlefield' perhaps?
posted by bdave at 12:28 AM on January 14, 2005


Actually, this doesn't sound like a bad idea, if we could make it work. A lot of the violent warrior-type cultures that we have trouble with are pretty much unafraid of death, but I bet they'd be TERRIFIED of something that would make them screw each other.

In fact, in a really repressive culture like most of the ones in the middle east, you might even have situations where the troops who resisted the chemicals decide it's their religious duty to kill the ones who didn't and ended up in bed, and cause some sort of military civil war which could potentially wreck an entire army.

Unfortunately, it's not as if we'll be able to build this anytime soon, and I guarantee it's illegal as hell under international law.
posted by Mitrovarr at 12:37 AM on January 14, 2005


I guarantee it's illegal as hell under international law.

Illegal? Oh well then.
posted by 327.ca at 12:45 AM on January 14, 2005


'Love is a Battlefield' is not the song I had in mind.
posted by theonetruebix at 12:46 AM on January 14, 2005


There's something I find puzzling.

Why would the subjects become homosexuals, just because they became extremely horny? Wouldn't they either jump absolutely *anything* ...or more likely just masturbate?

It seems the scientists believe rape is just a symptom of extreme horniness?
posted by cx at 12:58 AM on January 14, 2005


Your bra bomb better work, Nerdlinger!
posted by funkbrain at 1:26 AM on January 14, 2005


Jokes aside, this actually seems like a good idea. Or at least a step in the right direction. If a war has to be fought, then the aim should be to minimize casualties and damage as much as possible. If we can make a bomb that disables the enemy without killing them, and has no long-term effects, wouldn't that be good? Not only would the enemy soldiers not die, but the civillian population would be unharmed (though probably a little shaken if they were near ground zero), and enemy cities would be spared.
posted by Sangermaine at 1:40 AM on January 14, 2005


Non-lethal weapons? Someone call Dr. Heller, a blame-thrower would work equally as well.
posted by psmealey at 4:28 AM on January 14, 2005


Army to Enemy: Go Fuck Yourself.
posted by srboisvert at 4:40 AM on January 14, 2005


is it too late to get one by jan 20? ... and are there any mefites in the dc area? ... i have an idea ...
posted by pyramid termite at 4:49 AM on January 14, 2005


extreme horniness

Now that's a sport.
posted by ODiV at 5:00 AM on January 14, 2005


I guarantee it's illegal as hell under international law.

So that means that GWB will authorise the research to continue, then?
posted by Chunder at 5:35 AM on January 14, 2005


Make love, not war!
posted by The Card Cheat at 6:06 AM on January 14, 2005


Weapons of ass distraction?
posted by psmealey at 6:48 AM on January 14, 2005


This bomb is just made of beer, right?
posted by WolfDaddy at 7:00 AM on January 14, 2005


So I guess this would make the Pentagon part of the "gay agenda?"

I guarantee it's illegal as hell under international law.

Why would this be illegal under international law?
posted by gyc at 9:10 AM on January 14, 2005


cx, not just horny:

make enemy soldiers sexually irresistible to each other

I don't know, I'm sure it's vague language because it's vaporware. I imagine the results would be like some bizarre I Dream of Genie episode.
posted by effwerd at 9:13 AM on January 14, 2005


"Stop Using Sex as a Weapon"?
posted by norm at 9:28 AM on January 14, 2005


The government decided to go into researching aphrodesiacs? The ultimate long shot? ;)

Once some watchdog group figured out what the chemical was people the underground "supplements" industry would be set ablaze <g>
posted by abcde at 9:44 AM on January 14, 2005


Hmm...Pat Benetar, Tom Jones...what this mix needs to round it out is a little Roxy Music.
posted by Vervain at 9:57 AM on January 14, 2005


I guarantee it's illegal as hell under international law.

Which means what precisely in today's climate?
posted by Pdubby at 10:47 AM on January 14, 2005


Could you imagine the furor some societies would have if it was used (and actually worked like they say it would), I think it would drive certain groups to more violence, not less. Could this be considered inducing mass rape, especially if those affected started in on those not affected?

What is worse, being killed, or being controlled?
posted by edgeways at 10:53 AM on January 14, 2005


it just goes to show you ... some people in the military won't stop until we're all screwed
posted by pyramid termite at 10:59 AM on January 14, 2005


Roxy Music? THE GERMS!

I'm the fucking son of a superman
I got a weapon that's as deadly as life

posted by mcsweetie at 11:28 AM on January 14, 2005


Why would this be illegal under international law?

one of the foundations of post-enlightenment society is individual autonomy. These weapons are attempts at mind control which is traditionally considered worse than an honorable death.

These standards could change as people focus on utilitarianism and consider material life more important than "human dignity" or whatever, but for the moment, slavery, mind control, puppetry, severe manipulation, etc, are considered unallowable, even while straightforward fighting and killing with clear declaration & in the name of stated beliefs is considered allowable on international levels (ie, war is not a war crime yet). Though, pre-emptive war is cutting it close in the modern age...
posted by mdn at 11:37 AM on January 14, 2005


Is that Ron Perlman in the_bone's link?
posted by stavrogin at 12:21 PM on January 14, 2005


"It's Raining Men!"
posted by kirkaracha at 12:29 PM on January 14, 2005


So... my question is, had this project actually gone from doodlings on the Pentagon bathroom stall wall into actual R&D, would the soldiers who "volunteered" as human subjects for sexbomb tests subsequently be court-martialled for partaking in hot, forbidden man-love?
posted by stinkeye at 1:43 PM on January 14, 2005


I agree with cx here.
That so many seem to think that exceeding horniness = homosexual sex seems to speaks more about their own inner sexuality.
posted by HTuttle at 10:35 PM on January 14, 2005


Possibly the gay bomb project was quashed after some military historian remembered the Sacred Band of Thebes.
posted by hattifattener at 10:38 PM on January 15, 2005


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