Comments on: romance across the aisle

romance across the aisle

stupidsexyFlanders — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 12:32:38 -0800

"I repeated every Karl Marx quote I could think of until I reached my own 'historic inevitability'...." If you've ever wanted to see a liberal antagonist make Ann Coulter squirm, this may be as close as you ever get. (text & url NSFW.)

By: Mean Mr. Bucket

Mean Mr. Bucket — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 12:38:32 -0800

Metafilter: I want you to wreck it.

By: SteveInMaine

SteveInMaine — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 12:44:37 -0800

"Dear Penthouse Forum: I wouldn't believe this if it didn't happen to me...."

By: clevershark

clevershark — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 12:46:29 -0800

It's obvious that this is a joke. Everyone knows that in real life it's always Ann who does the fucking.

By: BlackLeotardFront

BlackLeotardFront — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 12:49:13 -0800

Dang! It's fiction?!

By: SweetJesus

SweetJesus — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 12:52:46 -0800

Of course it's a joke! Everyone knows Ann Coulter's asshole has rows of teeth, like a shark's mouth, and the fact that this isn't mentioned even once kills the author's credibility, so the story is an obvious farce.

By: orthogonality

orthogonality — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 12:56:37 -0800

Banal.

By: adgnyc

adgnyc — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 12:59:15 -0800

I thought it was sweet.

By: Verdant

Verdant — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 13:01:58 -0800

Banal. No. Banal.

By: matteo

matteo — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 13:03:02 -0800

My pace quickened as my man-magma built towards eruption. "man-magma"?

By: Specklet

Specklet — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 13:03:18 -0800

like a puma recognizes an injured giselle I must say, I hesitated to interject a comment lest I interrupt the flawless flow of this thread, but the combination of y'all's comments are cracking me up. *snurk*

By: AlexReynolds

AlexReynolds — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 13:07:48 -0800

"man-magma"? I think "spooge" is the term used in mixed company.

By: Saydur

Saydur — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 13:09:54 -0800

Who's your multi-ethnic, religiously tolerant, covered-by-national-health-care daddy?

By: felix betachat

felix betachat — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 13:11:02 -0800

I think "spooge" is the term used in mixed company. "Wing-nut butter".

By: sonofsamiam

sonofsamiam — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 13:17:27 -0800

I don't think it's funny to make fun of the functionally illiterate. She does the best she can.

By: jonmc

jonmc — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 13:19:41 -0800

I think "spooge" is the term used in mixed company. "baby batter" has always been a favorite of mine.

By: zwemer

zwemer — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 13:21:29 -0800

THIS is what has been missing from MeFi recently!!! That was truly the best writing on the net -- even including TuckerMax and Philalawyer.

By: stenseng

stenseng — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 13:24:22 -0800

"giving no thought whatsoever to compassionate conservatism as her chocolate socket gnawed on my pork pipe." wau.

By: jonmc

jonmc — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 13:26:24 -0800

That's some impressive bowel troweling, indeed.

By: Joey Michaels

Joey Michaels — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 13:27:06 -0800

Coulter is a living, breathing straw man. As long as people waste time attacking her, they are ignoring far more dangerous people. That being said, I'd hit it.

By: beelzbubba

beelzbubba — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 13:27:25 -0800

i.am.humbled.in.appreciation.dang.

By: gurple

gurple — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 13:30:29 -0800

I won't be happy until he writes a sequel that involves a Dunkey Punch, a Texas Hot Plate, and a Bismarck.

By: kenko

kenko — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 13:31:52 -0800

"Thick southern drawl" is my preferred euphemism for semen.

By: jonmc

jonmc — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 13:35:23 -0800

By: jpburns

jpburns — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 13:36:56 -0800

It's nice to know that P.J. O'Rourke is writing humor, again...

By: slapshot57

slapshot57 — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 13:39:30 -0800

gurple, as long as he includes a rodeo with al franken and bill clinton

By: clevershark

clevershark — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 13:45:03 -0800

gurple writes " I won't be happy until he writes a sequel that involves a Dunkey Punch, a Texas Hot Plate, and a Bismarck." And leave out such gems as the Dirty Sanchez and the Cleveland Steamer? Surely not.

