Cat Hate

March 29, 2005 12:14 AM

A good reason to hate cats. However if that is not enough, this guy has 32 other reasons to hate cats.
posted by Hands of Manos (70 comments total)

I hate cats.

Wav file from Australian comedian, Rodney Rude. (NSFW)


ps: I hate cats.
posted by uncanny hengeman at 12:42 AM on March 29, 2005

A good reason to hate cats gun owners.
posted by planetkyoto at 12:50 AM on March 29, 2005

I'm counting 24 reasons in the cartoons. ^_^ This is the one you missed.

Erm, and the first one? No, that's a reason not to leave loaded guns lying about. Curious he never checked into the 2nd hospital, unless something more is going on than we've been told. Maybe it's really his bird that shot him, and he was too embarrassed to say so.
posted by Tuwa at 12:50 AM on March 29, 2005

Unless one includes the Hebrew and Islamic clerics who feathered their nests telling their followers to abjure the unclean pig, one must conclude how utterly rare in human history the American condition is.

In a world where most people -- just as their fathers before them -- have trouble staying properly nourished or getting access to clean potable water, it's unprecedented in human history to live in a country where someone makes a living drawing cartoons giving reasons to hate a species of domestic animal.

I don't say this to judge or condemn or make light: but just imagine if all human who ever lived where gathered in once place: almost all of them would have either gathered, caught, or farmed their own food their entire lives.

And sure, those people probably all had a priest of one sort or another in their lives, maybe one who drew magical pictures bison on cave walls to ensure the tribe's supply of meat. So someone who draws and explains what to hate won't be totally foreign concepts.

Now imagine explaining to that vast majority of the human race that there's this guy, and he secures a standard of living far superior to anything that great majority of humanity could even comprehend-- by, uh, not in service of any religion or deity, just by making drawings of cats and explaining humorously why cats are to be hated.
posted by orthogonality at 12:54 AM on March 29, 2005

I hate orthogonality.
posted by uncanny hengeman at 1:10 AM on March 29, 2005

Tuwa: whoops...thanks for catching that, I'll send it to Jess and Matt for clarification.

Thank you!
posted by Hands of Manos at 1:11 AM on March 29, 2005

*stuffs orthogonality into a gunny sack and drowns him in a washtub*
posted by loquacious at 1:15 AM on March 29, 2005

I think the guy was shot. The whole, 'my cat knocked the gun off the counter' thing is a really weak excuse. Drug deal gone bad, or something, he gets shot in the leg. Poor cats get all the blame.
posted by graventy at 1:26 AM on March 29, 2005

orthogonality, my only objection to Mr. Briscoe is that he secures his standard of living by drawing so badly.
posted by coelecanth at 1:37 AM on March 29, 2005

He's so fibbing about the cat shooting him. You don't get shot by cats, you get shot by puppies! The puppies did it in self defence. Good dog.
A man who tried to shoot seven puppies was shot himself when one of the dogs put its paw on the revolver’s trigger.
posted by dabitch at 2:01 AM on March 29, 2005

People that hate cats, will come back as mice in their next life.

-Faith Resnick
posted by panoptican at 2:08 AM on March 29, 2005

it fell off the table and discharged = my dog ate my homework.
embarrassment - when good suicides go bad

uh huh
posted by emdog at 2:46 AM on March 29, 2005

cats rule
posted by poon at 3:52 AM on March 29, 2005

just by making drawings of cats and explaining humorously why cats are to be hated

It seems to me that this cartoon was drawn by someone who has a cat and just makes very light fun of his daily life as a cat owner. It's not like he's advocating the torture or mass-killing of cats. If this is about hating cats, then Calvin and Hobbes is about hating 5-year olds.
posted by elgilito at 3:53 AM on March 29, 2005

now is the time for all good cats to come to the aid of metafilter.
posted by moonbird at 4:06 AM on March 29, 2005

coelecanth writes "orthogonality, my only objection to Mr. Briscoe is that he secures his standard of living by drawing so badly."

