A Tale of Two What? By Charles Who, Now?

March 11, 2005 9:01 AM

Porn Titles Based on Real Movies [NSFW] - Some of this stuff you just can't make up. [via Fleshbot (NSFW)]
posted by StopMakingSense (80 comments total)

And to come full circle, Sexually Suggestive Star Wars lines. An oldy but goody.
posted by Arch Stanton at 9:24 AM on March 11, 2005

See also.
posted by asok at 9:25 AM on March 11, 2005

The Alamo Drafthouse here in Austin recently showed a film called "A Star is Porn", which featurd non-sexual clips from porn movies based on real movies in a timeline format. Looked pretty funny. Didn't catch it though.
posted by Espoo2 at 9:48 AM on March 11, 2005

I can't access that site at work, but I sure hope Buttfeast at Tiffany's is on there.
posted by The Card Cheat at 9:53 AM on March 11, 2005

This post made me think of an old favourite.
posted by carmen at 9:56 AM on March 11, 2005

My favorites are the ones that don't need to be changed:
Scent of a Woman
Octopussy
The Magnificent Ambersons
posted by Divine_Wino at 9:59 AM on March 11, 2005

They missed perhaps the funniest one.
posted by solotoro at 10:00 AM on March 11, 2005

Above NSFW, if you couldn't guess.
posted by solotoro at 10:01 AM on March 11, 2005

solotoro, that's hilarious-- truly a great Porn Title.

Card Cheat, no 'Buttfeast At Tiffany's'... instead they have a much lamer title, 'Breakfast With Tiffany.'

Divine_Wino, don't forget my favorite: Walt Disney's Beaver Valley.
posted by Fuzzy Monster at 10:11 AM on March 11, 2005

They "have set out to have the definitive collection of adult movie titles based on actual movies," but I think they could be doing a better job. For example, they have listed Blowjob: Impossible, Blowjob: Impossible 2, and Blowjob Impossible: 4... but nary a mention of Blowjob: Impossible 3. I am sorely disappointed.
posted by evinrude at 10:15 AM on March 11, 2005

and then of course there are:

Driving Mrs. Daisy (home, so we can do it on the couch)
Waking Ned Devine (up, so we can do it on the couch)
Leaving Las Vegas (to go home and do it on the couch)
Do the Right Thing (on the couch)
Master (bate 'er) and Commander (to spit on it aka Russel Crowes Rectal Follies)

and everyone's favorite fictional porno from The Big Lebowski, Logjammin'.
posted by Divine_Wino at 10:18 AM on March 11, 2005

No one wants to produce my epic "The Pushin' of the Christ"...
posted by unsupervised at 10:44 AM on March 11, 2005

I submit Clitty Clitty Bang Bang for your approval.
posted by iconomy at 10:45 AM on March 11, 2005

I blame the Liberals who run Hollywood, unsupervised

Alternately, it might be because you overlooked the clearly superior name for a Jesus-themed porno:

"The Second Coming"
posted by StopMakingSense at 10:53 AM on March 11, 2005

i like the softcore movie LORD OF THE G-STRINGS on cinemax almost nightly. ha ha ha.
posted by mgkaelen at 10:56 AM on March 11, 2005

Is "Stella Get's Her Meat Tube Packed" on that list?
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 11:00 AM on March 11, 2005

Alternately, it might be because you overlooked the clearly superior name for a Jesus-themed porno:

You mean "The Rapture"?
posted by The Card Cheat at 11:01 AM on March 11, 2005

Add Mama to the Train
posted by dhoyt at 11:03 AM on March 11, 2005

snicker. these are great. a little low humor to leaven Friday.

I used to wait for a bus transfer across the street from a porn theater, and they'd often have these sorts of titles on their marquee.
posted by hattifattener at 11:05 AM on March 11, 2005

this thread is way better than that site.
posted by puke & cry at 11:08 AM on March 11, 2005

How's about The Gangbang That Couldn't Shoot Straight?
posted by iconomy at 11:10 AM on March 11, 2005

Is "Our Father, Who Art In Heather" too complicated?
posted by unsupervised at 11:10 AM on March 11, 2005

Deft Behind
posted by fleacircus at 11:21 AM on March 11, 2005

Guys, it's The Passion (for fucking) of The Christ
posted by Divine_Wino at 11:21 AM on March 11, 2005

How about a Tron-based porno named Pron?
posted by schyler523 at 11:43 AM on March 11, 2005

on second thought, Prong?
posted by schyler523 at 11:44 AM on March 11, 2005

The Joy Suck Club was conspicuously absent.
posted by Mayor Curley at 11:51 AM on March 11, 2005

