Hey, this tastes like chicken!

April 20, 2005 7:20 PM

Abstinence splained. (NSFW)
(NSFRepublicans)
(Or the new Pope)
posted by DeepFriedTwinkies (27 comments total)

Oh shit. I seem to have wasted a lot of blue. My apologies.
posted by DeepFriedTwinkies at 7:22 PM on April 20, 2005

Oh shit. Now I don't have the slightest idea what I am talking about. I will just go have a donut or something. More apologies.
posted by DeepFriedTwinkies at 7:23 PM on April 20, 2005

Prove you're right, you propaganda pussies.
posted by mrgrimm at 7:27 PM on April 20, 2005

Remember, the keys to heaven are in your pants.
posted by mrgrimm at 7:29 PM on April 20, 2005

The diagrams really sell it.
posted by Simon! at 7:34 PM on April 20, 2005

That was funny...especially 'ask Dr. Frist':

When I said that you could get AIDS from tears what I meant was that getting AIDS could make you cry. Also, you CAN get pregnant from simply touching another person's genitals, providing they're ejaculating and you're touching them with your cervix. I hope this clears things up for you. Remember also that whenever you masturbate, God kills a kitten.

posted by UseyurBrain at 7:35 PM on April 20, 2005

I will just go have a donut or something

Would you like a hot dog with that?

posted by pieisexactlythree at 7:39 PM on April 20, 2005

4parents.gov
posted by euphorb at 7:49 PM on April 20, 2005

That is some hot abstinence.
posted by effwerd at 7:55 PM on April 20, 2005

My girlfriend and I have been faithfucking through our underwear for the past several months.

Shudder.
posted by moonbird at 8:16 PM on April 20, 2005

[this is sacrilarious]
posted by breath at 8:30 PM on April 20, 2005

i have been "faith fucking" with my partner for a few weeks now.
posted by nola at 8:42 PM on April 20, 2005

"Prayer rod."

I like that.
posted by leftcoastbob at 8:44 PM on April 20, 2005

pieisexactlythree : EFF JACKIE!!!!!!!!
I thought he died of liver failure anyway, that fuckin' fuck.
posted by snsranch at 8:47 PM on April 20, 2005

Sacrelicious!
posted by NickDouglas at 9:42 PM on April 20, 2005

Don't forget about Technical Virgin.
posted by zardoz at 10:32 PM on April 20, 2005

Perfect post for fourtwenty, thanks...I can't stop laughing.
posted by schyler523 at 10:33 PM on April 20, 2005

The Bible states it plainly in Leviticus: “Man shall not lie with man as he does with woman.” So there you have it: Standard Missionary is right out. For the gals: you’re off the hook. Anything goes. As far as the Lord’s concerned, it’s Beaver Season all year ‘round.

and


HATE FAGS? You're probably gay. Seek counseling.

Gold!
posted by BlackLeotardFront at 11:33 PM on April 20, 2005

When hugging or kissing your faith partner, you may have noticed a little something getting hard inside his pants. It's called the penis and it means he wants to marry you!
posted by Dean Keaton at 11:47 PM on April 20, 2005

After seeing this site I think I'll be abstaining from hot dogs.
posted by dodgygeezer at 5:08 AM on April 21, 2005

Humorous, not hilarous. I give it a 6/10. B+ for effort.
posted by RockCorpse at 5:34 AM on April 21, 2005

When three or more faith partners do it, it's called "Cluster-trusting".
posted by debralee at 6:21 AM on April 21, 2005

Humorous, not hilarous.

Sacrilumorous, then?
posted by soyjoy at 7:08 AM on April 21, 2005

Oh man, that Anal section about made me pass out from laughing...
posted by Dome-O-Rama at 9:54 AM on April 21, 2005

Technichal Virgin - "Everything Butt"

These are awesome links. Thanks everybody.
posted by raedyn at 9:58 AM on April 21, 2005

Damn, I'm stupid. I'm reading this while at work. Now people want to know what I'm laughing about. Giggling my ass of here.
posted by horseblind at 12:55 PM on April 21, 2005

I wonder why they don't mention condoms and/or oral sex. Is this a plot to get highschoolers infected with HIV?
posted by davy at 12:58 PM on April 21, 2005