Comments on: Koalas aren't hard they some little bitches.

Koalas aren't hard they some little bitches.

LimePi — Thu, 24 Mar 2005 03:17:03 -0800

Koalas.txt

By: Savvas

Savvas — Thu, 24 Mar 2005 03:23:34 -0800

>Fwd: Fwd: Re: Koalas.txt

By: DrDoberman

DrDoberman — Thu, 24 Mar 2005 03:50:27 -0800

Eat, Sleep, Breath, Live Playstation! Good link BTW

By: Onanist

Onanist — Thu, 24 Mar 2005 04:07:12 -0800

Qué? I gotta be missing something here.

By: quarsan

quarsan — Thu, 24 Mar 2005 04:09:52 -0800

i wonder what was in the first draft......

By: sexymofo

sexymofo — Thu, 24 Mar 2005 04:11:53 -0800

Gotta love how kids at least know how to spell all the bad words correctly.

By: Faint of Butt

Faint of Butt — Thu, 24 Mar 2005 04:24:44 -0800

I, for one, would like to see more widespread use of the possibly-spurious tag.

By: InnocentBystander

InnocentBystander — Thu, 24 Mar 2005 04:34:27 -0800

Right now in my sleep-deprived state, I'm having absolutely wonderful visions of gangsta kanga's and thug koalas. It should be a children's show, I swear.

By: orthogonality

orthogonality — Thu, 24 Mar 2005 04:35:48 -0800

What's fascinating is that the kid is obviously not stupid: he absorbed and integrated the facts he'd been taught about koalas, and bravely came to an independent assessment -- and authority-bucking -- of their value. we need more kids like this. What's also suggested by the essay is that the course he took, while clearly communiticating facts about the koalas, didn't really make the case for saving endangered species. There's the received message "endangered == bad", but do the students learn, do the teachers even really themselves understand, why species diversity is good, other than as the "received wisdom" that states but fais to advance arguments for, that diversity? (Don't misunderstand me: I'm all for species diversity, and in part for wholly selfish reasons; ecosystems are interdependent webs, and crashing ecosystems not only rob science of material and humanity of wonder, the crashes also threaten human economies and ultimately human lives. But was that explained to Richard XXXX in his course, or just a PC cant of "divinity good, extinction bad"? If that cant is all the students are getting, bully on Richard for his warranted skepticism.)

By: orthogonality

orthogonality — Thu, 24 Mar 2005 04:39:18 -0800

s/divinty/diversity. s/fais/fails. My spellchecker knows too much.

By: Captaintripps

Captaintripps — Thu, 24 Mar 2005 04:45:02 -0800

I agree, Faint of Butt. Funny how, minus punctuation, the first paragraph is essentially grammatically correct. It's only at the second paragraph where Koala Hater starts using "they" for their.

By: peacay

peacay — Thu, 24 Mar 2005 05:04:12 -0800

kid intelligent? No. kid got grammar? No. lame post lame content? Yes. -possibly +spurious

By: rxrfrx

rxrfrx — Thu, 24 Mar 2005 05:35:48 -0800

Gangsta kanga, that's what they yellin' It's not about a salary, it's all about reality!

By: beelzbubba

beelzbubba — Thu, 24 Mar 2005 05:42:22 -0800

I almost stopped at the typo in the header. Enangered species? No doubt the koalas are enangered. With friends like Richard... My vote goes for spurious.

By: srboisvert

srboisvert — Thu, 24 Mar 2005 05:50:07 -0800

Could we all just lay off the anti-bush posts for a day or two?

By: kenaman

kenaman — Thu, 24 Mar 2005 05:50:33 -0800

I think he made some good points! Though he did state the obvious in parts : If a koala goes in the water it won't be able to breathe with its little short ass.

By: fshgrl

fshgrl — Thu, 24 Mar 2005 06:27:05 -0800

While they at the river trying to get something to drink a bear could just come to him and snatch its ass up. I gotta disagree with whomever said the class was at least imparting the bare facts.

