david hasselhoff 2005 calendar

March 23, 2005 6:50 PM

david hasselhoff 2005 calendar even worse than it sounds - startled by my girfriends screaming, i rushed over to see what was the matter. this is what is the matter.
posted by subpixel (37 comments total)

April is going to give me nightmares.
posted by veronitron at 6:56 PM on March 23, 2005

This is why they hate us.
posted by dewrene at 7:05 PM on March 23, 2005

April is going to give me nightmares.

Recurring ones.
posted by liam at 7:08 PM on March 23, 2005

I blame it on lia.
posted by tellurian at 7:14 PM on March 23, 2005

This is why they hate us.

Well, and who could blame them? Yikes.
posted by dejah420 at 7:22 PM on March 23, 2005

My birthday is coming soonish and if anyone is wondering what to get me....
I am going to go heterosexually swoon now.

posted by DeepFriedTwinkies at 7:36 PM on March 23, 2005

My eyes! Arrrgh!
posted by nj_subgenius at 7:41 PM on March 23, 2005

They seem to have misplaced the July photo in June.

Also, what the heck is going on in that December photo anyhow ... is it just me, or does he have a whole series of little Davids springing forth from his crotch and falling into the fire?
posted by anastasiav at 8:03 PM on March 23, 2005

Even worse.
posted by Wet Spot at 8:11 PM on March 23, 2005

You guys open .doc files from people you don't know? Really?

Maybe somebody can post jpgs?
posted by srboisvert at 8:14 PM on March 23, 2005

Oops. A recurring link.
posted by Wet Spot at 8:15 PM on March 23, 2005

You guys open .doc files from people you don't know? Really?

Yes. And some of us are still waiting for our free Ipods, large penises, and Presidential Rolexes that were promised to us.
posted by DeepFriedTwinkies at 8:21 PM on March 23, 2005

Okay, I followed a couple of links, and found The Swimmer. Lest you think David is not up on cultural stuff, according to cheesedip, it's "an exquisite photo essay shot by Jeff Riedel for the New York Times Magazine in 2001 inspired by the classic 1968 Burt Lancaster movie which was based on this short story by John Cheever."

Look closely for David with his trunks off!

There is something so right about the David Hasselhoff phenomenon. I can't say I understand what it is, but it's true. He rules, simply for his unalloyed Hasselhoffness.
posted by dammitjim at 8:41 PM on March 23, 2005

You guys open .doc files from people you don't know? Really?

I'm trying to imagine what sort of cracker would think the perfect delivery device for a virus would be a 2005 Hasslehoff calendar. Probably German.
posted by bobo123 at 8:52 PM on March 23, 2005

Argh! I went to look at the site, and accidentally clicked on the downloadable calendar. Now my IP address is permanently logged somewhere as actually WANTING this. Sigh.

Thank goodness it opened automatically in OpenOffice, which won't run MSOffice viruses...
posted by davejay at 8:59 PM on March 23, 2005

I'm damaged now.
posted by [hifidigitalboy] at 9:13 PM on March 23, 2005

Such beauty, such range...
posted by ontic at 9:14 PM on March 23, 2005

srboisvert You guys open .doc files from people you don't know? Really?
She seems reasonably trustworthy but here you go anyway.
posted by tellurian at 9:14 PM on March 23, 2005

I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.
posted by clevershark at 9:22 PM on March 23, 2005

Best damned laugh I've had in ages.
posted by puddinghead at 10:05 PM on March 23, 2005

How this (retina-scarring/sorta nsfw) image didn't make it in I don't understand.

Also, Ooga chaka ooga ooga
posted by O9scar at 10:26 PM on March 23, 2005

ouch.
posted by Embryo at 12:58 AM on March 24, 2005

Actually this is why they love us.

And, for the record, I'd just like to say David Hasselhoff rocks. The guy can do anything but he doesn't brag about it because he's already got everything. Really, no single man has done more to bring people all over the world together in a spirit of good will and good times than my good friend David Hasselhoff. From Cali car enthusiasts to Chinese peasants (who love Baywatch!), everybody knows and admires the pure force of goodness that is Mr. Hasselhoff. (It was really him that brought down the Wall.) I'll proudly go out and buy this calendar and put it up in my office... in June.
posted by nixerman at 1:01 AM on March 24, 2005

What percentage of those photos are self-parody I wonder.
posted by Dagobert at 2:01 AM on March 24, 2005

I can't help but wonder... who is this for? I can't see straight women or gay men liking this. Is it totally for kitsch value and to make it possible for us to torture our friends via email?
posted by orange swan at 6:43 AM on March 24, 2005

If David Hasselhoff got in a fight with William Shatner, who would win and why?
posted by sciurus at 7:24 AM on March 24, 2005

... and does David Hasselhoff know he's the biggest cheescake ever?
posted by orange swan at 7:36 AM on March 24, 2005

If David Hasselhoff got in a fight with William Shatner, who would win and why?

If it was on pay-per-view then I'd say everyone wins!
posted by Fezboy! at 7:54 AM on March 24, 2005

Down, boy.
posted by scottq at 8:29 AM on March 24, 2005

"...startled by my girfriends screaming, i rushed over to see what was the matter."

At first, I figured you must be a pretty lucky guy, having more than one girlfriend. However, given that they've taken to surfing the web for Hasselhoff pics together, I'd say you're actually in real trouble.
posted by koeselitz at 8:43 AM on March 24, 2005

If you liked AskMefi then you'll love Ask David Hasselhoff!
posted by urban greeting at 8:48 AM on March 24, 2005

If David Hasselhoff got in a fight with William Shatner, who would win and why?
... and does David Hasselhoff know he's the biggest cheescake ever?

I believe it would be a dead heat and I have a pet theory that I think may illuminate the situation. I strongly believe that Hasselhoff and Shatner are (non identical) twins who were seperated in birth. They are identical in all non-physical ways, except one - Shatner realises his ridiculousness and has built his career on it, whereas the wonderfully deluded Hasselhoff has bought his own hype and seems to be completly serious about his (equally hilarious) body of work.

Thus, were they ever to go head to head, it would end in a wonderfully kitsch and entertaining draw.
posted by urban greeting at 8:56 AM on March 24, 2005

Maybe we of Metafilter are Hasselhoff's audience. After all, we seem to really be interested in him.

I fondly remember this thread in especial.
posted by orange swan at 9:26 AM on March 24, 2005

April is the cruelest month
posted by shylock66 at 11:47 AM on March 24, 2005

Say what you want about The Hoff, he's in pretty darn good shape for a 52-year-old guy. I can think of lots and lots of men his age that have no business walking around in a Speedo.
posted by Bluecoat93 at 12:40 PM on March 24, 2005

I asked the Hoff what kind of new socks I should get and he told me I should hire the A-Team. Usually a good answer but it didn't address my immediate problem. I'll stick with AskMefi for now.
posted by mexican at 6:58 PM on March 24, 2005

Well, we devoted a whole thread to making fun of David Hasselhoff. Stay tuned for a thread on fish-barrel marksmanship. Jeez.
posted by jonmc at 6:59 AM on March 25, 2005