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Giddap Bronco !
May 23, 2005 5:15 AM   Subscribe

Step Aside Ben Hur ! [video and audio, prob SFW] Welcome the American Chariot. Unlike the evil Segway, whose self-balancing ability smells of sulfur, the Chariot obeys the laws of gravity and delivers a powerful commanding post for the discerning officer.
posted by elpapacito (32 comments total)

 
That thing just screams "fascist dictator" to me. Seriously, didn't Hitler have one of those?
posted by Faint of Butt at 5:27 AM on May 23, 2005


You could apprehend a boatload of doughnuts with that thing...
posted by drakepool at 5:54 AM on May 23, 2005


Commands respect by making the officer look like he's standing in a trash can.
posted by ArsncHeart at 5:58 AM on May 23, 2005


"A modern solution to..." what?
posted by Witty at 6:09 AM on May 23, 2005


"A modern solution to..." what?
"age old challenges" - whatever those are...
posted by blendor at 6:14 AM on May 23, 2005


"Smells of sulfur"?
posted by bobloblaw at 6:27 AM on May 23, 2005


whatever those are...

Exactly.
posted by Witty at 6:27 AM on May 23, 2005


I will never understand all the hate for the Segway.
posted by crunchland at 6:31 AM on May 23, 2005


bobloblaw:

Included in the list of other signs or symptoms for declaring demonic possession are: the practice of lewd and obscene acts, or even sexual thoughts; horrible smells of bodily ordors or of sulphur, associated with hell; distended stomachs; rapid weight loss where death seems inevitable; changes in the voice to a deep, rasping, menacing, guttural croak. Occasionally there may be signs of automatic writing or levitation.

See ? Levitation, sulphur...Segway.
posted by elpapacito at 6:36 AM on May 23, 2005


Not just for police. Imagine how great our leader would look arriving at a press conference, or a massive political rally, in an American chariot!
posted by gesamtkunstwerk at 6:54 AM on May 23, 2005


Nawww I think no great leader will ever after his



But it's a further proof that not only is the Segway evil, but also libr'ul ! I mean is there an end to this misery ... ?
posted by elpapacito at 7:00 AM on May 23, 2005


I love how they're "Not Your Average Chariot Company" -- like, what's their basis for comparison?
posted by alumshubby at 7:30 AM on May 23, 2005


I have long since stopped looking at ANY product that utilizes the flag, stars, words/letters/terms such as "US", red/white/blue colors, etc. I figure those items are made for folks of a different ilk..

that said, this looks like a useless $3,700 piece of crap.... Soon we'll see these marketed to seniors and your tax dollars are gonna pay for 'em..

I bought a two year old golf cart last year for $2,000, it will carry 4 people, has a windshield and roof, is probably twice as fast, I can sit down on it, I can load myself the wife and two kayaks on the darn thing, plus it has a spot to put my scorecard and four (count 'em FOUR) cup holders...

darn....I got a great deal!

/checks....yep, i'm in a bad mood...
posted by HuronBob at 7:31 AM on May 23, 2005


$3,700 they want for this??? I could get an acceptable used car for that!
posted by alumshubby at 7:39 AM on May 23, 2005


That's not a chariot, it's a scooter with aspiration.
posted by drezdn at 7:57 AM on May 23, 2005


"Projects Authority - Officers aboard the Chariot are standing taller and have a more impressive presence, allowing them to effectively project authority in virtually any situation"
*chokes on beverage*
posted by warbaby at 8:41 AM on May 23, 2005


I think this is being targeted to mounted police units. Thus all the horse analogies. Mounted police are basically the joke of the force, your there simply to project a good image and talk to the crowd but dont actually do any real police work. It is PR. This chariot device provides the same function but with some additional functionality and lower cost.
posted by stbalbach at 9:23 AM on May 23, 2005


Now with advanced crowd control features!
posted by insomnia_lj at 9:30 AM on May 23, 2005


Well, I did read somewhere that the horses supposedly have a calming effect on crowds, but perhaps that's just the fear of trampling.
posted by crunchland at 9:30 AM on May 23, 2005


I'm disappointed that they don't offer more accessories to go along with the Chariot. No optional gun rack, sidecar to transport criminals, etc.
posted by PrincessLara at 9:36 AM on May 23, 2005


The front wheel replaces the traditional horse but you still get the horse shit.
posted by milkwood at 9:48 AM on May 23, 2005


Segways are much cooler.
posted by wsg at 9:55 AM on May 23, 2005


I think I'll develop an aftermarket cow catcher for this.
posted by drezdn at 9:58 AM on May 23, 2005


Mounted police are basically the joke of the force, [your] there simply to project a good image and talk to the crowd but dont actually do any real police work.

Huh?
posted by Witty at 10:06 AM on May 23, 2005


The city of Ann Arbor was offered a couple of Segway's for free. I was talking the Chief last week and he said that he turned them down because his officers said they wouldn't be seen riding them... felt they looked a bit silly...

and this piece of junk looks even more stupid....
posted by HuronBob at 10:11 AM on May 23, 2005


Both the Segway and this so-called "Chariot" force the user to adopt what is possibly the most silly posture I've ever seen. It makes the users look like attentive prairie dogs. Nothing commands respect like looking like a perky rodent.

Every time I see someone on a Segway, I have to sit down from laughing so hard.

To be honest, even spikes, armor, and .50cal gun turrets couldn't make this "American Chariot" look respectful and imposing enough for law enforcement.

Another problem with this also occurs with the existing bike-cops. That is, they have to wear the dorky civilian bike helmets. While I'm all for safety and all that, those helmets do look silly. At least give them those mean looking military helmets.

I hope The Future doesn't make us all look like douchers.
posted by Jon-o at 10:44 AM on May 23, 2005


This chariot, it vibrates?
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 11:25 AM on May 23, 2005


They need to "Road Warrior" that thing up a bit if they want it to "Project Authority"

That thing projetcs BS imo $3700?!!!! BUWHAHAHAHAHA

I want to see video of a bunch of teenagers water ballooning the lameass "Projecting Authority"
posted by a3matrix at 11:51 AM on May 23, 2005


Truly a stylish way hand out bread and attend tonight's circus
posted by MiltonRandKalman at 1:56 PM on May 23, 2005


Commands respect by making the officer look like he's standing in a trash can.

Ahaha yeah so right I didn't notice !
posted by elpapacito at 2:37 PM on May 23, 2005


It's ugly, but it beats the Segway if only because there's storage space in the thing, albeit not a huge amount.
posted by zardoz at 5:40 PM on May 23, 2005


Storage space. Yeah, for your My Little Pony lunchbox.
posted by Jon-o at 11:50 PM on May 23, 2005


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