if anyone cares - to avoid those extra blank lines, write everything on a "single" line (let the text wrap automatically in the box without hitting "return") and close list items explicitly (with </li>) to separate individual entries. quonsar will explain why this happens. posted by andrew cooke at 3:10 PM on March 28, 2005
Does anyone really:
- know what day it is?
- care? posted by FYKshun at 3:45 PM on March 28, 2005
The thing about bullet-pointed lists is, you really don't need to repeat the point. So all those us-es are redundant. As are those turns. posted by graventy at 3:47 PM on March 28, 2005
Things no one told you:
Life was gonna be this way
Your current condition:
Job's a joke
Broke
Love life's DOA
Current gear selection:
2
Units of time it hasn't been for you:
day
week
month
year
I'll be there for you: (give examples and reasons)
When the rain starts to fall
Like I've been there before
Cause you're there for me too
Today's problems:
Work starts at 8am, woke up at 10am
Burned breakfast
Things Mom knew:
There'd be days like these
Things Mom didn't know:
The world has brought you to your knees
I'll be there for you: (give examples and reasons)
Bottles of beer on the wall after you take one down and pass it around:
- 98
- 97
- 96
- 95
- 94
- 93
- 92
- 91... posted by ori at 5:17 PM on March 28, 2005
This needs some Ramones.
What you are:
. a loudmouth
What you'd better do:
. shut it up.
What I'm going to do:
. beat you up
Why I'm going to do it:
. because you're a loudmouth posted by Decani at 5:22 PM on March 28, 2005
it starts with:
-an earthquake
-birds
-snakes
-aeroplanes
lenny bruce:
-not afraid
eye:
-of a hurricane
listen:
-to yourself churn
serving own needs:
-world
-dummy
speed it up:
-a notch
.....
it's the end of the world:
-as we know it
-i feel fine posted by mawlymawnster at 5:52 PM on March 28, 2005
Freebird! posted by sellout at 6:17 PM on March 28, 2005
It starts with:
An earthquake
Birds and snakes
An aeroplane
Lenny Bruce:
Not afraid
You:
Vitriolic
Patriotic
Slam
Fight
Bright light
Feeling pretty psyched
Things to do:
Wire in a fire
Represent the seven games in a government for hire and a combat site
Look at that low plane!
Save yourself
Serve yourself
Listen to your heart bleed
Slash
Burn
Return
Listen to yourself churn
Feed it up a knock
Speed
Lock him in uniform
Light a candle
Light a motive
Step down
Watch a heel crush
Crush
Steer clear!
Things not to do:
Miss-serve your own needs
Grunt
Get caught in foreign tower
Things to offer me:
Solutions
I decline
Alternatives
I decline
What it is:
The end of the world
As we know it
How I feel about that:
Fine
Estimated Time of Departure:
Six o'clock - TV hour
Random words and phrases that don’t mean shit:
The other night I tripped a nice continental drift divide. Mount St. Edelite. Leonard Bernstein. Leonid Breshnev, Lenny Bruce and Lester Bangs. Birthday party, cheesecake, jelly bean, boom! You symbiotic, patriotic, slam, but neck, right?
Things I am:
•The son
•the heir, of
•a shyness
•criminally vulgar
•nothing in particular
•going about things the wrong way [alleged]
•human
•needing love [allegedly not unique in this regard]
•[in the state of having] waited too long
•without hope [gone]
•not understanding you when you say it is going to happen 'now'
Things you say:
•"it's going to happen now"
•"would you like to go?" [see below]
What there is:
•a club
Things that could potentially happen if you go to said club:
•could meet somebody
•really loves you
Things that do happen when you go to said club:
•you stand on your own
•you leave on your own
•you go home
•you cry
•you want to die posted by al_fresco at 9:15 PM on March 28, 2005
Stagger Lee
Met Billy
Got down to gambling
Rolled seven
Billy said
He rolled eight.