For being porn that refuses to pun, I think Honey, I Blew Everybody always deserves our respect.
posted by liam at 12:09 PM on March 11, 2005

Swallow the Yellow Thick Load

Welcome to my nightmare.
posted by Skot at 12:13 PM on March 11, 2005

I dare not open it, but did it include my personal favorites:

Bright Lights, Big Titties
Sperminal Velocity
Schindler's Fist
posted by tristeza at 12:15 PM on March 11, 2005

For the fan of "mature":

In-depends-ence Day


*feel dirty just writing that
posted by schyler523 at 12:18 PM on March 11, 2005

I submit Clitty Clitty Bang Bang for your approval.

No, no, it's "Tittie Tittie Gang Bang"
posted by tristeza at 12:21 PM on March 11, 2005

In the same vein as the page title...

David Coppafeel
posted by schyler523 at 12:21 PM on March 11, 2005

Harry Pooter and the Chamber of Secretions

There were some really funny ones on a Friend's episode once. Can't seem to find any of em though. One of you google gurus I'm sure can.
posted by gummo at 12:23 PM on March 11, 2005

Unsupervised, I just laughed for about five minutes.
posted by jon_kill at 12:31 PM on March 11, 2005

Skindiana Bones and the Temple of Poon
posted by Swampjazz! at 12:32 PM on March 11, 2005

BEAT JOE BLACK

A STREETWALKER NAMED DESIRE

ROSEMARY'S BOOBY

THEY SUCK HORSES, DON'T THEY?
posted by tristeza at 12:35 PM on March 11, 2005

Fuzzy Monster, what about Disney's Bedknobs & Broomsticks?
posted by kimota at 12:54 PM on March 11, 2005

Shoah (Me Your Titsah)
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 1:03 PM on March 11, 2005

"Flesh Gordon" is pretty funny...
posted by anthill at 1:07 PM on March 11, 2005

Flesh Gordon rules. Not so much porn as it is a sexploitation parody.
posted by shawnj at 1:15 PM on March 11, 2005

It's friday afternoon, this is the best I can "come" up with:

Eyes Spied Butt
Eternal Cum Stain on the Spotless Behind
Bridget on the Quivering Thigh
The Man Chowder in Candy's Taint
posted by jefbla at 1:18 PM on March 11, 2005

Touched By an Uncle
Wonderland In Alice
posted by sourwookie at 1:23 PM on March 11, 2005

The Sailor Who Fellatioed With Grace From The Sea [this is fun]
posted by iconomy at 1:31 PM on March 11, 2005

I don't know about you guys, but the best porn star name is "Bam Stroker".
posted by jon_kill at 1:34 PM on March 11, 2005

I KNOW WHO YOU DID LAST SUMMER
WET DREAMS MAY COME
STAR WHORES
WAG THE DOGGY-STYLE
TITAN-DICK
THE FIRST-WIVES' SEX CLUB
INDEPENDENCE LAY
LUST IN SPACE
THE BRITCHES OF MADISON COUNTY
SPERMS OF ENDEARMENT (tm Simpsons)
HONEY, I BLEW THE KIDS
ASSABLANCA
PULP FRICTION
HAROLD AND MAUDE AND TED AND ALICE
DIRTY HAIRY
posted by tristeza at 1:34 PM on March 11, 2005

Play-Mate of the Apes: not hardcore, but with characters like Lt. Pushkintucushkin and Dr. Cornholeous can you go wrong?

Also, The Bare Wench Project (with a couple sequels.
posted by badger_flammable at 1:38 PM on March 11, 2005

I worked in a porn shop and we had a running list at one point. I can't go to the link now, so I might be repeating some. The ones I can remember:

Stop or My Bomb Will Shoot
Guess Who's Coming to Fuck Ya?
Jur Ass in The Park
Super Hornio Brothers (with Ron Jeremy as Mario, of course)
Regarding Heiney
Hindfeld
posted by Atom12 at 1:39 PM on March 11, 2005

Super Hornio with Ron Jeremy... priceless!
posted by anthill at 1:40 PM on March 11, 2005

I submit Clitty Clitty Bang Bang for your approval.

