Naughty, Naughty
May 1, 2005 12:13 PM   Subscribe

Naughty, Naughty I read these Wonkette excerpts of Laura Bush's speech at the WH correspondence dinner last night and I thought it was satire. But I just saw the tape and it's for real: "I am married to the President of the United States and here is our typical evening. Nine o'clock, Mr. Excitement here is sound asleep, and I am watching Desperate Housewives. With Lynne Cheney. Ladies and gentleman, I am a desperate housewife. I mean if those women on that show think they're desperate, they ought to be with George. One night after George went to bed, Lynne Cheney, Condi Rice, Karen Hughes and I went to Chippendales....I won't tell you what happened, but Lynne's Secret Service code name is now Dollar Bill."
posted by Postroad (88 comments total)

 
From the link:

Thank goodness she's such a good Christian or someone might get the idea she's alluding to equine hand jobs, thong stuffing and a very limp husband. I'm sure James Dobson would interpret these comments correctly as her desire for her husband to take his proper leadership role. And, of course, if she doesn't respond to his leadership George can always take a belt to her as if she's a dauchshund.

Heh.
posted by randomstriker at 12:17 PM on May 1, 2005


This has warmed my heart to the woman.
Good material. Not worth a whole nother term, but damn, good stuff.
posted by Busithoth at 12:20 PM on May 1, 2005


I'm paying my ignorance of U.S. customs..is that for real ? My jaw is dropping so much it has reached my crotch and I'm a tall guy.

On C-SPAN ? Can't be, gimme the video.
posted by elpapacito at 12:21 PM on May 1, 2005


http://news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/nm/20050501/us_nm/politics_bush_dc_2

more on the same subject
posted by Postroad at 12:22 PM on May 1, 2005


wow, she's just like us! let's vote for her.
posted by mcsweetie at 12:27 PM on May 1, 2005


Well, "Desperate Housewives" is more popular in the red states...
posted by Space Coyote at 12:29 PM on May 1, 2005


That's cool, at least she has a sense of humour.
posted by sebas at 12:32 PM on May 1, 2005


"The amazing thing is that George and I were just meant to be. I was a librarian who spent 12 hours a day in the library, yet somehow I met George."

"I'm proud of George. He's learned a lot about ranching since that first year when he tried to milk the horse. What's worse, it was a male horse."

So, just to be clear here. Laura's A-material was "my husband's a moron who once jerked a horse off." Man, librarians are repressed.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 12:38 PM on May 1, 2005


XQUZYPH... ROFL LMAO!
posted by psmealey at 12:41 PM on May 1, 2005


Ohhhhhh now I see it's an humilation drill ? The humiliated person gets the sympathy of the audience as he's accused of being a complete utter idiot and the more the accuser hits on the person the more sympathy he obtains...

... by the ones who identify self in the victim, a.k.a the sexually passive, passive-aggressive and anal retentive voter of G.W. ?

Ohh the U.S. time honored tradition pretty much make me see the torture prisons as a mere extension of that mentality.
posted by elpapacito at 12:41 PM on May 1, 2005


I see her as a Bree Van De Kamp.
posted by Navek Rednam at 12:42 PM on May 1, 2005


On postview: but but did the horse enjoy the treatment ?!
posted by elpapacito at 12:42 PM on May 1, 2005


What XQUZ said. And i wonder how this will play among the "wives should be submissive" crowd?
posted by amberglow at 12:44 PM on May 1, 2005


I'm paying my ignorance of U.S. customs..is that for real ?

Yes, the Correspondence dinner is normally full of self-deprecating humor, regardless of who the current President is. It is just a tradition.

I've read before that people like the writers for The Tonight Show actually are the ones who often write the jokes that the President (or in this case the First Lady) give.
posted by Steve_at_Linnwood at 12:45 PM on May 1, 2005


Way to restore dignity to the White House!

Actually, I had assumed from looking at her, that Laura Bush was mildly retarded, but maybe she's not. She has a sense of humor, or at least, she is able to read aloud things which are funny!

Of course, if this speech had been from Hillary Clinton during the Clinton years, I suppose the Ann Coulters of the world would have taken a fit (despite the fact that it is quite innocent, really, and silly).