By: stenseng

stenseng — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 13:46:42 -0800

what about the flying squirrel, or the arabian goggles?

By: ROU_Xenophobe

ROU_Xenophobe — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 13:47:50 -0800

"man-magma"? Of course it's man-magma. If it had exited the man, it would be man-lava, or perhaps love-lava. Hopefully pahoehoe. Man-a'a would hurt.

By: sninky-chan

sninky-chan — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 13:55:06 -0800

gurple writes " I won't be happy until he writes a sequel that involves a Donkey Punch, a Texas Hot Plate, and a Bismarck." And leave out such gems as the Dirty Sanchez and the Cleveland Steamer? Surely not. This thread is going to crash urbandictionary.com if you're not careful!

By: SweetJesus

SweetJesus — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 13:59:29 -0800

I won't be happy until he writes a sequel that involves a Dunkey Punch, a Texas Hot Plate, and a Bismarck." And leave out such gems as the Dirty Sanchez and the Cleveland Steamer? Surely not. A good Eiffel Tower is where it's at... Not only is it degrading, it's French! It's just a question of who's on the north end...

By: Divine_Wino

Divine_Wino — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 14:01:21 -0800

By: gurple

gurple — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 14:04:49 -0800

Damn, and here I am just sitting here Jostlin' the Elder!

By: inksyndicate

inksyndicate — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 14:06:00 -0800

Coulter and Malkin are really awful human beings. But I must say I'm disturbed by their critics' impulse to want to rape them. This just isn't that fresh and I've seen similar stuff on blog comment boards across the nation. If only it were up to the level of National Lampoon's "How To Write Pornography as told to Thurgood Marshall."

By: inksyndicate

inksyndicate — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 14:07:47 -0800

Uh, not rape, consensually violate them in a forceful and degrading manner, I meant.

By: LarryC

LarryC — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 14:12:37 -0800

Hmmm...the blog was created for just this post, with no way to determine the author. OK, MeFites, which one of you did this?

By: AlexReynolds

AlexReynolds — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 14:25:55 -0800

With the Danza cock shot MeFi exposé, I can't believe no one has mentioned the "Who's the Boss?" manuever.

By: fenriq

fenriq — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 14:29:44 -0800

That was nice. But Ann Coulter has no asshole, or pussy or brain. She's a fucking anorexic android programmed to infuriate Democrats and arouse old GOP asshats who haven't seen their dicks in decades. Joey Michaels is right thoough, she's a straw man. Giving her attention keeps people from concentrating on truly dangerous assholes with real power. And no, I would definitely not sink the pink with that nasty skank bitch.

By: FormlessOne

FormlessOne — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 14:32:30 -0800

Have to agree with fenriq. That's why she's on the cover of Time. While we're all frothing with impotent rage and writing silly-ass fiction, the Republicans can continue to rewrite bill descriptions, circumvent due process, and rewrite the rules of Congress to suit their needs. She's a "weapon of mass distraction."

By: digaman

digaman — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 14:37:58 -0800

...What about the Millard Filmore? The Hell is Full and the Dammed are Walking the Earth? The China Town Panic Attack? The Blackula? The Beans on Toast? The RumRunner? The Hide the Baldwin? The Kansas City Paxil Refill? The Spiro Agnex Hip Extender or the rare and always fatal No Pockets in a Shroud? I have apparently lived my life in a vast wasteland of boring vanilla-fu. If any of you Heavy Hangers are ever up SF way, lay some of that China Town Panic Attack on me.

By: Civil_Disobedient

Civil_Disobedient — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 14:40:05 -0800

"baby batter" Doesn't anyone call it "jizz" anymore? Damn.

By: skallas

skallas — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 14:42:01 -0800

Hold on, shes on the cover of Time and we should ignore her? The reason the GOP is able to do all those nasty things is because they have people like Ann or Bill O'Reilly or Scarabough keeping the rank and file talking and thinking about their talking points and their agenda without asking any critical questions. She's not a diversion, she's a GOP soldier and propagandist on the front lines and as such deserves as much criticism as people can dish out.

