Step One: It's 4 P.M. Get Out of Bed.
Why did "BC" cartoonist Johnny Hart give himself over to God, and then to total madness? Because writing a comic strip is a lonely, dispiriting, depressing enterprise teaming with self-doubt, self-loathing and self-employment. To combat such demons some cartoonists turn to God. Others turn to drink. Absolutely none turn to sex, given that the average cartoonist makes a Dick Tracy villain look like Clive Owens by comparison. And such a self-realization can be far to harsh for one soul to take. You see, we cartoonists are not a handsome lot. And lord knows few of us can earn a living wage practicing our art. Now true, we do possess hours upon hours of free time within which to masturbate, but that hardly makes up for not meeting new people or being unable to afford ADA-approved toothpaste. But why is the actual act of writing a comic strip so depressing? Because when you get right down to it it's just you and your thoughts, and there's nothing like being left alone with your thoughts to realize that the last creative idea you had was way back in 1975 when you decided to make a bionic frog by inserting a pen spring into the patient's hind leg, only to wind up with a paraplegic amphibian.
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posted by The Dryyyyy Cracker at 11:56 AM on April 15, 2005