Oh, speaking of Ann Coulter, http://ifuckedanncoulterintheasshard.blogspot.com/
posted by newfers at 12:45 PM on May 1, 2005


I would bet my eyeteeth this was a carefully constructed moment. The fact is Laura is a better speaker then George so this came off well. Plus no one would think she is actually serious, so it is all just a bit of humor, ha fucking ha.
They need some popularity nowadays with most of what he is pushing being unpopular, what better then an unexpected roast?
posted by edgeways at 12:46 PM on May 1, 2005


Lynne is going to be SOOOO Pissed.
posted by drezdn at 12:46 PM on May 1, 2005


Correspondents Dinner, rather...
posted by Steve_at_Linnwood at 12:46 PM on May 1, 2005


I've read before that people like the writers for The Tonight Show actually are the ones who often write the jokes that the President (or in this case the First Lady) give.

For god's sake, man, can you guys seriously not immediately blame an administration subordinate just once?
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 12:49 PM on May 1, 2005


elpapacito writes "Ohhhhhh now I see it's an humilation drill?... Ohh the U.S. time honored tradition pretty much make me see the torture prisons as a mere extension of that mentality."

Game, set, and match to elpapacito!
posted by orthogonality at 12:54 PM on May 1, 2005


Sometimes a speech is just a speech.
posted by Cyrano at 12:54 PM on May 1, 2005


Anyone have a video of this?
posted by spaghetti at 1:01 PM on May 1, 2005


Cyrano, what in the blankety-fuck does that even mean? Are you saying Laura didn't make a joke about wanking a horse? Or was there some zen humor that everyone but you just didn't get? Or were you just going "la de da da da de da" and tossing a ball up and down and it just happened to hit your keyboard and mysteriously type in that sentence or something? Really, I need to fucking know, this is going to keep me up all damn night.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 1:01 PM on May 1, 2005


The best Correspondants Dinner speech ever given, of course, was by President Robert Fowler:

My beautiful wife, Julie, is from New Jersey. 15 electoral votes... and is, as you know, half Jewish. So we'll take Florida's 25 electoral votes and divide by 2. My daughter, Jeanie, is expecting her first child. If it's a girl, she will be named Virginia. 13 electoral votes. In fact, even if it's a boy, he'll be named Virginia. She reminds me that I have publicly acknowledged that as a young Marine officer in Vietnam, I did, on a handful of occasions, smoke marijuana...... California. 54 electoral votes!
posted by NotMyselfRightNow at 1:07 PM on May 1, 2005


Okay, that was harsh. But still... huh?
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 1:09 PM on May 1, 2005


XQUZYPHYR: Pull your head out of your ass... I didn't "blame" anyone... If you want to think Laura is writing her own punchlines, you go right ahead.

The same people wrote jokes for Clinton when he was in office.
posted by Steve_at_Linnwood at 1:13 PM on May 1, 2005


Cyrano, what in the blankety-fuck does that even mean?

This right on the border of I can't tell if you're joking, but does the phrase "sometimes a cigar is just a cigar" ring a bell? The source of that is poking fun at freudian over-analysis and the Clinton era...
posted by thedevildancedlightly at 1:16 PM on May 1, 2005


Have you never heard of a roast?
posted by NickDouglas at 1:17 PM on May 1, 2005


Laura Bush, why do you hate America?
posted by AspectRatio at 1:18 PM on May 1, 2005


It really amazes me how taken back you all are of this. The White House Correspondents Dinner happens every year. And the only year that I know of that wasn't full of self-deprecating and roast-like humor was 2003, when the Iraq war had just started. Instead they did a tribute to reporters who had lost their lives in Iraq.
posted by Steve_at_Linnwood at 1:21 PM on May 1, 2005


egdeways wins, everyone else can stop commenting now...
posted by sninky-chan at 1:22 PM on May 1, 2005


edgeways loses. Steve wins.
posted by NickDouglas at 1:28 PM on May 1, 2005


I can certainly believe that Jay Leno's writers did this...
posted by Space Coyote at 1:31 PM on May 1, 2005


I think it's not so much people being actually offended as it's the fact that it came from the mouth of a woman who is supposed to embody the Conservative Christian Wife (quiet, polite, subservient, clean), Steve.

Although any woman (southern ones especially) can tell you we have a time-honored tradition of sharing embarrassing stories about our men, and the phrase "oh, he only thinks he's in charge" is dropped fairly frequently. :)
posted by scarymonsterrrr at 1:38 PM on May 1, 2005


You may remember last year's White House correspondent's dinner where GWB made jokes about looking for weapons of mass destruction.