Precisely. It would be one thing if he were another Bruneschelli. But bad drawing of cats, can you imagine what a fourteen-year old Vietnamese girl working 16 hour days in sneaker factory would think of that?
posted by orthogonality at 4:15 AM on March 29, 2005

The repeated application of male cate urine has the capability, over the course of several years, of rotting through refrigerator door hinges. No, I didn't learn that firsthand - and I've said enough there already.
posted by troutfishing at 4:42 AM on March 29, 2005

The repeated application of male cat urine also has the capability of rotting plain old door hinges causing one's front door to fall off.

Then again, I haven't had a single mummy attack since getting cats. Good trade off, IMO.
posted by zerokey at 4:46 AM on March 29, 2005

i hate cats.
posted by fake at 4:52 AM on March 29, 2005

That is ok, because my cat hates you, too.
posted by Joey Michaels at 5:11 AM on March 29, 2005

The linked material is pretty lacklustre, but I'm still happy to have this thread. Finally, a place on MeFi (which seems to be full of cat owners) where I can come out of the cat hating closet.

The only thing I can say about cats is that they're preferable to mice and rats.
posted by orange swan at 5:18 AM on March 29, 2005

What a tepid and uninspired collection of cartoons.

The shooting

1) If the cat did it, it was the guys fault. Cat shoots man? My ass? More like dumbass leaves gun out around animate entities.
2) If the cat didn't do it, blaming it on the cat is a good gambit, but maybe a bit too much; here we are discussing it on MetaFilter after all. I would've just gone with a, "I was cleaning it and it went off" type thing.
posted by jon_kill at 5:41 AM on March 29, 2005

I thought cat hating cartoons went out style around the same time people stopped wearing "DISCO SUCKS" t-shirts.
posted by Slack-a-gogo at 5:54 AM on March 29, 2005

Sounds like a mercy killing. He probably would have shot his balls off masterbating with his semi-automatic pistol.

At least the cat kept its owner out of the running for the Darwin awards.
posted by gesamtkunstwerk at 5:57 AM on March 29, 2005

I love cats. And when I first saw this story I laughed mightily. Because I hate gun owners. Way to go, kitty.

I like orthogonality, too. He seems smart and willing to express unpopular opinions and support them with argument. I like that in a person.
posted by Decani at 6:06 AM on March 29, 2005

I fear and respect cats. [More here.]
posted by Ricky_gr10 at 6:11 AM on March 29, 2005

orthogonality: defecates to show displeasure.
posted by recurve at 6:19 AM on March 29, 2005

I like cats and dogs. I am also a gun owner. It now looks like everyone on Mefi has a reason to hate me.
posted by bh at 6:25 AM on March 29, 2005

That cat should go to kitty prison.
posted by password at 6:25 AM on March 29, 2005

Hating an entire species of animal is like hating an entire race of people.
posted by wadefranklin at 6:26 AM on March 29, 2005

I hate Georgians (Swarthy Slavic variety not pasty American variety). Especially their frickin' national epic.

Disclaimer: I don't really hate Georgians.
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 6:33 AM on March 29, 2005

Why do some people donate so much time and effort towards hating an animal? I just assume they have some abandonment/attention issues from their childhood, hence the reason why most also love some hideously sycophantic dog so much
posted by derbs at 6:43 AM on March 29, 2005

I like Cat and Girl.
posted by furtive at 6:43 AM on March 29, 2005

I suppose if a child had accidentaly knocked the gun he'd have a good reason to hate kids.
posted by scheptech at 6:47 AM on March 29, 2005

Hating an entire species of animal is like hating an entire race of people.

