new pope elected

April 19, 2005 9:23 AM

White smoke signals pope election
posted by three blind mice (53 comments total)

matt, take it down.
posted by three blind mice at 9:24 AM on April 19, 2005

I hope its Kang! He already has his popemobile!
posted by McBain at 9:24 AM on April 19, 2005

Must not have seen orthogonality's post on preview.

*rimshot
posted by nyterrant at 9:25 AM on April 19, 2005

First picture of new pope!
posted by dfowler at 9:27 AM on April 19, 2005

lol, dfowler
posted by amberglow at 9:29 AM on April 19, 2005

polluters!@
posted by Mach5 at 9:31 AM on April 19, 2005

I for one, welcome our new papal overlord...

ya dat dah dah dah da!


I'll be here all week folks.
posted by stenseng at 9:37 AM on April 19, 2005

First picture of new pope!

So, what will Cardinal Ratzinger's new name be?
posted by Verdant at 9:37 AM on April 19, 2005

The Papist formerly known as Cardinal Ratzinger.
posted by breezeway at 9:39 AM on April 19, 2005

Get Your Dark Ages On
posted by Armitage Shanks at 9:49 AM on April 19, 2005

Will this announcement help speed the destruction of this rather evil institution? Please?
posted by hummus at 9:49 AM on April 19, 2005

ratz-burger
Damnit.
posted by seanyboy at 9:51 AM on April 19, 2005

All your altars are belong to us.
posted by NewBornHippy at 9:51 AM on April 19, 2005

As if we need *more* over-reactionary ultra-conservatives in positions of power.

Sigh.
posted by joquarky at 9:54 AM on April 19, 2005

[newsfilter]
posted by NinjaPirate at 9:56 AM on April 19, 2005

Is "Nuntia Secunda" Latin for double post?
posted by gimonca at 9:57 AM on April 19, 2005

haha. You get to pick your pope name. Pope Benedict XVI. That's too funny. The white smoke, the name picking, the PopeMobile, the goofy clothing. Christianity's so funny.
posted by xmutex at 9:57 AM on April 19, 2005

So they elected Cliff from "Cheers"?
posted by Dr. Zira at 9:58 AM on April 19, 2005

.
posted by LilBucner at 10:03 AM on April 19, 2005

Habemus Dupem?
posted by nkyad at 10:03 AM on April 19, 2005

cnn breaking news: purple happy smoke and pixie dusk flowing from magik chimney.
posted by glenwood at 10:10 AM on April 19, 2005

Admin! Please pope me!

Waiting for weeks to post that, I was. Figured it might as well get quietly deleted with the rest of this.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 10:11 AM on April 19, 2005

God help us all.
posted by debralee at 10:13 AM on April 19, 2005

> You get to pick your pope name.

I would personally pick Dope CDXX. Pope Dope CDXX.
posted by NewBornHippy at 10:14 AM on April 19, 2005

I was rooting for Lustiger, myself. Ex-Hitler Youth beats converted Jew. Rock, scissors, paper.
posted by postmodernmillie at 10:18 AM on April 19, 2005

Quit making fun. I hear the New Pope is a 12 Level Mage and an 8th Level Paladin. He could soooo kick all your asses!
posted by tkchrist at 10:18 AM on April 19, 2005

Pope Burgermeister Meisterburger
posted by amberglow at 10:21 AM on April 19, 2005

awwww. "Access denied." What'd it say, amber?
posted by dfowler at 10:23 AM on April 19, 2005

Ok, talk to you later.
posted by ChrisTN at 10:41 AM on April 19, 2005

A new pope erection?
posted by spilon at 10:45 AM on April 19, 2005

PapaRatzi?
posted by cassbrown1 at 10:45 AM on April 19, 2005

I just want to know if he's shit in the woods yet.
posted by cortex at 10:56 AM on April 19, 2005

obody expects the Spanish Inquisition. The dope Pope was the head of the organization which created the Inquisition. In fact, he had the title of Grand Inquisitor (and a FAN CLUB!?!?! WTF).

Long live the Inquisition.
posted by petrilli at 11:00 AM on April 19, 2005

Ich bin Schnappi das kleine krokodil.
posted by mr.marx at 11:05 AM on April 19, 2005

He kind of looks like Palpatine right between making the transition from Chancellor to Emperor. I wonder how high is metachlorine count is? Or if he can shoot lighting bolts?