"Hey Stagger, I'm going to make my big attack. I'm going to have to leave my knife in your back
Start all over again.... posted by eyeballkid at 9:19 PM on March 28, 2005
Things you are:
- The Colosseum
- The Louvre Museum
- A melody from a symphony by Strauss
- A Bendel bonnet
- A Shakespeare sonnet
- Mickey Mouse
- The Nile
- The Tower of Pisa
- The smile on the Mona Lisa
- Mahatma Gandi
- Napolean brandy
- The purple light of a summer night in Spain
- The National Gallery
- Garbo's salary
- Cellophane
- Sublime
- A turkey dinner
- The time of the Derby winner
- An Arrow collar
- A Coolidge dollar
- The nimble tread of the feet of Fred Astaire
- An O'Neill drama
- Whistler's mama
- Camembert
- A rose
- Inferno's Dante
- The nost on the great Durante
- An old dutch master
- Lady Astor
- Pepsodent
- Romance
- The steppes of Russia
- The pants on a Roxy usher
Things I am:
- A worthless check
- A total wreck
- A flop
- A toy balloon that's fated soon to pop
- The bottom
- Monster (slab really needs cleaning before guests arrive)
- Ghouls
- Zombies (the fun-loving ones)
- Wolfman
- Dracula
- Dracula's son
- Igor
- Igor's baying hounds
- The Coffin Bangers (confirm gig)
- Cryptkicker 5 (vocal group)
- You
(Don't forget to buy more Febreze!) posted by darkstar at 10:30 PM on March 28, 2005
I can:
-do the Frug
-do the Robocop
-do the Freddie
-hate your girl
-tell you that she's real pretty
-take my clothes off
-watch tv
-shuffle off to Buffalo
-a back bend
-start a book
-make some mac 'n cheese
-sleep twelve hours
I cannot:
-do the Smurf
-fall in love
I will not:
-call you back
I will never:
-fall in love
You will never:
-see my eyes
Others will verify that I cannot:
-do the Smurf posted by JT at 11:20 PM on March 28, 2005
Who We Are:
- whoever we are, wherever we're from
- we should've noticed by now our behavior is dumb
Areas To Improve:
- it's going to take a lot more than trying to remove
- the other race or the other whatever
- from the face of the planet altogether
Materials Needed:
- A french bomb to poof them out of existence
- Leave their real estate just where we need it
Conclusions:
- God made us out to be just like him
- If we are dumb
- Then god is dumb
- and maybe a little ugly n the side
(yeah, wordy I know. I need practice) posted by KevinSkomsvold at 11:44 PM on March 28, 2005
It's funnier if you keep the list short and sort of summarize the main points. This one is hilarious, for example. It's not so funny when you just list every word of the freaking song in an outline format.
I'm too lazy to search, but I bet McSweeny's started this. posted by Mid at 6:05 AM on March 29, 2005
I never thought it would be so easy to:
- Cleanse any song of passion or emotion in one fell swoop
- Become annoying even faster than the Crazy Frog Ringtone
Pastimes of Frog:
- Ringtone posted by Mid at 6:37 AM on March 29, 2005
dhartung wins.
Only if you didn't go to the second page on the main link. I think the original one on there is a better working-out of it. But dhartung certainly wins for picking the song that this works best with. posted by soyjoy at 7:22 AM on March 29, 2005
We're not nearly as funny as the livejournal people. posted by Mid at 10:11 AM on March 29, 2005
Things which I can't fully appreciate:
- A thousand cable channels (nothing on)
- My high speed connection (monitored daily by the Pentagon)
- My dreams
Things that I am lacking:
- Peace
- Friends
- Sense
- Guide
- Time
- An option
- A care in the world
- Shade
- Light
- Way
- Sign
- Grace
To do:
- Construct a sound defense
- Overcome this grim reality
- Patch all the cracks in the wall (delegated to mother)
- Conceal myself
- Steal myself
- Break away
(The Defense, by Bad Religion) posted by CrunchyFrog at 10:39 AM on March 29, 2005
I will use this opportunity to illustrate why I don't like Ben Harper.
What oppression does:
- preys on us when we sleep
- chases after:
. - the tired
. - the poor
. - the weak
- knows it means only harm
- reaches out with its long arm
- won't be let near Ben Harper
- shall learn to fear Ben Harper
- seeks population control
- to divide and conquer is its goal
(etc)
Who I always have to steal my kisses from:
- you
- you
- you
- you
Forever:
- Ben harper don't want that kind of it in his life anymore
- always seems to be around when it begins
- never seems to be around when it ends
- people spend so much time every day giving it away
- Ben Harper won't let his roam So give Ben Harper your:
- forever (not a day less will do)
Excuse me, Mister,
- do you have the time? Or are you so important that it stands still?
- won't you lend me your ears? Or are you not only blind but do you not hear?
- but isn't that you're oil in the sea? And the pollution in the air, whose could that be?
(etc.) posted by ORthey at 10:52 AM on March 29, 2005
This is so bloody fun I have to go again. Forgive me.
