Just like Ann Coulter but more vaginal.

May 13, 2005 10:02 PM

Hey kids! Time to go to Ted Nugent's Kamp for Kids! Whee!!! (You might want to take the handy on-line test first though.)
posted by DeepFriedTwinkies (56 comments total)

Luckily it's not his Kool Kamp for Kids.
posted by drezdn at 10:05 PM on May 13, 2005

although i dont agree with everything the nuge has to say, he is very intelligent, and these kids will probably have a really fun time. hunting is a skill that hopefully will never be lost. and as per the second link, better with a bow then with the now-crushed-in front of my car. *shakes fist*
posted by Mach5 at 10:16 PM on May 13, 2005

although i dont agree with everything the nuge has to say, he is very intelligent

Just want to make sure everyone saw that.
posted by jimmy at 10:22 PM on May 13, 2005

" GET 'EM
SHOOTING, EXPLORING AND THROBBING. NOW!"

Um, did he just say "throbbing"?
posted by 2sheets at 10:37 PM on May 13, 2005

Mach5, could you please get out from behind that tree, look this way, and stand reeeeeeal still? Thanks. This won't hurt a bit.
posted by item at 10:40 PM on May 13, 2005

"he [nugent] is very intelligent"

I agree, on the basis of "Cat Scratch Fever" alone.
posted by telstar at 10:52 PM on May 13, 2005

i've had the chance to hear and read interviews from various sources with ted nugent, and each and every time i've been impressed with how well-spoken and articulate he is. on the other hand, i was just playing air guitar and i hit myself in the nuts.
posted by Mach5 at 11:17 PM on May 13, 2005

every deer that gets shot is one less i have to worry about on the highway ... by the way, michigan farmers have a name for deer ... "rats with hooves"

i wish ted would just stick to hunting and playing guitar
posted by pyramid termite at 11:19 PM on May 13, 2005

10/12
Looks like my teenage hunter's safety class taught me something.

THE NUGE WILL PREVAIL!
posted by TungstenChef at 11:25 PM on May 13, 2005

As my children grow up, they spend more and more time hunting with their dear old dad... Rocco and I sneak up the same ridge at daybreak every September 15th, opening day of squirrel season.

There's a squirrel season?!
*marks calendar, calls travel agent*
posted by squirrel at 11:37 PM on May 13, 2005

Excellent Whackability! Good Shot!!

MetaFilter: I hit myself in the nuts.
posted by loquacious at 11:47 PM on May 13, 2005

Most importantly, I did not push my children to hunt. I always made it available to them, even gently prodding and encouraging them to join me everytime I went afield, but never to the point of force or pressure. I shared the thrills of each and every hunt in stories and photos, and made it a point to let them know every night at the dinner table, "you should have been there! It was really cool!"

Yeah, no pressure there. Now finish your muskrat and run fetch daddy's meth pipe.
posted by squirrel at 11:49 PM on May 13, 2005

Who wants to hunt for squirrels? All they do is just running up and down eating peanuts. They are just too cute to be as hunting targets.. :P
posted by squ1rr3l at 11:50 PM on May 13, 2005

Ted Nugent would be the perfect leader of a small tribe of rodent-gobbling troglodytes.

I can't remember this story exactly, but I'm sure I read an interview a million years ago (in Circus or Creem or something) in which Nugent says he recommends humping the liver of an animal you have just killed. Something like that. So I googled, but all I found was a Mudhoney interview in an online porn-industry magazine.

VIVA: I think bowhunting with Ted Nugent would be kinda fun.

Turner: He's way too gay for me.

Karl Annala: You have to fuck the liver. The Nuge likes to fuck the liver.

Turner: Ted Nugent is mentally ill. He's like a really dangerous man.

I was wondering exactly what he teaches kids at this camp. "First we dress the deer, and then we dress it up, and don't forget to give it a little lipstick, too..."
posted by pracowity at 11:54 PM on May 13, 2005

Liver humping is pretty whack, pracowity. I hope someone can find a direct quote of him advocating such a practice.

Also, intensities in tent cities?

Welcome, squ1rr3l!
*big smile*
*distrusful leer*
*big smile and wave*
posted by squirrel at 12:30 AM on May 14, 2005

Ted Nugent is the kinda guy you keep as a friend just in case we do hit an apocalypse, because your petty city human hunting skills wouldn't catch a wild Twinkie, let alone a ten point buck at fifty yards with nothing but a hand-carved bow using an obsidian knife.

