Use of AbsorbShun natural powder in any quantity may cause temporary tenderness and micro abrasions to the genital area.
January 27, 2005 9:06 AM   Subscribe

A Natural Solution for a Tighter Vagina Dry sex is extremely popular in Africa due to the sensation of tightness and additional friction it provides, despite the fact that it is associated with higher rates of HIV transmission. But if you don't have access to mutendo wegudo (soil with baboon urine), Scott and Cynthia Koss have the product for you.
posted by amber_dale (62 comments total)

 
I blame Canada.
posted by AlexReynolds at 9:08 AM on January 27, 2005


Why, Banjo? Why?
posted by PuppyCat at 9:11 AM on January 27, 2005


why do you hate Astroglide so much?
posted by matteo at 9:16 AM on January 27, 2005


Somehow the phrase "are you dry?" during foreplay doesn't sound right.
posted by terrier319 at 9:21 AM on January 27, 2005


Why don't you just tell her to think about Baseball?
posted by j.p. Hung at 9:23 AM on January 27, 2005


Queen of England.
posted by basicchannel at 9:31 AM on January 27, 2005


Can I say, OWWWWWW? And for the Baboon Urine, UGHHHHHHHHH! There's some places I just don't want the baboon urine to go ...
posted by Lady Penelope at 9:32 AM on January 27, 2005


Velvet igloo.
posted by bardic at 9:33 AM on January 27, 2005


Dry sex? Nah, I like the skin to stay on my penis, thanks.
posted by fenriq at 9:35 AM on January 27, 2005


Oh mercy! I can't for the life of me see why anyone... repeat, ANYONE ... would want to put an abrasive on any tender body part!

Men: Do. Not. Suggest. This. To. Your. Lady.

Excess moisture? If that's the only problem you're having during sex, count yourself really, really lucky! Geez. Just do something else for a little while, cool the ol' plumbing down a bit!
posted by Corky at 9:40 AM on January 27, 2005


Fixodent denture adhesive powder. Extra hold.
posted by Cedric at 9:40 AM on January 27, 2005


Besides thinking "absorbshun" is a dangerous product with a disgusting purpose, I don't get it; I figure there might be a link between vaginal wetness and female sexual arousal, so the wetter she gets the happier I am.
posted by davy at 9:44 AM on January 27, 2005


"...while others use detergents, salt, cotton, or shredded newspaper." Shredded newspaper?!
posted by shoepal at 9:44 AM on January 27, 2005


Not to mention sand.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 9:50 AM on January 27, 2005



posted by ElvisJesus at 9:50 AM on January 27, 2005


Salt?

I'm living a charmed life...
posted by Corky at 9:51 AM on January 27, 2005


Just a week ago, one of Mary's johns -- who pay as little as 75 cents for sex -- slapped her in the face when she asked him to use a condom.

And to many men, a vagina that is too wet and loose can signify infidelity.

God, this is terrible. These women have little choice in this matter. If they don't acquiesce to the demands of dry, painful intercourse, their husbands will punish them, have sex with someone else, or worse.

These people can be (are being) educated on the dangers of AIDS and other STDs, but their cultural acceptance of male sexual privilege will take longer to change. Tragic.

I sure talk a lot of shit about America sometimes, but man oh man, am I glad I live in a society where not only do I get to keep my clitoris, but my boyfriend actually likes it.
posted by Specklet at 9:51 AM on January 27, 2005


Violin rosin should work, too.
posted by psmealey at 9:52 AM on January 27, 2005


Specklet and davy: spot on.
posted by psmealey at 9:53 AM on January 27, 2005


Vagiseal
posted by Corky at 9:56 AM on January 27, 2005


Teh Yuk
posted by delmoi at 10:00 AM on January 27, 2005


Oh by the way, when a "tighter fit" is desired, there's always muscle control. Men who need to "feel bigger" can get over it ask her to do kegels.

