Whopper 911

March 31, 2005 1:28 PM

"Is this a HARMFUL cheeseburger or something?" A California woman calls 911 after the drive-thru guy at Burger King doesn't get her order right. (.WMA audio link, transcript here)
posted by XQUZYPHYR (77 comments total)

Another point for the land of the free.
posted by mek at 1:37 PM on March 31, 2005

They say Californians are soft.
posted by uni verse at 1:37 PM on March 31, 2005

*mind boggles, explodes*
posted by papercake at 1:38 PM on March 31, 2005

O: Ma'am, we're not going to go down there and escort your Western bacon cheeseburger.

comedy gold, thanks XQUZ
posted by matteo at 1:38 PM on March 31, 2005

$20 says she's blonde.... :)
posted by Debaser626 at 1:39 PM on March 31, 2005

Un-flippin-real.
Apparently, "Emergency 911" has a much broader application than previously thought.
And to think, people like this are allowed to drive and have kids...
posted by cows of industry at 1:41 PM on March 31, 2005

I hope they send her a bill.
posted by bshort at 1:41 PM on March 31, 2005

I'm actually over in CA right now - anyone know where I need to show up in order to slap this bitch?
posted by scarabic at 1:43 PM on March 31, 2005

This *must* be fake.
posted by bshort at 1:43 PM on March 31, 2005

God Bless America!
posted by Robot Johnny at 1:44 PM on March 31, 2005

This reminds me of when there was a power failure in San Diego and the radio announcers were pleading with people "please don't call 911 just to report that your air conditioning isn't working". I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't heard it with my own ears.
posted by Turtles all the way down at 1:45 PM on March 31, 2005

That's hilarious and sad. I was wondering if it was real or not but according to Snopes it most likely is:

Since the question on everyone's minds is "Is this for real?" we called the Orange County Sheriff's Department (OCSD) and spoke to a couple of folks at the Public Affairs Office. They were a bit busy to speak with us at length (evidently matters such as homicides and escaped prisoners take priority over media inquiries about irate fast food patrons), but they told us the recording is an actual call that was handled by an OCSD dispatcher about two years ago.

So many idiots in the world...
posted by LeeJay at 1:48 PM on March 31, 2005

I wonder how many similar, useless calls 911 gets every day.
posted by orange swan at 1:49 PM on March 31, 2005

Even if it's fake... it's hilarious... (I would think the 911 operator would school this 'tard on the seriousness of calling 911 for something so trivial, but hey, like Turtle said... this IS California...)

It's funny I was praying that the Laura K. fiasco was a hoax, and I'm praying that this is real... I guess that just says something about me.... April Fools or no, good fucking post... I needed that laugh...
posted by Debaser626 at 1:50 PM on March 31, 2005

I think I just overheard the opening scene of a remake of that Michael Douglas movie Falling Down, only with Jessica Simpson or perhaps Tara Reid in the lead role.

*scratches chin contemplatively*

*speed-dials Harvey Weinstein*
posted by gompa at 1:50 PM on March 31, 2005

On the other hand, I've been playing food police in the thread about TV dinners, so... I'll take the suggested job.
posted by NewBornHippy at 1:50 PM on March 31, 2005

I wonder how many similar, useless calls 911 gets every day.

My stepmother was a 911 dispatcher for many years and judging by the stories she's told, quite a few. Maybe not every single day but more than enough to waste precious time.
posted by LeeJay at 1:50 PM on March 31, 2005

It reads really well (really funny), too, which makes me suspicious.
posted by Ethereal Bligh at 1:52 PM on March 31, 2005

the question on everyone's minds is "Is this for real?"
Huh, I was actually wondering if she ever got her Western Burger...some closure here would be nice.
posted by hellbient at 1:56 PM on March 31, 2005

B:"Well....that is, that, you're supposed to be here to protect me."
O:"Well what are we protecting you from, a wrong cheeseburger?"