David Corn had some suggestions for this year which were, evidently, not followed.
So how might Bush entertain the crowd this time? How about knock -knock jokes featuring Terri Schiavo? Or gags about North Korea's expanding nuclear weapons arsenal? He could kid about holding hands with Saudi Prince Abdullah while gas prices are skyrocketing. Or jokingly ask old people to die sooner to help him deal with Social Security. How about an impression of Tom DeLay grabbing loose change from the collection plate at church? Bush really has lots of material to choose from.
posted by euphorb at 1:48 PM on May 1, 2005


XQUZYPHYR: Pull your head out of your ass... I didn't "blame" anyone... If you want to think Laura is writing her own punchlines, you go right ahead

Steve, pull the stick out of your ass... it's called a joke.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 1:49 PM on May 1, 2005


Come on XQUZYPHR, you did come on a bit strong. Steve wasn't on his GOP horse, you totally projected that. Can we all just agree that was some, at the very least, mildly amusing material - whomever wrote it.
posted by jmgorman at 2:15 PM on May 1, 2005


Agent S@L: "We at the GOP do not have a sense of humor that we're aware of."
posted by I EAT TAPES at 2:16 PM on May 1, 2005


I'm surprised Laura's coming on so strong; I'd heard her aides had told her the only way she could improve her political popularity was by entering a persistant vegitative state.

And so she's complaining that George hasn't been giving her any lately? Well, that explains those 170 White House visits by Guckert on days when they didn't have press conferences.

By the way, Steve... I'm NOT joking
posted by wendell at 2:21 PM on May 1, 2005


How quickly you forget. (.mov file)
posted by rafter at 2:23 PM on May 1, 2005


Good point--at least she was joking about lying us into war.
posted by amberglow at 2:25 PM on May 1, 2005


oops--wasn't
posted by amberglow at 2:27 PM on May 1, 2005


Oh, and Laura wasn't being totally forthcoming about the Chippendale's visit. Apparently, all of Lynne's dollar bills ended up in Condi's bra.

They were actually throwing a Bachelorette Party for Jennifer Wilbanks.

I'm sure the producers of "Desperate Housewives" are happy for the reference. It means they've got at least a year before the Moral Majority takes them off the air.

And those jokes obviously didn't come from the Tonight Show writers. None of them were about Michael Jackson.
posted by wendell at 2:30 PM on May 1, 2005


That's what came to mind for me too, rafter.
posted by rooftop secrets at 2:35 PM on May 1, 2005


Oh, and they found WMD's: Women with Moderate Depression.

If Laura was as good a liar as George, I suspect they'd have a lot more sex.

The highlight of Laura's presentation was when she stood next to her husband and did the "Lynndie point".

(here's where I start to get silly)
Then there was the other White House Ladies' Night Out.
"I thought we were going to see Michael Bolton, not John Bolton."
"You'll love his act. He's a kiss-up kick-down guy."
posted by wendell at 2:39 PM on May 1, 2005


why do you hate america?
posted by blacklite at 2:45 PM on May 1, 2005


One of the Chippendales dancers complained "These aren't dollar bills. They're Kerry ballots from Ohio!"

On his way out of the Correspondents' Dinner, former CNN President Richard Kaplan was accidentally shot 37 times by the Secret Service.

blacklite, you only hurt the ones you love.
posted by wendell at 2:56 PM on May 1, 2005


How any woman could expect a man to be able to get it up again after being reamed by Jim Guckert is beyond me.
posted by digaman at 2:57 PM on May 1, 2005


from the mouth of a woman who is supposed to embody the Conservative Christian Wife

Is that how she really sees herself, or is that a role that we are trying to paint her into? I can't speak for the whole of Texas, but the parts that I've been to are much more about the take-no-prisoners cowgirl wife (the rural parts), the outfront and loud wife (Dallas), or the modern wife (Austin). It's hard to think of anything in Texas being "meek" and timid.

But, hey, let's paint her as a Christian Conservative Wife and then act shocked when she doesn't live up to our expectations. Or if she does then let's blame her for acting Christian and Conservative and not speaking out more. It's a total win-win.
posted by thedevildancedlightly at 3:33 PM on May 1, 2005


The election campaigns painted her that way, thedevil, as a contrast to Gore and Kerry's wives, and as a giant contrast to Hillary.
posted by amberglow at 3:42 PM on May 1, 2005


But, hey, let's paint her as a Christian Conservative Wife and then act shocked when she doesn't live up to our expectations.

