Comments on: "Hungry? Stay right here. I'll go make you a burrito."

"Hungry? Stay right here. I'll go make you a burrito."

graventy — Fri, 18 Mar 2005 14:11:23 -0800

The 30 least hot things you can say to a naked woman. Based on The 30 hottest things you can say to a naked woman. via the always hilarious defective yeti.

By: davejay

davejay — Fri, 18 Mar 2005 14:24:47 -0800

What a great case for fair use rights; much, much more useful than the original. Heh.

By: jokeefe

jokeefe — Fri, 18 Mar 2005 14:25:43 -0800

I clicked on the "30 Hottest Things" full of bile and scorn and ready to pour mockery over the entire list, and found myself agreeing completely with 29 out of 30 of them. (In fact, some of them would make me utterly melt.) And now I'm off the check out the "30 Least Hot Things"! Most useless comment ever, this one, I think. Oh well.

By: schyler523

schyler523 — Fri, 18 Mar 2005 14:28:31 -0800

*wipes tears of laughter away Thanks graventy, this is very funny. *goes off to check out rest of defective yeti

By: jokeefe

jokeefe — Fri, 18 Mar 2005 14:28:38 -0800

Shit, I should have read the Least Hot List first. Now I'm in hysterics, and have lost any will for romance... probably forever.

By: Uther Bentrazor

Uther Bentrazor — Fri, 18 Mar 2005 14:29:58 -0800

It's not on either list, but i find a pretty solid mood killer is "Wow, you're almost as hot as the chick I banged last night!"

By: delmoi

delmoi — Fri, 18 Mar 2005 14:30:02 -0800

The 30 hottest things to say to a naked guy are, well, not really printable. Well, they are but somewhat outside the social norms of metafilter. Also I'm lazy.

By: Eamon

Eamon — Fri, 18 Mar 2005 14:31:46 -0800

Note: This statement cannot be made any less hot.

By: George_Spiggott

George_Spiggott — Fri, 18 Mar 2005 14:32:20 -0800

I thought the best advice was "[fill in body part]", even if it wasn't meant that way. Let's face it, anyone who reads that original list hoping to learn from it is likely to need the basics as well.

By: ori

ori — Fri, 18 Mar 2005 14:33:32 -0800

My downstairs neighbors are by now used to hearing me cackle to myself while alone in the apartment, but they're probably scared now.

By: Shadowkeeper

Shadowkeeper — Fri, 18 Mar 2005 14:35:39 -0800

Thanks, everyone!

By: kavasa

kavasa — Fri, 18 Mar 2005 14:35:40 -0800

The actual list was much funnier. "Hold on, I'll go make you a burrito." Wha? Delmoi, I thought most of those amount to things like "mmmmph!"

By: ROU_Xenophobe

ROU_Xenophobe — Fri, 18 Mar 2005 14:36:20 -0800

It's not on either list, but i find a pretty solid mood killer is "Wow, you're almost as hot as the chick I banged last night!" ...she's in this sack.

By: Specklet

Specklet — Fri, 18 Mar 2005 14:39:26 -0800

Any use of the word "hot." Especially: "You're so hot or "Ever since we ate that dim sum I haven't felt so hot."

By: The Bellman

The Bellman — Fri, 18 Mar 2005 14:43:23 -0800

MetaFilter: This statement cannot be made any less hot.

By: Pretty_Generic

Pretty_Generic — Fri, 18 Mar 2005 14:47:55 -0800

"Do you take Discovery?"

By: Ethereal Bligh

Ethereal Bligh — Fri, 18 Mar 2005 14:49:27 -0800

Is Have you gained weight? on the list? Because it should be.

By: nonmyopicdave

nonmyopicdave — Fri, 18 Mar 2005 14:52:04 -0800

The 30 hottest things to say to a naked guy are, well, not really printable. Is it in?

By: Pretty_Generic

Pretty_Generic — Fri, 18 Mar 2005 14:52:24 -0800

Yes EB, as should "Right then, I'm going to go masturbate over the pile of dead Jews I keep hermetically sealed in my garage, weeping on their pustulating cadavers until I bleed".