This post was brought to you by Star Wars II3: Revenge of the Syth, opening May 16th
posted by drezdn at 11:10 AM on April 19, 2005

oops--i'll try another : Pope Burgermeister Meisterburger

posted by amberglow at 11:13 AM on April 19, 2005

YESSS!
posted by dfowler at 11:17 AM on April 19, 2005

From the WaPo:

"In his sermon Monday in St. Peter's, Ratzinger defended a conservative approach to faith.

"To have a clear faith according to the church's creed is today often labeled fundamentalism," he said, "while relativism, letting ourselves be carried away by any wind of doctrine, appears as the only appropriate attitude for the today's times. A dictatorship of relativism is established that recognizes nothing definite and leaves only one's own ego and one's own desires as the final measure."

...

The Rev. Richard P. McBrien, a theologian at the University of Notre Dame, said Ratzinger's homily indicated that he believes the pope's role is to "protect the sheep from the prowling wolves of unorthodoxy and relativism. He wants to defend the fact that truth is absolute and the church must speak the truth and be faithful to it."

...

"I think this homily shows he realizes he's not going to be elected. He's too much of a polarizing figure," McBrien said [before the announcement.] "If he were elected, thousands upon thousands of Catholics in Europe and the United States would roll their eyes and retreat to the margins of the church."


posted by callmejay at 11:20 AM on April 19, 2005

drezdn: The Sith always arrive in twos, don't they?
posted by runningdogofcapitalism at 11:24 AM on April 19, 2005

Pope Ratso I.
posted by homunculus at 11:26 AM on April 19, 2005

Ich bin Schnappi das kleine krokodil.
posted by mr.marx at 2:05 PM EST on April 19

Wins!!!
posted by moonbird at 11:39 AM on April 19, 2005

All humor aside, I heard that the next pope would likely be an older one to serve as a kind of transition to a more moderate, even liberal pope from a non-Euro country. Ratz is conservative, and is also the oldest man to be elected tot he position in over 100 years.
posted by Doohickie at 12:09 PM on April 19, 2005

Could someone please PLEASE PLEASE explain to me how electing an ex-hitler youth is OK? And I thought PJP2 was too right wing...
posted by mannythedog at 12:11 PM on April 19, 2005

He's 78. They'll have elections again in a couple of years.

I'd love to pull a Fark here and put side-by-side pics of the Star Wars Emperor and the new pope dude. It just seems so right. But I'll restrain myself.
posted by madman at 12:19 PM on April 19, 2005

"He's 78. They'll have elections again in a couple of years."

God willing.
posted by mannythedog at 12:22 PM on April 19, 2005

IS that ex-hitler youth thing true? I have heard that but not single 'capsule bio' in the media today has mentioned that. Coverup? Or was he like 6 at the time and didn't know better?
posted by chaz at 12:24 PM on April 19, 2005

Too close to call.
posted by NewBornHippy at 12:28 PM on April 19, 2005

posted by EricBrooksDotCom at 12:29 PM on April 19, 2005

IS that ex-hitler youth thing true?

Yes, according to the Times (UK).
posted by clevershark at 12:30 PM on April 19, 2005

Oh NO.... this thread is DOOMED says the prophecy!

DOOMED!!!!!!
*hides under desk*
posted by dfowler at 12:31 PM on April 19, 2005

there are links ealier in the thread to stories about his hitler youth activities. Here it is again in case anyone missed it.

I heard the guy on the left was a close second...
posted by mannythedog at 12:32 PM on April 19, 2005

Apparently unless you were one of the concentration camp possibles you weren't allowed to opt out of the hitler youth.

cortex I just want to know if he's shit in the woods yet.

Geez I hadn't thought of that, the meaning of the phrase "Is the pope polish" has inverted.
posted by Mitheral at 12:52 PM on April 19, 2005

I know what the white smoke means -- they're done votin' so now the cardinals can light up and PAR-TAH!

X-ians are an odd lot, but those Catlicks shure can shake their booty.
posted by mooncrow at 12:59 PM on April 19, 2005