I'd just like to point out one more time that the First Lady joked about the President of the United States jacking off a horse.
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 3:44 PM on May 1, 2005


S@L: ... the writers for The Tonight Show...
XQ: ... immediately blame an administration subordinate
Comedy gold! just to let you know somebody noticed

XQ: Man, librarians are repressed.

I kept looking for Laura Bush's lesbian romance "Sisters" on-line to dispute this, but it turns out to be by Lynne Cheney.
posted by Aknaton at 3:51 PM on May 1, 2005


I get the sense that for farmers, no matter what the political views, animal sexuality jokes are fair game.
posted by catachresoid at 3:55 PM on May 1, 2005


I get the sense that for farmers, no matter what the political views, animal sexuality jokes are fair game.

I think it's that for farmers, no matter what the political views, animal sex is not a joke.
posted by thedevildancedlightly at 4:22 PM on May 1, 2005


White House Letter: Joke writer to the stars of Washington politics
When Laura Bush wise-cracked at the White House Correspondents' Association annual dinner on Saturday night that she was a "desperate housewife" married to a man who was sound asleep by 9 p.m., a slight, worried man stood in the wings hanging on to every line. As well he might, since he had written most of them for the first lady's inaugural act as a stand-up comic.
Judging from the laughter at her words - "George's answer to any problem at the ranch is to cut it down with a chain saw, which I think is why he and Cheney and Rumsfeld get along so well" - Landon Parvin, joke writer to the political stars, could relax. ....
Parvin, who normally writes jokes for the president, also wrote jokes and presidential speeches for Ronald Reagan and is remembered in Washington for the lyrics to "Secondhand Clothes," the song that Nancy Reagan performed at the 1982 correspondents' dinner lampooning her taste in designers.
Parvin, 56, writes for Republicans but also for Democrats whom he likes, such as Bill Clinton's friend Vernon Jordan and Robert Strauss, the former chairman of the Democratic National Committee. He is the son of a University of Illinois accountant and says that he was a well-liked but unfunny misfit growing up. In 1981, he was writing for the Hill & Knowlton public relations firm when he got a job as a Reagan speechwriter.
He now writes serious speeches for politicians and executives from his home in Fredericksburg, Virginia, but is called in every year to do Bush's routines for four Washington events: the Gridiron; the Alfalfa Club; a radio and television correspondents' dinner; and the White House press dinner. Bush, he said, "works on the script, and practices, and takes it seriously." Parvin (and the president) have had one recent bomb, however: Bush's joke at the radio and television dinner last year that "those weapons of mass destruction have got to be somewhere" as a slide showed the president rummaging under the Oval Office furniture.
posted by Steve_at_Linnwood at 4:39 PM on May 1, 2005


"You guys, look here. In this Nancy Drew mystery, Nancy goes to the beach and gets sand trapped in her shoe. This... could explain how Kyle got it in his vagina."
posted by XQUZYPHYR at 4:49 PM on May 1, 2005


People keep going on about her mocking the prez.
Are you guys friggin' blind, deaf and dumb?
You do remember why you lost the last election, right?
Because Bush makes the common everyman feel good about his simplicity, he's just another simpleton joe, he's not one of those "high falutin' innulekchul elites" he's the common man. And his wife just increased his "street cred" with these people.
posted by nightchrome at 5:24 PM on May 1, 2005


"People keep going on about her mocking the prez."
Hmm, maybe because it's the TOPIC OF THE POST?

"Are you guys friggin' blind, deaf and dumb?"
See previous response. (notice the yelling at the end)

"You do remember why you lost the last election, right?"
Troll bait if I ever read it.

But you continue your rimjob of this lame duck.
It's fetching, really.
Or is it felching?
posted by Busithoth at 6:13 PM on May 1, 2005


I'm just trying to point out that talking about this as though it were a bad thing is missing the point entirely. You may find the statements amusing and/or ridiculous, you may think they reflect badly on the administration, you may think any number of negative things about what she said.
But the fact is that approval ratings likely went up because of this.
posted by nightchrome at 6:27 PM on May 1, 2005


Wasn't the Correspondent's Dinner where Clinton showed off the short film about his last days in office? Had stuff like him making a sack lunch for Hillary, Helen Thomas falling asleep on him in the press room, etc...
posted by mrbill at 6:54 PM on May 1, 2005


mrbill, I belive it was.
posted by Steve_at_Linnwood at 7:13 PM on May 1, 2005


I didn't see that one rafter it's painful
posted by elpapacito at 7:34 PM on May 1, 2005


Actually, I had assumed from looking at her, that Laura Bush was mildly retarded, but maybe she's not.