Things you never knew:
- love
-- until you crossed the line of grace
- how low you'd stoop to make that call
- what was on the ground
-- until they made you crawl
- that the heaven you keep you stole
Things you never felt:
- wanted
-- until you had someone slap your face
- alive
-- until you'd almost wasted away
You:
- had to win
- couldn't just pass
- [were] the smartest ass at the top of the class
You had:
- flying colors
- family tree
- lessons in history
- Catholic blues
- convent shoes
- stick-on tattoos
--now making the news
- holy war
- northern star
- Sermon on the Mount from the boot of your car
Please:
- get up off your knees
- leave me out of this mess
Love is:
- hard
- tough
- not what you're thinking of
- big
-- bigger than us
September:
- streets capsizing
- spilling over down the drain
- shards of glass
- splinters like rain
- you could only feel your own pain
October:
- talk getting nowhere
November, December:
- remember
- we just started again
It's what lovers:
- steal
- deal
Why I found it hard to receive:
- 'cause you, my love, I could never believe posted by Saellys at 11:43 AM on March 29, 2005
• Places in which it is hot:
- Herre
• Solutions:
- Take off clothes
• Things I was like:
- Good gracious ass bodacious
- Flirtacious,
- Tryin to show faces
• Things I'm looking for:
- The right time to shoot my steam (you know)
- The right time to flash them G's
• Next steps:
- I'm leavin, please believin
- Me and the rest of my heathens
• Where I've got it (confirmed):
- Locked at the top of the four seasons
- Penthouse
- Roof top
- Birds (fed by me)
• Actionables:
- What I need you to do:
- To get up up on the dance floor
- Give that man what he's asking for
- Reasons:
- I feel like bustin loose
- I feel like touching you
- Nobody can stop the juice
- Whats the use?
• Life's important questions:
- Why you at the bar if you aint poppin the bottles?
- What good is all the fame if you aint fuckin the models?
• Comparison (You vs. Me):
- You:
- Driving a sportscar
- Not fast
- Me:
- Down (also driving a sportscar)
- 100MPH
- Top down, wearing goggles
• Directions to Herre:
- Get off the freeway
- Exit 106
- Park
• Items referenced once Herre:
- Ash tray
- Flip gate
- Gucci collar for dollar
• I:
- Spit game
- Can't talk it
• I am:
- Warm
- Sweating
• You are:
- Still wearing a VOKAL tanktop
- With a winner
• Actionables (2):
- Take it off like your home alone
- Dance in front your mirror while you're on the phone
- As if checking your reflection
- While talking your best friend
• Nelly:
- Hang all out
- Just fall out
Recipe
• Ingredients:
- ah
- ah
1. Mix a little bit a ah, ah with a little bit a ah, ah
2. Give a little bit a ah, ah with a little bit a ah, ah
3. Add more ah, ah
4. Add additional sprinkle a that ah, ah
5. Make it (with ah, ah)
• Stop:
- Placin'
- Time wastin'
• What I've got:
- I gotta a friend with a pole in the basement
- Pole available if you'll use it.
• News:
- Nelly took a trip from the Luna to Neptunes
- Came back with somethin' thicker than fittin' in sasoons
- Says she likes to think about cuttin' in restrooms posted by me3dia at 12:39 PM on March 29, 2005
Her Majesty:
- A pretty nice girl
- Doesn't have a lot to say
- A pretty nice girl
- Changes from day to day
I want to tell her:
- I love her a lot
But I gotta get a belly full of:
- wine
Her Majesty:
- a pretty nice girl
- someday I'm gonna make her mine posted by ORthey at 3:22 PM on March 29, 2005
Things which I have:
-Your Picture
Things that I want but do not have:
-A doctor to take your picture
-So that I may look at you from inside as well
Things of which I have none (presently):
-Sex
-Drugs
-Wine
-Women
-Fun
-Sin
-You
-Wonder it's dark
Ways in which you have me turning:
-Up
-Down
-In
-Round
-Japanese posted by klangklangston at 6:16 AM on March 31, 2005
Places I have been:
- Georgia
- California
- Anywhere I could run
- Nice
- the Isle of Greece
- Monte Carlo
- Paradise
- not much of a man by the night of day
- by night, one hell of a lover
- making a man, with blonde hair and a tan
- filled with tension, which the aforementioned man will be good for relieving.
- seeing you shiver with antici...
- pation.
- removing the cause, but not the symptom
- a sweet transvestite
- from Transsexual, Transylvania posted by the_bone at 7:43 AM on April 14, 2005
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posted by Pretty_Generic at 2:45 PM on March 28, 2005