By: PinkStainlessTail

PinkStainlessTail — Thu, 24 Mar 2005 06:39:09 -0800

Kid's got 99 problems but a koala ain't one.

By: emelenjr

emelenjr — Thu, 24 Mar 2005 06:44:13 -0800

Math is hard. Koalas isn't hard.

By: scheptech

scheptech — Thu, 24 Mar 2005 06:51:54 -0800

Kid's got 99 problems but a koala ain't one. Uh huh: there's not enough room for all the bitches in this world Koalas don't do nothing to help anybody. Thre would be just one more relative of the kangaroo that will be six feet under. Kids, including grown up ones, tend to anthropomorphize animals assigning human characteristics because they remind them of people. If this is really a kid, I wonder what people he's talking about and how long before he brings the gun to school.

By: greasy_skillet

greasy_skillet — Thu, 24 Mar 2005 07:16:10 -0800

Now that made me LOL.

By: thirteenkiller

thirteenkiller — Thu, 24 Mar 2005 07:18:08 -0800

A+

By: thirdparty

thirdparty — Thu, 24 Mar 2005 07:19:51 -0800

I didn't know Meatwad lived in Pittsburgh.

By: papercake

papercake — Thu, 24 Mar 2005 07:20:43 -0800

What's fascinating is that the kid is obviously not stupid: he absorbed and integrated the facts he'd been taught about koalas, and bravely came to an independent assessment -- and authority-bucking -- of their value. we need more kids like this. This kid didn't "absorb and integrate the facts he'd been taught," this kid remembers a few key words from class and understands that he's supposed to say that koalas should be saved and this is his knee-jerk vitriolic spew against the assignment. Independent assessment? This kids got a belly full of rage at something or someone and he's spitting it out at whatever target he's handed. We don't need more kids like this; we need to help more kids like this.

By: catchmurray

catchmurray — Thu, 24 Mar 2005 07:24:20 -0800

Good post.

By: chrid

chrid — Thu, 24 Mar 2005 07:24:32 -0800

The kid'll be ok once he gets his frog back.

By: sonofsamiam

sonofsamiam — Thu, 24 Mar 2005 07:25:41 -0800

Now I regret donating to "Save the Koalas."

By: fungible

fungible — Thu, 24 Mar 2005 07:40:02 -0800

Don't even get me started on the fuckin platypus! Sheeet.

By: Sully

Sully — Thu, 24 Mar 2005 07:55:12 -0800

I loved this. Kinda spurious, but I'm glad it was posted.

By: odinsdream

odinsdream — Thu, 24 Mar 2005 08:02:43 -0800

The kid'll be ok once he gets his frog back. Ah, memories...

By: If I Had An Anus

If I Had An Anus — Thu, 24 Mar 2005 08:10:53 -0800

If a koala goes in the water it won't be able to breathe with its little short ass. well yeah, but...

By: Ynoxas

Ynoxas — Thu, 24 Mar 2005 08:18:16 -0800

Surely none of you truly believe this is a real assignment done by a real child.

By: togdon

togdon — Thu, 24 Mar 2005 08:21:56 -0800

Little Nephew?

By: me3dia

me3dia — Thu, 24 Mar 2005 08:46:18 -0800

The fact that the author back and forth from proper, grammatically correct contractions (they're) to incorrect "urban" grammar (they be) blows his cover -- totally fake. Totally true, though, too: Koalas ain't doin' shit for us homies.

By: nthdegx

nthdegx — Thu, 24 Mar 2005 08:51:21 -0800

kid got grammar? No. Hahahahahahahaha.

By: soplerfo

soplerfo — Thu, 24 Mar 2005 09:12:39 -0800

...bush posts I get it!

By: zerokey

zerokey — Thu, 24 Mar 2005 09:23:33 -0800

me3dia: I caught that too, and agree wholeheartedly. The whole fake would have been significantly more amusing if the spelling and grammar were perfect) MetaFilter: Now you know why koalas aren't important

By: salad spork

salad spork — Thu, 24 Mar 2005 09:58:33 -0800

Halfway through the essay I got this mental picture of a koala attached to this kid's face. I bet a koala could rip the shit out of him. Ahh, sweet, sweet payback.