If real, the dispatcher who took the call should consider a comedy career. Very polite, very cool. If fake, kudos for the writer anyway.
Thanks for the laugh, XQUZYPHYR.
posted by nkyad at 1:56 PM on March 31, 2005

I can't help but feel really, really sorry for 911 operators if this is the kind of shit they have to put up with. I'm not at all getting a "fake" feeling from this... I know people like this woman, and the operator is as professional as possible given the extreme absurdity of it all.
posted by odinsdream at 2:00 PM on March 31, 2005

This was mentioned in another thread here or elsewhere a few days ago, and I can say with authority (it was linked there): Snopes has validated this with the dispatch, it really happened. However, I can't imagine how they got the recording...
posted by davejay at 2:02 PM on March 31, 2005

O: No ma'am, I'm not sending the deputies down there over a cheeseburger! You need to go in there and act like an adult, and get your money back, and go home.

Amen.
posted by Fuzzy Monster at 2:03 PM on March 31, 2005

On Pandagon someone wrote:

They played this on the radio here in L.A. (KROQ-FM) and actually talked to the dispatcher. She said she was so in shock that this woman would call for something so stupid that she kept asking her questions to see if there actually was something wrong.

...answering snopes's biggest doubt.
posted by Ethereal Bligh at 2:03 PM on March 31, 2005

Whoops, didn't see the link to snopes is already earlier in the thread. Nevermind.
posted by davejay at 2:04 PM on March 31, 2005

Of course, here's what the operator was really saying: O: A Cheeseburger? Are you fucking kidding me? Pull your head out of your ass and stop being such a fucking moron!
posted by Fuzzy Monster at 2:06 PM on March 31, 2005

When a melon headed
teenager starts telling me
the wrong aisle for the sporting goods
it should be a felony

so give me convenience or give me death
it's a right that I'll fight for till I've had my last breath
till they pry my cold hands from around the credit card
cause it's hard to find good help these days

mcenroe - realaudio of another good song
posted by anthill at 2:10 PM on March 31, 2005

Fuzzy Monster writes " Of course, here's what the operator was really saying: O: A Cheeseburger? Are you fucking kidding me? Pull your head out of your ass and stop being such a fucking moron!"

She could also say "yes, madam, I think I have a car en-route to a double homicide down at 12 freeway. I will recall them so you kid can have the right chessburger"
posted by nkyad at 2:12 PM on March 31, 2005

"I will call the police, because I want my Western hamburger done RIGHT. Now is that so hard?" Ugh. I should know better than to listen to things like this, I just get mad.
posted by Tubes at 2:12 PM on March 31, 2005

A former landlady of mine worked on the Columbia House telephone complaint lines - you know that company - 12 records for a penny each if you buy 10 more in the next year, blah, blah, blah.

And I swear it had to be one of the worst jobs ever. Ninety-five percent of people who called in had nothing to complain about. They were just being stupid or trying to pull a fast one on the company.

Here's an example:

Customer: I'm sending my CD's back. They're all defective.
[Former landlady pulls up the woman's customer record to see that she's bought several dozen CD's over the past year.]
Former landlady: They're ALL defective? Are you sure?
Customer: Well, I put them on my record player and they just won't work.
Former landlady: Don't you have a CD player?
Customer: What's that? Is there a difference?
posted by orange swan at 2:19 PM on March 31, 2005

They should fine like $500 for frivolous 911 calls. It would have to be blatant, though - I mean, if they think the person was just mistaken (its for real emergencies, not all medical situations for instance, like a broken finger) they can just correct the guy and hang up, but for a goddamn cheeseburger (wrote cheerleader there first, heh) they should drop the fine on her and "supersize" it even.
posted by BlackLeotardFront at 2:21 PM on March 31, 2005

(Taking notes for my next screenplay...) Thanks!
posted by fungible at 2:21 PM on March 31, 2005

I'm almost glad this was validated by snopes. I thought it was another viral marketing scheme they way they kept mentioning the product name and stating that they wanted it done right ('your way, right away'). This viral marketing stuff is getting way out of hand when I have to question if the stupidity of a person is another attempt to pry money out of my wallet (it probably is).
posted by kookywon at 2:23 PM on March 31, 2005

I have to jump on that 12 freeway.
The 12, is that a toll road?