By: matteo

matteo — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 14:52:31 -0800

skallas' right. not to mention, as the RudePundit pointed out -- I've seen this Anal Coulter blog first on RudePundit last night, by the way -- the TIME story was a shameful, er, political blow job

By: fandango_matt

fandango_matt — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 14:53:23 -0800

posted by AlexReynolds With the Danza cock shot MeFi exposé, I can't believe no one has mentioned the "Who's the Boss?" manuever. Or the "Hot Koulter."

By: underer

underer — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 14:54:21 -0800

Funny enough, almost the exact same thing happened to me. I got Ann up to my apartment, and things were going pretty well, but once the eight-foot long demon sprung from her cornhole and swallowed my cat I couldn't keep an erection, no matter how much I thought of Barbara Boxer.

By: clevershark

clevershark — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 15:07:28 -0800

inksyndicate writes " Coulter and Malkin are really awful human beings. But I must say I'm disturbed by their critics' impulse to want to rape them." Yawn. Where exactly did you see this "impulse to want to rape them"? This story, silly as it is, doesn't even have a hint of rape in it!

By: clevershark

clevershark — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 15:13:52 -0800

Guess I was a little quick on the button there. Still, imagining her being degraded and liking it, is better than trying to maintain moral outrage at the god-awful things she says and writes. I mean, she's on the record as saying that the only thing McVeigh did wrong was to choose the Murrah building to detonate instead of the New York Times. She said that deliberately in a newspaper interview. It's accessible to everyone, but evidently people choose to believe she didn't say it, despite the evidence. So, it's better to laugh at the sort of scum she is, than to be depressed by reminding ourselves that people actually choose to surrender their brains to her anti-intellectual cant.

By: grouse

grouse — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 15:20:02 -0800

Wow. Today I learned the difference between man-magma and man-lava before. I had never really thought about it before.

By: mediareport

mediareport — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 15:21:30 -0800

Wait. Ass-fucking is bad?

By: elpapacito

elpapacito — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 15:28:05 -0800

Ooohhh ok SEX SEX SEX XES XES XES 1. It's is good to hate Ann Coulter or maybe the frustration could be channelled toward convincing her acolytes that she isn't but an agitator ? 2. Is it good to fantasize fucking her(?) in the ass or maybe the dominance fantasy is better channeled with your gf (which may enjoy) and then you two togheter write on some FreeR...ehmm..I mean on some extremist website and jank their chain ? It's not unlike the same is being done on Kos.

By: Snyder

Snyder — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 15:32:06 -0800

Anal Coulter?

By: matteo

matteo — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 15:46:51 -0800

heh. Still, imagining her being degraded and liking it look, why should a taste for anal sex and dirty talk be somehow "degrading"? more power to those who like it. you know, consenting adults and shit like that. there's no rape in the story, just consensual anal sex. bring it on I say.

By: clevershark

clevershark — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 16:00:18 -0800

Well, it's hard to argue that the tone of the story generally is pretty degrading. Hey, some people enjoy that, some even pay good money for that sort of treatment... one shouldn't necessarily equate degrading and non-consensual.

By: furtive

furtive — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 16:06:59 -0800

Hardcore.

By: StopMakingSense

StopMakingSense — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 16:11:42 -0800

Metafilter: A very liberal, even radically so, quantity of hot splooey.

By: mr.marx

mr.marx — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 16:14:03 -0800

bring it on I say. or in, even.

By: homunculus

homunculus — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 16:36:55 -0800

Wait. Ass-fucking is bad? Not according to the Bible.

By: Kloryne

Kloryne — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 17:57:20 -0800

I ejaculated with what seemed like enough force to blow out the back of her head--but her head was made of stronger stuff. That is so damn hilarious. Nice job, author.

By: PhatLobley

PhatLobley — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 18:47:29 -0800

Now the "Static Burrito," that would be degrading.

By: 1016

1016 — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 19:51:46 -0800

Good god, you people need to move out of your momma's basement... Truly pathetic cant and rant, devoid of a the slightest scintilla of real intellect. Any of you ever clerk for an apppeals court justice? Write a NY Times Bestseller? Or maybe several? No, didn't think so...Ann is a convenient punching bag for the intellectually feckless, as we see on this thread.

By: blahblahblah

blahblahblah — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 20:00:54 -0800

inksyndicate, does "How To Write Pornography as told to Thurgood Marshall" really exist? I'd love to read it, unless, of course, it is another gawdawful piece of McSweeney's pornography.

