Educate Yourself

March 18, 2005 4:32 AM

What Are Death Towers? Current news from Educate-Yourself.org a sort of one-stop shop of crankery and fine journalism.
posted by Wolfdog (22 comments total)

"I saw documentation that showed that Hillary, while she was extracting blood money from Arkansas corporations and perhaps performed her first ritual murder, was also employed as a lawyer by elder Bush in the 1980s to disguise shipments of long range cannons to look like irrigation pipes.

Hillary obviously ran the White House and engineered the sellout to China while NPR's talking nazi heads and all of the other two bit media whores were moaning about Monica."

If that's not Pulitzer material...
posted by Wolfdog at 4:34 AM on March 18, 2005

Death Tower
Death Tower
Death Tower
Death Tower
Death Tower
Death Tower
posted by Faint of Butt at 5:17 AM on March 18, 2005

I can't be bothered to read beyond the first few chapters, but this chap sounds like he's about to start recommending that people wear tin-foil hats.
posted by clevershark at 5:53 AM on March 18, 2005

But of course.

I talked to a few psychics and they indicated that I likely had reptilian aliens and psychic gremlins sucking energy out of me via "chakra cords" (can't imagine why). It seems I was also on the receiving end of microwave or psychotronic attack at the time. Using an AM radio on a white noise, non-use frequency, I was able to locate certain 'dead spots' in the house where I could sleep better. I also wore an aluminum hat for a while before I had the SP, but it was a pain in the butt to wear all the time.

posted by Wolfdog at 6:09 AM on March 18, 2005

One thing about the internet is that it gives paranoids a great medium to go crazy. Browsing through Crank.net's Paranoia section is one helluva strange window onto what some people believe. A lot of them love nothing but dense text crammed onto a page with some terrible colours to make it as headache inducing as the super secret govt mind control rays they complain about...
posted by PenDevil at 6:22 AM on March 18, 2005

Man, what is with all the paranoid schizophrenic posts around here lately?
posted by Pressed Rat at 6:28 AM on March 18, 2005

It's not paranoid schizophrenia if they're really after you in your head.

This site is awfully well laid out for a crackpot. It's almost coherent. I mean, whatever happened to the single 800kb all text rant page with no less than 15 different fonts and 27 different sizes of text with the occasional gif of triangles and aliens handing glowing keys to Ben Franklin? You'd almost think this guy never read Gene Ray or something.
posted by shmegegge at 6:43 AM on March 18, 2005

This great! I love the one on the dangers of ELF towers where the author kindly offers to stick an ice pick under the editor's left eye to help save him from the mind control radiation.

The fact that the author does not think this offer weird, nor is the editor offended, is just... well, it just is.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 7:21 AM on March 18, 2005

Oh, wait. I posted too soon. The story of the woman who was brainwashed into being Henry Kissenger's sex slave/human computer while serving as a drug runner/courier for every President from Kennedy to Clinton (her owner/handler was Bob Hope, mind you) is better.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 7:33 AM on March 18, 2005

But how do those death towers fit into the concept of the time cube?
posted by clevershark at 7:52 AM on March 18, 2005

When you put the foil on the inside of your hat no one needs to know how well protected you are.
posted by caddis at 7:55 AM on March 18, 2005

At the point where they tie things into 'Orgone' energy is the point where ya can go 'crackpot'.

http://skepdic.com/orgone.html

Because, spontaneous generation was debunked years ago.

"7. Matter is created from it. Under appropriate conditions, matter arises from mass-free orgone energy. These conditions are not rare or unusual, and Reich believed that new matter is continuously being created on this planet."

http://www.orgone.org/articles/ax9kelley1a.htm
posted by rough ashlar at 7:58 AM on March 18, 2005

But how do those death towers fit into the concept of the time cube?

The towers move the shape of the earth from a dumb cubeless sphere into cubic glory. Jesus and Buddha and the Clintons grab the towers and push real hard to turn the world so that it's midnight for the Clintons but noon for Jesus. Also the towers reach out and make a cage to capture God.

What, are you educated stupid?
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 8:20 AM on March 18, 2005

Reads a little like William S. Burroughs in some places. TOWERS OPEN FIRE.
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 8:21 AM on March 18, 2005

I gave up when he got to Orgone, too, (if not before), but for a different reason: Orgone energy is 'sposed to be good for ya!

*mmmm....Orgone!*
posted by kozad at 8:23 AM on March 18, 2005

Ooo! Don't miss the page where you can buy Orgone Generators: Holy Handgrenades, Tower Busters, Chembusters, & Powerwands. Collect them all!
posted by Tubes at 8:24 AM on March 18, 2005

My favorite part: the sneer at the end of the third paragraph about "the alleged age of Reason."

"It was all a trick, see? Copernicus, Galileo, Descartes, the Reformation and all that, it was all a cover for reptilians stealing our orgone energy!"
posted by koeselitz at 8:24 AM on March 18, 2005

In the old days we wore tinfoil hats, and things were fine. Ever try to buy tinfoil now? It's all aluminum, or worse—aluminium!
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 8:34 AM on March 18, 2005

I've got an orgone accumulator. And by golly it certainly does make me feel greater.
posted by Decani at 8:57 AM on March 18, 2005

Foil hats, bah! The way to energetic bliss is through a feraliminal lycanthropizer, everyone knows that.
posted by gorgor_balabala at 9:23 AM on March 18, 2005

Happy that I get to read something so crazy, kind of like getting a peek into insanity.

Sad that it means someone suffers this horrible mental disease.
posted by five fresh fish at 3:01 PM on March 30, 2005

For future reference, I have read about 75% of this site. The Don and Carol Croft adventures will be part of a FPP focusing on chemtrails and orgone. It's just... fascinating.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 7:35 AM on April 5, 2005