These are men who have no need of civilization, and frankly, it's damn scary when they clash with it.
posted by Saydur at 12:32 AM on May 14, 2005

Humping the liver was covered by Philip Roth in Portnoy's Complaint.

Humping the laser was somewhere in a bad 90's movie.
posted by telstar at 12:49 AM on May 14, 2005

These are men who have no need of civilization, and frankly, it's damn scary when they clash with it.

Eww, I shakin' man. I grew up in the country and I know what you're talking about, Saydur. Ted Nugent ain't it. He's all hat and no cattle, as the saying goes.
posted by squirrel at 1:25 AM on May 14, 2005

Everything Ted does these days gives me the creeps. What kind of parent would send their kids to a 'kamp' run by an admitted serial statutory rapist? Nugent used to brag openly about the number of underage girls he had bedded during his years on the road.
posted by wadefranklin at 2:58 AM on May 14, 2005

WHAT?? YOU GOTTA BE KIDDIN' !!
BUTT SHOTS AIN'T COOL!
posted by sveskemus at 3:06 AM on May 14, 2005

And it's a doe, to boot. Wonder if it's underage, too... or maybe just its liver...
posted by squirrel at 4:05 AM on May 14, 2005

HURRR IM MAKIN FUN OF A POP CULTURE ICON HURR
posted by Dean Keaton at 4:32 AM on May 14, 2005

by the way did you know he advocated *******, not to mention ****?!
posted by Dean Keaton at 4:33 AM on May 14, 2005

The upside is, there are very few disciplinary problems at Ted's Kamp and no repeat offenders:

"I want rapists dead. I want burglars dead. I want child molesters dead. I want the bad guys dead. No court case. No parole. No early release. I want 'em dead. Get a gun and when they attack you, shoot 'em."

Am I the only person who can't get that old Tommy song out of his head...the holiday's forever.
posted by cedar at 4:40 AM on May 14, 2005

As the blades contact the animal, the razor sharp blades pierce through the hide and fur. The blades then cut as they toggle open inside the animal. The cut angle is very important for good penetration. The gladiator has an optimum angle of 125 degrees. (Any angle less than 120 degrees will result in a chopping action. The uniquely designed hollow-ground. Chisel point creates hairline cracks in bone, and then the points tapered shoulder blows bone apart.

There's a song in there somewhere.

Nuge intelligent? He had radio talk show gig here--made me long for the eloquence and balanced rhetoric of Sean Hannity.
posted by beelzbubba at 5:15 AM on May 14, 2005

Thanks for the post. Vaguely remember reading about this and been meaning to look it up. My son's application will be in the mail this afternoon. His compound bow is ready and I'll d/l some old Amboy Dukes for the ride up.
posted by hal9k at 5:21 AM on May 14, 2005

I have a dream of starting a franchise called "Ted Nugent's Most Scrumptious Frozen Yogurt Ever!"

I think this would be very successful.
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 6:16 AM on May 14, 2005

Nugent is intelligent from the few calmer tirades I've heard. (And I grew up near Detroit listening to WRIF and WLLZ so I heard him a lot). He comes across as a Neanderthal when he turns on his persona though and as he's aged his persona has been spending more and more on time. He was more fun when he was an atheist libertarian taking the piss out of both sides of this purplish land.

Somewhere he realized that if he found Christ he'd be a prophet for the Guns and God crowd so that's what he did. He's shallow and vapid because he's figured out that it makes him money. I don't doubt his sincerity when the real Ted is talking about hunting however and at those times he can be quite eloquent.

Ted Nugent on Hunting is a different book in a completely different library than The Motor City Madman on Hunting (a library where they did figure out how to bang the rocks together but never quite mastered the quill and parchment).
posted by substrate at 7:02 AM on May 14, 2005

I have a dream of starting a franchise called "Ted Nugent's Most Scrumptious Frozen Yogurt Ever!"

So instead of having Frogurt, it would have Nugurt?
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 7:17 AM on May 14, 2005

How will kids learn to deal with their neighbors in the hood if they haven't already learned to shoot firearms at living creatures?
posted by clevershark at 7:30 AM on May 14, 2005

Ted Nugent is just silly. And not in a good way.
posted by Decani at 7:36 AM on May 14, 2005

wadefranklin writes "What kind of parent would send their kids to a 'kamp' run by an admitted serial statutory rapist?"