But it could be worse: Mr. Needle Dick could insist she get surgery. [Linked website possibly NSFW.]
posted by davy at 10:01 AM on January 27, 2005


davy: I swear, that site you linked to feels a lot like a sham... just some clever person's way to get info and pictures about women...

Check out the 'Data Collection' page to see what I mean.
posted by Corky at 10:05 AM on January 27, 2005


I'm just dying to know why, specifically, BABOON urine...
posted by rushmc at 10:08 AM on January 27, 2005


I was under the impression that many women suffer from being too dry which can cause other, oddly named problems, and for which there are in turn various products. Let's take a leaf from Steven Wright's book: mix them together with that baboon urine stuff and let 'em fight it out.
posted by sninky-chan at 10:08 AM on January 27, 2005


These people can be (are being) educated on the dangers of AIDS and other STDs, but their cultural acceptance of male sexual privilege will take longer to change.

Male privilege is really what it's all about, and the element of dominence and inflicting pain does not go unnoticed ... i.e. dry vagina = unaroused and uninterested. Rough sex indeed!
posted by terrier319 at 10:11 AM on January 27, 2005


The proper way to tighen one's vagina is through exercise, not with baboon urine. [Link probably NSFW]
posted by kamylyon at 10:19 AM on January 27, 2005


Found this similar article.

I don't think that dry sex is primarily about sensation, I think African men demand it because of the notion that a wet woman is an unclean, promiscuous woman.

'I feel lucky to have a dry woman as it means she hasn't been with a lot of men,' says Sipho Dlamini (name changed), voicing a common belief. Despite this, Sipho himself found dry sex to be painful – until a friend recommended the use of Vaseline. Vaseline was acceptable as a lubricant for Sipho because it wasn't the natural juices of his partner. Vaseline was clean, his partner was not.

To me, this whole thing is an indication that this is yet another culture whose ignorance has caused fear of the feminine mystique, resulting in oppression.

Sigh.
posted by Specklet at 10:27 AM on January 27, 2005


On preview:

sninky-chan, the oddly named problem you refer to is commonly known as a yeast infection, and has nothing to do with a chronically dry keener...
posted by Specklet at 10:32 AM on January 27, 2005


Some of us don't want to be exposed to dry vagina.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 10:51 AM on January 27, 2005


This makes me very, very sad.
posted by beth at 10:53 AM on January 27, 2005


I always thought the key to a dry vagina...

...was disinterest.
posted by Darkman at 11:01 AM on January 27, 2005


Ouch! Just ouch! (from a woman's point of view!)
posted by ramix at 11:03 AM on January 27, 2005


Actually, Darkman, often a cunt will lubricate despite disinterest because it has some sense of self-preservation.
posted by dame at 11:04 AM on January 27, 2005


Actually, Darkman, often a cunt will lubricate despite disinterest because it has some sense of self-preservation.

Ahhh. Kind of like Ralph Nader.
posted by Darkman at 11:06 AM on January 27, 2005


Ouch! Just ouch! (from a man's point of view, too!)

Say, do women experience the (lube) equivalent of men's random hard-ons, ie. especially as with teenaged boys?
posted by five fresh fish at 11:17 AM on January 27, 2005


Does this stuff work in skulls the same as it does in vaginas?
posted by Demogorgon at 11:21 AM on January 27, 2005


do women experience the (lube) equivalent of men's random hard-ons

yes. sometimes this is a sign of ovulation, other times, just truly random.
posted by jessamyn at 11:28 AM on January 27, 2005


An Absolutely Stupid Product Idea

deserves an absoultely stupid joke

Q: Hey, men, wanna know how to get some really tight pussy?

A: Fill it with dick!

OK, sorry. I'll leave now.
posted by nofundy at 11:28 AM on January 27, 2005


The right way to get a tight vagina is to get the girl 'into it', get her going, push her buttons, know what I mean? Say no more!

