Piss up ?

April 19, 2005 5:05 AM

Taking a (the) piss. Handy hints from MoFi.This takes the cake. *efficiently urination for males: first of all, learn to urinate while in a seated position. It is more relaxing, less spray intensive, and the spreading of the loins allows for a relatively thorough emptying of the bladder. Spread legs slightly for optimal effect.(There's a lot mi)
posted by johnny7 (28 comments total)

Now as most people are aware, the muscular control involved in a complete urination is a bit complex: there is the standard contraction that initiates and sustains urination, but at the end, you squeeze your PC muscle to get that last squirt out. Now after you do the PC squeeze a couple times, place your right thumb on the dorsal base of your penis (dorsal is upper, ventral is the surface that faces floor), and your index finger (of same hand) on the perineum. You should do this so that the fist your hand makes leaves your palm facing to the right (right palm).

( http://classes.kumc.edu/...835/images/perineum.GIF )

You now have a pinch grip, so go ahead and squeeze your fingers. Once you have a firm grip in squeezed position, slide your hand upwards, in the direction of your shaft. The loose skin will allow you to do this without actually sliding your fingers against the skin. This will bring any residual urine up to the shaft area. If you do it right, your balls won't get in the way, since they can hang to the side.

Continue to slide your right hand upwards, and those last residual drops of urine will exit your urethra, at which point you can let them drip onto your left fingers, or absorb them with tissue paper. Either way, be sure to wash hands thoroughly.

Say goodbye to urine drip forever. This is the best technique I have developed for such purposes.

It sounds complicated, but I just wanted to give as unambiguous and detailed description as possible. In reality, it takes a couple extra seconds, and is very easy and intuitive.

posted by spacediver at 07:40AM UTC on April 18, 2005
posted by johnny7 at 5:08 AM on April 19, 2005

/me returns from the toilet having printed this and carried it with him...

Thanks johnny7 - most useful!
posted by mattr at 5:15 AM on April 19, 2005

I also found this post extremely useful - and hopefully my friends can now choose a new nickname for me, other than "old man wetpatch".
posted by the quidnunc kid at 5:44 AM on April 19, 2005

This technique really deserves its own website. Sitzpinkler.com appears to be taken. Does it have a name? How about The Grip and Grin?
posted by atchafalaya at 5:48 AM on April 19, 2005

An empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an inexpensive vibrator.

Great thread. Thanks.
posted by iconomy at 6:12 AM on April 19, 2005

mefi link to mofi link to mefi link to mofi post.
posted by the quidnunc kid at 6:18 AM on April 19, 2005

I was going to make a comment about whether or not this technicque would prevent pee shivers, and I see the doctor says that this only affects males. I don't think that's totally accurate as I get them all the time. Ladies? Do you concur?
posted by debralee at 6:19 AM on April 19, 2005

Well, I'm off to see a man about a dog ...
posted by devbrain at 6:54 AM on April 19, 2005

Do NOT do the robot in front of hoot owls. It makes them cross. Science cannot explain it.


[this is pretty good]
posted by c13 at 6:56 AM on April 19, 2005

Well, I'm certainly glad that I now know how to piss properly, as well as shave.
posted by lodurr at 6:59 AM on April 19, 2005

Ask MeFi had a very entertaining discussion about this very topic, complete with raging debate over "li-ness" -- that is the cleanliness/manliness (or lack thereof) of not only sitting while peeing but also wiping afterward.
posted by terrier319 at 7:01 AM on April 19, 2005

/me returns from the toilet having printed this and carried it with him...

I'm picturing one of those cool "Safety In The Workplace" kind of posters with diagrams and stuff? I can't read and pee at the same time.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 7:05 AM on April 19, 2005

An empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an inexpensive vibrator.

Hmm. Someone been reading Viz's Top Tips?
posted by anagrama at 7:28 AM on April 19, 2005

I have just xeroxed 4 copies and have put them over the urinals...and in the stalls of the restrooms here...
posted by mattr at 7:29 AM on April 19, 2005

Ignore me - just read the Mofi thread and it was indeed from a link to Viz.
posted by anagrama at 7:34 AM on April 19, 2005

Giving a piss is much better than taking one.

Unless you like golden showers.

OK, I'll piss off now.
posted by nofundy at 8:52 AM on April 19, 2005

No matter how much you shake and dance
The last few drops stay in your pants
posted by reidfleming at 9:00 AM on April 19, 2005

"You sit down pee side-saddle, Ray Smuckel."
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 9:06 AM on April 19, 2005

Metafilter isn't always worth the five bucks. Especially not since they started letting everyone in.

*gasps in outrage*
posted by Specklet at 10:07 AM on April 19, 2005

This world's full of challenges
Some are big and some are small
War, greed, pollution
Might take some time to solve 'em all
But if a long march starts with just one step
There's one I'd like to mention
If you live with your nostrils open
Perhaps it's come to your attention

(Chorus)
If the revolution starts at home
Then let me tell you this
Stand up for your rights, boys
But sit down to piss

If you've ever lived with other people
You may know what I mean
Who's gonna wash the dishes
And get the bathtub clean
As we scrub the tear gas from our eyes
The issue may seem so little
But what might make or break the movement
Is exactly how you piddle

(from David Rovics, "Sit Down to Piss"--apparently a popular movement, no pun intended, among leftist Germans)
posted by dlugoczaj at 10:08 AM on April 19, 2005

Pffft. It's just one more excuse to play with the equipment. And, uh, debralee - you're on your own with that one.
posted by deborah at 10:56 AM on April 19, 2005

Piss discussions like this always make me think of Joe Piscopo and the Sta-free Peenie Pads commercial on SNL.
posted by Fat Guy at 11:40 AM on April 19, 2005

Go with the flow
posted by homunculus at 11:41 AM on April 19, 2005

Go with the flow

Tiptoe, eh? As if men don't have enough problems not pissing on the seat already.
posted by Specklet at 11:48 AM on April 19, 2005

Oddly, I always shit standing u- ah fuck its happened again hang on a second
posted by the quidnunc kid at 12:30 PM on April 19, 2005

This really is a public service...no...not pubic service. I'm glad to know that there's an actual technique for this. Thanks for the heads up. (Abso-freakin'-lutely no pun intended here.) I will have to pass it on to D.H. Maybe the toilet will stay cleaner, longer...and isn't that what it's all about folks?
posted by laurenbove at 2:12 PM on April 19, 2005

I torn.
posted by shoepal at 7:30 PM on April 19, 2005

No matter how I shake and prance,
The last drop goes down my pants.
posted by swlabr at 7:32 PM on April 19, 2005