By: psychotic_venom

psychotic_venom — Thu, 24 Mar 2005 10:31:26 -0800

salad spork: You freakin' made me spew coke all over my monitor... freakin' a!

By: schyler523

schyler523 — Thu, 24 Mar 2005 10:40:47 -0800

I'm pretty sure i couldn't breathe water through my short little ass. What's up with with koalas thinkin they hard and shit? I used to mess them koalas up when i was street back in the day. *hearts possibly-spurious

By: Shane

Shane — Thu, 24 Mar 2005 10:43:37 -0800

Hilarious and terrifying at the same time. The Children are the Future, but let's hope this one, I dunno... gets stuck in a time warp or something. Thanks for the link, LimePi. It's a gem.

By: Aknaton

Aknaton — Thu, 24 Mar 2005 10:48:27 -0800

Koalas not strong? They hold themselves in trees with their arms. Watch the people coming out of a koala receiving line (adjacent to the line of friends with cameras), rubbing their sides where a koala has just dug in its nails*, hard, to hold itself up. *six of which are on fingers, four of which are on thumbs

By: thomcatspike

thomcatspike — Thu, 24 Mar 2005 10:49:22 -0800

report card Teacher; F - unassigned reference. Student; F – use of "F-word" in report.

By: aGreatNotion

aGreatNotion — Thu, 24 Mar 2005 11:31:19 -0800

one boring saturday afternoon, i watched a discovery channel show about relocating koalas from one part of new zealand to another and was totally freaked out by the fact that mother koalas become evil furballs with claws when you mess with the babies. obviously he has never seen a koala try to claw someone's face off for touching her babies. but i think maybe salad spork has! in conclusion, koalas *are* bitches, yes, but they are HARD bitches, especially when you fuck with their babies.

By: butternut

butternut — Thu, 24 Mar 2005 11:57:29 -0800

They're not important just let nature do what it do and kill them. Now do you see what teaching evolution will do to our children?? (spurious or no, I don't care. This was funny.)

By: peacay

peacay — Thu, 24 Mar 2005 12:26:58 -0800

i watched a discovery channel show about relocating koalas from one part of new zealand That would be Australia. *sigh* Koalas are just cuddly gumleaf eaters who sleep 16 hours a day, slumped up gum (eucalyptus) trees. And no doubt your mother would have raised her bitchclaws too if her young kids were being pestered by ignorant grade-8er's. Platypus are amazing and incredibly secretive and shy critters. (They are my faves) The males have poisonous spurs specifically designed to bring down ignorant grade-8er's who come within 10 metres of them. Neither are endangered as I understand it (except in the usual case-by-case local habitats threatened by development sense) - they are just off limits to would-be hunters (and ignorant grade-8er's) Kangaroos on the other hand.......you are welcome to as many as you want.......there are gazillions of them and there's a big culling industry. Ignorant grade-8er's ought to be introduced to their foot claws and boxing skills. marsupial/monotreme education system

By: BlackLeotardFront

BlackLeotardFront — Thu, 24 Mar 2005 13:15:16 -0800

I saw some platypus in real life in australia, had to get up ass early to see them but it was worth it. Also got to hold a koala, they have sharp little hands, he could have mauled me like a bitch if he wanted to but I think he was sedated and only peed a little. Really though, I am torn between this essay being very funny and the idea that this kid will probably be killed in about 5 years when he catches a stray. (bullet)

By: thanotopsis

thanotopsis — Thu, 24 Mar 2005 13:32:21 -0800

You have to give this essay one thing: Ignoring grammar and language and subject matter, it has structure. An introduction, subject paragraphs, and a logical, if trite, conclusion. Perhaps the assignment wasn't so much to draw on actual knowledge, but to assemble any bit of information, no matter how ridiculous, into a proper essay format.