$20 says she's blonde.... :)
posted by Debaser626 at 3:39 PM CST on March 31 [!]
Maybe if she dyed it. Listen to hear voice and use of words.
Say real from my merchandising experiences in the state. This woman is common, well dressed and thinks highly of herself. Liife is easily until she becomes easily irritated in confronting situations with individuals especially involving money. For her the solution is everybody else fix it but me. I bet she never tells her children no, why she had to have the correct burgers. So she pays dearly everyday for these type of acts as the dispacher said; "No!"
posted by thomcatspike at 2:25 PM on March 31, 2005

This is absolutely priceless.
And oh, so believable, maybe even for folks not living in SoCal, the mother lode of petulant, entitled princessdom.
posted by maryh at 2:31 PM on March 31, 2005

Customer: Well, I put them on my record player and they just won't work.
one good thing about someday having Orwellian camera's everywhere is we'd hopefully get to see footage of this woman trying to play the CDs on her record player and getting outraged...every month.
It'd almost be worth it. thanks...
posted by hellbient at 2:31 PM on March 31, 2005

$20 says she's blonde.... :)
Plus a San Clemente beach blonde would know better.
posted by thomcatspike at 2:32 PM on March 31, 2005

I was actually wondering if she ever got her Western Burger...some closure here would be nice
*breaks out of stupor laughing*
posted by uni verse at 2:49 PM on March 31, 2005

It was really satisfying to hear the 911 operator just shut her down like that. Satisfying and reassuring.
posted by Hildago at 2:49 PM on March 31, 2005

Son, look at the people lining up for plastic
Wouldn’t you like to see them in the National Geographic?
Squatting bare assed in the dirt eating rice from a bowl
With a towel on their head, and maybe a bone in their nose

Ben Folds

Man, "I just got the kids from tae kwon do..." Sometimes I doubt her commitment to Sparkle Motion.
posted by NickDouglas at 2:54 PM on March 31, 2005

Americans here seem to be going "well, it *is* California, after all..."

My guess is that readers from outside of the land of the freedom-fries are thinking "well, it *is* America, after all..."

(disclaimer: pre morning coffee)
posted by UbuRoivas at 2:56 PM on March 31, 2005

UbuRoivas: Correct. And probably there's a fair few others who are thinking "Well it *is* the West, after all..."
posted by seanyboy at 2:58 PM on March 31, 2005

Americans here seem to be going "well, it *is* California, after all..."
California is the first state in the Union to offer state-funded vasectomies to men who have been diagnosed as obese.
posted by thomcatspike at 3:05 PM on March 31, 2005

It *is* Earth, after all.
posted by sonofsamiam at 3:06 PM on March 31, 2005

Yeah, and then some of us who live in the West would have to say, thanks for lumping us in with this utter fucking moron who should be forced to go on ride alongs with ambulances for a month so she can be well educated on what a real emergency is.
posted by fenriq at 3:06 PM on March 31, 2005

And people in LA thinking, "Well it *is* Orange County, mouthbreathers."
posted by schyler523 at 3:12 PM on March 31, 2005

My first thought is that it was an edgy new ad campaign from Wendys or McDonalds...
posted by adamms222 at 3:18 PM on March 31, 2005

How upsetting for this woman to find out that, as an adult, she could no longer yell, "MOM!" the minute someone treated her unfairly. And now this second shock, finding out that 911 has no interest in stepping in to fill that void.