WTF?
posted by pardonyou? at 8:04 PM on May 1, 2005


Wasn't the Correspondent's Dinner where Clinton showed off the short film about his last days in office? Had stuff like him making a sack lunch for Hillary, Helen Thomas falling asleep on him in the press room, etc...

Yes. Clinton's Final Days (.mov), although the most controversial bit is probably him ripping off a vending machine.
posted by rafter at 9:20 PM on May 1, 2005


WTF?

Her eyes are a little widely spaced.
posted by blacklite at 9:54 PM on May 1, 2005


In that pic, she does not look mildly retarded, she looks mildly inhuman. My first thought was "woah, The Joker got a sexchange and some better makeup".
posted by nightchrome at 10:06 PM on May 1, 2005


CYBORG Z-13A6776 HUMOR PROCEDURE ENGAGE
posted by ori at 12:05 AM on May 2, 2005


Yeah, there's something half-robotic/half-retarded about her appearance, mannerisms, and speech pattern. It was obvious that someone had written the lame routine for her. The 'jerking off the horse" bit is as old as the hills and her wooden delivery didn't help it any either. But that didn't stop the idiots at Faux from fawning all over her. "Isn't she funny?!"
posted by Devils Slide at 2:29 AM on May 2, 2005


It was obvious that someone had written the lame routine for her.

As is every speech hillary gives. You do realize that, right? And it's the people at fox who are idiots? You keep telling yourself that.
posted by justgary at 3:40 AM on May 2, 2005


I think the reason this made such a splash is that the tradition is for the Prez to make fun of himself, and instead, this was his wife making the jabs. (That "final days" movie was the funniest WHCD routine I've seen in a decade of dinners.)
posted by CunningLinguist at 5:14 AM on May 2, 2005


Cspan has the video up, by the way.
posted by CunningLinguist at 5:17 AM on May 2, 2005



As is every speech hillary gives. You do realize that, right? And it's the people at fox who are idiots? You keep telling yourself that.
posted by justgary at 3:40 AM PST on May 2 [!]


I don't know about Hillary specifically, but there are MANY politicians on this earth who write their own material, believe it or not. It's the people who vote in the frauds that can't think for themselves who are idiots.
posted by mek at 5:36 AM on May 2, 2005


Much ado about nothing. If someone in the Bush administration ordered a pizza, some of you would find a reason to get in a tizzy about, and others of you would feel the need to defend it by saying he did it for God and America. Save your collective breaths for once.
posted by jonmc at 6:58 AM on May 2, 2005


But that pizza screamed when They put it in the oven!
posted by sonofsamiam at 7:16 AM on May 2, 2005


Really, I need to fucking know, this is going to keep me up all damn night.

Man, now I feel bad for forgetting about this thread. I hope you managed to catch some Z's. :P

thedevildancedlightly pretty much nailed the genesis of my comment. With some of what jonmc said and a rare agree with S@L that given the venue this is more interesting fluff than anything else.
posted by Cyrano at 7:45 AM on May 2, 2005


(And the "la de da da da de da" thing with the ball was my first LOL of the week, BTW.)
posted by Cyrano at 7:48 AM on May 2, 2005


the best translation i've seen: (from a comment at Digby)--... Thanks guys we could not have hoodwinked the public without you. Just as suspected Dubya really is a girlie man limp dick and as far as being a cowboy.... Well the lefties were right, the ranch in Texas was just a media prop for the preppie country clubber.

Oh and by the way. Laura and Lynn are really are just a couple of unsatisfied housewifes. Laura is married to a guy with an unatural fasination with bald headed men and likes to keep a "bulldog" on the side around the White House. No wonder he is so ready for be bed by nine o'clock. As far as Dick is concerned he gets his rocks off by looting the US Treasury and his growing Haliburton Blind Trust. Beside the physical exertion of sex might just be to much for him.

As far as family values, that is for the rubes. ....

posted by amberglow at 8:40 AM on May 2, 2005


I betcha next year they'll get Jenna and BarbaraGinna and Tonic to do the comedy routine.
posted by amberglow at 9:08 AM on May 2, 2005


rafter, I was really hoping that Clinton video would have a scene of Al Gore yelling "PEACE OUT, Y'ALL!"