By: Ryvar

Ryvar — Fri, 18 Mar 2005 14:53:54 -0800

Her name -- her full name -- followed by a "Wow"? Followed by "Well? Are you listening? Do you want to play World of Warcraft or not?" Check. Words that end in "uck." Yes, even "duck," when appropriate. Or "Schmuck." Oh now come ON, this excludes every single unclenched female. Bah! Check. While looking out the window at people not currently in bed with her: "Suckers." While looking at the people currently in bed with her: "lucky bastards." Only with an ex, but yeah, check. Playful laughter that escalates into maniacal laughter that transitions into coughing that degenerates into sobbing. Check. 3-4 others, but those were more variations on a theme.

By: BlackLeotardFront

BlackLeotardFront — Fri, 18 Mar 2005 15:04:51 -0800

Top ten hottest things for conservatives to say to naked each other: 1. Oh yeah, right in the heartland! 2. I've opened the reserves for drilling... 3. Squeeze my hand when you feel the Rapture. 4. No. 5. I'm so heterosexual right now. 6. Can I wear the hood this time? 7. Let's do it abomination style. 8. Mission accomplished! 9. Let the eagle soar. Cmon, cmon, let it soar, cmon......damn, I lost it. 10. Sorry.

By: gigglesticks

gigglesticks — Fri, 18 Mar 2005 15:07:18 -0800

Damn... that was funny!

By: schroedinger

schroedinger — Fri, 18 Mar 2005 15:15:23 -0800

Was the original list supposed to be serious? "You're so hot"? Is the writer fifteen?

By: disgruntled

disgruntled — Fri, 18 Mar 2005 15:15:27 -0800

I like "don't ever leave me". It appeals to the stalker in me. I like to randomly call my girlfriend at work and just adamantly say "don't ever leave me" and then hang up. I know she finds it romantic. It also appeals to the infant in me too, as in "don't ever leave me mommy".

By: jcruelty

jcruelty — Fri, 18 Mar 2005 15:24:46 -0800

funny.

By: orange swan

orange swan — Fri, 18 Mar 2005 15:28:41 -0800

The least hot thing I ever had said to me was "I will only sleep with you if promise to have an abortion in the event that you get pregnant with my kid." Real mood-killer, that one.

By: orange swan

orange swan — Fri, 18 Mar 2005 15:29:46 -0800

A lot of the ones on the "not hot" list were funny, and I would be quite happy to have them said to me as funny=hot in my book/bed.

By: jokeefe

jokeefe — Fri, 18 Mar 2005 15:29:48 -0800

Sigh. Ever post a Mefi comment you wish you could magically undo? You too, huh?

By: chatterbox

chatterbox — Fri, 18 Mar 2005 15:33:43 -0800

"Right then, I'm going to go masturbate over the pile of dead Jews I keep hermetically sealed in my garage, weeping on their pustulating cadavers until I bleed". ummm... what?

By: LittleMissCranky

LittleMissCranky — Fri, 18 Mar 2005 15:34:02 -0800

Ick. Ick ick ick ick ick ick ick. I don't think that there was anything on the real list that would not earn a long look of derision. And then I would leave. Canned comments are really, really gross. Gah. I feel skeeved just thinking about it. Do you feel this too?

By: clevershark

clevershark — Fri, 18 Mar 2005 15:34:08 -0800

The Men's Health forum entries (for the least sexy thing to say) were a lot better than the ones in the Defective Yeti piece... my favorite (in the former) was "Your sister was way better."

By: jokeefe

jokeefe — Fri, 18 Mar 2005 15:37:54 -0800

orange swan, ouch. "Geez, I saw one of your neighbours as I was leaving the other night-- God, was she gorgeous! I just wanted to, like, *makes devouring/slurping noise*" "Uh, she's 15." "Yeah, but look at her!" Sometimes your ex-boyfriends from the very distant past really shouldn't destroy your memories of them by reappearing in your life, you know?

By: laurenbove

laurenbove — Fri, 18 Mar 2005 15:44:21 -0800

You people have the most hilarious comments about this thread. The best thing ever said to me after: "I love watching your ass when you walk." as I was headed to the powder room. The worst thing ever said: "I'll be right back." He wasn't.

By: signal

signal — Fri, 18 Mar 2005 15:44:35 -0800

"Let's play hooky today. You won't get in trouble -- I am your principal, after all" hadn't laughed out loud reading MeFi in a long time.