By: clevershark

clevershark — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 20:01:35 -0800

1016 writes " No, didn't think so...Ann is a convenient punching bag for the intellectually feckless, as we see on this thread." LOL... please do send me some of you literature! Do you also share Ann's on-the-record opinion that the only thing wrong with Tim McVeigh is that he DIDN'T blow up the NY Times building instead of the Murrah?

By: clevershark

clevershark — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 20:02:27 -0800

Pornography? But I don't even own a pornograph!

By: 1016

1016 — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 20:22:08 -0800

clevershark, so her satirical remark is disgusting, but all this stuff on this thread is legit? Haven't seen anything remotely intellectually powerful here...just flaccid would-be withering commentary. She's a lot smarter than me. And the rest of you snarkers, too. I don't always agree with her stuff. But she is a formidable intellect.

By: Balisong

Balisong — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 20:37:08 -0800

And, apparently, she takes it up the poop-chute with wild abandon!

By: clevershark

clevershark — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 20:38:45 -0800

1016 writes " She's a lot smarter than me. And the rest of you snarkers, too." Feel free to speak for yourself. Your qualifications for judging my intellect are very much lacking.

By: blacklite

blacklite — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 21:01:13 -0800

That was amazing. I wish there was some sort of prize we could send the writer. It could have had a little more vitriol, though. Hold on, shes on the cover of Time and we should ignore her? Wasn't that the ugliest picture you've ever seen? The Time photographer clearly did not want to make her look good in any way. What a hideous angle.

By: mediareport

mediareport — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 21:02:22 -0800

But she is a formidable intellect. Who regularly gets facts wrong (or lies, for those who prefer a sharper version) and fails to correct herself. I'm sorry, but it's hardly a mark of a "formidable intellect" to be so intellectually dishonest.

By: AlexReynolds

AlexReynolds — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 22:26:45 -0800

She's a lot smarter than me. And the rest of you snarkers, too. Speak for yourself, thanks.

By: Snyder

Snyder — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 22:40:25 -0800

Know who else was smarter then me? Hitler! No, wait...

By: me & my monkey

me & my monkey — Thu, 28 Apr 2005 00:31:31 -0800

so her satirical remark is disgusting, but all this stuff on this thread is legit? No one in this thread has used the deaths of hundreds of Americans as fodder for satire. Haven't seen anything remotely intellectually powerful here...just flaccid would-be withering commentary. "Flaccid" is an odd choice to use in this thread. That said, Ms Coulter hasn't demonstrated intellect, only cleverness in constructing inflammatory remarks. She's a propagandist, not a philosopher.

By: 1016

1016 — Thu, 28 Apr 2005 04:13:26 -0800

Yeah, me & my monkey, and you and everybody else who's gleefully piled on here are regular Platos. "Flaccid" is a perfect choice to use to describe the commentary on this thread.

By: elpapacito

elpapacito — Thu, 28 Apr 2005 04:56:22 -0800

I come back for a public service announcement Stop giving attention to the messenger, like "trolls" they disruptively feed on attention. Any attempt to discredit the messanger will be constructed as a character assassination attempt , concentrate on the jingoistic message and expose the underlying nonsense. We return to our normal thread, nothing to see keep going.

By: matteo

matteo — Thu, 28 Apr 2005 05:47:38 -0800

She's a lot smarter than me. I agree, but that's not saying much, sadly.

By: 1016

1016 — Thu, 28 Apr 2005 06:08:41 -0800

elpapacito, this entire thread is a troll. matteo, you know me? Didn't think so.

By: klangklangston

klangklangston — Thu, 28 Apr 2005 06:32:39 -0800

1016: Yeah, but the math is simple. You've admitted that you regard Coulter as more intelligent than yourself. As she is an inveterate, histrionic liar and one who backs lockstep fealty to some of the dumbest policies in American history, she can't be considered more than an average intellect with a noted skill at being mean and spiteful. Therefore, a great percentage of the population is either smarter than her, or equal in intelligence to her, and— by your own admission— smarter than you. Hope that I've cleared this up for you. If, in the future, you should ever need another lesson on how dumb you are, my email's availible and I can do a private consultation at quite reasonable rates.

