Join 3,413 readers in helping fund MetaFilter (Hide)

Tags:

A man in the closet
April 12, 2005 11:31 AM   Subscribe

Honey, there's a man living in our closet! How could a man live in your closet withou you knowing it?
posted by dov3 (43 comments total)

 
Officers eventually found Rocha-Perez hiding in an attic at a home two blocks away.

From a closet to an attic? How resourceful!
posted by grateful at 11:39 AM on April 12, 2005


How could a man live in your closet without you knowing it?

Obviously you've never seen Real Genius.
posted by billysumday at 11:39 AM on April 12, 2005


Not as bizarre, but a few years ago (10?, my how time files!) they found an immigrant family who had been living for over a year in the basement of one of the federal buildings here in Chicago (I believe where the IRS has offices). They stayed outside during business hours and kept their stuff well hidden when not in use.
posted by Capt. Bligh at 11:40 AM on April 12, 2005


Remember when you were a kid and camped out in the closet with a flashlight and a book and some snacks? Well this is like that, only with guns.
posted by Specklet at 11:42 AM on April 12, 2005


3-Iron.
posted by linux at 11:42 AM on April 12, 2005


Well, that's a big fuckin' house in that picture, I wouldn't be surprised if it contains rooms the owner hast been in yet.
posted by jonmc at 11:42 AM on April 12, 2005


The FPP's a little misleading, the woman knew about the guy, she was hiding him from her husband.

At least he'll think his prison cell is a mansion by comparison to the closet. Or maybe he had a thing for ladies shoes?
posted by fenriq at 11:43 AM on April 12, 2005


Mitch: Did you know there's a guy living in our closet?
Chris Knight: You've seen him too?
Mitch: Who is he?
Chris Knight: Hollyfeld.
Mitch: Why does he keep going into our closet?
Chris Knight: Why do you keep going into our closet?
Mitch: To get my clothes - but that's not why he goes in there.
Chris Knight: Of course not, he's twice your size - your clothes would never fit him.
Mitch: Yeah...
Chris Knight: Think before you ask these questions, Mitch. Twenty points higher than me? Thinks a big guy like that can wear his clothes?

This article reads like an open letter to God pleading for the extinction of the human race.
posted by Divine_Wino at 11:48 AM on April 12, 2005


The woman should go to jail for SOMEthing, it seems.
posted by Witty at 11:50 AM on April 12, 2005


This reminds me of a series of bad jokes about stupid and cuckolded husbands. For instance, a man answers his bedside phone in the middle of the night, listens for a few seconds, then yells, "How do I know, it's a hundred miles away!" and hangs up. His sleepy wife asks, "Who was that?" and the husband shrugs and says, "Some idiot wanted to know if the coast was clear."
posted by orange swan at 11:50 AM on April 12, 2005


I've heard of people being outed, but this is kind of extreme.

Ha ha! Get it? Coming out? Of the closet? I'm funny. Wait, where are you going?
posted by fandango_matt at 12:04 PM on April 12, 2005


The article is a little short on details. To whom did the shotgun belong, for one thing? I've done some Googling on this and can't find a thing - all I found was this link (heh!).
posted by orange swan at 12:13 PM on April 12, 2005


Apparently living in a closet is so 2004:


posted by Capt. Bligh at 12:17 PM on April 12, 2005


Don't know how to do this:

http://abclocal.go.com/ktrk/news/032405_local_closet.html
posted by Capt. Bligh at 12:17 PM on April 12, 2005


Incidentally, the Laszlo Hollyfeld character was based on a real Caltech undergrad (with a 1600 SAT under the old system) who decided it would be so cool to live in the steam tunnels. More about him here.
posted by Aknaton at 12:21 PM on April 12, 2005


Maybe he's a shapeshifter. Shoes by day; swarthy latin man by night?
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 12:21 PM on April 12, 2005


I'm surprised at all the humor expressed about this story. It's not really particularly inherently funny, an innocent man's dead, and a cheating wife is now a widow.

I just don't see anything amusing about this at all.
posted by wolftrouble at 12:21 PM on April 12, 2005


I've always though it'd be handy to have a person you could keep in your closet, take them out when you wanted them, then put them back away when you were finished. Like Barbies. Or shoes. Someone who didn't eat or shoot people or anything. In fact, I've been known to use the phrase "don't you wish you could just keep him in your closet?" when objectifying someone. Hu.
posted by rainbaby at 12:22 PM on April 12, 2005


How could a man live in your closet without you knowing it?

Though I can't find the article, there was a "Soldier Awol in teenage girl's closet" story around a few years ago. Not sure if it's the same as Capt. Bligh's story.
posted by bobo123 at 12:23 PM on April 12, 2005


I believe the jokes are more geared towards the fact that the murderer was living in a closet and that his presence was unbeknownst to his victim, as opposed to the fact that somebody died, wolftrouble. It is a bizarre angle.
posted by orange swan at 12:24 PM on April 12, 2005


Don't tell me it's not happening in Florida.
posted by NewBornHippy at 12:32 PM on April 12, 2005


and a cheating wife is now a widow

Now that I re-read the story I'm sure you're right, wolftrouble, but I didn't get at all that the closet-man and the wife were having an affair. I thought she had some odd (but noble) desire to take in a mentally deranged homeless person (which the article also doesn't say or even imply.

