Worst. Video Games. Ever.

January 28, 2005 10:27 AM

You can drive an 18-wheeler up a cliff, but it still sucks.Scathing and amusing, Gamespot rips a new one in this title from Gamemill. Yet Eric Schomberg would tell you that Backyard Wrestling holds the title of suck. Either way, no matter how evil the reviews get, someone's gotta get granular with a full frontal assault on the worst movies to disgrace video games. And if you still can't figure out what to avoid, there's always Seanbaby to guide you.
posted by TeamBilly (23 comments total)

Wow. The review blew my mind--Clipping virtually every object in the game, driving off the edge of levels, bridges are visible but non-objects--sink right through them. I'd really like to know who would put the go-ahead on such a release--and why?
posted by ThePrawn at 10:34 AM on January 28, 2005

. . . and it looks like they'd fail the grammar test FPP'd a few minutes ago.
posted by ThePrawn at 10:37 AM on January 28, 2005

Don't miss the video review.
posted by Pretty_Generic at 10:42 AM on January 28, 2005

That truck game sounds so bad I want to try it, though I wouldn't pay more than 99 cents for it.
posted by Razzle Bathbone at 10:44 AM on January 28, 2005

ThePrawn - I imagine they needed an instant profit with almost no expendature, and they got one. There's no quality control necessary on PC releases.
posted by Pretty_Generic at 10:50 AM on January 28, 2005

Big Rigs also achieved the glory of being named "Worst Game of 2004" by Gamespot.
posted by cmonkey at 10:52 AM on January 28, 2005

That is pretty appalling.
posted by Songdog at 10:56 AM on January 28, 2005

The best part is the fact that the other trucks don't even move. They didn't bother programming your opponents to actually drive - they just sit at the starting line waiting for you. Which makes the race a little anticlimactic, all things considered.
posted by Simon! at 11:02 AM on January 28, 2005

Speaking of bad movies based on video games, this one is just opening... "Every casting decision, camera angle, special effect and sound seems created as a dare to leave the theater." Oof.
posted by Spacelegoman at 11:11 AM on January 28, 2005

X-Play did a review of the truck game not long ago. It showed clips of the gameplay. It really is a terrible game. Oh and I want to marry Morgan Webb but then who doesn't.
posted by Justin Case at 11:11 AM on January 28, 2005

Oh my god.
I wanna be a big rig driver so bad.
*goes to tlel boss*
posted by dougunderscorenelso at 11:21 AM on January 28, 2005

Justin, I don't get the mad attraction to Morgan Webb. And Adam Sessler should be turned into fertilizer, I've never seen a show's co-host add so little to a show and be such a freaking annoyance.

I'd play this game just to say I have and that it sucks as badly as everyone else says it does but I can't seem to dislodge GTA: San Andreas from my PS2's evil deathgrip.
posted by fenriq at 11:45 AM on January 28, 2005

My lan-gaming buddies were looking at this as an alternative to Carmageddon. Alas, no screaming insane pedestrians to run over.
posted by TeamBilly at 12:03 PM on January 28, 2005

I miss Old Man Murray even more than I miss Suck. Does anyone have any idea what Eric Wolpaw is up to now?
posted by straight at 12:07 PM on January 28, 2005

Hey, I know it's kind of self-promotion and all, but there's no way I could possibly ever make money off it and all, so I wanted so humbly proffer :

my little entry to this category
posted by lumpenprole at 1:17 PM on January 28, 2005

heh. "sucks purple baboon ass." I have to use that. Do you mind?
posted by TeamBilly at 2:03 PM on January 28, 2005

straight: apparently he's reviewing games for Computer Games magazine.
posted by painquale at 2:09 PM on January 28, 2005

That's hilarious. Most truck games seem to be lame for some reason.

"Hard Truck 2" is probably the best of the choices available.
posted by First Post at 2:11 PM on January 28, 2005

That truck game sounds so bad I want to try it, though I wouldn't pay more than 99 cents for it.

One of my cow-orkers actually bought this after seeing the reviews, he spent $5 for it. We had a good laugh, probably more than we would at some $10 comedy movies, so it was worth it.

And it's every bit as bad as the review makes it sound. There's no exposition there, it truly is that atrociously bad. Not only does one of the levels refuse to load, one of the trucks did too. I noticed no mention of the tail-lights floating about 5 feet behind the truck in space as well. It's an impressive feat, and definitely feels like something they wanted to make, but only budgeted a couple of weeks for development, and, in the immortal words of my office-mate: "It compiles! SHIP IT!"
posted by Swervo at 2:39 PM on January 28, 2005

I demand a reimbursement for the three minutes I spent reading the Backyard Wrestling "review." It was neither informative nor entertaining. I want to buy the game just to spite Eric Schomberg.
posted by Faint of Butt at 4:59 PM on January 28, 2005

I now feel somewhat bad about my last comment, because the Big Rigs review more than made up for it. That was funny.
posted by Faint of Butt at 5:07 PM on January 28, 2005

I second FoB. The Big Rigs review was awesome; whereas the BW one was poorly written and downright weak.
posted by graventy at 6:06 PM on January 28, 2005

This sounds... almost E.T. bad. I didn't think that was still possible.
posted by John Kenneth Fisher at 6:33 PM on January 28, 2005