The same sort of parents that would let their prepubescent boy stay at Neverland Ranch? Apparently there was no shortage of those...
posted by clevershark at 7:49 AM on May 14, 2005

HURRR IM MAKIN FUN OF A POP CULTURE ICON HURR
posted by Dean Keaton at 4:32 AM PST on May 14 [!]

No, personally, I was making fun of a wrinkly old fart whose brain is the exact size and composition of an ant queef.
posted by DeepFriedTwinkies at 7:57 AM on May 14, 2005

This sounds like the kind of place my ex-boyfriend would have killed to go. (No pun intended. : ))

Am I wrong to think the menu from that wild game dinner sounds really, really good?
posted by SisterHavana at 8:23 AM on May 14, 2005

I grew up in Northern Michigan as a non-hunter. I hate Ted Nugent with the abandon of a poet. Fred Bear indeed. If you had to listen to that song every hour on the hour during both bow and rifle season, you'd agree.
posted by goatdog at 8:52 AM on May 14, 2005

My father once told me, while we were driving in the south and I wanted to go to a Go Kart place that businesses that used K's instead of C's were run by Nazi sympathizers. Just sayin'.
posted by klangklangston at 9:02 AM on May 14, 2005

I grew up in Northern Michigan as a non-hunter. I hate Ted Nugent with the abandon of a poet.

I grew up in Northern Michigan as a hunter. I, too, hate Ted Nugent with the abandon of a poet. I hated all of those jagoff Fudgies that came up to my neck o' the woods. They would tear everything up like they owned it. The Nuge ain't nothing but a Fudgie. Or a Cone Licker. I guess that's what they call Detroiters these days.
posted by NoMich at 9:13 AM on May 14, 2005

The Nuge ain't nothing but a Fudgie.

I want that on a t-shirt.
posted by liam at 9:16 AM on May 14, 2005

My father once told me, while we were driving in the south and I wanted to go to a Go Kart place that businesses that used K's instead of C's were run by Nazi sympathizers. Just sayin'.
posted by klangklangston

Ahhhh--he probably was just too cheap to spring for the entertainment. Besides, what would that portend about Krispy Kreme? der Fuehrer's gut bombs?
posted by beelzbubba at 11:01 AM on May 14, 2005

cedar: not anymore!

I'm your Uncle Teddy
and I welcome you to Nugent's Holiday Kamp
The camp with the difference
Never mind the weather
When you come to Teddy's
The holiday's forever
Ha-ha!
posted by Vervain at 11:29 AM on May 14, 2005

Heh. That was in Alabama, remember, where the Klan sponsored a highway? I realized that you were joking (gimme some credit) but it's the first thing that I think of when I see things like "Kamp"...
("Fudgie"? Wouldn't that apply more to Mackinacs? Mackinans? Whatever. Cone lickers? WTF?)
posted by klangklangston at 11:40 AM on May 14, 2005

Fudgie means anyone who comes to the northern part of Michigan from the southern part (meaning anyone from south of around Ludington who goes north of Ludington). At least that's how I understood it growing up in Manistee, where there was no fudge but plenty of fudgies.
posted by goatdog at 12:12 PM on May 14, 2005

Fudgie: tourists who come up to my neck of the woods and buy/eat fudge. It's not just a Mackinac thing.

Cone Licker: same people, only this time they're licking ice cream cones.

Hey, I didn't make up the derogatory terms for these people, but we had call 'em something.
posted by NoMich at 12:12 PM on May 14, 2005

Here I thought it was just trolls and UPers. How wrong I was.
posted by klangklangston at 1:44 PM on May 14, 2005

Michigan has a very complex society. You A Sqaurers don't realize this because you're too busy being the center of the universe. :P
posted by NoMich at 1:54 PM on May 14, 2005

As a Wisconsin resident, I'd imagine that I could whip out a long list of deregatory terms for people from Michigan (like I can for people from Illinois), unfortunately, the only on I know is UPer and that seems to be a term of endearment (though it could be because I live in the southern part of the state).
posted by drezdn at 2:14 PM on May 14, 2005

What does UPer stand for?