By: kirkaracha

kirkaracha — Fri, 18 Mar 2005 15:47:40 -0800

The actual list was much funnier. "Hold on, I'll go make you a burrito." Wha? I think they meant falafel.

By: hellbient

hellbient — Fri, 18 Mar 2005 15:53:44 -0800

The least hot thing I ever had said to me was "I will only sleep with you if promise to have an abortion in the event that you get pregnant with my kid." Real mood-killer, that one. Yeah, but oh so necessary. That's at least the next 5 or so years of a guy's life we're talking about here...what are you gonna do?

By: fenriq

fenriq — Fri, 18 Mar 2005 16:03:25 -0800

Maybe I'm in the wrong mood to read the list of 30 least hot things to say but I didn't find a damned one of them to be even remotely funny.

By: Ptrin

Ptrin — Fri, 18 Mar 2005 16:07:19 -0800

The worst thing ever said: "I'll be right back." He wasn't. Damn that Rabbit Angstrom.

By: graventy

graventy — Fri, 18 Mar 2005 16:15:11 -0800

The burrito line really gets to me. I mean, I like burritos, and I want my future lover(s) to like burritos...but naked?!

By: Neosamurai85

Neosamurai85 — Fri, 18 Mar 2005 16:20:52 -0800

Anyone but me find it odd that "I love you" didn't make the list? I know it's old fashion, but think about it. The word "love" only shows up once with "I love how you taste." Sure, the word gets thrown around like a Raggedy Ann doll in the backroom of a comic convention, but is it completely used up? Also I'd of thought something about smell would have popped up. "You smell sweet as fresh cut grass on a hot summer day in that empty lot where everyone walks their dogs."

By: blacklite

blacklite — Fri, 18 Mar 2005 16:44:32 -0800

hahahahahahahaha. good post. "I'll go make you a burrito."

By: Neosamurai85

Neosamurai85 — Fri, 18 Mar 2005 17:21:34 -0800

Sometimes you need a little sugar in your bowl... Sometimes you need a hotdog on your roll... And sometimes you just need a little Sriracha in your burrito!

By: FYKshun

FYKshun — Fri, 18 Mar 2005 17:26:14 -0800

Okay. BlackLeotardFront made me snicker. Figured I'd take a shot... Top ten hottest things for Libruls to say to each other when naked: 1. Well, I am a Vegan, but for you... okay. 2. Who's ready for another slice of pie-wagon? 3. I adore the faint rustling our hairy legs make as they rub against each other. 4. Nothing to protest about there! 5. Four more years, four more years! 6. Don't blame me, I voted for Nader. 7. Obama mamma jamma! Woot! 8. I wanna see that Jackie-O face. 9. I feel your pain. and... 10. Wow! A bush I don't hate!

By: BlackLeotardFront

BlackLeotardFront — Fri, 18 Mar 2005 17:40:31 -0800

FYKshun those are delightful. I'm glad somebody read my list! Jesus christ, I was going crazy! Not even an "lolz." We should be syndicated.

By: Pretty_Generic

Pretty_Generic — Fri, 18 Mar 2005 17:48:56 -0800

We're usually too proud to give praise to each other.

By: FYKshun

FYKshun — Fri, 18 Mar 2005 17:56:13 -0800

BlackLeotardFront, I was concerned they'd suggest something a little more painful than syndication.

By: cmyr

cmyr — Fri, 18 Mar 2005 18:45:40 -0800

praise is so passe.

By: Democritus

Democritus — Fri, 18 Mar 2005 18:46:21 -0800

Hahaha, that was awesome. The Warcraft one was funny as hell. ^ WoW nerd.

By: eriko

eriko — Fri, 18 Mar 2005 18:46:48 -0800

And to round it out, the one Dave Letterman Top Ten List that made me completely lose it. From Sep. 20, 2001: Top ten baseball phrases that sound like euphemisms for sex. 10. Working the rosin bag. 9. Comebacker. 8. Charging the mound. 7. Riding the pine. 6. Jerking one into the seats. 5. Coming from behind. 4. Doubleheader. 3. Going deep in the hole. 2. The big unit. 1. Visiting Busch Stadium.