No such luck, but it's still light years ahead, entertainment value-wise, of the "Mr. Beasley Is Missing" Bush video.
posted by The Dryyyyy Cracker at 9:27 AM on May 2, 2005


But that didn't stop the idiots at Faux from fawning all over her. "Isn't she funny?!"

And The Chicago Sun-Times ("First lady stars at laughs-a-plenty DC dinner"), and New York Daily News ("Nailing her status as the most popular of the Bush clan - and funniest First Lady - Laura Bush ..."), and The Los Angeles Times ("Laura Bush pokes fun at her husband and draws big laughs at a White House dinner"), and The Minneapolis Star-Tribune, and USA Today, and the Chicago Tribune, and the Seattle Times, and the New York Post, and ...

However, MeFites have spotted the hypocricy from a mile away. No humor here! It's an outrage!
posted by pardonyou? at 9:41 AM on May 2, 2005


the only relevant question here is, which one's sleeping with the underage muscle boy? Laura? Lynne? Condi?
posted by matteo at 9:50 AM on May 2, 2005


But, hey, let's paint her as a Christian Conservative Wife and then act shocked when she doesn't live up to our expectations. Or if she does then let's blame her for acting Christian and Conservative and not speaking out more. It's a total win-win.

In what respect has Laura Bush not behaved in this way to date? Members of First Families (and family members of Presidential candidates) have been known to reach out to different groups of citizens by stating their opposition to current social policies; Barbara Bush admitted to being pro-choice, Alexandra Kerry supported gay marriage, etc. Laura Bush, despite being much more intelligent than her husband, has not exercised this privilege once.

She may not be a policymaker for this administration, but she remains a propagandist for it. And I don't appreciate that a woman who makes vulgar public comments about her sex life can still call gay marriage "shocking" in the course of her husband's campaign to ban it. If you're going to make moral judgments about other people's lifestyles and entertainment choices, it would behoove you to not make tasteless jokes in public.
posted by Epenthesis at 10:58 AM on May 2, 2005


it would behoove you to not make tasteless jokes in public..
When was the "Public Dinner’s” event?

Cedric the Entertainer was better.
posted by thomcatspike at 11:37 AM on May 3, 2005


Man, all this for that? She's lame, those jokes were lame, and Wendell's the only reason to read this thread.
posted by klangklangston at 12:07 PM on May 3, 2005


Has Dubya been in Sweden lately?
posted by amberglow at 12:36 PM on May 3, 2005


digby nails it again--...That was a different time. Now it seems that the moral Red Staters have finally decided to admit that they love a good horse cock joke as much as the next guy and that's just fine with me. I always knew they did. We're all about horse cock jokes in this country, from sea to shining sea. Nothing makes a First Lady more downhome and fun than talking about horse cocks on TV. Bring 'em on. Horse cocks for everyone.

But I'd really appreciate it if they'd can the phony sanctimony from now on and shut the fuck up about "Desperate Housewives" and dirty talk on TV. If it's ok for the First Lady of the United States to joke publicly about her husbands limp dick and jerking off farm animals then it's ok for Whoopie Goldberg and everybody else to make Bush jokes. ...

posted by amberglow at 4:07 PM on May 3, 2005


a really funny and dirtier "transcript"-- ... The amazing thing, however, is that George and I were just meant to be. I was a librarian who wanted to snag a rich hubby, get pregnant, and never work another day in her life, and he was a trustafarian whose fertility was strenuously vouched for by every black market abortion doctor in Houston.

We met, and married, and I became one of the regulars up at Kennebunkport. All the Bushes love Kennebunkport, which is like Graceland, except without the tasteful interior decorating or the convenience of having your host dead. People ask me what it's like to be up there with the whole Bush clan. Lemme put it this way: First prize — Noelle and I toss back a case of Robitussin DM and take a Chris-Craft out for a 60MPH spin through the nearest yacht club. Second prize — Neil steals your purse and maxes out your credit cards on a sex tour of Thailand.

Speaking of prizes brings me back to my monster-in-law. So many mothers today are just not involved in their children's lives — Not a problem with Barbara Bush. People often wonder what my mother-in-law's really like. People think she's a sweet, grandmotherly, Aunt Bea type. She's actually more like, mmm, a total fucking bitch. ...

posted by amberglow at 7:33 PM on May 3, 2005


First Lady limits National Day of Prayer address to one filthy sex joke
posted by amberglow at 3:58 PM on May 7, 2005


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