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GRAAAAAAAIIIIINNNNNS
May 23, 2005 8:50 AM   Subscribe

Hufu, the vegetarian alternative to human flesh. With a name thought up by Milla Jovovitch, you know it's gotta be good.
posted by qDot (47 comments total)

 
Well, if they'd combine with this mob then they'd probably corner the market.
posted by peacay at 9:10 AM on May 23, 2005


You guys are making me sick!
posted by WaterSprite at 9:13 AM on May 23, 2005


I'm holding out for the Hufu Doctor Lecter's Liver.
posted by saladin at 9:15 AM on May 23, 2005


This is a joke... right?

/just can't tell any more
posted by InnocentBystander at 9:18 AM on May 23, 2005


I think it's a step in the wrong direction. On an overcrowded planet like this we should resume eating real people, like those fat blonds who drive around the mall lot all day looking for a parking space right next to the door and then walk only as far as the shopping scooter station. Think of how tasty and tender they must be!
posted by davy at 9:19 AM on May 23, 2005


like those fat blonds who drive around the mall lot all day looking for a parking space right next to the door and then walk only as far as the shopping scooter station. Think of how tasty and tender they must be!

I think that would be even grosser then eating a regular person.
posted by delmoi at 9:23 AM on May 23, 2005


"drive around the mall lot"

I see them mainly clustered around supermarkets, for some reason.
posted by davy at 9:23 AM on May 23, 2005


"Hofu" sounds like [the male organ]

How can I be so out of touch that I don't even know what term for "[the male organ]" Milla thinks that sounds like?
posted by originalname37 at 9:24 AM on May 23, 2005


qDot wins the grand prize for this week's best post title.
posted by 40 Watt at 9:26 AM on May 23, 2005


Can't we all just eat what we want to eat, without making judgements about what other people are munching on? If people want to eat human flesh, then that's their own business (and, I guess, the business of the people they're eating... if you want to get techincal about it.).

If someone want to eat tofu, moon pies, salmon, filet mignon, or boston bib, that's their right, too. Limiting yourself, or expecting others to limit themselves to specific foods for reasons other than taste or nutrition is just wrong.
posted by crunchland at 9:27 AM on May 23, 2005


original: it's not just you. I am sans clue.
posted by selfmedicating at 9:27 AM on May 23, 2005


This might put a crimp in my plan to market a meat based tofu substitute called "Faux-Fu".
posted by Divine_Wino at 9:31 AM on May 23, 2005


"Hofu" sounds like [the male organ]

Maybe "dick" as an all purpose pajorative (i.e. "The new Hipp Band X album sounds like dick.")?
posted by PinkStainlessTail at 9:36 AM on May 23, 2005


Oh I hope this is vegan. This would make cannibal movies so much more fun to watch.

How can I be so out of touch that I don't even know what term for "[the male organ]" Milla thinks that sounds like?

"He also claims that the name "hufu" was actually coined by actress and model Milla Jovovich. Several years ago, a business associate was discussing Nuckols' idea, then called "hofu," with a friend on a Eurostar train going from London to Paris. Jovovich, intrigued, allegedly turned around to join in the conversation, commenting, "'Hofu' sounds like 'c*ck' -- you should call it 'hufu.'""
posted by cmonkey at 9:43 AM on May 23, 2005


Definitely the title of the week.
posted by NickDouglas at 9:52 AM on May 23, 2005


I don't know if it tastes like human flesh but it surely smells like viral marketing.
posted by kika at 9:54 AM on May 23, 2005


"'Hofu' sounds like 'c*ck' -- you should call it 'hufu.'""

Thanks, cmonkey, for the clarification.

I wonder if she'd use the same pejorative in describing the taste.
posted by originalname37 at 10:02 AM on May 23, 2005


I though human flesh was supposed to taste like Spam.
posted by jonmc at 10:06 AM on May 23, 2005


This is HI-larious! I can't wait until it turns up next to the seitan, tofu, and soymilk in the Whole Foods.

It's for all of us who've wanted to try human flesh without guilt!

The only thing that would make this funnier would be if it was actually real.
posted by Jon-o at 10:15 AM on May 23, 2005


crunchland:

your reply was wonderful, verging on camp. I love it when people parody seriousness, but especially when they are able to parody a parody with the same level of seriousness.

Bravo!
posted by Chasuk at 10:21 AM on May 23, 2005


Everyone knows the reason we don't eat human flesh is that it tastes terrible!
posted by clevershark at 10:22 AM on May 23, 2005


Cool... I can see the marketing campaign now:

Say no to Kuru. Eat Hufu!
posted by C.Batt at 10:47 AM on May 23, 2005


Now I know what to bring to the next cookout I have to attend. This should dispel that "you're a fag" feeling which invariably descends when one is forced to explain why one is not eating steaks and burgers with everyone else...
posted by nervousfritz at 10:55 AM on May 23, 2005


I thought Milla wasn't getting any more speaking parts after that whole Fifth Element debacle.