By: jonmc

jonmc — Fri, 18 Mar 2005 19:09:41 -0800

Dudes, when your with a naked woman, my best advice is to SHUT THE FUCK UP. If she's naked with you, you've already succeeded. Just follow her lead from there on out. I know next o nothing about women, but even I've learned that much.

By: palinode

palinode — Fri, 18 Mar 2005 20:04:00 -0800

"I love how this burrito tastes... what? Oh yeah. Get your own".

By: Arch Stanton

Arch Stanton — Fri, 18 Mar 2005 20:15:23 -0800

You can pretty much tell how every date is going by the quality of the burrito that your date makes for you. Microwave? You ain't getting any tonight.

By: palinode

palinode — Fri, 18 Mar 2005 20:35:19 -0800

I like the idea of a Burrito Index for dating. Mostly because no matter how badly the date went, you'd at least get a burrito out of it.

By: Miko

Miko — Fri, 18 Mar 2005 21:02:12 -0800

"I love how you taste your soup before adding salt to it. You know, that's the way Thomas Edison used to interview candidates. True fact. He'd take them out for lunch and if they seasoned their soup before trying it he wouldn't hire them, because that showed that they were impulsive and didn't -- holy shit, are you okay?! Jesus, you spilled it all over yourself! That's gotta hurt. What the fuck were you doing eating soup while naked in the first place?" Actually, that sounds like a guy I'd want to date.

By: wendell

wendell — Fri, 18 Mar 2005 21:15:48 -0800

"Hold on, I'll go make you a burrito." Then pull out magic wand (no, not that one, I mean the one from that childhood magic set you've kept all these years), wave it over her/him and say "Abracadabra, you're a burrito!" I knew that I could make that one less hot... And kudos to both the Conservative and Liberal lists. Which, of course, gives me license to write... "The 10 hottest things you can say to a naked MeFite" 10. Nice glasses. 9. Hungry? I'll make pancakes. 8. It vibrates? 7. I, for one, welcome our new naked overlords. 6. That's why they call you wonderchicken... 5. NSFW 4. Please hope me! 3. AskMe anything. 2. More inside. 1. Best. MeetUp. Ever. and " The 10 least hot things you can say to a naked MeFite" 10. jrun error 9. Double post? No way. 8. Can I pour some cold refreshing Pepsi Blue all over you? 7. WTF, Matt? 6. *the complete text of any Ethereal Bligh comment longer than three paragraphs* 5. How would you dispose of the body without getting caught? 4. It looked better on preview. 3. We have cameras. 2. I want a pony. 1. This thread is closed to new comments.

By: Miko

Miko — Fri, 18 Mar 2005 21:23:12 -0800

Wendell, Number 11 must have been: "I searched it first, I swear."

By: melissa may

melissa may — Fri, 18 Mar 2005 21:49:49 -0800

Number 12: "." Number 13: [!] noise Number 14: "Meta'd." ...and thanks, wendell, for positing that a MeFite can be wearing glasses and still be naked.

By: 27

27 — Fri, 18 Mar 2005 22:05:12 -0800

BlackLeotardFront's list beats all.

By: scarabic

scarabic — Fri, 18 Mar 2005 22:11:10 -0800

[this is so fucking good I can't believe it]

By: wendell

wendell — Fri, 18 Mar 2005 22:22:03 -0800

melissa, without our glasses, most of us wouldn't know the other was naked... There are so many other MeFi-isms that may or may not be hot... FPP We're all in this together. flag this get the banhammer!! bugs via Boing Boing "Connection timeout members" (now that's cold!) Until now, I never thought that MetaFilter could have too many inside jokes. Now I'm not sure.

By: jokeefe

jokeefe — Fri, 18 Mar 2005 23:26:31 -0800

*applauds wendell* "Let's take it to MeTa." "Quonsar!"

By: Ethereal Bligh

Ethereal Bligh — Sat, 19 Mar 2005 00:23:44 -0800

"6. *the complete text of any Ethereal Bligh comment longer than three paragraphs*" Hmm. That explains a lot.