By: peacay

peacay — Thu, 24 Mar 2005 13:51:51 -0800

I saw some platypus in real life in australia Wow, you were seriously lucky (if in the wild) - I've only ever seen a few, all in the same stream/pond at the same time - took me 20-odd years of waiting - I watched them frolic for about 4 hours. On my all time life highlight list for sure!! thanotopsis......how old is someone in grade 8?? 13/14 years old?? An intro. middle bit and ending isn't like rocket science (he would do this when he speaks anyway) - at that age they ought to be developing decent arguments within grammatically correct formats. The kid (if it is a kid) is destined for a plateaued future.

By: thanotopsis

thanotopsis — Thu, 24 Mar 2005 14:07:31 -0800

thanotopsis......how old is someone in grade 8?? 13/14 years old?? An intro. middle bit and ending isn't like rocket science My work study in college for 4 years was as a writing tutor to my peers. You'd be surprised how difficult a meaningful structure is for people to grasp.

By: obloquy

obloquy — Thu, 24 Mar 2005 14:12:20 -0800

Hey, it's better written than most of those laser essays. I also don't think inconsistency in grammar is a sure sign of fakery--look at any misplaced apostrophe in context & you'll probably find that the made-up punctuation rules change from word to word. Examples in my neighborhood include a new store called "House of Stool's and Bars" and a Mexican restaurant menu that lists "Tacos, Enchiladas, and Burrito's". I hope a storm just come while they just chilling up in the tree thinking they is hard and they're will all just fall off. They just break they neck and shit. Don't koalas have extra padding on they little short asses for just such situations and shit?

By: peacay

peacay — Thu, 24 Mar 2005 14:23:03 -0800

Nahhh....I probably wouldn't really be surprised thanotopsis. I guess I just retain the illusion that edumacation can work in the majority of cases. Well, that and I'm an elitist shite.

By: aGreatNotion

aGreatNotion — Thu, 24 Mar 2005 14:28:17 -0800

That would be Australia. *sigh* sorry, i was hungover when i watched it. but i swear New Zealand was involved somehow. i didn't mean to offend you or the koalas with my lack of knowledge on the subject.

By: feloniousmonk

feloniousmonk — Thu, 24 Mar 2005 14:32:02 -0800

Didn't they film Lord of the Rings in Australia, too? That's a lot of movies for such a small country!

By: aGreatNotion

aGreatNotion — Thu, 24 Mar 2005 14:33:33 -0800

i do know, though, that they are being sterilized to control the population

By: peacay

peacay — Thu, 24 Mar 2005 15:19:27 -0800

aGreatNotion........no offense taken - we just like to *sigh* at how little is known about us (and I will, possibly at the risk of injury, speak on behalf of NZ here as well) and how seemingly inconsequential we are in the world - antipodean inferiority complex. LOTR = NZ !!!! (although Oz supplied a number of actors and maybe other bits and pieces - but nothing of great note----------definitely a major NZ success story)

By: aGreatNotion

aGreatNotion — Thu, 24 Mar 2005 15:24:07 -0800

heh he was joking about LOTR :) you're not inconsequential at all. you're just not the purveyors of freedom we are here in the States! (jk)

By: peacay

peacay — Thu, 24 Mar 2005 15:42:22 -0800

I'll buy a buck fifty worth of freedom and consequence and yes I'd like fries with that.

By: snarfodox

snarfodox — Fri, 25 Mar 2005 10:02:25 -0800

BlackLeotardFront > Also got to hold a koala, they have sharp little hands, he could have mauled me like a bitch if he wanted to but I think he was sedated and only peed a little. Actually ... that's pretty much what they're like all the time. I've seen a film of a young japanese tourist being mauled by a koala. She was trying to hand the koala back to the handler and happened to dig her thumbs into its ribs; lots of blood and screaming from the human, the koala just looked a little annoyed at the noise and having to expend a few hundred leaves worth of energy.

By: peacay

peacay — Sun, 27 Mar 2005 04:56:51 -0800

snarfodox....the drugged koala is the ultimate anti-tourist defense. Keep the numbers down. Gum leaves sure must have something sedating in them.