Is having a preference for one species of animal akin to having a preference for an entire race of people? Because I prefer dogs and people of northern european ancestry.
posted by Mayor Curley at 6:50 AM on March 29, 2005

Reason #6422 to hate cats: Ten minutes after you see the cute baby bunny in the flower bed, your cat brings you the bloody corpse and drops it at your feet, purring insanely.
posted by weretable and the undead chairs at 6:54 AM on March 29, 2005

I'm definitely with those who think that the brain donor who leaves a loaded handgun on the counter while cooking is infinitely more deserving of hate and contempt than the cat...
posted by clevershark at 7:05 AM on March 29, 2005

weretable: you just need to learn how to accept a gift
posted by papercake at 7:06 AM on March 29, 2005

I hate cats too but the Dances with Cats book is still hilarious
posted by arepb at 7:08 AM on March 29, 2005

It has always seemed to me that people who lack compassion for animals are often the most frightening people on the planet.
posted by crapulent at 7:15 AM on March 29, 2005

I'm with others who are suspicious... cat knocked gun off counter? ...and shot him in "his lower torso" (if that isn't a euphemism for "we're too embarrassed to say", I don't know what is)?... and he seems not to have shown up at the second hospital? Funny business not of the feline variety, I'd wager.
posted by taz at 7:23 AM on March 29, 2005

crapulent, I always thought the opposite...people who were cat zealots frighten me.

FYI: I like cats okay however I really prefer dogs over them
posted by Hands of Manos at 7:26 AM on March 29, 2005

Hee hee. Cat zealots can be frightening. However, I think that is due to the fact that they usually lack the skills/desire to interact appropriately with humans.
posted by crapulent at 7:43 AM on March 29, 2005

I hate cats because they think they're better than you.

Dogs know that you are better than them.
posted by DieHipsterDie at 7:45 AM on March 29, 2005

orthogonality, you have a good argument, but I think the less fortunate of the world would be more stunned at a country full of people spending good money to shower toys and food and affection on a completely inedible animal rather than on the cartoons that profess to hate them.

And hey, I really like my cats.
posted by bigbadem at 7:53 AM on March 29, 2005

Guns don't kill people, cats kill people. And pigeons. And widdle bunnies.

I love my indoor cats.

And bigdadem, they're not inedible. I've never eaten one, but they're not inedible. Just sayin'.
posted by goatdog at 7:54 AM on March 29, 2005

And have you ever noticed that dog zealots often go on about how they want to kill cats (Lose your cat? Try looking under my tires!), but you don't hear cat zealots talking about how they want to off your dog. That's because we cat zealots are nicer people.
posted by goatdog at 7:56 AM on March 29, 2005

Forgive me, some dog zealots.
posted by goatdog at 7:57 AM on March 29, 2005

Hating an entire species of animal is like hating an entire race of people. --wadefranklin

Exactamundo, wadefranklin. I don't see what it is about the feline nature that some people find so objectionable. I mean, if a person hates scorpions, I guess I can understand that. I admire them, but admit that it's hard to relate to scorpions, you know, on a personal level. But a species of mammal with a variety of individual personalities and temperaments? Affectionate, curious, clean, playful, agile, poised, dignified, handsome and furry--christ, cats are awesome.
posted by apis mellifera at 7:58 AM on March 29, 2005

I was maimed by a cat as a toddler. I was probably playing too rough with it, and now I have a disfiguring scar on my face. I guess I got what I deserved!
posted by Eamon at 7:59 AM on March 29, 2005

Now imagine explaining to that vast majority of the human race that there's this guy, and he secures a standard of living far superior to anything that great majority of humanity could even comprehend-- by, uh, not in service of any religion or deity, just by making drawings of cats and explaining humorously why cats are to be hated.

* stares at orthogonality, boggles *

It's an online cartoon that also appears in two newsweeklies. I'm thinking he's making something well within the hunter-gatherer range. And the best part is, only a few of the cartoons ARE ABOUT CATS!

Sheesh. Dog people.
posted by furiousthought at 8:00 AM on March 29, 2005

Uh, guns are specifically designed to not go off when dropped. There would be a boatload more accidental shootings otherwise. So unless he had some decrepit ancient pistol that was a hazard anyway, I call shenanigans on the cat story.