By: hellbient

hellbient — Sat, 19 Mar 2005 01:01:16 -0800

another for the least hot MeFite list: Naked person: Wow, I'm soo relaxed. It's so rare these days that I can just lie down and do absolutely nothing. How do you rela- Mefite: ChaatFiilter!

By: taz

taz — Sat, 19 Mar 2005 02:21:43 -0800

Hottest thing you can say to a naked mathowie: Nothing. Total, deliberate silence. His name--his full name--followed by a "Wow, that's hard to pronounce." "Hungry? Stay right here. I'll go make you some pancakes. Not really! FAAAAKE!" While looking at moonlight reflecting on the ceiling: "is this really the best of the web?" And finally... The total hottest thing you can say to a naked mathowie: "You sleep; I'll go check on the baby."

By: jessicool

jessicool — Sat, 19 Mar 2005 02:55:06 -0800

Least hottest thing you can say to a naked woman: "You know, you really do look just like your father."

By: DaShiv

DaShiv — Sat, 19 Mar 2005 03:48:24 -0800

With so many potential pitfalls that one must avoid, it's no wonder that I, like the majority of sane men, choose to just roll over and go to sleep.

By: DevilsAdvocate

DevilsAdvocate — Sat, 19 Mar 2005 05:52:37 -0800

"Your breasts are the plastic.com it's OK to like."

By: LittleMissCranky

LittleMissCranky — Sat, 19 Mar 2005 06:58:09 -0800

With so many potential pitfalls that one must avoid, it's no wonder that I, like the majority of sane men, choose to just roll over and go to sleep. Amen. There is sex time, there is sleep time, and there is talking time. The last one should not be between the other two.

By: anastasiav

anastasiav — Sat, 19 Mar 2005 07:33:33 -0800

wendell, you forgot "there's a fish in my pants"

By: PlusDistance

PlusDistance — Sat, 19 Mar 2005 07:52:11 -0800

Don't forget: "Best of the Web indeed!"

By: Arch Stanton

Arch Stanton — Sat, 19 Mar 2005 07:55:25 -0800

"That's against.... the guidelines." "There are NO guidelines in the green."

By: kenko

kenko — Sat, 19 Mar 2005 08:07:01 -0800

"Your breasts are the plastic.com it's OK to like." Beautiful.

By: madamjujujive

madamjujujive — Sat, 19 Mar 2005 08:15:19 -0800

omg, this thread is fun...I laughed, I cried. BlackLeotardFront, FYKshun - - kudos, hilarious. Wendell, you have outdone yourself - superb! ...and great followup by the ever-witty taz. ...a few more for the mefi not hot list: First post, be gentle I'd hit it! gently and slowly fuck the fuck off. WARNING: HORSE COCK ...and to add to the mefi hotlist Best.Pony.Ever. fodinha bom dia or fodinha xi-xi WARNING: HORSE COCK ...and I can't resist posting this list: you put the "cute" back in persecution!

By: drezdn

drezdn — Sat, 19 Mar 2005 08:25:36 -0800

"Is it ok if I dig around in there to try to find the condom?"

By: wendell

wendell — Sat, 19 Mar 2005 10:27:44 -0800

and now for something semi-different... "The Hottest Things to Say to a Naked Monty Python Fan..." I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition. Is not. You're a lumberjack and you're OK. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries. Nudge, nudge, wink wink. *don't say a word, just slap him/her with a fish* Spam spam spam spam... It's a dead parrot!

By: orange swan

orange swan — Sat, 19 Mar 2005 12:46:00 -0800

and further to wendell's list: "Where'd you get the coconuts?"

By: Muffpub

Muffpub — Sat, 19 Mar 2005 16:20:23 -0800

DevilsAdvocate wins. I'll never look at "We're all in this together" the same way.

By: quin

quin — Sat, 19 Mar 2005 19:43:52 -0800

i gotta go with three cheers for wendell on this one. Priceless suff there. Great thread all around.

By: NotMyselfRightNow

NotMyselfRightNow — Sun, 20 Mar 2005 05:19:12 -0800

Wendell, how 'bout: "You've been banned. But, for just $5, you can get back in again."

By: tinamonster

tinamonster — Sun, 20 Mar 2005 12:17:43 -0800

Wendell, how could you forget: "That makes the baby jesus cry!" Now if only I could decide which list it goes on.