Holy Solar Powered Bible, Batman!

February 2, 2005 10:52 AM

Nearly half of the world's population cannot read. Many people live in remote areas without electricity. But that's no excuse for being non-Christian, right? What would Jesus' marketing department do?

Introducing the GodPod. (Who knows... if it's successful, maybe Apple will make that Billy Graham iPod after all!)
posted by miss lynnster (33 comments total)

According to the Time 2004 Almanac, the literacy rate of the globe is 77%.
posted by Captaintripps at 10:55 AM on February 2, 2005

Yeah, why teach them to read for themselves when you can just make them listen to your religious rantings.

And, of course, because its audio, they can add cool sound effects and subliminal messagery to really speed up the brainwashing conversion process.
posted by fenriq at 10:56 AM on February 2, 2005

According to the Time 2004 Almanac, the literacy rate of the globe is 77%.

Hahaha. I suppose the math literacy rate is somewhat lower.
posted by 31d1 at 10:58 AM on February 2, 2005

I like how, instead of headphones, it has a speaker so you can bother everyone with religious blather.
posted by fungible at 11:04 AM on February 2, 2005

"It can be solar powered for the Third world, because a third of the world cannot read. How do you get a Bible to them? If you get a cassette to them they either tape over it or they don't have any electricity."

I think this guy and Prince Philip share the same speechwriter.
posted by ba at 11:09 AM on February 2, 2005

A Bible which bursts into flames at the touch of a button will also be on show during the Christian Resources Exhibition at the King's Hall.

Screw the Godpod. I want me one of these.
posted by jokeefe at 11:10 AM on February 2, 2005

A Bible which bursts into flames at the touch of a button will also be on show during the Christian Resources Exhibition at the King's Hall.

All bibles should be made that way. And I should have the remote control.
posted by baphomet at 11:12 AM on February 2, 2005

My mistake on the illiteracy level... I lazily just paraphrased the guy in the article & should've found the real facts instead. Doh!!!!
posted by miss lynnster at 11:12 AM on February 2, 2005

Might I add... I fully admit that I went to art school to avoid math.
posted by miss lynnster at 11:13 AM on February 2, 2005

iGod

and

iGod
posted by flod at 11:16 AM on February 2, 2005

miss lynnster - questioning Time's credibility would also have been acceptable :)
posted by 31d1 at 11:20 AM on February 2, 2005

Well, you'd actually be questioning the credibility of the CIA World Factbook, and I'm sure you will.
posted by Captaintripps at 11:28 AM on February 2, 2005

That's a lot of buttons to push for people who may or may not have picked up a book before.
posted by manicroom at 11:30 AM on February 2, 2005

I'm waiting for the version on Roman emperors, called the iClaudius.

I'll be here all week. Try the fish.
posted by dirigibleman at 11:34 AM on February 2, 2005

It amazes me how little faith these people seem to have in their own religion. Why does your religion need gimicks, puppets, and multimedia wizardry to spread if it's so great? God needs slideshows?
posted by odinsdream at 11:37 AM on February 2, 2005

God needs a totally bitchin' Powerpoint presentation to prove why he's the best God of them all.

Of course, I can't go because I don't believe in him.
posted by fenriq at 11:42 AM on February 2, 2005

God's followers have always been big fans of slideshows -- what do you think the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel is? An important purpose of religious paintings in cathedrals was to illustrate Biblical stories to illiterate congregations.
posted by casu marzu at 11:43 AM on February 2, 2005

It's all about the style, not the substance.

In other news, I met me some real Christians the other day. I was landlord-in-lieu-of-owner for a couple of weeks, for a low-income boarding house. One of the tenants had been kicked out for breaking the rules.

She went to one of the evangel churches and asked for help. Vacancy rates here are abysmal. Four of them showed up to help her move, found her a place in a hostel, and gave her a prod towards AA and a living-skills program. If they continue to provide support for her, ie. keep on her to stick with AA and outreach education, I have hopes that she'll do well. That is cool.

Good on them! More action, less talk!
posted by five fresh fish at 11:51 AM on February 2, 2005

"We like to think we have the full A to Z of everything that church leaders would need in their churches."

- Brett Pitchfork, Event director
posted by me & my monkey at 11:57 AM on February 2, 2005

A Bible which bursts into flames at the touch of a button will also be on show during the Christian Resources Exhibition at the King's Hall.

All bibles should be made that way. And I should have the remote control.
posted by baphomet at 11:12 AM PST on February 2

I know you. You are the evil demon spawn of the Masonic Illuminati. No, you may not touch the remote control! Bad demon!
posted by nofundy at 12:11 PM on February 2, 2005

Oh, Lord.
posted by sled at 12:30 PM on February 2, 2005

Despite being raised in a home that wasn't particularly religious, out of my five siblings one is Fundamentalist (Bob Jones lovin' Fundamentalist no less... as in "pants on women are evil, the view from behind is sinful", etc.), and two are Southern Baptist (one even lived as a missionary throughout the 80s). I can EASILY imagine them considering this a glorious tool to help missionaries convert the heathens/pagans of the world.

Mind you, to be preached to I don't need a GodPod or even to go to church... I could just invite them all over for dinner. I'd kinda prefer to chew glass, though.
posted by miss lynnster at 12:36 PM on February 2, 2005

Will it have mp3s of all Mullah Dosbson's and Ayotollah Falwell's recordings? Mmmm .... fundy goodness!
posted by nofundy at 12:46 PM on February 2, 2005

"pants on women are evil, the view from behind is sinful"
I agree. Skirts are WAY sexier!!

Got Ass?

/half-kidding
posted by black8 at 12:48 PM on February 2, 2005

, help us.
posted by AloneOssifer at 12:58 PM on February 2, 2005

Personally, I firmly believe that God loves to see Mrs. God in a sexy pair of jeans now and then...
posted by miss lynnster at 1:20 PM on February 2, 2005

What, exactly, is the reasoning behind a burning bible? Some sort of cool pyrotechnics trick? Anyone have video?
posted by graventy at 2:13 PM on February 2, 2005

Sermon assistant, closely related to this monster mp3 unit.
posted by Bdave at 2:38 PM on February 2, 2005

Hm... sounds like a good idea.

[Now, is that a snark? If it is, isn't the FPP a snark, too?]
posted by koeselitz at 2:54 PM on February 2, 2005

Here you go, Graventy - info on the fire Bible (complete with video clip). It's supposed to be an object lesson - "When was the last time your class saw how "HOT" God's Word is?"
posted by belladonna at 7:35 PM on February 2, 2005

Baby Jeebus was never so profitable!
posted by AlexReynolds at 8:21 PM on February 2, 2005

JCUK?

Are they serious?
posted by darkstar at 8:57 PM on February 2, 2005

"With it being solar powered, it means they can use it for up to 6,000 hours."

Um.... what do they know that I don't?
posted by dwivian at 10:06 AM on February 3, 2005