Or, as they say, if you don't be pleasin', she don't be squeezin'.
posted by anthill at 11:29 AM on January 27, 2005


Vaginal fluids are more akin to natural anal lubrication. Gotta keep stuff moist (being ugly bags of mostly water and all)

Speaking of, I bet if you mixed Absorbshun with this, it would open a wormhole to Uranus - (possibly nsfw).
posted by zerokey at 11:30 AM on January 27, 2005


Yeah, but does it stop squirting female ejaculations?
posted by pmbuko at 11:50 AM on January 27, 2005


"microabrasions"--I couldn't look any further after seeing that. Anyone else notice the elderly couple in the photo look like a couple in one of the incontinence (Depends?) commercial? Were they lifted?
posted by 6:1 at 11:55 AM on January 27, 2005




Hi, I'm Cynthia Ross and I get too wet during sex and I want to drive men wild with a tighter vagina.
posted by jeffmik at 12:47 PM on January 27, 2005


Insert *shape of Scott's head* joke here.
Or just insert Scott's head.
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 1:39 PM on January 27, 2005


I remember this one time. At band camp...

So, when do they come out with the limp penis products?
posted by Smedleyman at 2:27 PM on January 27, 2005


I am having trouble expressing how much this disgusts me. A man saying he prefers to have sex with a woman who has a dry vagina because it makes him feel bigger is a lesser degree of a man saying he prefers to rape women because it makes him feel stronger. (I would have easier time just making fun of it if I haven't encountered this mentality in the real world)
posted by Shusha at 3:22 PM on January 27, 2005


Why pay $35 for this stuff when you get free packs of silica gel desiccant in just about every kind of product these days?

Remember, they only say "Do not eat" on the side. They don't say "Do not sprinkle in your vagina".
posted by filmgoerjuan at 3:26 PM on January 27, 2005


That last link makes me angry and sad. How horrible.
posted by Melinika at 3:30 PM on January 27, 2005


I hate it when 800 million people are all said to do the same stuff, based on the opinions of 200 people from some wierd south african ghetto.

I've lived in Africa for years, and I've never heard of this till today. I don't think you have either.
posted by markesh at 4:11 PM on January 27, 2005


I too was feeling pretty jokey-- until I read that last link. It is just too disheartening to think that in the 21st century men still have so much power over women.

In ICRW's numerous studies on HIV, women from Latin America, Asia, and Africa report that they dare not insist on safer sex -- or object to painful sex -- for fear of being abandoned by their men and spiraling down into destitution.

That just says it all. Women trying to feed their babies will put up with anything.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy at 4:23 PM on January 27, 2005


dammit jeffmik, you beat me to it. i wanted to post that picture first and say something about not wanting to see her and the phrase "Excess vaginal wetness" used on the same page. On second thought I'll just settle for:

Metafilter: A Natural Solution for a Tighter Vagina

But seriously though, the situation in Africa is horrible and let's hope that it's just a very very small percentage of men that are thinking this way.
On preview: markesh, I agree with what you said. It's like everyone in the world watching MTV and thinking everyone in the US is bling bling and has perfect bodies or that every 14 and 15 year old high school girl gives head because of some Katie Couric special on NBC.
posted by daHIFI at 4:23 PM on January 27, 2005


I've lived in Africa for years, and I've never heard of this till today. I don't think you have either.

Well said! All this nonsense about the second biggest continent in the world as if it were an unvariegated mass, when the BMJ article only refers to a country at its southernmost extremity. To hear people go on and on here about "Africa", one would never know you could fit the entire United States into the Sahara alone.

But seriously though, the situation in Africa is horrible

The situation in South Africa you mean; "Africa" is only the most ethnically diverse place in the world ...
posted by Goedel at 4:28 PM on January 27, 2005


Thank you markesh!
You know guys, Africa is really a big place, with lots of different people, languages, customs, norms etc etc! What happens in some part of Africa doesn't necessarily translate into the entire continent!
A good analogy would be like saying Americans are polygamists just because some people in Utah practice polygamy which is illegal.
I'm from "Africa" and i've never seen a lion in the wild, I don't live in a tree, I'm a female with both clitoris and labia intact...and as sure as hell haven't come across any man who'd dare ask me to stay dry during sex! (I guess I'd just hit him over the head with my club if he did!)
Sorry about the above rant, but it really annoys me when I see assertions like that being made about an entire continent based on what a few people do!

