The following synopsis and suggestions will help you make the grades you obviously deserve.

April 7, 2005 7:16 AM

Your Homework Done For Free! Don't have time to finish that Tolkein book report? Leave your worrying to the experts at rec.arts.books.tolkein.

First they are attacked by evil Orcs in the woods; next they are driven into the dark forest of Lothlorien, where they are imprisoned by the beautiful but evil Queen Beruthiel. They make their escape when Beruthiel's good sister, Galadriel, frees them from their prison-cell and floats them down the river in barrels ... however, they face a terrifying setback when they are found by the evil wizard Radagast. Gandalf sacrifices his life to destroy Radagast the Balrog, and the others escape the mountains while the battle rages.

(via Making Light)
posted by grabbingsand (19 comments total)

Why read the books? I hear they made movies out of 'em!
posted by boymilo at 7:35 AM on April 7, 2005

In my day, I read the Clif's Notes. (Well, only for Nathaniel Hawthorne, who bored the hell out of me even in summary.)

That said, these summaries are hilarious.
posted by Tuwa at 7:39 AM on April 7, 2005

I'm of the opinion that if some sections had been a touch more circumspect, this could have actually fooled someone. I'm thinking that it would be a fool indeed who would believe this enough to base a report on it, given the obviously sarcastic bits like "inexplicably they have no racetrack" and such. Remove these (admittedly few) bits and I'm sure some poor sap with little time to read but ample time to Google would fall for it.

Then again I know these books well enough that it might only seem obvious to me, and not to a person who hasn't plowed their way through the entire story, the Hobbit, and the Silmarilion as well.

I did laugh at this though.
posted by caution live frogs at 8:00 AM on April 7, 2005

perhaps jruckman should check this out...
posted by jmccw at 8:11 AM on April 7, 2005

perhaps jruckman should check this out...

err... re: the 'do my homework' part
posted by jmccw at 8:13 AM on April 7, 2005

caution live frogs: "Then again I know these books well enough that it might only seem obvious to me, and not to a person who hasn't plowed their way throughthe entire story, the Hobbit, and the Silmarilion as well."

I started reading, and in the first sentence, I thought "What?!? Twentieth birthday party?!? That's not accurate" and considered writing an email to the author.. before I read on and understood. Correcting people is too automatic for Tolkienites, I think.
posted by Plutor at 8:15 AM on April 7, 2005

Have we learned nothing from Laura K. Pahl?
posted by davelog at 8:33 AM on April 7, 2005

I agree, Caution. They missed an opportunity to expose students who crib from the Web rather than read their school material. Teachers could look for the telltale discrepancies and .... busted!
posted by QuietDesperation at 8:34 AM on April 7, 2005

Do teachers actually assign Lord of the Rings to students? Sounds pretty cruel to me, and you can be sure that I'd turn to my old buddy Cliff for assistance. I love to read, but Tolkein is just an unbearable snoozefest for me. That said, anyone who falls for this deserves what he gets.
posted by uncleozzy at 8:53 AM on April 7, 2005

Tolkein is just an unbearable snoozefest for me.

Same here. Though I think I did manage to finish The Hobbit in 1975; there wasn't much else to read in the juvie lockup. (When I went back in '78 they had something by Harold Robbins -- with "good parts"!)
posted by davy at 9:01 AM on April 7, 2005

Nate?
posted by caddis at 9:13 AM on April 7, 2005

I remember reading a funny fake synopsis of the lord of the rings then I read a news article that said something like, "any one who has read the books knows, Galadryel is the evil witch queen."

I nearly died.
posted by Photar at 9:31 AM on April 7, 2005

"I'm of the opinion that if some sections had been a touch more circumspect, this could have actually fooled someone."

Apparently it fooled Ian Markham-Smith, writing in the Sunday Times: "For the uninitiated, Galadriel is the good sister of the evil but beautiful Queen Beruthiel, who imprisons the Fellowship of the Ring in the forest of Lothlorien. In the book, Galadriel frees them from her sister's clutches."
posted by russilwvong at 9:39 AM on April 7, 2005

Hysterical. For those of you who are fans of the Silmarillion, I did post on my own site (warning: self link) the abridged version.
posted by Dantien at 11:05 AM on April 7, 2005

Oh. My. God.

I have never laughed so hard, Dantien. Thanks!
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 1:18 PM on April 7, 2005

Dantien - brilliant!

Now I'm going to have to dig up the book and read it again. Drat! :-)



Cheers
posted by YAMWAK at 2:19 PM on April 7, 2005

coughdoublepostcough
posted by UKnowForKids at 2:48 PM on April 7, 2005

Destroy what who where?
posted by Baby_Balrog at 5:30 PM on April 7, 2005

Damn. Two year old doublepost.

And yes, the MeFi URL search came up empty.
posted by grabbingsand at 7:22 PM on April 7, 2005