By: jennanemone

jennanemone — Thu, 28 Apr 2005 06:38:11 -0800

I'd hit it!

By: 1016

1016 — Thu, 28 Apr 2005 07:04:05 -0800

klangklangston: "backs lockstep fealty to some of the dumbest policies in American history" Fail English 101? "Backs lockstep fealty"? Just how does one do that? I mean, I think I get what you're trying (over-reachingly, I might add) to say, but get a style and usage manual before you try again. No lessons needed from you, on any matter, thank you very much.

By: PinkStainlessTail

PinkStainlessTail — Thu, 28 Apr 2005 07:15:18 -0800

Any of you ever clerk for an appeals court justice? Appeals court judges are activists to a man and are destroying the rule of law in this country as they legislate from the bench. To serve them is to serve in shame. Write a NY Times Bestseller? The NYT bestseller list is part and parcel with the lies and Stalinist ravings of Jayson Blair and Maureen Dowd. Howell Raines used to make it up every Wednesday afternoon, in consultation with a mysterious Frenchman. Everybody knows this. Now that he's been exposed and removed, they use a computer program they got from Cuba. Cuba, for G-d's sake. As my bumper sticker informs the world: "The New York Times: Slightly to the Left of Lenin". Why should I trust their fake lists designed to line people up behind their sick and depraved commie agenda?

By: PinkStainlessTail

PinkStainlessTail — Thu, 28 Apr 2005 07:16:06 -0800

That was surprisingly easy. I think I'm ready for a full time gig at townhall.com.

By: fullerine

fullerine — Thu, 28 Apr 2005 07:33:19 -0800

1016 is more than 9 111s

By: sonofsamiam

sonofsamiam — Thu, 28 Apr 2005 07:43:13 -0800

But she is a formidable intellect. Oh, please. If you must trot out some Republican shill-wench as an 'intellect' at least give us Malkin, who can actually form a sentence, despite being a horrible person. Coulter is by far the crappiest, most underinformed, and least intelligible writer on the opinion page. And she didn't used to be as bad as she is now, either. The quality of her articles has really fallen off. If it weren't for her pathetic cult of personality that's flashing in the national pan, she'd have been dropped from most distributors long ago.

By: George_Spiggott

George_Spiggott — Thu, 28 Apr 2005 10:16:12 -0800

get a style and usage manual before you try again Snort. The one you consulted before writing this little treasure? "Haven't seen anything remotely intellectually powerful here...just flaccid would-be withering commentary." Pot calling the snowdrift black.

By: Smedleyman

Smedleyman — Thu, 28 Apr 2005 10:25:10 -0800

I couldn't imagine myself bringing any sort of pleasure or even catharsis for, to, by, etc. that woman. She's not particularly good looking, but beauty is truly on the inside. I'm disgusted by what I see there. Long-night-nearly-alcohol-poisoned-dry-heave disgusted, not the good kind. ...This would be quite apart from her politics (which I merely ignore as fatuous). Not a bad piece really, but it didn't thrill me. I suppose you really have to hate her to enjoy it. I merely want to not have anything to do with her. Much like cancer or herpes.

By: languagehat

languagehat — Thu, 28 Apr 2005 10:34:30 -0800

Well done, PinkStainlessTail!

By: junkbox

junkbox — Thu, 28 Apr 2005 14:10:07 -0800

Did anyone else notice the snappy, liberal arguments thrown in with the ass-fucking? I was particularly fond of comparing private social security accounts to flooding the baseball card market with capital. [Or did you just skip to the good parts?] We're all too busy gaping at the strawman with a dick between her cheeks to understand the point: Americans love porn, and they'll read anything - even Karl Marx & Noam Chomsky - if it's got enough blowjobs and cum shots. The author lured right and left wingers alike in with the promise of sexually degrading controversy, then shot a wad of liberal political values straight at the back of our throats. Well played, indeed.

By: 1016

1016 — Thu, 28 Apr 2005 14:40:11 -0800

Actually, I agree with languagehat--PinkStainlessTail's post showed some thought, rather than just angry ranting. Well done!

By: yarf

yarf — Thu, 28 Apr 2005 18:38:23 -0800

So this asshole.... it vibrates??