Comments on: Mattingly! Shave those sideburns!

Mattingly! Shave those sideburns!

Robot Johnny — Sat, 14 May 2005 18:52:45 -0800

The Perfect Sideburns in just five minutes? Can it really be that easy? Why, this is a product fit for a king!

By: lee

lee — Sat, 14 May 2005 18:57:50 -0800

I have these things on the sides of my head that I use as reference points, ears!

By: dreamsign

dreamsign — Sat, 14 May 2005 19:00:15 -0800

Argh. Can I have perfect sideburns? Or any sideburns? Can't grow em. Would kill for em. (ooh... headline: "Local man killed for sideburns"...)

By: fungible

fungible — Sat, 14 May 2005 19:23:47 -0800

This is goddamn genius. Really. I love you guys.

By: dammitjim

dammitjim — Sat, 14 May 2005 19:24:47 -0800

Hey, that's cool. I mean, I would never be caught using them, because they look really silly, but I like the idea. I don't know how many times I trimmed my sideburns (when I had them) up higher than I wanted because I couldn't get them right and had to keep fixing, one side to the next. Also, am I the only one who didn't see these things as shaving aids? When I first looked at the pictures in the first link, I thought that the guy was somehow applying sideburns to his head. Like there were adhesive sideburns on the inside, then he would peel the backing off. Or some sideburn-like material was sprayed through the holes. Glad to see that they're just templates. Awesome quote from the home page: Bangs make women look Younger... and Sideburns make men look Bolder. And don't miss the full demonstration of the entire set, including video.

By: th3ph17

th3ph17 — Sat, 14 May 2005 19:51:40 -0800

my ears are at different heights...bad reference point for sideburns. these are truly amazing inventions. [though, since my ears are different heights...the glasses would sit crooked. I think maybe i need a self-leveling laser guide.]

By: Trik

Trik — Sat, 14 May 2005 19:53:51 -0800

Groovy, Baby, Groovy.

By: gren

gren — Sat, 14 May 2005 20:08:14 -0800

lolol...at first glance, I thought this was actually *producing* the sideburns...then I scrolled down on the How Perfect Works page...I was pretty damned impressed up til that point !

By: Ricky_gr10

Ricky_gr10 — Sat, 14 May 2005 20:18:21 -0800

If the Interweb were around in the 1970s (okay, name any sideburn-loving decade), it would be full of sites like this one.

By: tomplus2

tomplus2 — Sat, 14 May 2005 20:23:04 -0800

I'm guessing the pics are of the inventor?

By: jonmc

jonmc — Sat, 14 May 2005 20:34:16 -0800

As someone who lovingly maintains his sideburns as an AVD (Anti-victim device), the key is this: cut them of 3/4 of an inch below the earlobe and let them be about 3/4 of an inch thick.

By: GoatCactus

GoatCactus — Sat, 14 May 2005 20:52:11 -0800

Geez, this is so 20th century. I'm tempted to invent my own rival device using a couple of those laser levels you can get at hardware stores. Just trim along the glowing red line...

By: emdog

emdog — Sat, 14 May 2005 20:56:49 -0800

and i thought i'd seen just about everything by now. guide-burns? why not just make a reverse template and spray them on with that infomercial hair flocking spray?

By: dflemingdotorg

dflemingdotorg — Sat, 14 May 2005 21:07:37 -0800

Hey, pepsi blue is okay as long as it's cool, aiiight!

By: Caviar

Caviar — Sat, 14 May 2005 21:41:23 -0800

Hey, these are stylish! Do they come in sunglasses?

By: bitpart

bitpart — Sat, 14 May 2005 21:54:34 -0800

I'm only here for the post title. Nice one.

By: BoringPostcards

BoringPostcards — Sat, 14 May 2005 22:06:41 -0800

He looked better before the shaving.

By: blacklite

blacklite — Sat, 14 May 2005 22:37:37 -0800

Yeah. After his sideburns are gone, he still looks like a guy from 1977 who should have sideburns. Poor bastard.

By: jimfl

jimfl — Sat, 14 May 2005 23:25:26 -0800

[This is guide]

By: thosebastards

thosebastards — Sun, 15 May 2005 00:05:15 -0800

I noticed that it didn't come with an instruction manual in Croatian. They are really overlooking the overseas markets.

By: santiagogo

santiagogo — Sun, 15 May 2005 00:09:01 -0800

I'm guessing the pics are of the inventor? No, this is the guy that comes with the product. It's not for your sideburns.

By: emdog

emdog — Sun, 15 May 2005 00:45:57 -0800

croatian market? me and my brathahs and sistahs in zagreb just use sheep shears, but now i get it. this guy lives in pahrump, nv; that's just outside what happens, stays in vegas. he could sell enough of those to the elvis impersonators to retire on.

By: bachelor#3

bachelor#3 — Sun, 15 May 2005 08:19:55 -0800

I remember a guy in university who had the biggest damn sideburns I've ever seen...it's as if he grew a full beard and just shaved a channel in the middle. Strange shape too...like two big hairy pork chops stuck to his face.

By: Decani

Decani — Sun, 15 May 2005 14:58:45 -0800

Until fairly recently I had pretty big rockabilly sideburns. The idea that you need this sort of contraption to trim them neatly is... wrong. These belong in the great dustbin of useless inventions, along with the hinged "omelette pan" and 90% of the "Innovations" catalogue.

By: emdog

emdog — Sun, 15 May 2005 15:00:03 -0800

hairy pork chops and that's what they were called; pork chop sideburns and the larger ones were called mutton chops.

By: 0bvious

0bvious — Sun, 15 May 2005 21:00:38 -0800

do they do a pubic equivalent for that perfect quim?

By: Faint of Butt

Faint of Butt — Mon, 16 May 2005 04:35:56 -0800

By: cheerleaders_to_your_funeral

cheerleaders_to_your_funeral — Mon, 16 May 2005 06:21:09 -0800

By: cavalier

cavalier — Mon, 16 May 2005 11:40:06 -0800

jonmc, could you speak more to your use of chops as an AVD? Is it just a punk motif you're going for? I'm curious how this is affecting your view of being potentially victimized outside of looking "scruffy" as opposed to "$$groomed$$"

By: deusdiabolus

deusdiabolus — Tue, 17 May 2005 00:06:31 -0800

Whoo-hoo, the 70s are BACK! ....crap, the 70s are back. :(