And I like cats but I think these cartoons are pretty funny.
posted by Tubes at 8:03 AM on March 29, 2005

If the cat did it, it was the guys fault. Cat shoots man? My ass? More like dumbass leaves gun out around animate entities

Seriously? God, I was totally thinking the cat malicously shot that man in cold blood. Whew, good thing I have it straight now though!
posted by Stauf at 8:23 AM on March 29, 2005

Affectionate, curious, clean, playful, agile, poised, dignified, handsome and furry--

And above all, aloof.
posted by DieHipsterDie at 8:40 AM on March 29, 2005

...people spending good money to shower toys and food and affection on a completely inedible animal...

Inedible? Speak for yourself!
posted by clevershark at 8:43 AM on March 29, 2005

cats. it's whats for dinner
posted by Hands of Manos at 8:49 AM on March 29, 2005

Hands of Manos: having grown up with cats, I'm thinking it's more like...

Cats! It's "What's for dinner? What's for dinner? What's for dinner?!?!"
posted by papercake at 9:31 AM on March 29, 2005

considering last week I swerved to miss a cat and did 4300 dollars damage to my MINI. I really HATE cats
posted by CCK at 10:07 AM on March 29, 2005

1. It wasn't the cat's fault.
2. If you really hated cats, you wouldn't have swerved.
3. I love people who use MF as a place to brag about their cars.
posted by wadefranklin at 10:33 AM on March 29, 2005

Hating an entire species of animal is like hating an entire race of people.

Let's figure out this equation.

SIMPLIFY
Hating species of animal = Hating race of people

REMOVE LIKE VARIABLES (people are animals so they cross eachother out)
species = race
That just doesn't work out.

Hating an entire race of cats is the same as Hating an entire race of people
posted by gunthersghost at 10:34 AM on March 29, 2005

Sometimes a MINI is just a MINI, if you catch my drift.
posted by DenOfSizer at 10:37 AM on March 29, 2005

It was analogy. I was making a statement about generalization, and about how silly it is to hate an entire group because of one's experiences with a few members of that group. It doesn't matter if the group is a species, or a race, or whatever.

'Is like' does not mean 'is equal to.'
posted by wadefranklin at 10:39 AM on March 29, 2005

This inscription is written on a black cat statue made of Irish turf that I bought in the west of Ireland:

"Respect the cat, for she is unique, deserving of respect.
Respect her lineage, lost in obscurity, her Egyptian ancestry, the reverence accorded her in the Temples of the East.
Respect the cat, who according to Celtic legend watches over us with eyes said to be windows onto another world.

Legend has it of cat and dog as sentinels at the Gates of Paradise. The Evil One tried to enter disguised as a mouse. The dog let him pass. The cat slew him.
Respect the cat."
posted by GaelFC at 10:52 AM on March 29, 2005

orthogonality: But bad drawing of cats, can you imagine what a fourteen-year old Vietnamese girl working 16 hour days in sneaker factory would think of that?

She'd think it's irrational to hate good tasty food like that.

This picture is from Thailand, but lunch is lunch.
posted by PlanoTX at 11:05 AM on March 29, 2005

The problem with hating cats is that there appears to be an infinite number of them.

(first post, btw... finally something worthwhile to add...)
posted by Snowflake at 11:32 AM on March 29, 2005

I like cats because when you let them outside they hide and bury their poop. Dogs just leave big steaming piles everywhere. Cat 1, dog 0.
posted by anthill at 4:42 PM on March 29, 2005

This guy accidentally shot himself and is blaming it on his cat. Guns don't, unless they've been tampered with, go off if you drop them, that's a lame ass stupid Hollywood stereotype.
posted by fenriq at 5:47 PM on March 29, 2005

one good thing about cats; they're honest and they never pretend that they're in it for anyone but themselves.
they're even thrilled to be thrill killers. they throw their tortured prey around like toys and don't even bother to be dahmer-cats.
posted by emdog at 6:20 PM on March 29, 2005

I have three cats and none of them are aloof. They are, respectively, neurotically in need of constant attention, fat and cuddly, and utterly psycho, but definitely not aloof.

papercake, that was really funny.
posted by jennyb at 6:22 PM on March 29, 2005

And above all, aloof.

You haven't met the right cats. Like jennyb's cats, my current two (and all the cats I've had), are anything but.
posted by deborah at 5:56 PM on March 30, 2005