Anyway, fake human meat? Sort of (fake) tongue in cheek, huh?
posted by fenriq at 11:00 AM on May 23, 2005


I'm gonna assume there's really no such thing, because I've been burned before.
posted by alumshubby at 11:18 AM on May 23, 2005


I'm sick of all these people who reject cannibalism but then eat human flesh substitutes because they still like the taste. What's the point? You either like chowing down on a freshly killed enemy's rib cage slathered in barbecue sauce, or you don't. But to consistently try and engineer foodstuffs that taste like human beings so that you can claim some kind of moral high ground, is patently disingenuous and misses the point of Cannibalism. The point is to honor your enemy's warrior spirit and by ingesting him make it a part of you, thereby confering some level of immortality to him, and by the same token adding to your mojo. To eat HuFu molded into the left but cheek of your mother-in-law frankly pathetic. And it makes me want to eat you.
posted by prodigalsun at 11:23 AM on May 23, 2005


"And if you kill anyone, make sure to eat their heart to gain their courage. Their rich, tasty courage." -Prof. Farnsworth
posted by clevershark at 11:39 AM on May 23, 2005


One of my friends is at Tuck MBA with this guy. It's just hype to sell the t-shirts. There is no Hufu product.
posted by spicynuts at 11:49 AM on May 23, 2005


I was pretty sure this was a joke, but it looks like you really can buy it...

Since when does the word Hofu sound like "cock"? I think she must have been referring to a word in her native Ukranian...
posted by Specklet at 11:56 AM on May 23, 2005


Funny. I'll try anything once.

They don't mention what it's made from = joke. I guess T-shirts are as good a reason as that stupid Showdown.
posted by mrgrimm at 12:07 PM on May 23, 2005


prodigalsun, your contention that there is a single "point" to anthropophagy is nothing more than typical Fiji-centric Imperialism. There are *many* reasons for wanting to devour human flesh, all of them equally valid.

Some of us just like the taste.
posted by kyrademon at 12:08 PM on May 23, 2005


prodigalsun, your contention that there is a single "point" to anthropophagy is nothing more than typical Fiji-centric Imperialism. There are *many* reasons for wanting to devour human flesh, all of them equally valid.

Some of us just like the taste.


True, Kyrademon, I appologize for invalidating anyone elses motivations for consuming the "long pork." I can only speak for myself, my people, and the umpteen enemy warriers that have graced my battlefields and my cutlery.

Forgive me, I ate a clown last night, and it tasted a little funny, maybe I'm getting sick.
posted by prodigalsun at 12:31 PM on May 23, 2005


I've finally found a product that trumps Not Dogs and Tofurky. This Thanksgiving is going to be great!
posted by Human Flesh at 1:51 PM on May 23, 2005


Today I learn, there is no preview button for tags.
posted by qDot at 2:06 PM on May 23, 2005


Soylent Green is people in 5...

I enjoyed how much human flesh was eaten in the comic series "Transmetropolitan." I'd like to see a Long Pig hut selling those feet on a stick. Yum.
posted by Smedleyman at 2:08 PM on May 23, 2005


"Hofu sounds like [the male organ]..."

Yes Milla, but does it taste like it?
posted by George_Spiggott at 2:41 PM on May 23, 2005


Ok, people, I'll spell it out.
Hofu = ho' food = whore food = cock.

I think.
posted by bashos_frog at 3:24 PM on May 23, 2005


I tried to find me some, but my ho-fu is weak.
posted by Wolfdog at 4:02 PM on May 23, 2005


bashos, I've never heard that term and actually can't find it online...
posted by Specklet at 4:23 PM on May 23, 2005


well, bashos_frog and specklet, if it wasn't a widely used term, it will be now.
posted by exlotuseater at 4:45 PM on May 23, 2005


Ho-fu -- sounds like martial arts for prostitutes.
posted by clevershark at 5:19 PM on May 23, 2005


Your pimp slapping is no match for my hofu.
posted by Arhat at 6:32 PM on May 23, 2005


"Ho' food?" Please.

You guys do realize that not everyone in the world speaks english, right? Maybe Milla is referring to some slang term in a different language?
posted by crunchland at 8:37 PM on May 23, 2005


The point is to honor your enemy's warrior spirit and by ingesting him make it a part of you, thereby confering some level of immortality to him, and by the same token adding to your mojo.

No no no. Such pointless over-elaboration! The point is that humans are easier to herd and/or hunt than quadrupeds, and more fun to fuck -- which also makes more food. Gluttony is its own reward. burp

You spiritual types need your heads examined.

And by the way, nervousfritz, what's wrong with being a fag, vegetarian or otherwise?
posted by davy at 9:42 PM on May 23, 2005


Me: like those fat blonds who drive around the mall lot all day looking for a parking space right next to the door and then walk only as far as the shopping scooter station. Think of how tasty and tender they must be!

delmoi: I think that would be even grosser then eating a regular person.

You don't like feedlot beef? There's a reason they took to penning them in and letting them eat all they want. Cowboy cattle were stringy and tough, like dairy cows.
posted by davy at 9:46 PM on May 23, 2005


No no no. Such pointless over-elaboration! The point is that humans are easier to herd and/or hunt than quadrupeds, and more fun to fuck -- which also makes more food. Gluttony is its own reward. burp

Fricken' vampire wannabees. You cheapen the name of cannibalism!

If eating another human being can't be a transformational experience that brings me closer to the almighty, then what's the point...

Hmm....maybe I'll start hanign around the vatican...

*starts planning his "Pope Inside" tee shirt.*

Eggs Benedict anyone?
posted by prodigalsun at 3:15 PM on May 24, 2005


I've been peppering any comments I ever make about food with the phrase "human flesh" for years. Now I can make it (nearly) true!
posted by re6smith at 6:07 AM on May 26, 2005


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