On preview...what daHIFI said!!
posted by ramix at 4:29 PM on January 27, 2005


I've lived in Africa for years, and I've never heard of this till today.

Markesh, I don't think you read the article very carefully, and I certainly don't think you are an at-risk Zimbabwean for this trauma (meaning poor, possibly uneducated, and a woman). Although I'm sure that dry sex is not practiced by all 800 million Africans, I'm willing to bet that it is not specific to "200 people from some wierd south african ghetto." Get real.

The article never claimed that it was a wide-spread phenomenon, it was dealing strictly with Zimbabweans, other issues about AIDS, and male sexual privilege.

Researchers conducting a study in Zimbabwe, where Mhakeni lives, had trouble finding a control group of women who did not engage in some form of the practice.

Girls are socialized to yield sexual decision-making to men. Prisca Mhlolo is in charge of counseling at The Centre, a large organization for HIV-positive Zimbabweans. "You're not even allowed to say, 'Can we have sex?' " she notes. "So it's very hard to bring up condoms."

Of course, Africa contains thousands of cultures, some of which have strict sexual codes. But common to many sub-Saharan societies are the gender roles epitomized by dry sex: Women are unable to negotiate sex, and so must risk infection to please the man.

Africa today is far removed from its traditional, tightly knit communities that did constrain men, mostly to their wives. Africa is also very different from the West, where women exercise a relatively large degree of power.


[bolds mine]

That said, I apologize for referring to "African men" instead of "the men referred to in the article."
posted by Specklet at 4:39 PM on January 27, 2005


Apologies; I should have said sub-Saharan Africa. According to the research, this is a prevalent practice in 11 countries in that region (mostly in rural areas), although it is also found in southeast Asia and the Caribbean. I'm not trying to stereotype, but simply wished to call attention to a cultural practice that occurs over a relatively wide geographical area of a continent. But please don't think that just because your part of Africa doesn't embrace this practice that it's not a problem in other areas. The statistics are
posted by amber_dale at 4:44 PM on January 27, 2005


. . . frightening. On preview, what Specklet said.
posted by amber_dale at 4:46 PM on January 27, 2005


I live in the Comoros Islands right now and I know the local women use a sort of leaf to tighten their vaginas. However, I don't think the idea is to dry it out. It is more to counteract the effects of having 5 to 8 children by the age of 25 - 30.
posted by pwedza at 4:51 PM on January 27, 2005


Kegel Exercises. Please. I don't think I have ever cringed the way I did when I read this. Yikes.
posted by dazedandconfused at 6:28 PM on January 27, 2005


Personally, I like a good bit of lather.
posted by Balisong at 8:59 PM on January 27, 2005


You know the problem with this article? There is too little information. Researchers apparently created a series of questions for African women to answer. Now, what exactly where those questions? Like pwedza said, are you sure this is not something to tighten the vagina? Is it mentioned anywhere that this is done just prior to intercourse? We do not even have an opinion from the people who actually practise the habit - i.e, a free opinion, explaining why they do it, how they do it, who taught them to do it, etc. What we have there is a rigid questionaire.

Furthermore, this practise is practised in the southernmost tip of Africa. This is like discovering some strange custom in mexico, and making a bold headline: North Americans have sex with dry vaginas!

Africa is big and diverse, please respect that. Why do I have to go into defensive mode because of some custom that has nothing to do with where I come from, is in no way similar to mine, but just happens to occur on the same continent?
posted by markesh at 12:36 AM on January 28, 2005


That just says it all. Women trying to feed their babies will put up with anything.
posted by Secret Life of Gravy


I realize this thread is probably over, but I find that comment pretty offensive. It implies that women can be controlled via their need to support their children - perhaps it's more so the culture of complete oppression and shame that is making them have to be subservient in these ways?
posted by agregoli at 7:10 AM on January 28, 2005


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