Hope the police hold on to her name for a while...
posted by CrunchyGods at 3:23 PM on March 31, 2005

orange swan, you have no idea what people will try to get away with in retail sales. Back in '88. I worked in a Virgin Megastore in their fledgling CD department. These are some of the things I saw:

* a CD with a wobbly spiral scratch where someone had "tried it in the record player".
* a CD described as "a bit scratched" that was actually broken into six pieces.
* a CD that "wouldn't play", perhaps because of the thick layer of jam on it.
* a request for "blank CDs"; remember, this was 1988, way before the CD-R.
posted by scruss at 3:30 PM on March 31, 2005

She could also say "yes, madam, I think I have a car en-route to a double homicide down at 12 freeway. I will recall them so you kid can have the right chessburger"

Makes sense to me. Dead people don't need cheeseburgers.
posted by srboisvert at 3:54 PM on March 31, 2005

Tomcat: I fully support state funded vasectomies for just about anything that people are willing to sign up for. Because really, if you're so (fat/stupid/crazy) that you think you need to have a medicat operation otherwise you may impregnate someone, well, you really shouldn't impregnate someone.
posted by klangklangston at 4:07 PM on March 31, 2005

How upsetting for this woman to find out that, as an adult, she could no longer yell, "MOM!" the minute someone treated her unfairly.

This comes to the crux of the issue, really. And sometimes I get the feeling that this attitude is reaching plague proportions. Funny, nonetheless.
posted by Jimbob at 4:21 PM on March 31, 2005

Please someone continue to beat the dead horse that is "Well it is X, after all." I want to see how far this can go.
posted by andendau at 4:28 PM on March 31, 2005

Well, it is the spiral arm of the Milky Way galaxy.
posted by Hildago at 4:35 PM on March 31, 2005

Well, it is Somerset, after all...
posted by blag at 4:41 PM on March 31, 2005

That horse isn't dead! It's in a persistent, vegetative... no, wait – my bad. It’s dead. Somebody call 911.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 4:47 PM on March 31, 2005

doesn't surprise me at all that moe-rons call 911 because of improper cheeseburger satisfaction.

And it ain't just Cali, folks.

In Detroit (and I suspect Detroit is not alone), they instituted a special 311 for all city service NON emergency calls, because 911 was so flooded with crap calls that people were literally dying to get through to dispatch. I remember hearing a public safety officer say that they got 911 calls to find out the right time or because there was a pothole on the street & so on.
posted by beelzbubba at 4:49 PM on March 31, 2005

Yeah, and then some of us who live in the West would have to say, thanks for lumping us in with this utter fucking moron who should be forced to go on ride alongs with ambulances for a month so she can be well educated on what a real emergency is.

Are you shitting me? You're the same person who claimed a moterized roller cycle was so very american and used it as an excuse to paint americans as by and large, lazy and convenience driven consumers. Lame.
posted by GeekAnimator at 4:54 PM on March 31, 2005

Please someone continue to beat the dead horse that is "Well it is X, after all." I want to see how far this can go.

Well it *is* Metafilter, after all.
posted by UbuRoivas at 5:06 PM on March 31, 2005

(Metafilter: beat the dead horse)
posted by UbuRoivas at 5:08 PM on March 31, 2005

Hey, congrats MeFi! You more-or-less recreated the first three paragraphs of And He Built a Crooked House. And you only missed beating Heinlein to it by 65 years!
posted by jlub at 5:09 PM on March 31, 2005

give this woman what she richly deserves . community service .
posted by mishaco at 5:15 PM on March 31, 2005

Hey, congrats MeFi! You more-or-less recreated the first three paragraphs of And He Built a Crooked House.