Interesting the things we take away from (or bring to) these short, detail-free pieces.

Anyway, Specklet wins.
posted by The Bellman at 12:41 PM on April 12, 2005


C;mon, a closet? That's nothing. Anne Frank lived in a wall.
posted by fixedgear at 12:42 PM on April 12, 2005


I wasn't me. I swear.
posted by Lazlo Hollyfeld at 12:44 PM on April 12, 2005


I was going to say "Best. Five. Dollars. Ever." But Lazlo's apparently been in the blue for several months!
posted by The Bellman at 12:48 PM on April 12, 2005


I just don't see anything amusing about this at all.

You're not squinting hard enough.
posted by davy at 12:49 PM on April 12, 2005


Luxury! We used to have to get out of the lake at three o'clock in the morning, clean the lake, eat a handful of hot gravel, go to work at the mill every day for tuppence a month, come home, and Dad would beat us around the head and neck with a broken bottle, if we were LUCKY!
posted by klangklangston at 12:50 PM on April 12, 2005


"Perhaps an attic shall I seek!"
posted by Simon! at 12:52 PM on April 12, 2005


This article does suggest an affair.
posted by monju_bosatsu at 12:53 PM on April 12, 2005


wolftrouble, you're right [smacks head]. Now, there must be SOME way for Congress to get some milage out of this.
posted by herostratus at 12:55 PM on April 12, 2005


The gentleman who played Lazlo is the uncle in Napolean Dynamite.
posted by mic stand at 1:02 PM on April 12, 2005


I'm surprised at all the humor expressed about this story. It's not really particularly inherently funny, an innocent man's dead, and a cheating wife is now a widow.

Well, maybe Bush will order all the flags lowered.
posted by c13 at 1:03 PM on April 12, 2005


hmm, simon! -- an arresting development
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 1:06 PM on April 12, 2005


If anyone else read Aknaton's link, this bit stood out:

Also, there was a perennial misfit named Dave Weinshenker in Dabney. Dave hung around the Caltech campus for years, even taking a custodial job there. He was the quintessential "ghost", always hanging around, with no place to go. He was always pestering newcomers, because no one who knew him would talk to him. I think Weinshenker is an important component of Lazlo's character. He's the part that's friendless, dirty, and pathetic - the archetypal homeless person. [As a post script, Chuck recently visited a friend in Oakland, and was surprised to learn that Mr Weinshenker had taken up residence there, in the living room closet!]
posted by 5MeoCMP at 1:09 PM on April 12, 2005


I have to say that what REALLY stands out in Aknaton's link, is that the host of NPR's Fresh Air is described throughout the document as HARRY GROSS. Now THAT is hilarious.

It's a great story though. I loved that character in Real Genius, too. That movie, for all of its 80s cheesiness, is sheer brilliance in parts.
posted by mcstayinskool at 1:19 PM on April 12, 2005


Officers eventually found Rocha-Perez hiding in an attic at a home two blocks away.
From a closet to an attic? How resourceful!


[load TV soundtrack, The Jeffersons] Moov’in on up…

Seems you will have joke comments until the full details are revealed in this thread. Seeing how does a homeless man hide in an attic two blocks away? Did that home's husband find the suspect shagging his wife too?

Reading the second linked article fills in more detail. Which gives the impression Witty may have been on to something when saying the wife should be arrested for committing something. As the suspect had plenty of time to fully think out his actions here in advance. Then the wife allowed the person to keep stay which caused her husband’s death. Because after the husband ordered his wife to get him out, he then went for an outside walk then was held hostage by the suspect. Which may show there is more going on than, Oh! we having sex and he’s been sleeping in the closet until you found out. He's lucky the husband didn't kill the suspect when discovered. At this point of time, how could you not defend the husband saving his life by being the first aggressor here?
posted by thomcatspike at 1:41 PM on April 12, 2005


I have to say that what REALLY stands out in Aknaton's link, is that the host of NPR's Fresh Air is described throughout the document as HARRY GROSS. Now THAT is hilarious.

you're right. that's the funniest thing I've seen all day. thanks.
posted by mrgrimm at 2:54 PM on April 12, 2005


Remember "Bad Ronald" ?
posted by Bighappyfunhouse at 3:08 PM on April 12, 2005


I have an announcement.

I think it's time I came out of the closet.
posted by uncanny hengeman at 5:00 PM on April 12, 2005


Dammit, fandango_matt! I did a search for "came out" and "come out" rather than scrutinize the thread.

I just new it was too good to be true after 30+ posts.
posted by uncanny hengeman at 5:33 PM on April 12, 2005


Maybe he had an ancient home PC set up in there and was helping people with their computer problems.
posted by Devils Slide at 5:41 PM on April 12, 2005


The Bliss of Mrs. Blossom.
posted by pekar wood at 6:02 AM on April 13, 2005


my halloween costume tried to make me look like val kilmer in the whole "ice is nice" section of real genius. now i really want to see that movie again. thanks, tennessee!
posted by armacy at 10:03 AM on April 13, 2005


« Older What's the difference between reality and unrealit...  |  A new Texas bill... Newer »


This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments