The greatest sexual moments in video game history

March 24, 2005 9:34 PM

The greatest sexual moments in video game history.From Rampage to the cheapest japanese NES games to Mortal Kombat and beyond, someone out there took the energy better spent on... anything else to create a list of sexuality in societys black sheep: Video games. Does not hold preference to any sexual preference, NSFW.
posted by Dean Keaton (30 comments total)

Greatest sexual insecurities in video game history...
posted by AlexReynolds at 9:49 PM on March 24, 2005

That was amusing. Then tedious. Now I just feel dirty.
posted by chicken nuglet at 11:02 PM on March 24, 2005

Yeah, the first nine.. or ten, I guess, I felt I had to get to the end of #10 out of duty (CORN ON THE COB BOSS!) ... they were amusing.
I got all the way to #26 before quitting, though.
It just gets kind of lame.
posted by blacklite at 11:18 PM on March 24, 2005

hmm...
pop-ups -- check
heart shaped backgrounds -- check
8-bit voyeurism -- check

*head asplodes
posted by schyler523 at 11:23 PM on March 24, 2005

Just wait until you see the last page. I couldn't beleve that was in a video game.
posted by Dean Keaton at 11:46 PM on March 24, 2005

hmm, most of them were lame, some of them were classic.
posted by puke & cry at 11:47 PM on March 24, 2005

*plunks down another fiver for new username "MAD TIGER BALLS!"*
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 12:09 AM on March 25, 2005

Stretching some of these examples would have been less tedious if the writer(s) could actually write beyond some dopey college-age game player mindset. But, hey, it's the web. Anyone can do it!
posted by i_cola at 1:46 AM on March 25, 2005

These moments are great when they're something that the artists and developers missed or slipped in, but when it's just the player making game characters overlap and going "hurr they have man-sex," it gets irritating. The old 8-bit examples were great, though.
posted by truex at 1:49 AM on March 25, 2005

...when it's just the player making game characters overlap and going "hurr they have man-sex," it gets irritating.

I couldn't agree more, truex. Especially since they're overlooking the numerous cumshots all throughout Parappa the Rapper.
posted by incomple at 2:24 AM on March 25, 2005

What the hell? No Leisure Suit Larry? No Three Sisters Story, no Water Closet, no Battle Raper: HYPER REALACTION or any Hentei at all?

There's not even any mention of Mario and Toad in Mario64. Damn, that Toad sure likes him some Italian sausage.

AND WHAT ABOUT PRINCESS TOADSTOOL'S DELICIOUS CAKE!?

We're sorry Mario, but the princess is in another castle! *grumblegrumble*
posted by loquacious at 3:23 AM on March 25, 2005

stupid, boring and old
posted by damnitkage at 3:33 AM on March 25, 2005

I was expecting more from the last page.

Err, bad choice of words.

Linky so you don't have to slog through all of it like I did only to be let down.
posted by loquacious at 3:34 AM on March 25, 2005

posted by Pretty_Generic at 4:18 AM on March 25, 2005

P_G, that made my fucking *week*.
posted by notsnot at 6:44 AM on March 25, 2005

Yeah, he missed quite a few good ones. But I was very pleased by the appearence of my favorite 16-bit wrestling games of yesteryear.

Homophobic, much? 'Tis the web, though. He didn't have to write like an 8 year old off his meds, though.
posted by Baby_Balrog at 6:47 AM on March 25, 2005

He uses the word 'bevy' on that last page. I dare you to find me an 8 year old, meds or no, that can use the word 'bevy' in a sentence. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.
posted by spicynuts at 7:43 AM on March 25, 2005

Heh. Ok spicynuts. Point noted. He also used the word ribaldry, which is drastically underused in today's social lexicon.

BTW - has anybody ever mentioned that the spell check runs your name as pignuts? Not trying to offend, but how fascinating, no? Pignuts. Hardly a word, I'd say. pignuts. heh.
posted by Baby_Balrog at 7:56 AM on March 25, 2005

I was about to get indignant when he started attacking battletoads. then I realized that he was specifying genital spotting, rather than sexual content.
I mean, are those tiger balls supposed to be suggestive or something? I looked at the animated gif for 10 repetitions before scrolling down and seeing where he was going with it.

still, amusing (if over-long).
and hell, some of the games he found are beyond bizarre, and get points for obscurity in my book
posted by Busithoth at 8:03 AM on March 25, 2005

Metafilter:

posted by Krrrlson at 9:04 AM on March 25, 2005

pignuts are not spicy. or so i'm told.
posted by spicynuts at 9:07 AM on March 25, 2005

Ah crap, it seems I'm paying the terrible price for hotlinking. Let's hope that image doesn't turn into goatse.
posted by Krrrlson at 9:14 AM on March 25, 2005

Seanbaby did this much better. And much less safe for work.
posted by straight at 10:06 AM on March 25, 2005

Maybe I didn't get far enough into it but the ones I saw were pretty well lame.

You what makes me laugh? Picking up hookers in Grand Theft Auto, finding a place to have some fun, getting the car rocking and then looking in the car to see Tommy (or Carl) and the prostitute just sitting in their seats looking forward.
posted by fenriq at 11:00 AM on March 25, 2005

*Looks at P_G's gif*

*chuckles* *looks at it again* *giggles, then chortles, then busts out laughing*

*scrolls up, looks at it again, starts laughing uncontrollably*

I'm just going to save that image. And every time I start feeling down I'll just take a peek at it and be happy again. I know it shouldn't be that funny, but I can't look at it and not laugh.

*Scrolls back up, starts giggling again*

Yup, still working. FINISH HIM!!
posted by loquacious at 12:30 PM on March 25, 2005

A Nintendo DS game comes along these lines...

touch paw...go happy! golden egg in lap!

The Cho Aniki section absolutely floored me...and it comes with wallpaper!
posted by gren at 1:12 PM on March 25, 2005

grah, sorry, linking 4chan = bad nico!

touch paw...go happy!
posted by gren at 1:25 PM on March 25, 2005

<3 Cho Aniki. oh god how I <3 Cho Aniki.

Old, but still so very good.
posted by Lizc at 3:51 PM on March 25, 2005

agree that seanbaby did this much better. his NES page still makes me laugh, not just the bad sex games, but also the "worst games of all time."
posted by jcruelty at 4:25 PM on March 25, 2005

Thanks/Damn you straight. That wasted half an hour of my time... better than the FPP

posted by login at 6:11 PM on March 25, 2005