Anyway. Um, I once heard the Nuge say he thought that people who didn't belive in the 10 commandments and the constitution needed to get the hell out of america.
posted by delmoi at 2:49 PM on May 14, 2005

Speaking as a guitarist, I never understood the Ted Nugent thing. He's mediocre at best as a player (slow, sloppy, hides lack of chops behind distortion) awful as a singer, and a stiff of a songwriter.

And in the interviews I've heard, he's sounded like a moron, so I don't know what this "intelligent" thing is about.

And of course we all know he's a draft dodger, right?

From the Detroit Free Press, via the Chickenhawk Database:
"He claims that 30 days before his draft board physical, he stopped all forms of personal hygiene. The last 10 days, he ingested nothing but Vienna sausages and Pepsi; and a week before his physical, he stopped using bathrooms altogether, virtually living inside pants caked with his own excrement, stained by his urine. That spectacle won Nugent a deferment, he says. ‘... but if I would have gone over there, I'd have been killed, or I'd have killed, or I'd killed all the hippies in the foxholes...I would have killed everybody.’” -- Detroit Free Press Magazine, July 15, 1990
posted by realcountrymusic at 2:52 PM on May 14, 2005

With regard to Mr. Nugent's musical endeavours I would like it placed on record that I think "Motor City Madhouse" rocks very adequately. Other than that we are talking a veritable cornucopia of excrement.
posted by Decani at 4:40 PM on May 14, 2005

Stranglehold, Cat Scratch Fever, and Journey to the Center of the Mind are all good. The Nuge reminds me of P.J. ORourke - both were cool in the 70's but went bad in the 80's.
posted by rfs at 8:13 PM on May 14, 2005

The Nuge ain't nothing but a Fudgie.

I want that on a t-shirt.

I want that tattooed on my johnson.
When I'm flacid, it's just say Thudgie.

Fudgie means anyone who comes to the northern part of Michigan from the southern part (meaning anyone from south of around Ludington who goes north of Ludington). At least that's how I understood it growing up in Manistee, where there was no fudge but plenty of fudgies.

You guys really ought to hear how that sounds from Vietnam; it's hilarious. So universal, this impulse toward the Other. In San Francisco, all the neighborhoods have names and profiles for each other. The Marina and the Mission had some kind of SF Guardian-based gang war a couple of years back because they were so antithetical to each other. Funny shit for a town that's like four miles by seven miles on the end of a peninsula.

That shit about pissing his pants and killing hippies in US foxholes... whoa, this Mr. Nudge is not one who is going to go down quietly.
posted by squirrel at 11:29 PM on May 14, 2005

COMMENTS OVERHEARD AT
A BRAINSTORMING MEETING
BETWEEN
TED NUGENT AND
THE EDITORS OF GOURMET
MAGAZINE WHERE THEY
WERE DISCUSSING THE
UPCOMING BOOK GOURMET
MAGAZINE'S VEGAN
COOKING
WITH TED NUGENT
posted by cytherea at 12:27 AM on May 15, 2005

Oh, my, and one line of crystal methedrine before my draft physical—but God, that was worth it because I wanted to see the look on the Sergeant's face.
posted by cytherea at 2:20 AM on May 15, 2005

The Nuge has a thing about lumping women into a category with wild animals. He told Salon that he gets a “full predator spiritual erection” from tracking "bear, lions, coons, housecats, escaped chimps, small children, scared women, and everything else that can be chased and/or hunted.” He also has a thing about making sure the world knows whose opinion on matters of choice matters most, explaining on a Detroit radio show that, “Anybody that doesn’t think it is better to blow someone’s brains out than to be raped, deserves to be raped! If you don’t think your life is worth it then please go out there, don’t wear any underpants and get RAPED!! Cuz you deserve it…” (WRIF-FM, Detroit, Nugent as guest D.J., September 23, 1991).

See, Dean, it's not like we have to mock the guy. Just collate and reprint.
posted by squirrel at 3:15 AM on May 15, 2005

"Fudgies" in the sense that at Nuge Kamp they held the Chocolate Pudding Challenge too. (WTF lol)
I'm going to pass on sending my kids to Nuge Kamp. If he did a "School of Rock" type camp might reconsider. Gonna pass on the PayPal link too. ..... great post
posted by celerystick at 6:28 AM on May 15, 2005

I suppose it should be Yooper, it means anyone from the Upper Pennisula of Michigan.
posted by drezdn at 9:06 AM on May 15, 2005