Isn't it just amazing what 23,000 monkeys with 23,000 keyboards can do?
posted by UbuRoivas at 5:24 PM on March 31, 2005

Hey, congrats MeFi! You more-or-less recreated the first three paragraphs of And He Built a Crooked House.
Who cares, where else can you snow ski, surf in the ocean & gamble all in one day by car. Also staying in the surrounding boarder?
posted by thomcatspike at 5:50 PM on March 31, 2005

$20 says she's blonde.... :)
Well she sure as hell isn't a 250 pound male or this wouldn't have happened...
posted by missbossy at 6:08 PM on March 31, 2005

Okay, I was going to construct something to illustrate the humor of jlub comparing this to "And He Built a Crooked House". I'm too lazy at the moment. Instead, I'll just say that it is amusingly apt in a hyperlinked environment. :)
posted by Ethereal Bligh at 6:17 PM on March 31, 2005

Forget it Jake, it's Chinatown.

Similar to what Beelzbubba said, here in Philly there are no non-emergency municipal numbers, so people are actually encouraged to use 911 to report things like potholes and broken streetlights. Absurd.
posted by deafmute at 6:24 PM on March 31, 2005

That right there is the soccer mom vote. No wonder political campaigns are so dumbed-down.
posted by Potsy at 7:22 PM on March 31, 2005

Further proof that America is broken.
posted by moonbird at 7:27 PM on March 31, 2005

but potsy, she just wants a bacon buffalo'pino maple cheddar rancher burger for her kids *#$%@ value meaaaaeaaalll!!! *sighs*

when we all burn in the fire of our collective waste i will burn the brightest and laugh the loudest.
posted by nola at 7:59 PM on March 31, 2005

That right there is the soccer mom vote.

Bush (the other one) 2008:No tubes removed. No burger left behind.
posted by nkyad at 8:02 PM on March 31, 2005

Im in vancouver, BC, and when I wanted to complain about a noisy party at 3am on a tuesday, I spent a bunch of time finding a police number that was being answered at that time, and when I finnally called and got through they just told me to call 911.
So, Vancouver's 911 cant be too swamped.
posted by Iax at 8:11 PM on March 31, 2005

911: 911, what's your emergency?
Caller: People are making fun of me on MeFi.
911: Um, yeah, you're going to need to get over that.
Caller: *pause* ....What am I supposed to do?
posted by WhiskeyTangoFoxtrot at 9:38 PM on March 31, 2005

How upsetting for this woman to find out that, as an adult, she could no longer yell, "MOM!" the minute someone treated her unfairly.

This comes to the crux of the issue, really. And sometimes I get the feeling that this attitude is reaching plague proportions.


It's happening to a lesser extent across the pond too. I work for a financial services dispute resolution scheme, and am seeing an increasing number of complaints where the customer is stunned to discover that, yes, the bank does expect them to pay their credit card bill and, no, it won't give them an interest-free loan with nil repayments for that purpose.

So they complain to us and are equally stunned when we refuse to tell the bank to write off the debt and clear their poor credit history.

And these are people who are not, on the face of it, financially naive. They are usually professionals - teachers, nurses, police officers, etc - in their 30s.

More often than not, Daddy brings the complaint on behalf his little girl, and Mummy fills out the form for little Johnny. Aw, diddums ...
posted by essexjan at 11:59 PM on March 31, 2005

The Somerset calls are fantastic.
Please compare polite Californian Police with rather more brusque Somerset "Despatch"
posted by seanyboy at 1:10 AM on April 1, 2005

I work 9-1-1 dispatch. Let me assure you that this is probably not fake. We get b.s. calls like this all the time from citizens who basically want us to protect them from themselves.

For example, the lady who called in the middle of the night to let us know that a deer was in her yard. I assured her that it wasn't going to hurt her and that no laws were being broken so hell NO I'm not sending a deputy.

She replied that yes, indeed, a law was being broken since her property is clearly posted "no trespassing."

(Sometimes I hate people.)
posted by leftcoastbob at 7:05 AM on April 2, 2005

"Then go out and shoot it lady."

Wow, how daft. And I'm rather wigged out that two other people here had the same thought as me "viral canmpaign?".
posted by dabitch at 9:22 AM on April 2, 2005