No, no, it's "Tittie Tittie Gang Bang"

Quite obviously, it's Clitty Tittie Gang Bang.
posted by Jim Jones at 1:41 PM on March 11, 2005

What I can't stand is pr0n that has to (try and fail to) have a plot and characterizations. If I want to see a(n ex-) porny star ACT I'll get a John Waters movie.
posted by davy at 1:41 PM on March 11, 2005

Ferris Bueller's Jerk Off
posted by Jim Jones at 1:48 PM on March 11, 2005

Hindfeld
posted by Eekacat at 2:25 PM on March 11, 2005

Oh yah, "The Long Ranger"
posted by Eekacat at 2:25 PM on March 11, 2005

How about Saving Ryan's Privates
posted by gigglesticks at 2:27 PM on March 11, 2005

"What's Love Got to do with It?"
posted by killy willy at 2:35 PM on March 11, 2005

Odd coincidence : both solatro's link (NSFW) and Shaving Ryan's Privates both turned up as answers on the BBC's spoof version of University Challenge in aid of Children In Need not ten minutes ago.
posted by punilux at 2:35 PM on March 11, 2005

hmmm . . . too subtle?
posted by killy willy at 2:36 PM on March 11, 2005

They don't list Three Men and a Maybe?

This site blows, then.
posted by WolfDaddy at 2:37 PM on March 11, 2005

Wow. The best part is, most of these porn movies are probably better than the originals. I mean, Snatch Adams HAS to be better than the original. Right?
posted by graventy at 2:39 PM on March 11, 2005

Nosferatushie
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 3:11 PM on March 11, 2005

They left out one of the best adult movies ever made, at least according to the IMDB.
posted by localroger at 3:48 PM on March 11, 2005

I submit Clitty Clitty Bang Bang for your approval.

No, no, it's "Tittie Tittie Gang Bang"

Quite obviously, it's Clitty Tittie Gang Bang.

I once saw some midget porn (on the shelf) at a friend's house, entitled "Itty Bitty Gang Bang"
posted by bonheur at 4:07 PM on March 11, 2005

*shudders

ugh...midget porn freaks me out and i don't really know why.
posted by schyler523 at 4:17 PM on March 11, 2005

I can probably figure out why.
posted by jefbla at 4:25 PM on March 11, 2005

The Incestibles?
'Ho'-Stage?
BlowBots?
posted by Dizzy Bint at 4:37 PM on March 11, 2005

midget porn freaks me out

Gives you The Terror of Tiny Town, does it?

[insert muted cornet]
posted by gompa at 4:46 PM on March 11, 2005

It's "The ninth through second last temptations of Christ," btw.
posted by thecaddy at 4:55 PM on March 11, 2005

You can't mention Regarding Hiney without linking to an image of the cover [AlmostSFW]. Priceless.
posted by undecided at 5:23 PM on March 11, 2005

Position: Impossible [NSFW]
posted by kirkaracha at 6:52 PM on March 11, 2005

No Forrest Hump or The Erotic Witch Project?
posted by SisterHavana at 6:59 PM on March 11, 2005

Or Mr. Holland's Orifice, Shaving Ryan's Privates, & Yank My Doodle, It's A Dandy.
posted by DonnieSticks at 8:44 PM on March 11, 2005

Who Reamed Rosie Rabbit?
posted by uncanny hengeman at 9:11 PM on March 11, 2005

There is a sequel to Saving Ryan's Privates-- Shaving Private Ryan. Of course, I haven't seen such a course and blasphemous thing. No, Sir, not patriotic ol' me.
posted by gesamtkunstwerk at 9:45 PM on March 11, 2005

To add to the list: "Itty Titty Gang Bang"
posted by tgyg at 9:57 PM on March 11, 2005

A Sale of Two Titties.
posted by alumshubby at 7:15 AM on March 12, 2005

The Fellowship of The Ring
The Two Towers
posted by mr.marx at 10:05 AM on March 12, 2005

Dirty Dancing with Wolves
A Beautiful Behind
Full Metal Jackoff
The Cockfather
Casabanga
12 Angry Penises
It's a Wonderful Cunt
To Fuck a Mockingbird
The Bridge on the Titties Kwai
The Pleasure of the Sierra Madre
The Pornographer Who Shot Liberty Valance
Soft in Translation
Fanny and Asses Under
Kind Tits and Coronets
posted by ed at 11:02 AM on March 12, 2005

The Golden Shower Child

Dr. Stranglove or how i learned to stop worrying and love the Moms
posted by schyler523 at 1:27 PM on March 12, 2005

Has anyone made 'Girl with a Pearl Necklace' yet?
posted by biffa at 4:00 AM on March 14, 2005